Read Dear Coca-Cola Online

Authors: Terry Ravenscroft

Dear Coca-Cola (7 page)

 

Yours faithfully

 

T Ravenscroft (Mr)

 

****

 

McCain

AC/SY 4 April

Mr T Ravenscroft

17 Lingland Road

New Mills

CHESHIRE

 

Dear Mr Ravenscroft

 

Thank you for your letter letting us know how you cook McCain Oven Chips.

 

As our Oven chips are fried in Sunflower Oil, and then you are frying them in dripping, you are nearly doubling the amount of fat on the chips. If you wish to fry your chips, me we recommend that you try some of our fry chips and we have enclosed a £1.00 McCain voucher to enable you to do so.

 

Yours sincerely

 

Ann Charlton (Mrs)

CONSUMER SERVICES MANAGER

Enc

 

****

 

17 Lingland Road

New Mills

CHESHIRE

 

9th April

Your ref AC/SY

 

Ann Charlton

Consumer Services Manager

McCain Foods (GB) Ltd

Scarborough

 

Dear Ann Charlton

 

Thank you for your letter of 4th April and the voucher.

 

I tried some of your fry chips but quite frankly found them to be a bit of a disappointment when compared with your oven chips. If I were you I would discontinue them and just sell oven chips, with something like 'Even Better Fried In Beef Dripping!' emblazoned on the packaging.

 

Incidentally, and with reference to the final sentence of your letter, when wishing to indicate that both yourself and your compatriots recommend something, it is only necessary to say 'we' and not 'me we', as you appear to think. Or is this an example of the Yorkshire dialect?

 

Yours faithfully

 

T Ravenscroft (Mr)

 

NO REPLY!

 

****

 

17 Lingland Road

New Mills

CHESHIRE

 

29th April

Kwik Save Stores Ltd

Warren Drive

Prestatyn

 

Dear Kwik Save

 

I have just had a can of you No Frills Baked Beans. Unfortunately, as well as having No Frills, the beans had No Taste either. Could it be possible, in an admittedly laudable attempt to force down prices, that by getting rid of the frills you have also got rid of the taste at the same time? I realise of course that No Frills is an 'own brand' product, and as such is probably made for you by one of the major food manufacturers and therefore somewhat out of your control, but it seems to me that they might be putting all the good beans into their own cans and sticking the inferior ones in your No Frills cans. If I were you I would have a word with them about it as they aren't doing your reputation any good at all.

 

Do you happen to do a No Frills Lobster Bisque?

 

Yours faithfully

 

T Ravenscroft (Mr)

 

****

 

KWIK SAVE

 

Ref: 2999

9th May

Mr Ravenscroft

17 Lingland Road

New Mills

Cheshire

 

Dear Mr Ravenscroft

 

I was most concerned to learn of a complaint concerning a product purchased at one of our stores, and would like to offer my apologies on behalf of the Company.

 

To enable us to proceed with the investigation into this complaint, please return the product label and/or the foreign body using the packaging supplied, to this office at your earliest convenience. We take all complaints very seriously and a full investigation will commence as soon as we can forward the product/foreign body to the supplier. This may take several weeks as we will not only try to identify how the fault has arisen but also to help prevent a recurrence in the future.

 

We will be in touch with you again as soon as this process in complete, but should you like to contact us before then, please quote the above reference number. In the meantime, thank you for bringing this matter to our attention.

 

Yours sincerely

G H Williams (Mrs)

Customer Services Manager

 

****

 

17 Lingland Road

New Mills

CHESHIRE

 

15th May

G H Williams (Mrs)

Kwik Save Stores Ltd

Prestatyn

 

Dear Mrs Williams

 

I'm afraid I can't return the product to you as what I didn't eat I threw in the bin. However, since writing to you I have opened another can of your No Frills Baked Beans and can report that they were exactly the same as the others, i.e. poor, so this quality would appear to be the norm.

 

It seems to me that you have sent me a standard reply, since I made no reference in my letter to having found a foreign body in the beans. In fact I would have welcomed a foreign body in them as then they might have tasted of something.

 

I reiterate that my complaint is that your No Frills Baked Beans have No Taste. I also suggested that the reason for this might be that your manufacturers are using all the good beans for their own brand baked beans. I think it would serve your interests well if you challenged them on this.

 

In the meantime what about my enquiry about No Frills Lobster Bisque?

 

Yours faithfully

 

T Ravenscroft (Mr)

 

****

 

KWIK SAVE

 

Ref: 2999

21st May

Mr Ravenscroft

17 Lingland Road

New Mills

Cheshire

 

Dear Mr Ravenscroft

 

I was most concerned to learn of a complaint concerning a product purchased at one of our stores, and would like to offer my apologies on behalf of the Company.

