Choices

Choices

By Sara Marion

Choices

Text Copyright

© 2013 Sara Marion

First Edition

All Rights Reserved

No part of this book may be reproduced or transmitted in any form without written permission from the publisher, except by a reviewer who may quote brief passages for review purposes.

This book is a work of fiction and any resemblance to any person, living or dead, or any events or occurrences, is purely coincidental. The characters and story lines are created from the author’s imagination.

Cover design © Arijana Karčić, Cover It!  Designs

Editing by: Erica Cope and Julie Bailes

Love isn’t there to make us happy. I believe it exists to show us how much we can endure.

~Hermann Hesse

PROLOGUE

October 2012

Jack Mercier sighed as his plane landed in New York. He knew he was running again. When things didn’t go as Jack planned, he retreated to a safe place and that place for him was New York. He was on his way to the house he shared with his best friend and business partner, Kenleigh Bailyn.

Jack walked along the corridor heading towards the baggage claim following the line of passengers from his flight. He was one of the last people off the plane as he knew he was not in a hurry to go back to his house. His muscles protested as he put one foot in front of the other creating even more distance between himself and Paxton.  His heart was heavy because he was sure that Paxton was out of his life for good.

“Jackster!” a familiar voice called out to him.

Jack looked up and saw Kenleigh’s cheery face greeting him. She was bouncing from foot to foot. To say she was excited to see him was an understatement. He was surprised the guards held her behind the security line for as long as they did. He knew Kenleigh’s feelings for him were ones he couldn’t return so Jack made sure she stayed in the friend zone. It didn’t stop them from the occasional flirting with each other but Kenleigh knew his heart belonged to Paxton.

“Kitten,” his voice was solemn as he wrapped his arms around her. When the pulled away he gave her a slight smile. As much as it pained him to see her so soon, he was happy that she was there when he needed her. She was constant in his life and always there no matter what.

“I’m so glad you are back,” she release him from their hug. “Let’s get your luggage and get you home,” she smiled as they turned and continued to the baggage claim.

Jack’s smile fell as they turned and walked. He felt the mood shift between them as they got closer the exit where the baggage claim was. Jack looked down at Kenleigh and saw her cast her eyes towards the floor. No doubt the reality of why he was back in New York was settling over her. She was starting think about how he was feeling. Each step made him further away from where he wanted to be, it was agonizing but he continued. Jack wrapped his arm around Kenleigh and she wrapped hers around his waist as they reached the carousel.

“Hey, I’m sorry about Paxton,” she squeezed him.

“Yeah, me too.” That was all Jack could manage.

A whirring noise suddenly filled the quiet space. The carousel started moving and bags started popping out the chute within a couple of minutes. Jack took a few steps away from Kenleigh as he waited for his bags to appear. He saw others rushing towards their luggage, no doubt in excitement to get to their final destination. Jack hadn’t seen either of his come through yet as the crowd got thinner and thinner. He looked back to check on Kenleigh who gave him a small smile. He gave her a lopsided grin. He turned and saw his bags finally come through.

The car ride home was silent. Kenleigh had given Hugh the night off. She wasn’t idly chatting with him as she drove them back home. Jack felt guilty for the silence. Drained emotions made the air in the car feel heavy and suffocating. Jack knew that running after Paxton killed Kenleigh a little bit each time. He wondered how she was feeling right about now, what worries she had about him this time. The need to reach out to her and ask filled his mind, but she looked lost in her own thoughts as she navigated the streets. She looked like she needed this time to accept that Paxton rejected him once more.

Jack turned his attention towards the sky. He noticed he couldn’t see the stars and he missed them. Even though Manhattan is a good sized city, in most areas you would be able to still see the stars. Out at the cabin, he and Paxton would sit out on the porch and gaze up at them. Sometimes they would lay under the stars until she fell asleep, then Jack would carry her back inside.

Jack closed his eyes trying to picture Paxton’s face. He imagined brushing her hair away from her face as it often fell in her eyes. He pictured the soft kisses he would give her. He would trailing them from her forehead, to her eyes, then to her cheek. He would plant a soft kiss on her lips but quickly claim them as his as he wouldn’t be able to hold back any longer. The need to feel her skin against his would overwhelm him. Jack remembered how soft her skin was, the sound of her laugh, the gleam in her eyes. He missed her but once more Paxton pushed him away. She was done with him and he felt his chest tighten slightly.

