Discovery of Desire (25 page)

“Mina?”

From a man who was safe—

…I'd work hard to take care of you…and we'd be together; we'd be home—I'd give you my home. And I promise, I'd never leave you or our children. I never would. I'd never want to…

An answer to her oldest prayer—a husband, a house, safety. And suddenly, none of those things could induce her to accept Thomas's offer.

We'd be together, Minnie. We'd be home.

And Seth was home.

“Do you believe there is more to life than safety?” She didn't recognize the voice as her own. “More than just…avoiding fear and suffering?”

Thomas flinched, as if cornered by his own memories. He dropped his eyes. “I don't know. I believed so once. I
hoped
so once.”

She had never hoped for a life that was anything more than safe,
never
. Until now.

She pushed to her feet. “I thank you, Thomas.
I do
. I know I ought to marry you. I know I should be grateful.” She closed her eyes. “And I know I am failing my family. But there is someone else that I love just as much as my sisters, and he needs me, too. And I didn't know that until now.” She looked him in the eye—even through those blasted spectacles so there would be no misunderstanding. “I won't marry you.”

Thomas stared at her. And then a small smile curled his lips. “Mina…how could I not have known? You love him back, don't you?”

She met his eyes and couldn't find any way to deny it. God, her heart must be written on her face. “I love Seth, and I trust him. I trust we'll be safe if we are together. And I know that sounds feeble-headed but I am certain I want to take care of him. And I want him to take care of me, or I will be very unhappy.”

Thomas smiled. “So you are refusing me?”

“You don't need me, Thomas.” And the next realization came to her with an alarming…
grace
. “And I don't need
you
.”

He moved closer and caught her fingers to lift her hand for his kiss. “You are a mighty woman, Mina.”

Mighty? Was love deluding her as it had Mary? Was she making the worst mistake of her life? Was she mighty?

Perhaps, just this once, just for Seth, she could be.

A man preparing for his fifteenth sail knew he'd be packing regrets. But this time, maybe they wouldn't be as heavy.

Seth's wood trunk covered nearly all of the bedroom floor in these cramped rooms he'd rented for himself and Georgie. There was no room for a sister, in any case, so she stood in the door, watching him pack. And frowning.

She didn't approve of his going. He could have found some low work somewhere, to be near her and Aimee, but he couldn't deny he was damn eager to be outward-bound. A hundred days on a creaking ship was preferable to being so close to Mina and not being able to be with her.

“Are those the only linens you have?” she asked.

“They're all I need.”

Georgie was pretending indifference, but he wasn't fooled. She was keeping an eye on his packing. “You might have some extra drawers sewn,” she said. “You'll not find them easily in the Americas in your size.”

“Finding's what I do, Georgie. Now stop worrying. You should be packing yourself.”

“I'm done. They're sending a carriage after supper for me and Aimee.” Georgie stared at him, her mouth turning down with sadness. “How could I have been so stupid, Seth?”

“Georgie—”

“I should've kept a little of the reward for you. If I did, just a little, you and Mina—”

“Georgie, stop,” Seth said. “You did the right thing.”

Georgie quieted, her lips thin as if in pain. “I should have helped you.”

“I never took anything I didn't earn. I couldn't start now.” Seth stared into his trunk because Georgie's chin had started to quiver.

That huge reward was turned into a trust for Aimee—by Georgie's own design—but in turn, she'd negotiated a position as nursemaid and companion to Aimee. They'd both be living in a Grosvenor Square townhouse that belonged to Aimee's guardian.

Seth continued his packing. “It's damn well how it should be, Georgie. That little baby shouldn't lose another mother. Your situation and…and the
other
one settled different than I'd predicted, but it settled better.”

“How can you say that?”

“Minnie will be taken care of. Her sisters, too.” His voice sounded wrong. He cleared his throat roughly. “Seems I'm not all that skilled in predicting matters.”

“I'm so afraid you'll regret leaving.”

His tin travel cup slipped from his fingers, and he hurried to cover the fumble. “There'll be regrets, Georgie. But none I can't shoulder.”

Seth pushed to his feet and moved to the cupboard. “Besides, Minnie would've accepted Tom by now.”

“We don't know that.”

“Tom'll keep her safe, like she needs.” Mina was capable, composed, and orderly-like, and Tom suited that. And once all of Mina's straight thinking returned, she'd wonder what she ever saw in a vagabond explorer that had no business turning his eyes on her in the first place.

She would forget him—might even be ashamed of lying with him.

