Christmas Miracle: A Family (8 page)

Fallon, bringing up the rear as they walked to the parking lot, brushed away a tear once more.

The walk to Catie’s Overlook was pleasant. White Elk looked like Christmas now. Old-fashioned streetlamps were decorated with pine boughs and red ribbons, merchants’ windows were strung with lights. The Christmas-tree festival was under way, where each little shop owner purchased a well-grown live tree, set it in front of his or her shop and sponsored the decorating. In other words, anyone who wanted could pay to decorate one of these trees, and the proceeds would go to charity, which, this year, was the pediatric ward at the hospital. And, more specifically, a program in the planning stages at present that would help children with juvenile diabetes. It was a good deed in that the cause was worthy but also a good deed in giving White Elk an authentic Christmas charm. With a nice dusting of snow covering everything, it was a fairyland. Beautiful. And if Fallon had been in a Christmas mood this year, this would have made her feel even more in the mood.

But she wasn’t. Christmas just didn’t mean anything now, the way it had never meant much when she’d been a child. Back then her Christmases had been filled more with sadness than anything else, because she had always been the child who hadn’t belonged, the one who’d been staying with a distant relative, the child who hadn’t fitted in. Usually the gifts she’d got had been last minute or
thoughtless. Sometimes she hadn’t got a gift…nobody had thought to buy one for the little girl who hadn’t really belonged there. And to be honest, she didn’t remember ever spending Christmas with the same people. One year she’d be packed off to distant cousin Flora, the next she’d end up with Great-Aunt Henrietta. And so her Christmases went. No fond memories.

But not for Tyler, if she had anything to do with it. If his Christmas memories from the past were bad, this would be the year they would be good. This year, and every year after, she hoped. Because now Tyler was in White Elk with his dad. And Christmas was about the little boy whose face was pressed to the toy-store window, looking at the toy train set he saw there and the box of building blocks. Being just like every other little boy at this time of the year. Like her little boy would have been… “I was thinking about a Christmas tree,” she said, before the sad thoughts had time to take hold. “Do you think we should get a little one?”

Tyler rolled his eyes, but didn’t offer an opinion.

“Maybe, instead of having a tree at home, we could sponsor one of the charity trees and decorate that?”

Tyler shook his head this time, and actually looked up at James, as if asking him to intercede here.

James looked at Fallon, winked. “Maybe we don’t need a tree. I haven’t had one since I lived at home with my parents, and I don’t miss it. Instead of a tree, maybe we could buy a potted plant and hang a few glass balls on it. That would look like Christmas, wouldn’t it?”

“But I want a
real
Christmas tree,” Tyler cried. “A great big one! With lots of lights.”

Was that the kind of tree he’d had with his mother and Donnie, or was that another of his wishes? Maybe one that
had never come true. Fallon wondered if Tyler had ever had nice Christmases, or had they been miserable, like the ones she’d had when she’d been young? “You might have to help me move furniture so we can get a big one in the house.”

Tyler nodded eagerly. “And throw some of it away if there’s not room for the tree.”

Fallon laughed. Well, the child was enthusiastic about something. And the way his eyes sparkled…he was James. Easy to love. “I think we’ll manage without throwing away my furniture,” she said. “And, Tyler, we’re going to have to buy new decorations. I’ve always had a little tree and I don’t have enough to decorate a big tree. So, will you be in charge of picking out the decorations?”

He hesitated for a moment, didn’t respond as eagerly as she’d expected. Then he reverted back to his usual behavior. He shrugged, and totally zoned out of all the Christmas decorations strung up everywhere as they continued their walk to Catie’s. The reaction of a child who’d built up hopes before then had them destroyed.

It was a delicate balance and she and James were going to have to be careful because, now that she’d started Christmas for Tyler, she didn’t want to ruin it for him, too.

Pulling her scarf up tighter around her face to fight off the chilly air whipping around her, Fallon dropped back and walked behind James and Tyler, and twice, when James glanced over his shoulder at her, she feigned fascination with something in a shop window. Maybe she shouldn’t have gotten involved. Because she was becoming almost as excited about Christmas as Tyler had been for a little while, and that wasn’t good. She was used to living without the hopes and promises now, and here she
was, building a few around something she couldn’t have. And she really did want a Christmas tree…a big one. With lots of lights.

