Christmas Miracle: A Family (12 page)

Fallon managed a laugh, in spite of her glum mood.
“And that’s what he’ll do, if there’s any way he can get himself into his Santa suit and hoist himself up on that train.”

“That’s what Eric said, too. We had coffee together a while ago, and he said Walt could bellow all he wanted, but he was grounded this year.”

“You had coffee with Eric?”

“And Neil and Gabby, and the rest of the doctors. Staff meeting, actually. Bright and early. We talked about expanding the hospital by another new staff member.”

She hadn’t known, hadn’t heard him leave. And here her thoughts had been full of sweet morning love. Well, now, if she didn’t just feel like an idiot! Glad, though, that James hadn’t been privy to the tumultuous thoughts that had kept her awake all night.

“And I stopped by the Ramseys’ to see Tyler for a few minutes. He was busy making snow angels. He said he still wants to build a snowman with you, and do all that Christmas shopping you promised him. And he doesn’t want you forgetting that.” James chuckled. “He’s enjoying the attention of two lovely ladies, though. I’ve been told Paige and Pippa have both declared their undying love for him, and they don’t want him going home,
ever
. But my little Casanova took me aside and told me he wants to come back here with you.”

Suddenly, her bad mood melted away. “He does?” she asked, finally mellow enough to look him straight in the eye. “Are you sure?”

“He likes you, Fallon. Like father, like son.”

“Are you on duty, or can you come with us to build that snowman?”

“On for the morning, off for the rest of the day.”

“Then how about Tyler and I go shopping for ornaments, and after you’re home we start on the snowman and
maybe drag the tree into the house. He’s really anxious to put it up, you know.”

His face darkened. “I have an emergency hearing this afternoon. My attorney got the temporary custody papers filed, and the judge wants to hear the case immediately.”

“That’s fast!”

He nodded. “I’m not sure what to make of it, but he wants Tyler there with me. So maybe we can get to the snowman or the tree afterwards.”

It was all beginning to happen. James getting custody of Tyler. Tyler and James starting their new life together. She was happy for them. Truly happy for them. But sad for herself because she already felt left out. It’s what she wanted, but she didn’t have to like it, didn’t have to like the feeling it left her with. Still, she was glad for James because he did deserve some happiness.

And her…getting what she wanted ached so bad she wanted to curl up in a tight, little ball and stay that way. She missed James and he wasn’t even gone. So, how was she to survive this? How was she to make it through the next days without giving herself away to him? Because the tears welling behind her eyes right now would surely give her away. And she couldn’t let him see that. Not now, not ever.

“A
ND
you have no knowledge of her whereabouts?” Judge Stanley asked James.

“She may live in Arizona or New Mexico. But Tyler doesn’t know, and as she didn’t leave me any forwarding information, I don’t know either. My attorney and I are working on that, though. And I’ve had an investigator looking for her for a while.”

“But the blood tests match? And the DNA?” He shuffled through a stack of papers, looking through a tiny pair of reading glasses that balanced precariously on the end of his nose.

“No doubts,” James said. “He’s my son.”

The judge nodded without looking up. “And you dated the mother for how long?”

This was beginning to make him nervous. “A few weeks. Not seriously, though.”

He glanced up at James. “Seriously enough to conceive a son.” Then he returned to his papers.

Bad sign. Really bad sign. He wished he could have asked Fallon to come and stand with him. Even though Jason Greene was with him, he felt alone. Tyler was sitting in the judge’s office, under the watchful eye of a court clerk, and here he was, doing something he’d never even considered would happen to him. He was asking the judge
to take the first legal steps in granting him sole custody of his son. It was good, but he missed Fallon being involved. It wasn’t her fight, though. And he knew he had to get used to not having her around because, as of an hour ago, he’d agreed to buy Emoline’s house. Which meant he was doing what Fallon wanted all along…moving on.

So why involve her in this, when in a few more days she wouldn’t be involved in anything in his life? He did hope, though, that she’d stay involved with Tyler. Tyler loved her.

“Seriously enough to conceive a son,” he said back to the judge.

“What happens when you get to a permanent custody hearing and the boy’s mother fights you?”

“I fight her back. After all, I’m not the one who keeps abandoning our son. I’d say that’s a pretty good argument.”

The judge looked up again, but this time took off his glasses. “What you’re asking to do here, Doctor, is the start of something with a very serious consequence. You realize that, don’t you?”

“What I realize is my son needs a stable life. I can give that to him, but his mother cannot. If she wants visitation rights, we can work that out because I think it’s important that Tyler has a relationship with his mother. But I’ll do everything in my power, spend every cent I have if that’s what it takes, to make sure he spends the rest of his childhood with me.”

“Well, according to the court report, he’s a difficult child…behavioral problems of some undiagnosed sort,” the judge continued. “I know you’re a pediatrician, well aware of what adjustments might have to be made for the boy. But are you prepared to deal with that every day until the permanent custody is established and, perhaps, for the
duration of his childhood, if that’s the way it works out? Deal with it as a father?”