Pain streaked across his chest at the thought. It didn't matter. He wouldn't be forgetting her. He couldn't shut his eyes without seeing her. She was always walking his land up in Derbyshire, his cottage in the background. Crossing that stream with her stepping-stones he planned to put in. He'd still do that little bridge, as soon as he got back in a few years. That wouldn't cost any more than his own labor if he was clever about it. Maybe there'd even be a day when she'd come and see it. With Tom and her children.

That pain wasn't easing, but there was something else growing there. Something hopeful and calm: a future for Mina. In time, maybe he'd feel less sad over it.

A knock sounded at the door. Georgie, with heavy steps, went to answer and returned with a letter in her hand. “Another note from Will Repton.”

He grunted a reply but didn't look up.

“Will you not read this one, either?” Georgie dropped the letter on his bed. “He writes to me, too, you know.”

Damn
. He paused in his packing.

“What did you expect?” she said. “You've avoided him for three weeks. And I agree with him—you
are
being cruel to Mina.”

“Don't, Georgie,” he growled.

“She's desperate to see you and has no way to reach you. It would serve you right if Mr. Repton tells her where you live.”

A sudden panic froze him, but he steeled his spine. “Not his business. Or yours.”

“It
is
my business. I only… I want you to be happy. I know you go to Mildmay Park every day to spy on her and see that she's all right. Did you think I wouldn't notice your disappearing for hours every day?”

He heated with shame but shook his head. “I told you. She's marrying Tom.”

“Only because you'll not marry her yourself.”

He slammed his trunk shut. “I can't keep her, and Minnie knows it. She'll not be 'avin' a sket.”

“You're not a
sket
.”

He frowned at the bloody Midlands words. He was supposed to be leaving them good and buried.

Georgie grabbed his arm and he bit back a curse.
God save him from little sisters.

“Seth, demand the Skinners acknowledge those are your prizes. You're stronger than a dozen Skinner boys—
bang it out
if you have to.”

“May as well beat the wind,” he mumbled. “It won't work, Georgie.”

“Why won't you try?” Her chin jutted stubbornly. “I gave Mr. Repton your seeds.”

His heart plunged to his boots. “Why would you do that?”

“I had to do
something
.”

“The auction will be done before anything could be proved.”

“He and Ben Paxton have a striking house in Richmond. Two botanists from Kew witnessed the sowing and verified the contents of your journal.”

“And who gave them my journal?”

Georgie crossed her arms across her chest, and that little chin jutted higher.

Well. There was his answer. With a growl, he turned from her and opened his wardrobe to resume packing.

“I could tell Mina where to find you,” she said.

“You wouldn't do that,” he said flatly. And she wouldn't. They were all the family they had left, and she wouldn't do a thing that would cut him that deep.

Georgie sank against the doorjamb, all the spirit in her extinguished. “The messenger boy is waiting on the pavement for some sort of reply.”

Hell
. He cracked open Will's letter and steeled himself against the words. Mina was still looking for him. That wasn't news. She wanted to give him back that money—as if he'd ever take it from her.

He kept reading, and reading carefully, but only because Will was a good man. The note outlined all the work he'd done on his behalf, just as Georgie had said. They'd even found themselves an attorney who had written letters to the Skinner nurserymen and the Penderton and Monroe auction house.

And he didn't give a damn.

He shouldn't have chased dreams of orchards and stepping-stones, and a fine lady for a wife with the most kissable lips in the world. He was an explorer. A traveler. A man without family who left pieces of himself everywhere he sailed.

Soon, there'd be nothing left of him at all.

“The boy is waiting,” Georgie said. “What did Mr. Repton ask you?”

“He wants us to visit.”

“Us?”

“I imagine he's keen to see you and Aimee any chance he can. You can go. Will says the carriage will wait, or he could send it back at another time.”

“And what of you?”

Seth dropped the letter on the bed. “I've no time for Richmond.” He opened the front door to speak to Will's servant. “Sorry, lad. Tell Mr. Repton I can't—”

“Wait, please.” Georgie halted the boy and turned to face Seth. “Let's see him. He must have news.”

“None that will change anything.”

“For the sake of Peter, you can be the most stubborn man.”

That stung. “I know it. I've never been smart.”

“I said
stubborn
, not
stupid
.” She swung open the door to the boy, muttering beneath her breath. “Mr. Mayhew and I
accept
. Please tell the coachman we'll be just a minute.”

