Dirty Desire (17 page)

“Harper, doll,” he whispers. Clicking the door shut tight, he comes straight to bed with me, pulling the covers aside and sliding in. Plenty of times we’ve snuggled like this but never under these circumstances. His outstretched arms take me in and I curl into him and cry, promising myself this is the last time I’m going to let tears fall. After this I have to stay strong, because what I have to do later is going to be harder than what I’ve been through.

It took me a week without him, and seeing him again worn down and on edge due to worry about my safety, to realize one thing about Knox Gregory.

I love him.

And now I have to let him go.

“You want to talk about it?” Leigh whispers once my tears start to slow. He brings his fingers up to dry the final tears that slip down my cheeks and waits for me to start talking.

Where do I start?

“You can’t get mad, ok?” I whisper. Leigh gets protective over me and I’ve seen him get mad before. I need him here with me right now…not out there in the hallway pummeling Knox.

He grunts and adjusts to get more comfortable.

“He’s married, Leigh,” I whisper. He tenses, but my hold on him tightens and I keep going without giving him the time to react. “His wife…she took me. Why, I don’t know…but the things they did to me,” I pause.

“Did they?” He looks at me and nods down and I shake my head.

“No. Not that far…but the other things. She kept me locked in a fucking room. At the end I wasn’t allowed clothes. It was embarrassing, degrading, and just plain terrible. Then they put me on stage and—”

“Wait…stage?”

“The club. It’s some type of sex club.”

“The one Knox owns?”

“Yeah. Well…honestly I don’t know anymore about that. Leigh, it sounded like he was in on this whole thing too. And between that and the whole ‘married’ thing…fuck,” I huff. “I don’t even want to talk to him anymore. I just want him gone.”

“I know, babe,” he whispers, his arms wrapped around me.

“Why didn’t you do anything, Leigh? Why didn’t you save me?” I quietly cry.

“Knox promised me. He fucking promised you’d be ok. I kept looking but I came up empty handed. When he was shot, I never stopped looking. Every time I went to call the cops, I was assured by John and Knox that you were ok and not being hurt.” He huffs. “They fucking told me you were ok.”

“He fucking lied, Leigh. About everything. He’s a liar… how can you trust a liar?”

“I know. It was stupid but… I believed him. John assured me, Knox assured me.”

He stays silent for a moment then takes a breath.

“Can I tell you something without you getting mad at me?”

“Tread carefully,” I mumble.

“I just…don’t throw it away before giving him the chance to explain everything Harp. You didn’t know what he was like when you were gone. It was like a piece of him had been cut off. I’ve known Knox for a while and the happiest I’ve ever seen him is when you two are together. The way he watches you…hell I wish John would look at me like that. He adores you and I don’t think he’d ever do anything to hurt you on purpose. I truly believe he thought you were safe wherever you were. I don’t know why he wouldn’t let me come get you. I don’t know why he didn’t just call the cops… I don’t know any of it. But I know he loves you. Madly.”

“He’s married, Leigh.”

“Yeah…and? Obviously there was trouble in paradise before he moved in here or else his ‘wife’ wouldn’t have let him live with a hot single chick. Give the man a chance to explain.”

I sigh, leaving out the part that it sounded like he was involved in my kidnapping. I’m not certain I’d be able to get past it if that is the case, but I don’t want to make it weird for Leigh who lives with Knox’s right hand man.

“I just don’t want you jumping to any conclusions. I know you want a friend to bitch about him while chugging cheap wine and downing boxes of ice cream, and I’ll totally be that friend…but after you let him in and talk to him.”

“I know…” I trail off. There’s nothing else I can say about it. He’s right…I do need to talk to him. I need to hear him out; I need to know the truth. I can’t help but think why he wouldn’t just discount her claims of being her husband right there, though. Isn’t he more worried about losing me? If it’s not true…or if there is trouble in paradise…wouldn’t he have just come out and told me?

He takes a breath and sits up. “Right after we file the police report.” He’s holding out his phone and I look at him like he’s lost a head.

