Discovery of Desire (22 page)

Mina and Emma joined in on the hugging. A huddle of women. And they weren't letting him go.

Well.

His heart cracked in his chest. Wasn't a thing more he could do for them. And from how they were living, it seemed he'd not done enough to begin with.

“Minnie.” He shifted to look at her. He remembered everything just right. Those lips were still the most kissable he'd ever known, and the milky skin and peach blush exactly as he remembered every night in his conjuring of her. He needed to be alone with her, needed to tell her—

Hell, he needed to tell her he'd failed. Tell her he couldn't take care of her.

Tell her Tom was coming to do that for him.

She searched his face and the smile on her face made him think she'd remembered him just the same, too. Yes, a man would go a long way to find a woman like her. But fourteen sails hadn't brought him any closer to having a wife, and now he knew with a certainty what was true.

He wasn't ever going to have one.

“Come, Emma.” Mary lifted her head from his shoulder and wiped her eyes. “Let's leave Mina and Mr. Mayhew alone to talk.”

Emma was slower to release him. “All right. But I want to hear of Georgiana, too.”

“I'm certain we'll hear all of it later.”

“Where will you go?” Mina asked.

“To Mrs. Bradford's. She will like the company,” Mary said. “And we'll return in a half hour—no, an hour.” She busied herself with Sebastian's coat. “An hour is the usual amount of time she likes us to visit. Emma, wrap a few biscuits.”

Seth considered all the bustle that was occurring. Mina's deepening blush. The way Emma didn't seem to know where to walk. Mary thrusting Sebastian's arms into his coat. The way Emma protested that the biscuits weren't edible, and Mary snapping that it hardly mattered.

And that they were leaving for an hour.

Seth heated with embarrassment. What were the women thinking he and Mina might do? He looked anywhere but at what must be the bedroom door. But damned if his roger wasn't taking an interest in the reunion now.

But he couldn't be with Mina. Not ever again.

In moments, the women had bundled up Sebastian's things, pulled shawls around their shoulders, and were out the door. Mina latched the door and pulled him to his feet.

“Minnie, are you all right? I'd given you enough to—”

“You did. You saved us. We're fine. I've missed you.” She pulled his head down to her mouth and he let her.

Her lips were as soft and sweet as he remembered. And there was no way to resist crushing her against him and deepening their kiss. Deep as all the love he'd hold inside him. Hold and never let out.

He should tell her…tell her Tom was coming…

Slender fingers combed through his hair and tightened. And damned if he didn't feel those little tugs good and low, right where he was desperate to join their bodies again. His sweet Minnie. She loved him better than any woman ever could.

Like she knew what he was thinking, her lush mouth smiled under his kiss and he tore his mouth away before it was too late.

And her eyes were shining, but her lashes were dark and spiked with tears. “I was so afraid I'd never see you again. You claimed your letter days ago.”

He nodded through his grief, waiting for the air to fill his lungs. “I did, pretty. I needed—I wanted to see about something before coming. Something I'd been planning on for a long time.”

Mina searched his eyes. “Before seeing me?”

He moved his eyes off her so he could say what needed saying. “I need to tell you something, and it will be a surprise, but I'm hoping you'll be agreeable because I think it the best thing for you. You'll be away from here and taken care of—”

I wanted to marry you. I hoped I could, thought I could.

I was wrong.

He clamped down on all the thoughts vying for dominance in his brain.
Hell
. He closed his eyes, and sorted them. One at a time. Most important first. “You can't stay here, Minnie.”

She blinked. Those long, wet lashes almost fascinating the rest of the words from his head. Almost.

“This isn't a place for you and your sisters and Sebastian. Why aren't you using the money I gave you?”

“We did. We used eleven pounds.”

“Eleven—that's not enough. You should've found some decent rooms. A place that doesn't smell from the sewers and without whores outside the door. And with a fire burning and lamps and a window box with flowers. And you shouldn't be so
damn thin
!”