He frowned at his sister but she met his glare with an identical green-blue one. “He may have news about your discoveries. And Mina.”

“It's too late.”

“If there's a chance you might find the means to wed her, you have to take it.” She grabbed his hand. “You love her, Seth. This could be an opportunity, and a man like you recognizes that when it arises, doesn't he?”

Opportunity.

Well…hell. His sister knew him too well. And he didn't have the fight in him anymore. “I suppose…I could hear what he has to say,” he grumbled. “See where the tide's at.”

“The tide,” she murmured, a sparkle lighting in her eyes. “
Julius Caesar
?”

He shrugged. “Can't tell anymore if I'm in the shallows or the flood.”

Georgie smiled. “So go and see. Like the scholar of Shakespeare that you are.”

“Seven hundred pounds.” Will handed him the letter from the attorney and Seth sat down beside Georgie to read it.

“I don't understand what he's written.” Seth flipped the letter over. It was a long one, and the language as hard as Shakespeare.

“I had to read it myself several times,” Will said. “All it took was a strongly worded letter from the attorney, and the Skinner nurserymen have decided to offer you seven hundred pounds for possession of all your seeds and orchids.”

Seven hundred.
His heartbeat jumped in the second before his reason took over. He could fix his cottage, but he couldn't take care of Mina and her family for that. And there was no getting around it. He had to take care of Mina's sisters or she wouldn't feel safe. Marrying Mina meant marrying her whole family. He set the letter down on the table. “I suppose that's a lot of money.”

Will, Charlotte, and Georgie weren't saying anything. And when he looked up to check their faces, they were all grim.

No, that wasn't accurate.

Will was looking horn-mad.

“If you accept the seven hundred, Seth”—Will snatched the letter off the table, crushing new creases into it as he brutally folded it—“then you forfeit your share of what's earned at the auction.”

“But I gave the seeds to the Skinners to cultivate. They may not all have survived. How many do they even have? I gave them eighty species but—”

“You did a job packing those seeds then, because the catalog lists nearly eighty.”

Hell
. Seth nodded, trying to do the math. “And with the put-up price…?”

“If everything sells, eight hundred and eighty is the opening price,” Will said. “But the bids will be higher.”

“But how much higher?” he asked. “There's no telling. Seven hundred sounds like a good offer.”

He looked to Charlotte Repton, the only friendly face in the room. Her smile dimpled. “It is a contemptible offer, Mr. Mayhew.”

He blinked.

“More coffee?” she asked.

“Uh…no, thank you.”

Will leaned forward in his chair, giving the letter in his fist a hard shake. “You have a choice, Seth. Seven hundred or a percentage of what's raised at auction—less the commission to your agents. And the agents would be the Skinners and the auction house.”

“Is that percentage in the Skinners's letter?” Seth asked.

Will shook his head, frowning. “No. You'll have to fight them for any percentage. And they're counting on your not going to the trouble, the bastards.” He looked contritely at the women. “Pardon my language, ladies.”

Charlotte only beamed wider and leaned over to whisper to Georgie. “I rather adore men in a righteous passion. Fortunately for me, Will is often in just that state over any manner of things.”

Georgie smiled uncertainly at Charlotte before turning back to Seth. “Seven hundred
is
a great deal of money. But Will and Charlotte would know better than us how the auction might play.”

Will nodded. “I realize seven hundred is more than most men make in a decade, but I think you will make far more at auction. You should demand fifty percent as the discoverer of those plants.”

Seth looked down at the letter. Mina was marrying Tom. Even seven hundred wasn't enough compared to what Tom was offering. A house in London. A salary for the rest of his life. A widow's pension. Shelter for her sisters.

Gambling on fifty percent—if he could get that—of some unknown number would be about the stupidest notion a man could have. Wouldn't it?

He sat with the focus of the whole room on his next words, and his skin heating. “I don't know any lawyers,” he said quietly, as if the volume would somehow spare him a little of his shame. “I don't know if I have enough blunt to even hire one. Don't know where to start exactly.”

Hell
, Georgie would know that about him by now. And Will and Charlotte, they said they were friends—they
were
friends. And if he wanted his life to be different, he had to start asking for help.

“What do you think I should do?” Seth raised his chin to look at them. “It's not right what the Skinners did. But I don't know much about money. Never had enough of it to bother learning.”

Will sat forward, his smile growing. “Neither did I. Fortunately, Charlotte had her own man of business when we married. He's a good man and works for the family. I don't think he'd mind taking a meeting.”