“I’m not filing a police report,” I mumble, pulling the covers around me tighter. “I don’t want to relive it.”

“The fuck you’re not,” Leigh shrieks. “She stole you, Harper! She needs to be locked away!”

I sigh and roll over to meet his glare.

“Leigh please. I’ve been through too much that I never want to talk about again. I was never raped. They fed me every day. I only have minimal bruising and scrapes from my own stubborn ways. I don’t want to relive this. Please,” I whisper.

He takes a moment to glare at me, the wheels turning in his head. Leigh is anything but a rule breaker. He is a firm believer in the law so I know this isn’t going to be over just because I say it is…but I can put it off long enough so that the courts won’t be able to do anything about it. Years…many many years. Maybe never. He doesn’t tell me what to do, I do. And all I want to do now is lay in this bed and sleep for a few weeks until everything is sunshine and fucking rainbows again.

“I’m not happy about this, Harper. I will go along with it for now…but I’m not happy about it. Right now, you’re going to come out to the living room, and you two need to talk about this.” He stands and huffs. “I have to go home and see why my boyfriend has worked for a sex club this whole time and never once told me about it.” He rolls his eyes and blows me a kiss. “Call me.”

“Thanks, Leigh.”

“Come on out with me.”

I grin slightly at him. He doesn’t trust me to leave my room…and honestly I don’t feel like it either.

I guess it’s time to get this conversation over with.

One decision was all it took to ruin my life. It’s crazy just how simple a decision can seem, but after all is said and done it ends up destroying everything you love.

I love Harper.

I never loved Kayla.

I’m married to Kayla legally. That’s about the only thing that binds us together and unfortunately it’s the tightest of bonds.

The minute Kayla walked into the room at the club I knew it was all over. I knew, and I have yet to try to defend myself at all to Harper who more than likely hates me now. Each time she looks at me I see the disappointment and hatred in her eyes. I see the hurt. I know I shattered her world just about as much as I shattered mine.

And all it took was one simple decision.

“Mother fucker,” I grumble, punching the banister. She went inside her room and slammed the door. Then to top it off, she lets Leigh in and not me! I mean, I fucking deserve it, but that doesn’t make it hurt any fucking less.

She’s never going to let me in again. I feel it. I couldn’t stay inside the apartment, knowing she’s hurting, and not be able to help her. I want to punch a fucking hole in the wall, but I can’t because it’s not my place!  What the fuck good did Kayla think that was going to do? Nothing. It did nothing but make Harper hate me even more.

I guess that was Kayla’s goal all along.

This was never a ‘give Knox the club’ mission for her. It was to find someone that could break me. She knew it all along. She knew moving me in with a beautiful girl with a promise of using her as a toy would ruin me. She knew I was never up to the challenge.

Seeing her in the shower like that broke pieces of me that I didn’t know could break anymore. I feel shattered that it’s because of me that she went through all of this.

Because my lifestyle brought her there…and my lifestyle has ruined hers.

I head inside and grab a beer to bide my time with while Leigh tries to fix my broken girl. Cracking the cap off the bottle, I toss the lid in the small ‘beer’ cap collector she has sitting on the counter and look around.

I’ve lived with her for three months and in those three months we’ve made this place ‘ours’ without ever trying to. Our phones charge right next to each other on the counter. Our shoes sit with each other’s by the door. My smoothie maker is sitting right next to her toaster on the counter.

It’s all been ours. Even this dumb fucking bottle cap collector is ours. We bought it at a trip to mother fucking Ikea last month when she got tired of me leaving them around the apartment all the time.

All this time we’ve put into being ‘us’, and it’s over just like that. I was going to have to leave anyway. I have…well, HAD…a club to run. Now that everything is in the gutter I have no job and a ‘wife’ that owns it all because I didn’t find her a plaything.

Goddamned Kayla.… Fuck!

I’m divorcing her fucking ass as soon as I can. If I’m losing everything I may as well go all out. I don’t need her in order to rise to the top again.