“He went right to sleep,” James said, dropping down onto the couch next to Fallon, keeping his proper distance from her, of course. “I sat with him about five minutes, thought he might ask some questions about why he was going to keep on living with me for a little while, or maybe talk about the Christmas tree, but he just turned over on his side and went to sleep. It was a big day for him. I think we actually wore him out.”

“He’s had a turbulent life so far. He copes by acting out or by not acting at all. Probably the only two reactions in his young repertoire. And as far as the Christmas tree goes, I have an idea he’s learned not to count on anything. If you don’t count on it, you don’t end up being disappointed.” She raised her mug of hot chocolate to her lips, but paused before she took a sip. “It’s not a mistake, is it, giving him this big Christmas?”

He laughed. “Giving a child a big Christmas? I think it’s absolutely the best thing we can do for him. Tyler needs something to look forward to in his life. I don’t think he’s ever really had that.”

“You, too,” she added. “You need something to look forward to.”

“And what about you? What do you need, Fallon?”

“Nothing. I never had good Christmases when I was growing up, and I don’t need them now.”

“I’m not talking about Christmas, specifically. What do you need in life, Fallon? There was a time I thought I knew, but maybe I was wrong. I mean, we talked about having a large family. You wanted a big house for all those children we were going to have. You didn’t want to quit
work because you were totally devoted to the idea that a woman is capable of doing everything she wants. But now I don’t know if that’s what you need in your life, and I want to know. It bothers me that I don’t. Or that I might have been wrong all along.”

She bristled. “This isn’t about me. I invited you to live here because it was supposed to be about Tyler.
Only Tyler
. And I don’t want you to make this about something it’s not.”

He held up his hand to stop her. “Whoa, there. You really do have a way about turning a nice, innocent conversation into something adversarial, don’t you?”

“It wasn’t innocent, James. When you made it about me, it was anything
but
innocent. You know you were trying to manipulate me, trying to take advantage of the moment to pry into something that’s none of your business any more.”

“What if that’s what I was doing? I’m not admitting it, but for the sake of the argument, what if I did try to make it about you? Is that really so bad?”

“It is when I laid down the ground rules about you staying here.”

“Fallon! For God’s sake. We’ve made love. I’ve seen that little heart-shaped birthmark on your back. Doesn’t that give me some rights?”

“No,” she snapped. “That was then. This is…this is another time, another life. And you know my terms, James. If you can’t live with them, I won’t kick you out, but I’ll take a room at the lodge until you and Tyler can make better arrangements.”

“But aren’t you the one who keeps stepping over the line? Be honest with yourself, Fallon. Aren’t you the one who keeps getting involved?”

“With Tyler. I’m getting involved with Tyler.”

“But getting involved with Tyler is getting involved with me.”

That much was true. And she’d have to try harder to stop it. “I think I can separate the two of you.”

“I don’t believe that! Sometimes when I see the way you look at him, there’s such longing. And I remember that look, Fallon. Used to see it when we talked about our future. Talked about the children we wanted to have and the life we wanted to build for them.”

“You’re wrong, but go ahead and believe whatever you want. I really don’t care!”

James ran a frustrated hand through his hair. “OK, that little heart on your back aside, we had something good going on between us. I messed up after your accident, but I thought we could put that behind us and move on from there. Hoped we could, anyway.”

“We can. I’m
not
angry that you had to choose Tyler over me. That’s what you should have done…what you should always do. But, James, that was so long ago, and I’ve been through so much. I can’t be
that
Fallon any more. She’s gone. She’s not coming back.”

“She’s not that far away, Fallon,” he said gently. “I see her all the time, when she’s not trying to be so…guarded.”

Unfortunately, that was the problem. She couldn’t hide from James. Couldn’t hide anything. “Not guarded, James. Just not the same. And that’s what you’ve got to understand. So back to your original question… What do I want? I want the best Christmas ever for Tyler. I want him to be with someone who cares enough to help him build some hopes.”