A meeting with a man of business. He'd never done that before. “If I made any money, I'd want a beneficiary. If something happened to me, I'd want to make sure my…my wife was taken care of.”

My wife.
He almost didn't dare say the words.

“He could arrange that, and it's a good thought,” Will said. “What is it, Seth? Something else is troubling you.”

“Minnie. She's marrying Tom Grant.” He could barely push the words out his lips.

“
Tom Grant
?” Charlotte cried. “
Who
is Tom Grant? And
honestly
, why has no one informed me of this?”

“He asked her three weeks ago,” Georgie explained.

“Didn't Minnie tell you in one of her letters?” Seth asked.

“
No!
” Charlotte huffed. “No, she did not. I am not even
acquainted
with this Tom Grant. I cannot credit her accepting anyone but you.”

Seth shrugged a shoulder. It was all he could manage. “He's what she wanted. A stable man. A husband who'd provide.”

Georgie leaned forward to take his hand. “Maybe you can provide now?”

“But how do I know?” He shook his head. “She would've said yes.” She
would
have because Mina knew love didn't matter.

But if he had more than love…

He had land. A lot of land. And if
all
his prizes sold for as much as Will and Charlotte expected they might, he'd have money. He could fix his cottage and buy a flock of sheep and he could provide damn well for Mina, and Mary and Emma and Sebastian and all the other sisters he'd not even met yet.

He might have Mina for his own.

His fists were clenched, the nails digging into the flesh of his palms, and he eased them open. But if she'd already said yes to Tom—
hell
. He gripped his temples and shut his eyes to think. Had he missed the current? Lost his ventures? Lost his venture girl?

No.
No, this was opportunity. This was the time to be bold or he'd lose her forever. There was never any curse, no fate, no luck, never any damn signs—he didn't believe in signs. Even if the first time they met…

The first time. The flowers on her dress, the sweet woodruff
.
Only ever saw them in the woods behind his cottage. Only ever saw them one other place in the world. And that was home.

And the pottery vendor with the platter of melancholy thistle. Mina had steered him there, had said it felt like home somehow. That led him to Georgie.

And the Rio Gurupí, where he'd found his Wilhelmina orchid, and Mina's charm
—It's no charm,
she'd said.
And it's nothing near a diamond.

The Rio Gurupí…
the River of Pure Diamond
.

Had there been signs?

You have the sign.

His heart calmed, and he opened his eyes. There
had
been signs. But only one sign meant to simply be read:
CLAIMING W. ADAMS.

Seth raised his head. “All right, Will. I'll fight them for a percentage. I'll go to auction.”

Georgie jumped up and hugged him. “Thank goodness, Seth. You won't sail?”

He breathed deep and shook his head. “I think…maybe I can earn enough. I always planned to work. I'll work every day, so Minnie and I have enough for our babies and grandbabies. I think it'll be—it
will
be enough.”

“It'll be more than enough.” Will grinned. “And you love her.”

Seth nodded hard. “I do. I love her.” The words were more breath than sound.

“Then you'll fight the Skinners for your claim,” Will said.

“Not fifty percent,” Seth growled, his voice still not working. “
More
. I found 'em. Maybe if my mates were of a mind to tell me the truth, to be fair, I might've taken half.” Something hot and steely was curling its claws around his spine. “I'm owed more and I'm taking more.”

“That's damn right!” Will winced, darting a glance at Georgie and Charlotte. “Pardon, ladies.”

Georgie waved off the apology, but Charlotte had turned sheep's eyes on her husband.

“Do you remember the day you asked to go to India in my place?” Will said.

Seth shook his head. “Not really. I remember you were so depressed over leaving Charlotte, you could barely draw breath. You barely seemed to want to. I never saw a man so heartsick. I nearly turned heel, it was so awkward—”

“Yes, well.” Will frowned. “Seems you remember that well enough.”

“Thought you might start weeping—”

“
All right
—”

“I'd seen that look in other explorers,” Seth said. “Men who didn't have the heart to keep living. It's when I knew you wouldn't make it out of India. Knew you'd not survive the trip.”

Will fell silent, studying him. “Is that why you went in my place?”

Seth looked up, surprised by the question. “Georgie was lost. She's my family. And you had a wife. I had nothing in England.”

Will hugged Charlotte against his side before turning back to him. “You have something now, Seth. So I'll remind you what you said. You told me to go get my family.” Will leaned forward and grinned. “So go get yours.”