I’m just finishing the beer, deciding what to start packing first, when Leigh walks out of her bedroom and doesn’t shut the door behind him.
That’s a good sign, right?
The minute his eyes hit mine he pauses then walks back in. I hear him tell her to follow him out of the room and grin.

At least she didn’t make him hate me.

“Thanks man,” I say as he moves towards me.

“I told you not to fucking hurt her,” he growls. “If this isn’t solved by tonight I will fucking kill you. Got it?”

I’ve never been intimidated by a dude before…but the way he’s looking at me, tense as fuck, makes me rethink my typical ‘fuck off’ comment any other guy would get.

“I’m sorry man. I’m trying to make this right.”

“You better.” He saunters towards the door. “I want to like you, Knox.” He opens the door and leaves me alone in the room.

“Hey,” her small voice breaks the silence and I spin to see her. So goddamned beautiful. Even in my t-shirt and her tiny shorts that barely peek out under it.

“My shirt,” I say, grinning. I’m so scared to move, though. I want to run over to her and take her in my arms, but I don’t know if she’d punch me or accept me.

Probably the former.

“Yeah, sorry.” She picks at the bottom and looks down at her hands.

“You hungry?” Maybe food first…maybe.
Food helps, right?

“No thank you,” she whispers. Her eyes meet mine and she makes a face before finally walking closer to me.

Without any notice, she walks straight up to me and lays her head on my chest. It takes me off guard, but it’s welcome. I let my arms go around her and relish in the warmth of her body. I’ve missed it…I’m going to miss it.

“Come on, let’s go sit down,” I murmur in her ear. I want nothing more than to strip her bare and take her to my bed right now; show her how much I love her…but I can’t. She’s been through too much and I have too much talking to do.

She sits on the opposite side of the sofa from me, feet tucked under her. My shirt so large on her frame she could probably tuck her knees inside of it as a blanket. I grin at how goddamned cute she is and doesn’t even realize it.

“I need you to talk. I want to know things, I’m so fucking confused...but I need you to tell me everything because I can’t stand to talk to you right now. I… Fuck Knox what the fuck?” She looks over at me, eyes dry and face more pissed than I’ve ever seen it.

Fuck me this isn’t going to go as planned.

“Harp, I—”

“No Harp, Knox. No nicknames. No lovey dovey shit. I need facts. Hard, cold, not sugar coated facts.” She crosses her arms and glares at me.

“Okay,” I sigh. “I’m married, Harper.” Deciding to start from the beginning, the harsh sting of my words makes her growl but she doesn’t say anything. “We’ve been married for nine years. When I was young I was in need of help…she was there. The club is…well…was both of ours.”

“Was?” She chokes out, obviously holding back tears.

“Hers. They are hers now. That’s…just…listen Harper that’s not the point. The point is I never loved her. Ever. We were never romantic, I never really knew what love was until you…”
Fuck.
Her eyes go wide and her mouth falls open

“Why would you marry someone you didn’t love?”

“I was young. I needed money, Harper. She came from money. I had these grand illusions and no money to get me there. The money helped.” I sigh. “I’m sorry I never told you. Our marriage has only been just that. Legally bonded together. There are no emotions of love and lust when it comes to her, though. I promise.”

She nods silently, picking at her fingernails. I don’t know what else to tell her about the marriage. It was convenience. Simple as that.

“Do you guys still have sex?” her voice is barely a whisper and I hurt for how much I’ve hurt her today.

Hell, this entire week has been my fault.

“Not anymore,” I answer honestly. “We haven’t in about a year. She, well let’s just say I’m not her type after all.” I let out a chuckle and look over at Harper. Her eyes go wide; a realization crosses her face. Something dawns on her and I am afraid to know what it is.

“So it’s true, then. I was only meant to be a plaything for her?”

I blink. The words hit me right in the gut. I hate that term…plaything. Fucking
hate
it.

“Not…uh…” How the hell do I answer this without getting punched out?

“It is, isn’t it?” The betrayal crossing her features now ruins me.

“Harper I’m so fucking sorry…this isn’t how it all started out.”