“The way you do?” he asked gently.

“The way
you
do,” she replied.

“Like a real family,” James said. “A real family for Christmas.”

“For Tyler,” she reminded him “Like a real family
for Tyler
, for Christmas.” To think of it in any other way hurt too much.

“Then tell me what happens when Tyler starts loving the mother in this little Christmas family, and she eventually walks away from him?”

“Are you talking about you, or Tyler?” she asked, pushing herself off the couch. “Because if we want to help Tyler, we’ve got to get over this.
You’ve
got to get over it.”
She
had to get over it.

“As in getting over
you
? Is that what you mean?”

“Something like that.”

He shook his head. “You know what, Fallon? Your friends have given you a lot of slack because of the accident. They’ve done everything you wanted them to do because they loved you, even if what you wanted essentially pushed them away, maybe even hurt them. I don’t know why you keep pushing people away, and I don’t want to argue about it. But I’m not giving you that same slack. You can’t tell me to get over you and expect that I’ll just do it because you want me to. It doesn’t work that way. Not when I love you. And I do love you. So, no, I’m not getting over you. Like I’ve said, already, and I’ll keep saying, I’ll respect the distance you want…the boundaries you’ve built up around yourself. But you can’t tell me how I have to feel about you. You don’t have that right.” He stood, too. “Look, I’m going for a walk, to clear my head. I’ll be back in half an hour.” Then he threw on his jacket and walked out the front door. More like strode out the front door, with every harsh footstep she heard on the hardwood floor a testament to exactly what he was feeling.

In a small way she was flattered. In an even bigger way she was scared. Not because he’d told her off. But because he’d been right. About everything. Except him being right about everything still didn’t make things right in her life. Because nothing there was right, and she still didn’t believe it could be right ever again. Not without James…and Tyler. Not without James Allen Galbraith, Junior. But that’s the way it was, whether or not James Allen Galbraith, Senior, liked it or not.

Three hours of tossing and turning, and she was barely asleep when the first crash startled her awake. The second one sent her over the edge of the bed and scurrying to pull on her bathrobe. The third crash propelled her out her bedroom door and straight to the top of the stairs, where she looked down and saw James, dressed in boxer shorts and a T-shirt running for the kitchen. He didn’t look like he’d had much sleep either.

Fallon padded down the stairs, wondering if her bare feet would be safe, considering what she expected to find in the wake of Tyler’s tirade, and fell into step behind James who, she had to admit, looked downright sexy first thing in the morning. Sexy and, right this moment, ready to explode.

“Tyler,” he called on his way through the kitchen door. “What are you doing?”

Fallon, who was so close behind him she could practically smell his aftershave, bumped right into the back of him when he stopped dead in his tracks. She braved a peek around James, expecting the worst, only to see Tyler standing there amid a clutter of pots and pans all over the floor, along with spilled silverware and practically every utensil she’d had in the drawer. But on the counter were three bowls, filled to the top with breakfast cereal and
overflowing with milk, which was dripping down into the open, and empty, utensil drawer. Along with the cereal were three slices of bread smeared from crust to crust with strawberry jam…jam that was likewise slathered across a good portion of the counter top. And there were three poured glasses of orange juice, with a fair measure of juice trickling down the front of the cabinet.

It was a spectacular mess to behold, and Tyler was standing in the middle of that mess, grinning from ear to ear—his first real grin. He’d fixed them breakfast.

“It looks delicious,” she said quite brightly as she stepped away from James and pulled a kitchen stool over to the breakfast counter. As delicious as any breakfast could look at three in the morning, given the disheveled condition of her kitchen.

James chuckled. “Looks like the best breakfast I’ve ever had at this time of the day.” He followed Fallon’s cue and pulled up a kitchen stool for himself then one for Tyler. And the three of them sat down together and ate breakfast in the middle of a mess that was going to require about an hour’s worth of cleaning and showers for everybody. “So, why’d you do such a nice thing for us?” James asked, choosing careful words as he picked up the piece of bread that nearly collapsed under the weight of the jam on it.