“What are you thinking about?” Kenleigh finally broke the silence when they were only a few miles away from the house.

“Paxton.”

She didn’t respond. Jack grabbed her hand that was over the gearshift between them. She glanced over and Jack noticed her tight smile. He didn’t like that she was worried about him, he needed to distract her and let her know that he would be fine. Jack brought her hand up and gently kissed it, “Thank you for picking me up.”

She smiled and returned her eyes to the road. They both fell back into silence as they crept closer to the house but Jack kept her hand clasped in his, but let it go as they arrived at the house. Jack climbed out of the car to grab his bags from the trunk. When he turned, he saw Kenleigh had already gone into the house.

He knew Kenleigh was about to reach her limit as she could only watch him run to Paxton so many times. Kenleigh could only watch his heart break so many times while Jack was shredding hers. He headed into the house and went up to the stair to the floor that housed his room. It amazed him that Kenleigh still stuck around, no doubt other girls would have left by now.

Once Jack was safe inside the confines of his room, he pulled out his phone. Jack stared at the phone for a few moments before he dialed Paxton’s number. He only let it ring twice before he hung up. Jack decided calling her was a bad idea.
Don’t pressure her. Give her more time
, his conscience invaded him. Looking at his luggage, he sighed. Once again, Paxton had him unpacking, after flying halfway across the country chasing her.

He clenched his fists as he grabbed the last of his stuff from the suitcase. He was tired of putting himself through this.
Isn’t it obvious after all this time Paxton doesn’t want you?
His conscience bit at him. The voice inside him was right, it was time to move on. He would become the new Jack Mercier, the guy who was no longer hung up on his ex-wife. He didn’t want to see Kenleigh’s disappointment when he would come back slightly more broken than before. Knowing the mountain he faced in front of him, Jack took a deep breath bracing himself for what was to come. It was time for him to move on, to find someone who cared about him. He knew in order to find the new Jack, he had to look out for himself and start putting his life back together, without Paxton.

ONE

Thanksgiving 2012

Jack pulled up to the Mercier house. His parents had invited both him and Kenleigh over for Thanksgiving dinner. He hated holiday times with his parents because they always put on a show for their guests. Although he and his parent’s relationship has improved some, holidays were still over the top ‘we-are-the-perfect-family’ portrait. He looked over at Kenleigh in the passenger seat. Her blonde hair spilled around her shoulders. She had slightly curled it and he noticed she put on make-up. Jack reached out and brushed her hair behind her ear.

“You ready?” He gave her a slight smile.

“As ready as ever,” she smiled back at him.

Jack climbed out of the car. Kenleigh didn’t wait for him to come around as she met him in front of the car. Jack grabbed her hand and gave her a lopsided grin as they started heading towards the house. He took note that several cars were already there, including Kenleigh’s parents. More than likely, the guys were watching football as the ladies were gossiping in the kitchen. He knew as soon as the breached the threshold of the house, he and Kenleigh would be split up until dinner time. It was the natural order of things on Thanksgiving Day. As he turned his attention back to the house as they were approaching the porch, the front door swung open.

“My sweet boy is here!” Jack rolled his eyes as his mother, Nancy, came barreling out of the house wrapping her arms around him. It forced him to release Kenleigh’s hand.

Jack returned her hug and smiled knowing the perfect-family show just started, “Hi, Mom.”

“It’s so good to see you!” She pulled in Kenleigh into a hug.

Kenleigh looked over Nancy’s shoulder at Jack, who gave her an apologetic smile. Kenleigh winked knowing this would happen. After all, Kenleigh grew up with him, she knew his mother. She released Nancy and smiled, “It’s so good to see you too!”

Just like that, Jack watch Kenleigh join the perfect family routine by being the good, polite girl that his mother thought of.

“Come in, come in!” Nancy ordered as she then turned and led them into the house.

Jack shook his head as they followed his mother inside. As soon as they crossed the plane of the door, the wonderful smells of Thanksgiving hit him.  The intoxicating smells came from the kitchen which made Jack’s mouth salivate. He was hungry for a good home-cooked meal.

“Jack, go in with the boys. We have a little bit left to do in the kitchen. Kenleigh, are you ready to help us finish? You came just in time!”

