Desperation of Love (15 page)

I shrug my shoulders. “I think she does, but I also think that she’s afraid to admit it.”

“Don’t force her. Just let her know you’re there. Give her your love everyday and show her exactly what she’d be missing if she let you get away.”

“I’m trying.”

“Good. That’s all you can do,” she says, putting a plate of pasta salad in front of me. “Eat up.”

I pick up my fork and look up at her. “Mom, you can’t tell Ellie, okay?”

She takes a bite of her food and nods. “Does Victor know?”

“What if I said no?” I already know her answer. She tells Victor everything, and she’s been trying so hard to get back into his good graces, so keeping a secret from him might be a problem.

“Then I won’t say anything to him either.”

“Why not?”

“Because it’s your story to tell, not mine.”

I’m shocked that she’s actually willing to keep a secret from Victor on my behalf. She usually worries solely about how everything is going to affect him. “He knows.”

She shakes her head. “Does he feel the same way as Ellie?”

“No. He thinks I’m good for Jordan.”

“Just as long as she makes you happy.”

“Thank you.”

She says nothing but her smile says enough. I can see the mixture of remorse and hope in it. As much as I want to make it better for her, reassure her that we will be okay, that we can move forward and have the mother and son relationship that we should have always had, I just can’t do it. I won’t make empty promises or give her false hope. All I can give her is an open mind. For now, that needs to be enough.

Dinner with Elle’s family is always fun. Her family radiates warmth and have always been amazing to me. Tonight, everyone is getting together at her and Victor’s new house for a housewarming party. I’m especially nervous to be around Alex and pretend that we aren’t more than just friends, so I decide to drag along my friend Brooke. I thought if I had someone else to focus my attention on, it wouldn’t be as hard. Brooke, Elle and I grew up together. The three of us were pretty close all throughout our school years, but jobs, boyfriends and marriages took their toll on our relationships. She and I have reconnected, and I’m hoping that she and Elle will be able to do the same.

“Are you sure Elle won’t mind that you’re bringing me along?” she asks from the passenger side of my car.

Brooke was shy growing up, and it’s only gotten worse over time. She’s always been a little bit overweight, not that it detracts from her beauty at all. She has long, wavy brown hair, beautiful almond shaped brown eyes and full lips. She’s pretty, but I think that her self-confidence has suffered because of her excess weight. Although she’s happily married, her husband, Stuart, is not my favorite person. The few times I’ve met him, he’s come off as cold and arrogant, which is not a winning combination. It was her house I hid in when I ran from Alex the morning after Elle’s wedding, and I could tell that he was not at all happy to have me hanging around. “It’s fine, Brooke. I actually texted her earlier to let her know I was bringing you. She’s excited to see you.”

She looks over at me and smiles. “Oh, good. I’d hate to be an imposition.”

“You’re a friend, not an imposition,” I say.

“I know. I just haven’t seen her in so long.”

“It’s been too long. I’m just glad you’re coming.”

“I’m happy that you asked. Stuart is out of town on business, so I really didn’t have much going on.” I can almost detect a hint of sadness in her voice, and I want to question her but I don’t want to pry. “So, Alex is going to be there, right? I can’t wait to meet him.”

“Yes, but no one knows we’re together and I really want to keep it that way.”

“Why?”

“Because Elle doesn’t think I’d be good for Alex, and I really don’t want to say anything just yet.”

“Okay.”

“I’m sorry for putting you in the middle. I just don’t want to upset her and I don’t want to argue about it right now.”

“It’s alright, I get it. Your secret’s safe with me.”

“Thanks, girl,” I say as we pull into the circular driveway. I see Alex’s car and I immediately get butterflies in my stomach. I really wish things were different and we could walk into this house as a couple and be welcomed. The idea of keeping our relationship a secret was mine, but now I wish that we would have just been upfront with everyone from the very beginning. Then again, when have I ever made anything easy? I certainly have a flair for drama, but the funny thing about secrets is, the longer you keep them, the harder they are to reveal.

