Dirty Desire (19 page)

Knox.

I tell myself every day I need to stop thinking about him, but I can’t. I’m no longer mad about it, but I’ll never forget, though. Any of those three months he invaded my life. It was years ago and I’ve learned from it. I’ve learned to guard myself from men like him…money, power, cocky…beautiful.

The painting in front of me, dark, twisted, and sexy as hell…well it was painted in my darkest time and to this day it’s my favorite piece.

I’ll never hang it. It’s too close to my heart. But I will keep it in my closet as a reminder of how I got here.

If he never ruined me, I’d never have had a chance to truly find myself.

I would be lying to myself if I said a part of me didn’t love him still, even after all he put me through. It was one of those fast as sin loves, dirty and deceitful but full of the hottest sex I’ve ever had.

And my sex life lately? Meh. There have been a couple men but no one holds my interest after Knox. It’s almost like he ruined me in the bedroom…after knowing how good it could be with someone, I’m really picky now with my partners.

God, I hate that I’m thinking so much of him!

“It’s nice,” a voice from behind me says and I freeze.

Have I lost my mind that much to actually be hearing him now? I am awake, am I not?

Slowly, holding on to the small stool standing next to me and staring at the floor, I turn and prepare myself for the letdown. Why would he be here after all this time?

When my eyes hit the chucks I relax a little. The man wouldn’t know what a pair of Chuck Taylors were if they hit him in the face. He’s way too upscale for that.

But then my eyes start to travel up his body and, as sure as I am that this guy now knows I’m checking him out, things start to click.

The stance.

The hands in the pockets.

That watch….

“Knox,” I whisper and flick my eyes up to his.

Oh my fuck.

“Harper,” he says coolly, gently smiling at me.

“Oh my god,” I whisper, the room starting to spin. “I have to go.” I look at him for a moment then turn and leave.

He can’t be here. How does…why is.… No!

I was doing fine moving on without him!

I was living for myself and not for him! I wasn’t wallowing, I’m being good…why is he here?!

“Leigh!” I yell into the bathroom. “Get out!”

Leigh comes running out, wet hands and all.
“What’s wrong?” the frantic look on his face almost hides the grin.

Almost.

“You.” I blurt. “Why?!”

Leigh doesn’t say anything, but his eyes flick behind me and I know he’s here.

Groaning, I spin and glare at him.

“Haven’t you put me through enough?” I say, feeling the emotional ball of tears sitting heavy in my throat. It’s been over a year since I’ve cried for him. I’m not weak. I’m Harper fucking Stills…I don’t need him.

But god, do I want him.

A crooked grin escapes his otherwise stoic features and I melt just a little.

Jesus, I’ve missed that fucking grin.

“I had to see what all the hype was about. One of the guys at the office couldn’t stop talking about the show. I’m sorry if I’m making you uncomfortable. It’s a really good show, Harper. Beautiful work. I’m happy for you” He looks over at Leigh and smiles. “Drinks later?”

“Yeah man,” Leigh sighs. “I’ll see ya soon.”

My eyes lock on Knox’s and for a minute I think he’s going to say something, but he turns and leaves without another word, leaving my world, once again, tilted and fuzzy.

“I have to go,” I whisper to Leigh. Turning, I walk out of my show and head down the block to clear my head.

Seeing him tonight…that was…wow. He looks younger than he did two years ago, if that’s even possible. He looked genuinely happy to see me, too.

I guess that’s what would happen, though. He was in it as a game. He didn’t get a heart shattered and broken and burned into a million pieces then stomped on for added pleasure.

I did.

He probably doesn’t even hold a grudge against me. Jerk.

When I look up I realize I have no clue where I am.

“Fuck,” I huff, turning around. I should probably make my way back to my art show and try to forget this evening ever happened.

“So it didn’t go as planned?” John asks from across the table.

“Nah,” I say, taking a swig of my beer. “I’m fairly certain she still hates me.”

For good reason, but I can’t get rid of her as easily as she got rid of me.

Those words—
get out
—those were the last words she spoke to me before today and it haunts me every day knowing what I did to her.