“It’s the
father
in me who wants to take care of his son. The
father
who loves that little boy more than life itself, and wants to give him the kind of home he deserves. That’s who you see right now, and I’m fully prepared to deal with his problems. Although once he has someone he can count on, once he knows he’s not going to be abandoned every few months, his behavioral issues will disappear. And that’s the pediatrician speaking as a professional.”

Outside, in the corridor, Fallon shut the door to the hearing room and dropped down onto the wooden bench there in the hall. OK, so she really didn’t need to be here, had promised herself that she wouldn’t come. But she had anyway. And she’d been listening to the arguments and discussions for the past twenty minutes, standing there with the door opened barely a crack, ready to spring in and testify on James’s behalf, if he needed it. But he didn’t need it, and the tears streaming down her cheeks were the proof of that. Tyler was on the verge of a new life now, and she was so happy for the both of them. If only she could have been part of that arrangement.

“Why didn’t you come in?” He’d known she was there. Had seen her peeking in.

Fallon, still facing her car, with her key in the door, sucked in a sharp breath. “I didn’t know if you wanted me there. And I didn’t want to intrude.”

He took her by the shoulder and spun her around. “There’s no place in my life I don’t want you, Fallon. But I don’t know how to get you back in my life the way I want you.” With the snowflakes brushing her face as they fluttered to the ground, and her eyes so wide and questioning, she was the most beautiful woman he’d ever
seen. So much so she nearly took his breath away. “And I didn’t ask you to testify for me because….” He brushed a snowflake off her cheek. Wanted to kiss her so badly it stung. “Because it’s so difficult, Fallon. Wanting you, knowing I can’t have you.”

“But I would have testified. If you’d asked I would have.”

“I know you would, but this distance between us…it shows. People can see it, see the tension. And I was afraid the judge might wonder why the woman Tyler and I are living with would appear so standoffish. So I couldn’t risk it.” Mentally, he braced himself not to step forward, not to cross that invisible barrier she had up around herself. “Sometimes, Fallon, it’s not about you. I’m sorry, but I was afraid you could hurt my chances.”

Tears immediately sprang to her eyes. “You’re right,” she said, turning back to the car. “It’s not about me.”

Damn, he hated himself. Hated this situation. Hated it that he couldn’t risk pulling her into his arms to shield her from the world she feared. “I’m sorry,” he whispered, his voice nearly breaking with agony. “I didn’t mean to hurt you.”

Still facing the car, she said, “I know you didn’t. I’m the one who hurts you, the one who should be apologizing.”

What kind of man would let the woman he loved hurt so badly and simply stand there and watch it? The worst kind. The answer sat bitterly in his heart.
The worst kind
. He was at breaking point. “Fallon,” he said, his voice turning rough. “Turn around, look at me.”

She didn’t. So he stepped around and physically wedged himself between her and the car door, and when she started to back away from him, he took hold of her arm, stopped her. Then, when she started to pull back the way he knew she would do, started to tilt her head toward the ground,
he stopped her. Placed his hand under her chin and tipped her face toward his, fully expecting her to pull away, to literally run away.

But, she didn’t, and that surprised him. Fallon stood there, meeting him eye to eye, and allowed him everything he needed for the first moments. But it wasn’t enough. He knew that, so did she. Then as if some gusty mountain wind blew her right into his arms, she was there, her arms snaked around his neck, her body pressed so close to his he felt every one of her curves, even through her bulky winter clothing. It didn’t take but a second for him to respond to the need tearing at him, right there in the public parking lot of the White Elk Town Hall, so aroused he couldn’t think straight. It didn’t take but another second for his lips to claim hers…hard, demanding. They’d always been vigorous in their passion, and this kiss was no exception. But it was
her
tongue forcing its way into his mouth now,
her
tongue exploring the warm, sensitive contours,
her
tongue causing him to groan like no man had a right to groan in a public place.

Had the chill wind not been blowing swirls of snow around their ankles, he would have thought he was hallucinating. But as the cold crept up his leg and joined with the fire she was igniting in him, he was snapped into the realization that he couldn’t do this. This time he was the one who had to pull away because if he didn’t, Fallon would retreat and, perhaps, this time she might never come back because he was, indeed, moving on. Besides, what he wanted from her was so much more than a feverish kiss in a wintry parking lot. So he broke loose, pulled back, hated doing it. Dear God, he hated doing it. But what choice did he have? It wasn’t the little campaigns he wanted to win with her.

“I…I shouldn’t have done that,” she stammered, raising her hand to her lips.