 

To enable us to proceed with the investigation into this complaint, please return the product label. This information is vital as we have more than one supplier and can not identify the can you have purchased. We take all complaints very seriously and a full investigation will commence as soon as we can identify the supplier forward on your comments. This may take several weeks as we will not only try to identify how the fault has arisen but also to help prevent a recurrence in the future.

 

We will be in touch with you again as soon as this process in complete, but should you like to contact us before then, please quote the above reference number. In the meantime, thank you for bringing this matter to our attention.

 

Yours sincerely

 

G H Williams (Mrs)

Customer Services Manager

 

****

 

17 Lingland Road

New Mills

CHESHIRE

 

27th May

G H Williams (Mrs)

Kwik Save Stores Ltd

Prestatyn

 

Dear Mrs Williams

 

Thank you for your letter of 21st May, which was a complete waste of time, as you only reiterated what you said in your letter of 9th May, which itself was a complete waste of time.

 

I suggest that you read both my previous letters carefully. Having done so you should realise that I do not have any of your No Frills Baked Beans left. And I most certainly won't be buying any more! Nor do I have the product label to return to you.

 

Is there any point in my asking, for the third time, if you do a No Frills Lobster Bisque? Or do you automatically ignore all enquiries as a matter of course?

 

Yours faithfully

 

T Ravenscroft (Mr)

 

****

 

KWIK SAVE

 

Our Ref: GHW/MW/2999

20th June

Mr Ravenscroft

17 Lingland Road

New Mills

Cheshire

 

Dear Mr Ravenscroft

 

We write further to our recent letters regarding your complaint with No Frills Baked Beans being tasteless.

 

We were extremely concerned to learn that you had found no taste to the beans, and would have liked to have informed the manufacturer so that they could investigate further. Unfortunately, without codes from the packaging we are unable to identify which one of our four suppliers actually made the product.

 

However we can reassure you that the factories concerned have been thoroughly inspected for all aspects of manufacture and sampling checks are made on the product at regular intervals. We will nevertheless, keep details of your complaint on file should any other incidents of this nature arise.

 

Please accept our sincere apologies for this problem, and for disregarding your request for No Frills Lobster Bisque. This will be brought to the attention of the review committee who will consider this at the next range review meeting.

 

Thank you for bringing this matter to our attention, we appreciate the time and trouble you have taken to do this. We have pleasure in enclosing a £5.00 Kwik Save voucher to enable you to purchase replacement products, and hope that Kwik Save can continue to rely on your valued custom.

 

Yours sincerely

 

G H Williams (Mrs)

Customer Services Manager

 

****

 

17 Lingland Road

New Mills

CHESHIRE

 

23rd June

Your ref GHW/MW/2999

 

G H Williams (Mrs)

Kwik Save Stores Ltd

Prestatyn

 

Dear Mrs Williams

 

Thank you for the concern and the voucher, which I will keep until such time as you have introduced No Frills Lobster Bisque, which I feel quite sure you will be bringing out following your range revue meeting.

 

I would also urge you to consider adding No Frills Pate de Foie Gras avec Truffles to your list, as I am sure this would be a winner with gourmets on a limited income, as would a budget Chateau Petrus claret. Regarding the No Frills Lobster Bisque, might I suggest that you approach Baxter's of Speyside to manufacture it for you as their Lobster Bisque is excellent. You can mention that I recommended them to you if you like - they know me quite well from my creation Cock of Puddings, which I expect them to be adding to their list of foodstuffs soon.

 

Yours faithfully

 

T Ravenscroft (Mr)

 

****

 

KWIK SAVE

 

Our Ref: GHW/MW/2999

2nd July

Mr Ravenscroft

17 Lingland Road

New Mills

Cheshire

 

Dear Mr Ravenscroft

 

No Frills Pate De Foie Gras And Chateau Petrus Claret

 

Thank you for your recent letter regarding the possibility of stocking the above products in Kwik Save stores.

 

Kwik Save's aim is to provide loyal customers with the best value shopping basket anywhere. As we trade from units which are usually smaller than most of our competitors, we must pay constant attention not only to market trends but also to our customers when assessing store ranges. We carry out range reviews at regular intervals and your suggestion will be considered at our next review meeting.

 

We do appreciate our customer's taking the time to make constructive suggestions which will improve the range of products and services we offer. Please do not hesitate to advise us of any other product you feel would be a worthwhile addition to our range.

 

Yours sincerely

G H Williams (Mrs)

 

****

 

17 Lingland Road

New Mills

CHESHIRE

 

3rd July

Your ref GHW/MW/2999

 

G H Williams (Mrs)

Kwik Save Stores Ltd

Prestatyn

 

Dear Mrs Williams

 

Thank you for your latest letter. I look forward to sitting down one day to No Frills Pate De Foie Gras with a glass of No Frills Chateau Petrus claret. I think if you were to keep the price of the former down to about the cost of Sutherland's Ham and Tongue Spread and the price of the wine to around £4 a bottle you could well have a couple of very popular lines.

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