These last two years have been full of ups and downs. Both clubs were given to Kayla and a payout was handed to me. She wanted them and I was finished with them so it wasn’t hard for me to let them go. I’ll never forget that day.

“You’ve been putting off for way too fucking long what needs to happen, Knox.” Leigh’s standing in the doorway of my room, hands on his hips glaring at me. He and John let me move in temporarily with them until I get everything figured out. It’s been three weeks since she kicked me out and from the looks of it I’m not getting back in there.

“I know,” I huff, signing off on the last piece of paperwork on my desk. “I’m done, though.”

Standing, I bring the stack of papers to him and smile. The papers in my hand will hand everything over to Kayla. I’m washing my hands of the entire thing. I need a fresh start. And I need her to pay for what she did. If Harper won’t let us prosecute Kayla for what she did to her, we’ll just have to get her for something else.

“This is everything. As soon as she signs it, call the cops. There’s an event next month they would love to bust. Drugs, whores…the whole bit.”

He nods and takes the papers to John as I finish packing my shit to leave. I’m getting out of this city. I’m making something of myself…legally this time.

Making the decision to leave Kayla and the business wasn’t hard. What was hard, though, was leaving everything I’ve known and moving to a city where I knew no one to start over.

I thought starting fresh would help me gain something that I had lost a long time ago…a knowledge of who I am. It’s helped, I can say…it’s also helped me in my new business venture.

I’m strictly a legal business owner now, not having to duck under red tape and pray no one catches me. Alongside two close friends, I’m now the proud owner of a local microbrewery that’s making a name for itself in the community and the nation. We just signed the contract yesterday, actually, to stock in bars all the way south as Louisiana and east as New York. We’re moving at a pretty good speed being so new so it keeps my days and nights pretty filled which is a good thing. I run the business side of things while Mark and Todd actually run the brews. It works perfectly. My down time is pretty depressing, if you must ask. I sit at home with a beer in hand and binge watch the shit out of Netflix. I never thought I’d be that guy that’s pining over a lost love from years past, but our break up never did seem right.

I should have fought.

But I didn’t. I tucked my tail between my legs and cowered away, moving out the very next day and never contacting her again.

After seeing her tonight, though, I know what I have to do.

I have to win her back.

“So then what now? Flowers? Music? Say Anything style boom box outside her apartment?” Leigh takes a swig of his beer and his eyes light up. “Good god man that’s amazing!”

I chuckle, the pleasure I get from watching people’s reaction from tasting my brew never gets old.

“Thanks man.”

“So nothing, then? You’re just going to continue being pitiful?” John is grinning at me from across the table and I shake my head.

“I’m not pitiful,” I grumble.

I’m just in love with a girl who, rightfully, wants nothing to do with me.

A girl walks in the bar and smiles at me immediately.

“Who’s that?”

“No clue,” I say, my curiosity only slightly peaked. She’s cute…but she’s no Harper.

I take another swig of my beer and set it down empty.

“She looks pretty interested,” John says, nudging me.

“Nah,” I say, sighing and leaning back in my chair. “I’m good.” I check my phone because maybe…just maybe…she’s texted me.

Nothing. Not surprising, but still a letdown.

Leigh’s phone dings and I look over at him as he checks it. Deep in thought, he doesn’t notice me glancing at his screen.

Harper:
He there?

Leigh stares at the screen for a moment before replying.

Leigh
: Nah. Had to get to work.

I grin and look up from his screen to see John glaring at me. Raising my eyebrow at him, he just smiles and shakes his head. When Leigh slides the phone back in his pocket I notice him let out a breath before smiling at John.

“I’m heading to the bathroom.” I get up and walk towards the opposite end of the bar. If she’s coming, I need to compose myself. Seeing her in her element at the art show was breathtaking. Then the painting…it’s like she ripped all of my emotions out of my chest and splattered them on the canvas. She caught me perfectly in that image. It’s been so long since I’ve held her in my arms all I wanted to do was rush over and hold her, but I couldn’t. I couldn’t, because she’s not mine anymore.

Not yet at least.