“Oh please, Knox! Please, enlighten me to your real plan of attack. Take me while I was sleeping? Were you going to kidnap me and that’s why she did it, because you chickened out? Or were you going to make me go ‘willingly?’” She stands and starts pacing. “Talk!” She barks, throwing her fingers in her hair.

“Can you please sit?”

“Jesus Christ,” she mutters, sitting on the coffee table directly in front of me. I’ve never thought of her as menacing, but right now I do truly believe she could end me and make it look like an accident.

She hates me.

I close my eyes, praying to God that I don’t let these tears slip out, and tell her everything she wants to know.

“Harper, I used to be a miserable, unhappy man. The only thing that brought me happiness was my club and I took pride in it. Kayla knew that, and she relished the fact that she held stock in a part of something I held so close to me. When it came out a year ago that she wasn’t attracted to me anymore I was torn…if we divorced I would have been in court for years trying to pry the club from her greedy little fingers. So we made a deal. I find her a plaything…someone, a woman, that she can sexually enjoy on and off the stage.” I sigh and run my fingers through my hair. It’s gotten longer, shaggier, and I need to cut it but I haven’t had the drive. “I was determined to have full control of my club and all I had to do was find her someone to play with. I thought it’d be easy. Then I saw you.” Her eyes soften a little and her posture weakens. She’s listening, but I don’t know how much less she hates me at the moment. Probably no more less than before, because what person in their right mind would think what I agreed to is ok? “I saw you, and I knew you were perfect. I never once—not once—did I expect to fall so hard for you, Harper. I never thought you’d turn into being this amazing person that I couldn’t bear doing that to. All it took was one glance at you to know you were the one…I was just wrong…you weren’t her ‘one’. You were mine.”

“You keep saying when you first saw me. When was that?” The mental clocks in her head are ticking and I’m about to put the nail in my proverbial coffin.

“Nine months ago,” I mutter, breaking eye contact with her and standing up.

“Nine! Nine mother fucking months, Knox! I’ve only known you for three!” She shrieks. “You fucking weaseled your way in here...into my fucking…my heart! Knox, you didn’t just take residence in my apartment you fucked up piece of shit! I thought I loved you, mother fucker!” She throws a pillow at me, tears falling freely down her face as I feel the first slip down my cheek. “Why the hell didn’t you just finish me off in the first month? Why’d you let me get so…so attached to you? Huh? Did you enjoy watching me fall just so you could break me?!”

“No.… No God, Harper that’s not it at all. I…fuck, Harp I couldn’t do that to you.”

“You’re not allowed to call me that!” Her face beet red, fists clenched at her side, she looks like she’s about to attack and I don’t blame her.

“I wasn’t going to do it, Harper. I told Kayla the day of our date that I was going to come out and tell you the truth. All of it. I was going to try to find a way around it because I fucking fell in love with you, okay Harper? I fell in love with you, and I couldn’t imagine what your life would be like if I went through with it. Somehow, I was determined to make it all work out.” I’m panicking at this point because what I thought was a salvageable relationship now looks like it’s imploding right in front of me.

“Yeah well you never made it, did you? Was that all really a part of your plan, Knox? Find me in a dark alley, drug me, and take me to your lair. Are you sure you weren’t the one calling the shots the entire time?”

“No, Harper,” I sit, weary and tired of life as I know it. “I was in a car accident on the way to dinner. My phone was destroyed and I’m a douchebag that doesn’t have numbers memorized. Then by the time I got home you were gone and I had no fucking clue where you were. It took me three days to realize Kayla took you and I acted irrationally with the guard and ended up getting shot.” I motion to my leg, which, up until now, I had actually forgotten about due to all the rest of the absolute crazy that’s happening around me today.

“Why didn’t you call the cops right away when you realized I was gone?” She’s staring at me and I…I don’t have an answer for her.

“I’m…Harper I was determined to find you. I don’t know why I didn’t right away. Leigh…he pushed for it and I guess I’m so leery of cops because of what the club really is…I was afraid everything would be found out and I’d be ruined.”

“You were selfish,” she hisses, her words stabbing me straight in the heart.

“Yeah,” I mutter. “I am selfish.”