Colour Series Box Set (66 page)

She is right. We will kill each other in the end, but I want her so badly that I don’t care if she does murder me. She pushes her chair away from the table and walks to the windows before she keeps talking, I don’t want to interrupt her I want to know her, all of her. “Callum, there is so much you don’t know, you were gone from here for a very long time. I have been doing this since before that, I need it to survive, to breathe. You have no idea the secrets your brother keeps for me, more than just my murders. He owns my soul Callum I sold it to him when I was a stupid little girl and I cannot get it back.”
What did my brother do to her?

Her hand pressed against the glass of the window and I am instantly angered by her tether to Neil the fact he knows her secrets and it seems there are many. “He won’t be here forever Shannon, he is going to
die
. As for your secrets they can die with him or you can tell me. If you tell me he can’t use them against you, I want to know every part of you.” It is the truth I wish to know what made her this way. I want to know how her murderous ways were conceived.

I stand close behind her now and her small body tries to pull away from mine and she presses closer to the window. “If I tell you my secrets, will you tell me why you hurt me, Callum will you tell me yours? I need to understand why, I know you won’t stop, neither will I, but I need to understand it. Because I don’t Callum I don’t get you - at all. What you do when we have sex is not even close to normal. In fact, is surpasses fucked up and lands in the completely crazy camp.” She isn’t wrong, I cannot control what I do, not here. And certainly not with her.

I run my hands up her arms and over her shoulders, she tenses under my touch as I contemplate her question, the answer is no. I will not tell her my secrets. “Shannon sometimes it is better not to understand, sometimes we need to just accept it as we see it and nothing more. I am a monster, just like you. My secrets cannot help you. Yours can, however, help me.” It is simple I will not tell her how I came to be this monster. I know it isn’t fair to expect her to tell me her story without telling mine in return, but I don’t care. I own her now and she knows it. She agreed. I move her hair away so I can see her neck and as I want to kiss it she turns and pushes me away. “No Callum, we are
dating
and when I date I don’t have sex on the first date, I need a little time. We are not having sex tonight.
Please
.” She begs me with her eyes to stop.

I admire her for having the self- control to deny herself what we both feel at the moment. It’s a pity that I don’t have the same control and that I won’t accept no as an answer from her. Not for anything. “Then tell me your secrets Shannon, help me forget what you are doing to me.” I pull her against me so she can feel how hard I am. I grab her hand and place it over my erection that is straining against my pants.

“So I get to choose sex or secrets, I don’t get to walk away do I?” She is angry again. I hear the burn of every word as she tries to get out of the grip I have on her.  “No, you don’t if you walk away it will be the first step towards your coffin Shannon. You never get to walk away from me. Not ever.”

I am playing a dangerous game with her, but I am having fun. I haven’t had fun in very long time.

“Callum I am not having sex with you tonight. You will hurt me - I can see it in your eyes and unless I am going to kill you or some other poor fucker we are not having sex. So I will tell you my secrets.” She stays rigid in my arms where I have her trapped. She is fighting her body and its reaction to me her breaths are uneven and short and no matter what she says she is affected by me. I don’t move I like the discomfort I am causing, torture isn’t always physical and this is the mental kind of game that I am an expert at. “Will you let me go so we can talk?” She asks me, her green eyes trying to convey her anger and discomfort, they do, but I am ignoring it. I see the guileful killer slither through her thoughts as she tries to move me with a softer touch, a seductive touch. Oh, princess I am not so easily fooled by a seductress. I loosen my grip a little just enough so she can slip past me, but her body is still in full contact with mine. She is right I will hurt her tonight my monster is ready to play, but I will have to settle for a mental game right now.

She sits down on the wing back chair that faces the windows, kicks off her shoes and tucks her toned legs underneath her. She lifts a throw pillow and puts it on her lap covering her body from my hungry eyes. I lounge on the sofa opposite her and watch her nervously tap her red fingernails together. “Start talking Shannon, or we can go fuck?” I goad her just a little more earning me another death glare.

I like this
game.

SECRETS OR SEX? His devil eyes tell me that sex isn’t going to be soft and sensual like the last time, I will hurt and tonight I don’t want to hurt. There is no promise of murder in the morning to make it better and I cannot kill him. So I choose secrets. I don’t want to tell my secrets, Neil already knows them and that’s one person too many as it is. The way his mouth curls around the words in an evil smile when he says to me “Start talking Shannon, or we can go fuck?”  His eyebrow lifts in a question to me, giving me one last chance to choose differently. I won’t let him win so easily.