Mina's eyes went wide with hurt—and he wanted to smash his damn head into the wall for saying all the beef-headed things he always said.

And she didn't say a word. But then…Mina wouldn't.

He scrubbed a hand through his hair and said with more calm, “I didn't… Minnie, I'm sorry. I didn't mean it that way.”

Mina took hold of his arm and he forced himself to look at her. She held her chin up, but the hurt was still faint in her eyes. But she wouldn't cry or rage at him. He knew she wouldn't. There wasn't a woman alive who'd tolerate his blunders better.

He was grateful and humiliated by that at the same time.

“Mary says a prayer for you every night, and so does Sebastian. You're like Father Christmas to him.”

He frowned and shook his head.

“When Emma and I returned, Sebastian was ill and Mary was desperate. She sold her clothes; she starved. She almost…almost went to the street again. You mustn't tell her I told you.”

“I never would, pretty.”

“She didn't know what else to do.”

Hell. It was clear to him what Mary would have done. In London, men might not have the means to keep a wife, but one marital comfort was found too damn easy with the Magdalenes in the streets.

“The money you gave us erased her debt, paid for Sebastian's doctor, fed us, kept us safe,” she said quietly. “
You
did that for us. If you wanted us to do more, I'm sorry. This was all we could imagine doing, because this was so much more than we had before.”

Only when Mina stopped talking was he able to unclench his fists and breathe. She couldn't imagine another way of living? Couldn't imagine living someplace clean and where the sun could find her and with a garden where she could grow things?

“Damn it,” he muttered under his breath. She wouldn't be imagining that life if she were married to him, either.

“Seth? What's wrong?”

“I couldn't come see you the day I returned. I wanted to. But I had to know something first, and it took time.” He sat on the sofa, not wanting to look at her. “I told you I was collecting ornamentals in Brazil, on top of hunting medicinals for East India.”

“I remember.”

“All those seeds I collected…I packed them the best ways I knew how, all different kinds of ways. I left them with cultivators. Good men who knew the best way to bring those seeds to life.” He pushed to his feet, but there wasn't room to pace. “Some survived, they tell me.”

Mina took his hand in both her little ones. He steeled himself from taking her right back into his arms.

“How many survived?” she asked.

“Ten,” he mumbled. “Ten species out of eighty. That was two years of work. Longer even, counting the sail back and the months they planted and waited. All I got was a hundred pounds for the trouble.”

Mina went still, and he pulled his hand from hers.

She let him.

“A hundred pounds isn't enough for fixing up my cottage and buildings, and starting a flock of sheep.” He took a deep breath. “It's not enough for a family.” He looked at her. “It's not enough, Minnie”—
to be safe for you. To marry you.

It cost him, but he held her eye. His little officer wouldn't shy from a problem that needed sorting.

But she couldn't sort this problem.

He turned from her. “Seems it's always the same. All the hard searching, all the prizes for East India, and never…
enough
left.”

“You have the money you gave me,” she said. “All except the eleven pounds—”

He spun from her. “You're keeping that money.”

“No, I'm not.”

“Minnie—”

“I won't keep it. You need it and you have to—”

With a growl of frustration, he yanked her against him and kissed her. Kissed her to quiet her, to beg her to stop. He couldn't take any more of Mina's plain speaking.

She'd say what he couldn't bear to hear. That he couldn't afford to keep her or her family safe. Couldn't afford to wed her. That he wasn't a man who could. Tom would be that man.

His heart pounding in his chest, he lifted his mouth off hers. “Tomorrow, Minnie,” he said gruffly. “Tomorrow you can try arguing with me over that money, but not today.”

She looked steadily back at him, mutiny written plain all over her sweet face, but he could out-stubborn her any day. She might be as orderly as an officer, but he'd never been all that good at taking orders.

She was clenching her teeth, and damned if he didn't have to grin at how that angry, little face…didn't work at all. Her bottom lip pouted, and when he thought her mouth couldn't be any more kissable, she had to go and prove him wrong.