Already they were red and swollen from the encounter. And so inviting it was all he could do to keep himself from claiming them once more. “You’re right,” he said, backing away from her. “We shouldn’t have. Look, I’ve got to go back inside and get Tyler. Why don’t we meet at the mercantile and do that shopping you’ve been promising him then we can go put up the tree?” Unless she didn’t want them in her house any more. That was the question that hung in the air between them for the next moment.

“What we did shouldn’t ruin his holiday,” she said. “I know you’re getting ready to move, but I think you should stay until after Christmas so he can have some sense of belonging. It’s only for a few more days, and…” She paused, grappled for the right words. “And we won’t do that again. For Tyler’s sake, we can’t. Agreed?”

“Agreed,” he said. Agreed, but not sorry about what he’d done.

Fallon forced a difficult smile. “Good. Then I’ll meet you at the mercantile in a while.”

Which she did. Fighting with herself every step of the way. Why had she kissed him like that? And there was no mistaking what had happened. He’d approached and she’d taken full advantage. Like a woman possessed. Well, it was a good thing they’d be gone after the holidays because it was clear that the best intentions meant nothing. Where James was concerned, the only way to deal with him the way she needed to was to completely remove him from her life. Otherwise… She cringed, thinking about what tagged along on the end of that otherwise. She was so close to the edge and ready to topple. Make no mistake, she was the one standing right there, ready to give herself
the shove that would send her plummeting. And all it would take was such a little shove.

“The star goes at the top,” she said, handing it up to James, who was balanced precariously on a wobbly stepladder. Tyler was busy below, hanging the several dozen ornaments he’d chosen. No theme to this tree other than fun. Tyler definitely showed a preference for cartoon-character ornaments, while her taste ran more to snowmen and Santas and angels. James didn’t have a preference, so he concentrated on the lights and chose strands of all different colors, lights that twinkled. All in all, it was turning out to be a rather amazing mix of gaiety, and after the first hour of stringing up decorations, the trio put the project on pause long enough to take advantage of the fresh snow outside, where James instructed Fallon and Tyler in the fine art of snowman-building.

Naturally, they all had their own variations on a theme, Fallon making more of a snow princess, adorned in an old sequined shawl she hadn’t worn in years, while Tyler definitely went for something more in his own image and size. James, on the other hand, had a secret project going, and insisted that Fallon and Tyler were not to come around to the south end of the cabin until he called them.

“Think we should sneak around there and see if we can have a peek?” she whispered to Tyler.

“Maybe he’ll get mad at me,” Tyler said, on the verge of turning sullen after a long afternoon filled with so many fun things.

Poor child. He deserved time to be carefree, time to be a little boy who didn’t have such deep worries on his mind. “Why would that make him angry?” she asked.

“I have to do what he says. That’s the way it is.”

“What happens if you don’t? What do you think he might do?”

Big tears started to roll down Tyler’s face. “Make me go live with someone else.”

“Like your mother made you come live with James when you didn’t know him?”

He nodded.

“Do you want to stay here?”

He nodded again.

“Well, your dad…
James
wants you to stay here.”

“Do you, too?”

“Of course I do. I want us to be best friends.”

“You’re not going to be my mom?”

This was getting too complicated. And she truly didn’t know what to say because Tyler would see just how broken up she was about this, and she didn’t want him to feel like it was his fault that he and James would be moving out. Thankfully, James interrupted at just the right moment.

“You two about ready for the big unveiling?” James shouted from the other side of the house.

She held out her hand to take Tyler’s, and he grabbed hold and clung like she was his lifeline. “Remember how big heads on snowmen are what makes them fall over?”

“Un-huh.”

“Think this one will have a big head?”

The answer to that awaited them just around the corner, where James had constructed a large snowman, with a huge head. One he was fighting to keep on top.

“It’s going to fall!” Tyler squealed, breaking away from Fallon and running straight to James. Actually, more like straight into James. Which sent James falling backwards, causing one huge snowman head to fall on top of both of them.

“Want me to show you how to make a better one?” Tyler asked innocently, as he poked his head out of the snow.

A better snowman, a better life…Tyler had so many things to show them, if either of them were open enough to learn the lessons of a child.

“That’s what he said?”

Fallon nodded. Settling into the couch, with a mug of hot chocolate in hand, she tucked her feet up under herself and stared at the Christmas tree. It was a mess, and it was also the most beautiful tree she’d ever seen. “He wanted to know if I was going to be his mom.”

“And you said?”

“Nothing. I didn’t know what to say. I think it’s pretty clear he doesn’t want to go back to his real mom, though. Probably not even for visitation, if the court decided to allow that.”

James shut his eyes, dropped his head back against the chair. “It’s always going to be in his mind, isn’t it? Even if he never goes back to her, if he stays here with me until he’s an adult, and lives a normal life, he’s never going to get over what she’s done to him.”

“But you can help him deal with it. It’s not easy, but you can teach him to be a strong little boy. And, James, he’ll learn to trust you. Once he’s certain of consistency in his life, something he knows he can count on, he’ll trust you.”