I suspect that underneath it all Callum is just like me. A sociopath –genetic or environmental we don’t have a conscience and we don’t truly feel anything. Nothing makes us feel good so we seek the next thrill to find the high, any emotion we can get leaving a wake of darkness and broken people in our wake. We do feel one thing – anger. I know I am a sociopath I have no real feelings good or bad I simply do what I must to survive. I have been
surviving
a long time.

“Neil has been covering up my mistakes since I was just a girl Callum. Back then he made me pay with sexual favours since the boring bitch your dad chose for him didn’t want to be ‘ruined’. So he ruined me instead. I sucked his cock when she wouldn’t and I let him use my body so I could keep my mind intact. When I went away to med school, I paid in prescription drugs and medical favours covering up his fights so he would not get in trouble with your father. Then my fucking father died, and I became his slave not only did my secrets belong to him but my business to. He knows everything Callum, every single dead body.” I tell him facts he already knows. The sex bit is new, and I admit it has his hackles up a little. I can see instantly he is not happy that I have been with Neil. I see the face of my nemesis and remember things I would die to forget.

“Shannon, you can suck my cock for cleaning this up or I can call over the peelers to come take you and your new ex-boyfriend away?” My eyes water, I hate this part. I hate that I need him to fix up my mess. I sink to my knees and close my eyes. “God, your mouth is so good Shannon, my wife doesn’t do blow jobs, I miss your mouth when you are not killing people.” I gag not from his cock in the back of my throat but at the thought of him missing me. I don’t want him to miss me, I would far rather he died choking on his own vomit. He slaps my cheek hard as I stop sucking for a second. I should bite it off, he sees the thought in my eyes and shakes his head as he thrusts deeper pulling my hair hard as he moves my head to get himself off.

My memories remind me why I am no longer loyal to Neil. I loathe him. Yet I wish he had loved me so long ago.

“Those are not secrets Shannon. I already know all that. Let’s go fuck or tell me something worth listening to.” He snaps annoyed now. I sigh and cover my face with my hands, I don’t want to make him angry.

 “We can start with, I killed my father, I murdered my dad because it was my ticket to freedom, Neil knows and he turned it into a life sentence serving your family. My father watched your dad rape me, he laughed as five men brutalised me because he fucked up. Then after that I was ruined he raped and beat me until I killed him. I killed every man who has hurt me except your fucking brother because I cannot clean up after I mess.” I had my ticket to freedom and he made it a ticket to hell. Another reason I am helping Callum, another reason I loathe his brother so.

I don’t look up I keep my face covered, looking at Callum makes my mind soft and body want things it shouldn’t. He affects me and he shouldn’t. The shame of the years that moulded me into the poisonous demon I have become makes me avoid his gaze.

 “I don’t  feel even a little bit sorry about it, I don’t feel anything, ever Callum. I am a sociopath I have no real emotions, even when I do feel something it’s never a real thing just an illusion, I don’t think I can give you what you want because I don’t have fucking feelings other than anger and rage.”I just sit still, I won’t make excuses for who I am. It is the truth; I do not recall ever having feelings that could be called real. He needs to know that this is me, I am not going to go all goo-goo eyed and soft. I am not a unicorns and roses kind of lady. I am a Strychnine and Arsenic cocktail. Death shaken, stirred or any way you want it.

I stay silent and wait, only when I do look up does he talk again. His green eyes are dark and there is a slight frown on his face. He is too handsome to be so evil.

“I am not asking you for feelings Shannon, I am proposing a mutually beneficial partnership. I feel about as much as you do, it’s pretty obvious we are very much alike. But we have a connection, something that makes it impossible to stay away from each other. I can’t ignore it.” Secretly I wish he could feel, I may not feel back but I think it may be nice to have someone actually care for me, but I know that someone isn’t Callum.  He gets up and walks a few steps away from me to try sort out whatever these random fucking thoughts we are having are.

“The plan, that’s what is important to me. You can help with the plan I can get what I need from you. I am attracted to your beauty, to your darkness and I am even attracted to your cold heart, I am not going to deny I want you, all of you for myself. Will I hurt you? Yes, that’s what I do I hurt people, I enjoy it. Will you hurt me? I don’t doubt it for second that you will not only hurt me, but kill me. Eventually. I think that we can become an unstoppable force together Shannon, something so dark and so wrong. I love the way I feel alive when I see murder in your eyes. I think we can at least try not to kill each other and see if these feelings can be more than an illusion just this once. I know you want to try.”

I finally cave to the physical pull between us when he walks behind me and put his hands on my shoulders, I don’t think I will tell him anything worth actually knowing. I lean back into the chair and let his hands slip under my shirt. A soft moan escapes from me before his madness takes over the last slither of control that I had. He hurts me, and I let him. Callum is sick, what happens to him when sex is part of the picture can only be described as sick.