We get to the front door and ring the doorbell. When Elle lived alone, I always just walked in and made myself at home but now that she’s married, I’m going against the grain and attempting to be polite.

Victor answers the door and gives me a confused look. “Hey, Shorty, why’d you ring the bell?” he asks, reminding me why I love him so much. He’s never tried to make me feel second best in Elle’s life. He always goes out of his way to treat me like I’m family.

“I was being polite,” I say, my tone dripping with sarcasm.

“Whatever,” he says, rolling his eyes and pulling me in for a hug. He lets me go, and I grab onto Brooke’s hand, pulling it so she’s standing right next to me.

“Victor, this is my friend, Brooke. Brooke, this is Elle’s husband, Victor.”

She holds out her hand to him as the blush creeps up her cheeks. “Nice to meet you, Victor.”

He shakes her hand, giving her a warm smile. “Nice to meet you, Brooke. Elle is in the kitchen. She told me all about you. She’s really excited to see you.”

“I’m excited to see her, too.”

“Well, make yourselves at home. All of the family is here already.” He turns his head to me and grins. “Alex is in the living room if you wanna say hi,” he says, quickly turning around and walking away.

I’m pretty sure my face goes white as a sheet. Why would he tell me specifically where Alex is unless he knows? But how could he know since there’re only three people in the world who know about me and Alex, and two of them are standing right here. He told him. He actually told Victor that we’re together after he promised me he wouldn’t. I’m going to kill him.

“Are you alright, Jordan?”

“I’m fine,” I reply, doing my best to conceal the mixture of panic and rage that’s most likely plastered on my face. “Come on, let’s go find Elle and see if she needs any help.”

I make sure that we cut through the dining room in order to avoid seeing Alex. I need to calm down before I see his face because I may not be able to stop myself from doing bodily harm to him. Now that Victor knows about us, it’s only a matter of time until Elle finds out, and it’s always been my intention to tell her in my own time, on my own terms. I hate that Alex may have taken that away from me. We run into Elle’s brother, Gavin, and his daughter, Gemma, setting the dining room table.

“Hey, guys,” I say to them, pulling in Gemma for a hug.

“Hey, how’s it going, Jordan?” Gavin asks.

“I’m good. You remember Brooke, right? She used to hang out with Elle and me when we were in school.” I motion over to Brooke who looks like she’s comatose.

“Yeah, of course. Nice to see you again, Brooke.”

She stands there, completely still for what seems like forever. I give her a little nudge with my shoulder and that seems to snap her out of it. “Oh, yes, of course. I’m sorry. It’s very nice to see you too, Gavin, and nice to meet you, Gemma.”

“Nice to meet you too,” says Gemma with a grin.

“Gemma, Brooke is going to be teaching math at the high school in a few weeks, so you may see her around.”

Gemma gives Brooke a smile. “Really?”

“Yes, Mrs. Albrecht will be going out on maternity leave soon so I’ll be filling in.”

Gavin chimes in. “How long have you been a teacher?”

Brooke gets that frozen look on her face again, but luckily manages to answer the question. “I was teaching at another district for a while but the commute was intense. This became available and I thought it might be a good way to get my foot in the door at a district closer to home.”

“I see. Well, I’m sure they’ll be lucky to have you,” he says, giving her a quick once over, and I’d think he likes what he sees. Gavin is a notorious womanizer, so it doesn’t surprise me. He’s had one serious relationship in his entire life and Gemma was a product of that relationship. When his girlfriend threatened to give the baby up for adoption, Gavin stepped up to the plate and took full custody of Gemma. He’s never had the time or desire to get serious about anyone since then.

“Alright,” I say, breaking up a slightly awkward silence. “We’ll see you two at dinner. We’re going to go say hi to Elle,” I say, grabbing Brooke’s hand and pulling her away.

“Hey, pumpkin,” I call, as I walk into the kitchen with Brooke.

