Authors: Melyssa Winchester
“Can I kiss you?”
I’ve never had to ask a girl to kiss me before. Me taking away her phone, I know it’s going to bother her that she can’t answer me, but this isn’t a question I’m looking for an actual answer to, at least not one that’s verbal. The answer will be in her eyes and looking at me now, I see that she doesn’t disappoint.
She’s giving
me all the answer I need.
I trace my
finger across her lips and like magic they part for me, her breath releasing, warming me. Keeping my eyes locked on hers, determined not to look away and miss the way she looks in the moment, I lean myself in closer until my own lips are resting dangerously close to hers.
“I’m going to kiss you now…”
The second the words fall, I press my lips to hers and it’s as if everything in me is finally set right. The softness I felt before greets me again and with every move our lips make from that moment on, she’s with me every step of the way. I feel my eyes closing, no longer focused on seeing her, only experiencing her and it’s in that moment that I’m completely lost.
She owns me.
Belle
I’ve never noticed before, but when something really big happens to you, it’s pretty amazing how quickly everything changes.
It’s been exactly a week since Kayden sat outside my house and asked me to be his
girlfriend. It means there’s been a week of us being together and a week at school where everyone seems to know about it.
He warned me that because of his reputation and the past he had with
a lot of the girls, going back wouldn’t be easy. With the way I’m used to being treated, I didn’t see how it could be much worse. I know how popular he is and what him being with me means. As sweet as he is worrying about me, I expect everything that happens.
There are girls that give me dirty looks, but because they used to do that anyway, it’s almost like things are the same as always. The name calling is still there and even so
me new names are added, ones I don’t understand, but I don’t think I’m supposed to. Something does happen though that even with all of his warnings, I didn’t see coming.
Dillon has been spending more time around us lately. Kayden is still staying as far away from the others as he can, but Dillon doesn’t let him do it all the way. It’s so strange. For the last two days now, he’s been sitting with us under the tree and though he gets looks for it, he doesn’t seem bothered.
I guess I was right about him after all. He misses Kayden and he’s trying to do whatever he has to in order to prove it to his old friend, even though Kayden still doesn’t trust it. He’s tolerating it though and I know why. He’s doing it for me because he thinks it’s what I want. What he doesn’t realize is that I want what he’s comfortable with. If Dillon being here isn’t what he wants, it’s okay.
It’s like my mom taught me. We all have a choice. I believe that Dillon means what he says, but Kayden doesn’t and it’s alright for us to handle it differently.
I’m just glad that things haven’t changed with us. When I showed up at school the next day, I wasn’t sure how I was supposed to act, but Kayden made it pretty clear that just because we were together, it didn’t mean things had to be different.
He holds
my hand as he walks me to classes now and makes sure to kiss my forehead or brush his lips against mine before leaving me to make it to his own. That’s the only difference. It makes me feel better knowing that just because our relationship changed, we don’t have to change with it.
At least t
hat’s how I felt until I start seeing the cheerleaders decorating the school for Homecoming.
I might not have any experience with being a part of one before, but I do know what a big deal it is, at least for the people that go here. It’s the chance for everyone to let loose and have fun even though it takes a ton of work to get to that point. It’s the one time where people that normally walk the halls alone, become part of a couple and talks of dresses, football games and after parties are common.
Watching the cheerleaders selling tickets as we pass in the hall just reminds me of what’s coming and how different things really are. Is he going to want to go with me and if he does, why hasn’t he asked me yet? Would going with me embarrass him too much? Is that why he’s so silent about it, even though everywhere we go it seems to be staring us in the face?
I’m not bringing it up
. I’m not sure if I want to put myself through it, much less questioning why he hasn’t asked me. There’s a small part of me though, that does hope he asks because it’s always just been me standing on the outside looking in and this time, with Kayden by my side, it doesn’t have to be.