But his heart was tearing in two at the same time.
Ah…Minnie.

“There's one last thing I have to tell you.” He dragged in a breath because the words seemed to take all the air out of him.
Tell her Tom is coming. Just tell her and finish it.

“Seth?”

He forced himself to look at her and her little mouth working to relax the pout from her lips.

“Before you tell me”—she rose on her toes, trying to meet him eye to eye—“could we just be grateful?”

He closed his eyes and breathed in the sweet scent of Mina's hair, her skin.
Grateful
. He smiled, remembering. “Are you asking me to shut my mouth, pretty?”

“I'm asking you to kiss me.”

Her words might have been a bludgeon to his aching heart and, dizzy, he tightened his hold on her. Christ, she wasn't supposed to say that. “Minnie.” He squeezed his eyes tight. Tom was coming. “I have to tell you—”

“Tell me tomorrow,” she whispered. “I'm grateful today.”

He opened his eyes and looked at Mina. The woman he loved—would always love. And the woman he didn't deserve. It was a sin. But he'd take one more day for himself.

He nodded. “Tomorrow.” He rested his forehead on hers. “We have a little under an hour now. I should have been keeping count.”

Mina smiled and pulled him into the bedroom. The one bedroom—and the one bed.

“Do you all sleep in here?” he asked.

“It's all right.”

One bed. And the quilt was white with little posies on them. “Minnie?” He pointed at the bed, not sure what he was protesting, but she didn't look, as she was busy untucking his shirt.

“
Hmm?
” Her hands were under his shirt and were stroking his chest. He pressed her a little closer, leaning into how good that felt, how healing. Warm, soft lips nibbled his neck, his cheek, his mouth. Blood surged to his roger, and he was ready for her. More than ready
.

Her round breasts pressed softly against his chest, plumping into the most erotic sight he'd ever seen. Those eyes, that lush mouth, that bosom…all for him. She was beautiful and desirable, and she was offering herself to him.

Mina pushed and he backed into the bed, the mattress behind his knees with that quilt of sweet posies. She yanked at his trousers and he feared for his buttons. He guided her arms around his neck so he could free himself for her.

But he didn't want to love her on a bed where the little boy slept. Or anyone else, for that matter. “You don't sleep alone, do you, Minnie?”

Her eyes were soft and melting, and her tongue slicked her lips wet—and suddenly there wasn't any need to sort out the matter.

He didn't need a bed at all.

Turning, he leaned against the door and coaxed her to lean against him. She was such a little thing, and he was glad. With one hand under her lush bottom, he lifted her off the ground. Shoving his trousers down past his hips he drew up her skirts and positioned her right where he needed her.

“
Seth
.”

His name was a puff of heated breath on his mouth and, with an animal grunt, he squeezed her backside before he could stop himself. A soft layer of cotton separated him from the wet heat of her body.

Wet and ready for him. He pulled the seams of her drawers apart and guided her onto his roger where he stood. And he let the weight of her body sink onto him—and sheath him. She gasped and he nearly came without a stroke.

“Ah, God, Minnie.” His roger pulsed in rhythm to her clenching body. “The nights I dreamed of you, taking myself in hand, dreaming I was with you. In your sweet body.”

“I know. I missed you so.” She rocked against him, straining for purchase without her feet on the ground for leverage. The silk of her inner thighs rubbing against his hips as she climbed him, rode him.

And he needed more. Needed to be deeper in her, needed all of her body against his.

Caging her, he turned them around, his hugging arms shielding her from the cold wall. Mina gave him what he wanted. Hugging him tight around the neck, her breasts cushioned him, and he nuzzled the heat of her neck, the silky skin of that delicate column. She whimpered, her nails dragging across his back as she sank onto him. And that was enough to calm the frenzy of their reunion.

Leaning heavily against her, his arms braced on the wall, he thrust into her. The pleasure so good, so complete, he never wanted this to end. Their eyes latched, hers warm and liquid, like he'd dreamed all those nights on the return back to her.