Elle’s face lights up when she spots us. “Hey! I’m so glad that you’re here,” she says, coming out from behind the countertop she was leaning against to give us each a hug. “Oh my God, Brooke! It’s been so long. You look great.”

“Thanks, but look at you … you’re stunning. Pregnancy really suits you.”

“Why don’t you two catch up for a bit? I’m going to go use the restroom,” I say. I can’t stop thinking about Alex and how he betrayed my trust. I need to have it out with him. I spot him in the living room, beer in hand, talking to Rob. We cast glances at each other, and like it or not, my heart flutters at the sight of him. I look around the room at all the people milling around, but no one else has spotted me yet. I look back at Alex and tilt my head toward the glass sliders, letting him know to meet me outside. I quickly make my way out back before anyone else sees me and walk until I’m far enough away from the lights that illuminate the patio.

Large hands wrap around me from behind, and warm lips nuzzle my neck. “I missed you today, princess.”

I pull myself out of his hold and turn to face him. “How could you do that to me, Alex?”

Confusion passes over his beautiful face. He takes a step toward me and I take a step back. “What are you talking about?”

“I’m talking about Victor. He knows about us, Alex!” I shout. “There’re only two people who could have told him, and I know that I sure as hell didn’t, so that leaves you. You fucking promised! You swore that you wouldn’t tell anyone.”

“Shit,” he grumbles, running a hand through his hair. “I’m sorry, Jordan. I meant to tell you, but it just slipped my mind.”

“It
slipped
your mind?” I screech. “Are you kidding me? Now he’s going to tell Elle. Not only do I have to explain why I didn’t tell her but why she had to hear it from him and not from me.”

“No,” he responds, placing his hands on his hips. “He’s not going to tell her. He gave me his word.”

“Ohhh, well, that just makes it all better,” I hiss, swinging my arms out for good measure. “Hopefully he keeps promises better than you do.”

“Stop!” He growls, causing me to jump a little. “Enough already! I made a mistake and I said I was sorry. I didn’t set out to tell him, it just happened. He knew something was up and I couldn’t lie to him.”

I cross my arms over my chest and shake my head at him. “Great. I’m sure he’s just thrilled.”

“He’s fine with it, Jordan. He’s happy for us.”

“That’s not the point.”

“Who are you really mad at, huh? Me? Or yourself for not being honest with everyone from the start?”

“I hate you,” I spit out, shaking my head in disbelief.

“Fine line between love and hate.”

“Fuck you,” I snarl back at him.

He cuts the distance between us in two strides, and before I can retreat, his hand is fisting my hair, pulling it back until we’re face to face, breath to breath. “Do not tempt me, Jordan. I will take you so fast, you won’t even know what hit you, and I don’t give a fuck about who sees us.” My eyes go wide as pure shock takes over. Alex has never spoken to me like this before. I’m not quite sure how I feel about it or how to handle it. He brings his lips to my ear and whispers, “Now give me a kiss before I let you go back inside.”

I hate him right now. Not because he told Victor, or because we’ve been out here arguing, or because he manhandled me and practically threatened me. No, I hate him because, in a matter of minutes, he’s managed to get me so turned on that I can’t even see straight. If the risk of getting caught wasn’t so great, I’d have stripped for him right here, right now. I fight to hide the grin that’s creeping up on my face, but I can’t help it.

“Are you coming to my house after this?”

He releases my hair and lets out a chuckle. “Yes, my little freak. I’ll meet you there.” I turn to walk away but he grabs my hand, pulling me to him and placing a quick kiss on my lips. “I meant what I said. I really am sorry.”

I let out a sigh then rise on my tiptoes and kiss his cheek. “I know. I just panicked. We’ll tell everyone soon, okay?”

“Yeah, okay.”

When I sneak back inside, I’m met by Victor. I get the feeling that he’s been waiting for me. I’m not sure whether I should say anything or not, but he makes the decision for me.

“You really should tell her, you know? She deserves to know, and I don’t like keeping things from my wife but I promised Alex.”