His practice schedule is increased because of the Homecoming game in a few days. I’ve never actually been
to a football game, not understanding sports at all, but I would go for him. Plus, I know Tristan would love it, but it’s just another thing that hasn’t come up. Another way we’ve changed.
Kayden isn’t the only one who is being quiet about things. My mo
m came through and I’m going to see my doctor. I want to tell him about it, but with how busy things are around here, especially with him and football, I can’t do it. He’s been so good to me this past week and I know he would drop it all to be there. I can’t let him do that.
“Hey. You’re doing it again.”
This isn’t the first time he’s caught me lost in thought. I’m pretty sure he’s caught me every time I’ve done it. Looking up at him and smiling though, seems to do the trick. He stops in the middle of the hall, just like always and he touches my face where my lips are raised, almost as if, just like the first time, he’s blown away that it’s even happening at all.
Like he thinks this is a dream.
“Is your mom still okay with me coming over after practice?”
I nod and that’s when I’m rewarded. He grins at me and just like every other time he’s done it this week, it makes his eyes crinkle. That’s probably the coolest thing about Kayden. I can see myself reflected like a mirror in his eyes and my smile is as big as his. I wonder if because my eyes are lighter, the same thing happens to him.
“Awesome.” He answers, before pulling me into his arms and stroking my hair, another thing he’s been doing a whole lot more of lately. “Have I told you lately how great it is that your mom is okay with this?”
This means us. The first time he came over after practice, he’d been afraid to come in, but the minute she held the door open and flashed her smile, he was taken in just like everyone else. Kayden isn’t used to be
ing openly accepted, especially considering the way things used to be. I know he expected it to be much worse. He just doesn’t know my mom the way I do. He doesn’t realize that like me, she can see what’s underneath and not just what’s sprinkled on the top for the rest of the world.
I nod and my nose tickles from the fabric of his shirt. I laugh and I feel his lips brush the top of my head and it’s in that moment that it hits me. I’m not really so different from everyone after all. I understand now why girls go so crazy over boys, especially when they do things like this. It’s something that has the risk of becoming addictive.
Or I’m just biased because it’s Kayden.
“Wanna hear something strange?”
I lean back from him a little as I look up, nodding.
“I kind of
wanna tape you laughing so I can have it with me whenever I need it.”
This is one of the times I wish I could tell him that he has no idea what strange re
ally is. All I hear is something nice. It’s a first for me, hearing him say things like this. I know that he knows it, but the way he doesn’t call attention to it, is what makes me like him even more.
Feeling brave, I wrap my hand around his back, sliding his phone out of his back pocket. Once it’s safe in my hands I look up and see his eyes have gone wide, but he’s still wearing the grin.
“I didn’t know you had it in you. That’s a very naughty move, Belle.”
I laugh, but this time I hit record at the exact moment it happens. It’s not a fake laugh or even one that was planned and that’s exactly what makes it so perfect. He never asks for anything or even gives me a clue what he really
wants when we’re together. This time he did and I really want to give it to him.
It’s only when I hand the phone back and point to the screen, that his chee
ks flush and his eyes go soft. He opens his mouth to say something and pauses, which only confuses me. It’s happened a few times before and each time I wonder what it is that he’s holding himself back from saying.
“I’m the luckiest SOB alive.”
I shrug and he laughs again which just makes me smile. When you spend as much time alone as I have, you observe a lot of what happens around you when you’re in public situations. In the last three years I’ve only seen him laugh three times total and it was never like this. It’s the same way when he smiles. In the last week, it seems like he’s making up for lost time.
He should always be this way. It suits him.
“I gotta go, baby. Coach wants to talk before practice.” He says and his lips instantly begin to drop, as if he’s realizing what him leaving means. “You want me to walk you to the bus?”
I shake my head, more than
capable of getting to the bus the same way I’ve been doing for years. I know he walks me because he’s protective, but to tell you the truth, I’m actually looking forward to the time alone. I’ve still got a lot to think about and having him near me means I won’t do much thinking at all.