I stare at myself in the cracked bathroom mirror for what feels like forever.

I’m a different man.

I’m not a liar.

I’m not a cheat.

I still love her.

Walking back to the table, I’m approached by the girl that smiled at me when she came in the bar earlier.

“Hey, I’m Mindy,” she purrs, her hands already finding bare skin on my arm.

Nope.

I try to politely shove her off but it doesn’t work. She takes it as an invitation to keep talking and before I know it, I’m pushed against the bar by this drunk twenty something year old who smells like she bathed in a vat of tequila.

“I have to go, Mindy,” I say, trying to slide around her. Her hand slides directly between my legs and I growl.

“Are you sure?” She whispers in my ear.

“Positive,” I growl, taking her wrist in my hand and yanking it away from me.

Storming off towards the table the first thing I notice is Leigh and John’s eyes wide from watching that altercation.

And of course, just my luck, the next thing I see is Harper’s stare.

And Jesus she looks pissed.

“Hey,” I say, plastering on a smile to make it past the nerves. “Glad you could make it.”

She glares at me then flicks her gaze back to the bitch at the bar before storming away.

“Oh fuck,” Leigh mutters, starting to stand from his chair. “She’s running again.”

“Hang on,” John says, eyeing her. “She’s not leaving.”

We watch from the table, all eyes on Harper as she walks over to the girl from the bar and pulls on her shoulder to turn her around.

All it takes is a few unknown exchanged words and Harper’s hand goes out, slapping the bitch across the face as hard as she can.

The bar goes silent. Well, almost. From the back corner of the bar, a slow clap starts that soon erupts into the entire bar cheering.

For Harper.

For my girl.

The drunk girl stumbles out, bloody lip and all, and Harper grabs a beer from the bar and walks towards our table.

She chugs the beer in one go and sighs after it’s gone. I can’t help but smile at her choice of beverage.

“Holy fuck that’s good shit,” she mutters.

“I’m glad you like it,” I say, grinning.

She furrows her brows at me before slipping to sit in between John and Leigh.

It’s just like that first night in the apartment so long ago when she locked the bathroom door. She doesn’t trust me…but she doesn’t hate me either or that slap would have been on my cheek and not on the drunk girl’s.

“So how’d tonight go,” Leigh asks Harper as she tries to watch me. She’s being sneaky about it, but each time I look at her I notice her look away.

Good. I still make her nervous.

That means I still mean something to her.

“Great,” she beams, switching gears. “I sold them all but one!”

“Holy shit! Harper that’s fantastic!” John claps her on the back and heads to the bar for another round.

“Wait…didn’t you have all of them for sale but one?” Leigh glances at me before focusing on her.

“Yep,” she answers, picking at the label at her bottle.

“Oh,” Leigh says, nodding his head. “Well I’m so fucking excited for you, Harper. That’ll help with the rent payments for sure.”

She glances up at me then over to Leigh.

“Yeah, absolutely.”

Interesting.

She didn’t sell the picture of me. I heard what she told the elderly lady. It wasn’t even for sale. She’s still holding on to something for me…she has to be or she wouldn’t be acting this way.

Fuck, I just want to spend time with her…talk to her. If I could talk to her maybe I could get her to let me back in.

We could be so amazing together.

“Hey guys I think I’m heading out. I’m tired.” She stretches and I get a hint of the skin on her stomach.

Is that a tattoo?

Jesus there’s so much I need to learn about her.

I didn’t lie to her when I told her a guy at the office was talking about it. But only because I told him about it. The minute she hung up with Leigh last month he called me. He and John are vying for Harper and I to get back together, so these entire two years we’ve been apart I’ve been getting updates on her.

My move to Chicago was completely random as was hers. The fact that we ended up in the same city without knowing each other was here should tell her something. It told me something. It told me I can’t give up on her. Sure, I’ve fucked others in the time we’ve been apart, but it was never as satisfying and I never let them stay the night.

“Let me walk you out,” I blurt as she stands from her chair.

Everything at the table stops and all eyes are on me. It’s like none of them believe the words that just came out of my mouth.