Jack sympathized with her. He knew his mother got carried away and she really wanted Kenleigh in there to get the dirt on what was happening with him. He was lucky that Kenleigh didn’t mind. She plastered a smiled on her face and headed into the kitchen with his mother.  He heard the greetings from the other women as she disappeared around the corner.

“Jack! You made it!” His father’s voice boomed over the television. “Come on in!”

Jacob Mercier stood up grunting and wrapped Jack into a bear hug. Jack smiled and tried to hug his father but he couldn’t move in his father’s grip.

“It’s good to see you old man,” Jack returned his smile.

“Old?”

“I heard you grunt when you got up,” Jack teased.

They both started laughing and sat down to watch football with the rest of the guys. He thought about how much his relationship with his father had changed. He remembered he saw something in his father’s eyes when he came over to Kenleigh’s when he heard Jack was back in town. Jack told his father what had happen with Paxton. He was grateful that his father just listened to him without judging Paxton or interrupting. He wished his mother would come around. She spoke less and less of Paxton but always asked how living with Kenleigh was going. Jack said there was nothing going on between them but he knew the way they acted around each other might make people think otherwise.

Jack shook his head.
Stop thinking about her
, he ordered himself. He jumped into the idle chat about plays and bad calls that were already made in the game. It was in the middle of the second quarter when Kenleigh’s voice broke up the chatter among the boys. “Dinner is done boys!”

Jack turned and saw that Kenleigh had on an apron. He found himself smiling because she looked homey, like a little housewife. She gave them a devilish grin to which all of the guys responded to. Jack felt a tinge of jealousy watching their reactions but Kenleigh was a beautiful woman. Any man would be lucky to have her, if they could handle her. She could be a handful but that’s just who she was. Kenleigh was a fiery ball of energy, who loved with an open heart.

Jack stood and wrapped his arms around Kenleigh. He gave her a small kiss on the forehead. She pushed him away and sauntered back into the dining area, swaying her hips.  Jack watched her as she put on a show. He remembered when Paxton used to do the same, but only when they were alone. He was moving on though, he put the thoughts of what Paxton used to do for him into a tiny box in the back of his mind. Kenleigh was good for him, she made him happy and she has always been there for him. He needed to focus on moving forward. He knew he needed to stop comparing Kenleigh and Paxton.  He shook his head once again and followed the guys into the dining area where they were already commenting on how good everything looked.

Everyone took their seats and Kenleigh ended up sitting right night to him. Jack smiled over at her as he sat down. He could feel the gaze from his mother across the table, surely she was watching for any signs that he and Kenleigh were a couple. He felt Kenleigh’s hand slide up his thigh and stop. He looked over to her and found her smiling. He smiled and grabbed her hand, preventing her from going any higher up his leg.

“You two look absolutely smitten with each other,” Kenleigh’s mother, Lindsey, said.

“I agree! You two are so cute! I am so glad you guys finally realized you are perfect for each other!” Nancy agreed.

Jack rolled his eyes at his mother but he was surprised that she didn’t try to insult Paxton one way or another. He sighed as his thoughts turned to Paxton and what she was doing. He felt Kenleigh squeeze his hand.

“Don’t let it get to you. She didn’t say anything about Paxton,” Kenleigh whispered in his ear.

Jack was always amazed at her uncanny ability to read his mind. He smiled down at her, “I won’t. I promise.”

The rest of  Thanksgiving dinner went smooth. Jack chatted with everyone. They all asked about Oasis and how things were going there. He and Kenleigh had been running it between them over the last month but Kenleigh was slowly giving him the reigns there. Kenleigh excitedly announced that she was starting a new line at the boutique and the women at the table started interrogating her about that. Jack watched Kenleigh as her face lit up with excitement as she started talking about it. He could see himself falling in love with her and maybe if he could get his heart in the right place, possibly spending his future with her. He put his arm around the back of Kenleigh’s chair and just listened to her talk. He noticed everyone at the table watching them. The others were just as bad as his mother at times. They were waiting for one of them to confirm where there relationship stood, although from outward appearances it looked like they were in a romantic relationship.

“I can’t believe I am letting him make decisions,” Kenleigh teased as she placed her hand back on Jack’s thigh. Jack smirked and chuckled. Her touch sometimes sent electric currents through him. Now was one of those times and he couldn’t help but react positively to her.