“Text me t
he minute you’re on the bus. I wanna make sure you’re okay.”
Some things
never change. Accepting that this is something I don’t want him to change, I nod and smile.
“I’ll see you in three hours, princess.” He says as he places a small kiss on my lips. As he turns
and heads down the hall, he calls back to me. “I can’t wait.”
Kayden
I don’t know if you can screw up a voice file, but with the amount of times I’ve played it since she recorded it almost an hour ago, I’m definitely testing it.
I have never been this happy in my entire life.
Well I guess that’s not exactly true. I was happy before, but it was because of stupid little things that now don’t mean a whole lot. When I would get a new Hot Wheels car, I’d wear the world’s biggest grin, until I played with it so much the tires ended up falling off. When Mom would take us out for tacos or pizza, I’d eat until I couldn’t move and spend the entire night blissfully happy.
It’s never felt like this before though. This experience is new. Even with all the girls I’ve dated in the last five years or so, nothing compares to the way it is with Isabelle. I don’t want it too. I still have a hard time believing that she’s my Belle now. Somehow, I was lucky enough to have this amazing girl fall for me, the way I did for her.
Sometimes it feels like we’re kids again, but this time, I’m not a total jerk and well she’s just exactly the same. We have moments when we’re walking down the hall and she’ll squeeze my hand and I’ll answer back with squeeze of my own. It’s like we have our own secret language that no one but us knows.
When she feels herself getting overwhelmed by sensory stuff, she lets me know without saying a word and I hold her until it passes. It’s crazy, but for the longest time all I thought I was good for, was playing football and causing shit and now, I’m seeing that everything I thought is wrong. I was made for this and I can’t even explain how much that means.
The more I’m there for her, the less my mom’s words haunt me, almost like I’m doing what she knew I would all along. I’m actually feeling the changes too; they aren’t just inside me. I don’t hate as deeply as before, which is proven with the way I am with Dillon now.
He came up to us about two days after I asked her to be mine, trying to talk to me. When he didn’t get his wa
y, he went through Isabelle the way I expected him to, except her being her, she did answer him back. Eventually he started coming around more and he didn’t try to talk to me. He only talked to her. It’s easier to not want to kill him and see what she’s seen for the last two weeks when I see the way he is with her.
We won’t ever be what we were, but if this is real and he means what he says, I can’t hate him anymore.
Does it mean that I trust him completely or that I think he’s not playing a game that somehow involves my girlfriend? No. I still think there’s more going on, but until I can find some kind of proof, I’ve got to go with the flow.
“You asked her to the dance yet?”
After talking with Coach, I’ve just been chilling in the locker room, already suited up for practice and waiting for the others to show up. I’d been so caught up listening to her voice file and my own thoughts; I didn’t realize I wasn’t alone.
“You mean the ‘everyone gets drunk, makes asses of themselves and screws like rabbits’ thing that happens in a couple days?”
“Yeah, that’s the one. You ask her yet?”
Truth is, I haven’t asked her and it’s because I’m afraid to. I bought the tickets at the beginning of the week, wanting nothing more than to take my girlfriend to the dance after I play one of the most important games of my life. Having the tickets means nothi
ng though, not when I’m not sure how to bring it up with her.
She’s never been to a football game before and I know for a fact that she’s never been to a school da
nce either. I’m not sure if it’s because it’s not her thing or because of everything she’s been through, but it makes me wary to ask. I’m not a school dance guy, but this year, it’s all different.
I did these things before because it was a way to get the people around me to shut up about it. I actually want to go to this game, win it with her cheering in the crowd, get dressed, pick her up and spen
d the night with her wrapped tightly in my arms while we dance together. I want to experience everything instead of just gliding through it after being forced.
I’m just not sure she feels the same. So I’ve kept my damn mouth shut even though we walk by
the decorations every single day.
“No, not yet.
I’m not really sure it’s her thing.”