“Thanks, Kitten. I love your vote of confidence,” he chuckled again.

“That is so cute how you call her Kitten!” Nancy squealed as she glanced at Kenleigh.

“Mom!” Jack rolled his eyes. He knew his mother was in heaven because Kenleigh appeared to be in his life and Nancy felt like Kenleigh was much more suited for him than Paxton.

They fell back into a steady conversation about various things until Nancy decided it was time to kick everyone out. One by one, all the guests left. Jack heard them praise all the wonderful food and how amazing everything was. By the time Jack said his goodbyes, Nancy was tuckered out and just sent them on their way.

***

“Tonight w
as actually fun,” Kenleigh filled the silence that had overcome them once more as they walked back into their house.

Jack turned and smiled at her, “It wasn’t bad.”

“So Mr. Mercier…” Kenleigh trailed off as she took a few steps closer. “What do you want to do tonight?” She pulled on the suit jacket he wore and pressed herself against him.

Jack grabbed her wrists as she reached up to him. “Please…just don’t Kitten.”

He immediately regretted his words. Kenleigh jerk her wrists out of his grip. He saw the hurt behind her eyes before she turned and headed up the stairs towards her room. Jack sighed and rubbed his forehead with one hand on his hip as he stood in the foyer. As much as it seemed like they were together, Jack just couldn’t give himself completely to Kenleigh. His walked up to his room, frustrated with himself. The night was ruined and he knew it was his fault.

Jack laid on his bed and listened for any sound from Kenleigh as her bedroom was on the third floor above him. Their personal spaces were the floors that separated them. The third floor was Kenleigh’s sanctuary as his was the entire second floor. He debated on whether he should go up and talk to her but he couldn’t move from his bed. He wasn’t sure if he should break the invisible barriers they placed between them. Jack figured if he did go up there, he would apologize and she would want to be in his arms. She would naturally want to be held after their small disagreement. He didn’t want to take that final step that would commit himself to her, but he knew Kenleigh wouldn’t wait around forever. Jack could see it in her face, like she was saying love me or leave me.

He stared up at the ceiling wondering how badly he hurt Kenleigh when he heard a creak and looked over to his bedroom door. Darkness had swallowed his room long ago as he turned off all his lamps. Only the moonlight lit up the room from the tall doors that led to his balcony. He saw Kenleigh creeping towards him. He felt his heart begin to race slightly as he saw the skimpy baby doll she had on. Any man who didn’t react to her dressed like that was obviously blind. Her hair was slightly wavy and she looked downright sexy in that sheer piece of lingerie she had on. Any man would kill to have her walking towards his bed like that but Jack didn’t move. She was crossing the barrier that he was too afraid to step over. When she got a few steps away from the bed, he shut his eyes, he pretended he was asleep but the anticipation he felt increased as he was waiting to see why she was in his room. His senses were on high alert as his heart continued to race.

Jack felt her lift the covers and slide in beside him. Her bare skin against his felt electric. A light lavender scent filled the air around him as she nestled herself against him. He opened his eyes once she stilled. He stared towards the door trying to decide what he should do. Since he returned from Kansas, Kenleigh had never come to his room and he never went to hers. Jack knew from an outsider’s point of view they looked like a couple, but behind the doors when they were alone, they were merely friends no matter how much she tried to persuade him otherwise. With the exception of the one drunken night in Manhattan, he never kissed her lips or held her in his arms at night, or slept in the same bed but it wasn’t for the lack of her trying.

He felt Kenleigh sigh and press herself into him a little bit more. Jack felt the warmth of her body spread against his chest as she closed any distance between them. He felt every curve of her body against him. He noticed that she fit quite nicely. He tipped his face down to inhale her scent. She surely knew he was awake now but he couldn’t help himself as he wrapped his arm around her and closed his eyes. Jack felt Kenleigh smile up against his chest. She was forcing him in a direction he was too scared to go but the line has been crossed. He had to see where this was going although his heart started aching thinking about the last woman he held in his arms.

“I love you, Jack,” she whispered.

Jack opened his eyes again. He didn’t want to cross this line with his best friend, but now there was no going back. No way to undo the words she just said. His heart ached at the sound of those words and he didn’t know what else to do but just lay there. He knew he couldn’t return the words, he didn’t know if he ever could.