"She once told me if anything happened to one of us the other one should go on with their life. She said she didn't want me to be alone or to live without love."
"Then you know what she'd say to you right now if she were here. If you let her go, it doesn't negate what you had together. Nothing can take that from you."
"I know you're right."
"You don't ever need to forget her, Lucia," Juliet said. "You need to forgive her."
"Forgive her? For what?"
"For dying and leaving you behind."
Lucia paused as if absorbing Juliet's meaning. "I thought I was angry at God, angry at the world because it was unfair, and angry at myself because of what I'd done. I never realized I was angry at her for leaving me."
"That's a lot to think about, isn't it?"
"Yeah--it is." Lucia looked at Juliet, her eyes searching. "Thank you."
Juliet lifted Lucia's hand and kissed it. "I'll shower and get my things together."
"Wait," Lucia said. "Are you sure you aren't upset about this morning."
"We're both consenting adults. The fact that we kissed and touched each other in an emotionally charged situation doesn't have to come between us, does it?"
"No, it doesn't. And it's probably better if we're friends and not lovers," Lucia said. "I really haven't forgotten that you aren't a lesbian."
Juliet's behavior had been contrary to the way she'd always defined herself. In their own way and for their own reasons, both she and Lucia were skirting the issue. One thing she could not avoid, however, was the fact that something irrevocable had changed inside of her. The room felt as though someone had bumped up the heat. She was confused and the air was thick with intangibles.
With a heavy heart, she wondered why Lucia had seemed so sad when she said it was better they be friends and not lovers. Before her own sadness showed, Juliet rose to her feet. "It won't take me long to get ready."
THE FOLLOWING WEDNESDAY afternoon, Juliet was busy running tests in the lab on a red wine she planned to begin bottling by the end of the week. That morning, she and Luke had bottled almost two-thirds of the white wine she and Lucia had named Great Spirit White with the expectation of finishing the rest of it by tomorrow afternoon. Juliet loved bottling wine, loved the jingling sound the bottles generated as they were propelled along the conveyor belt and the way that sound mixed with the metallic clattering of the machinery. And even though she'd seen it hundreds of times, she never tired of watching the machines carry out their automated tasks with uninterrupted precision.
She had seen Lucia, had even talked to her since the weekend in Atlanta, but neither of them alluded to the physical intimacy they'd shared in Lucia's bed. During the flight home, Lucia had rested her head on the back of her seat and closed her eyes, apparently feeling no need to broach the subject. Juliet had stared at a book, pretending to read, even though the words were no more than black ink on white paper as her mind labored to make sense of the transformation taking place inside of her.
Luke was waiting for them when their plane landed and after they got to the winery he went out to the vineyards. Lucia said she was going to her office to check her mail and when she finished that she was going home to rest. She didn't give any indication that she wanted to talk or that she was upset in any way, so when she suggested Juliet take the rest of the day off, Juliet got in her car and went home.
"What are you working on?" Lucia asked as she came into the lab, putting an end to Juliet's mental review of the last few days.
"I'm clarifying the new red so I can bottle it this week."
"Which one?" Lucia came closer.
"The Baco noir. I think you'll be pleased with it."
"I'm sure I will be. I'm pleased with everything you've done so far."
"Thank you for saying that. Every time Luke and I go out to inspect the grapes we get more and more ideas about what we want to make from the harvest. It's going to be a lot of work."
"Everyone will help you," Lucia said. "Including me."
Juliet smiled her appreciation. "I'm glad you came over."
"I wanted to talk to you. I haven't seen you much since we got back."
"I also wanted to talk to you about an idea I had."
"You go first," Lucia said. "What I wanted to talk about can wait."
"You have a wine named Summer Breeze and I thought it would be nice to come up with a wine for each season. A blush would be perfect for the spring. We could call it Spring Blush or First Blush of Spring or something along those lines."
"I like Spring Blush. What about the other two seasons?"
"For the fall we could do a red blend and name it Autumn Sunset and for the winter wine I thought a dry, crisp white blend would be nice with a name like Winter Chill. Of course we can call it something else if that doesn't appeal to you."
"I love the name Winter Chill," Lucia said. "And I love the four season's theme. We could market them as our wines for all seasons."
"I ran it by Luke and he liked the idea."
"Good. Then it's settled," Lucia said.
LUCIA GRABBED A stool and sat a few feet away from Juliet. She loved to watch her work, in part because the winemaking process intrigued her and in part because she simply enjoyed the sight of her. Who wouldn't? Lately, she'd begun to crave the serenity that took hold of her whenever she occupied the same space as Juliet. She wanted to tell Juliet how much she valued having her, not only as a winemaker, but as a person and a friend. She wanted Juliet to know how much it meant to her to have her in her life, but she couldn't say it. All she could manage was to stare at her in silence.
"What did you want to talk to me about?" Juliet asked.
Lucia took a moment before answering. "I keep thinking about last Sunday night in the hotel, when we were in my bed. You were so kind, so caring. And the other thing I can't get out of my mind is what happened in the morning. I feel I should say something about that."
"I don't need you to, unless you want to."
"I do. I had no right to take advantage of you. It won't happen again." Lucia felt so dishonest because the truth was that she did want it to happen again, all of it and more. Even at this moment, she'd give anything to kiss Juliet and touch her. In fact, she'd been having a hard time concentrating on anything else. This attraction was something she hadn't anticipated and it was growing with each passing day. No matter how hard she tried to ignore it, it never left her alone, not for one minute. It was dangerous, way too risky, and it had the potential to ruin everything.
If she didn't tread carefully and keep her desires in check she could lose a valuable friend and worst yet she could lose an excellent winemaker and jeopardize the winery's future. Any disregard for Juliet's sexual preferences or feelings would be a costly mistake Lucia couldn't afford to make.
Juliet took the few steps that brought her a breath away from Lucia. She placed her hand on Lucia's forearm. "I can see you're concerned.
Please don't be."
"I'm your boss and we're supposed to be friends."
"We are friends. I kissed you, too, you know."
"Believe me, I know. I just don't want you to feel uncomfortable around me." Lucia slid off the stool and stood in front of Juliet.
"Nothing about you makes me uncomfortable." Juliet pulled her into a hug.
Lucia could not tame her crazy heart or smother the sound that escaped with her next breath. If only she could hold Juliet the rest of the day and be with her. If only.
Lucia remained close once Juliet let go of her. "I didn't say anything about what happened on the flight home because I didn't know what to make of it. I still don't."
"I'm not entirely sure myself," Juliet said.
"I didn't want you to think I was ignoring the issue, or you."
"I didn't," Juliet said. "You said you were attracted to me. What about that?"
"It's still there," Lucia admitted. "But I don't know where it's coming from or why I feel that way. Maybe we were just swept away." Lucia had to get back to being Juliet's boss and friend. She had to control her rampant libido before it got her into a mess. "For now I think we should put it aside and go on the way we've been."
"We can do that," Juliet said.
"I wanted to talk to you about something else." Lucia thought this was a good time to change the subject before she said more than she should. "I'm sure you know the Finger Lakes Wine Festival is coming up the weekend after this one."
"Yes, I know. I've gone to it the last two years." Juliet frowned.
"I see that look and I'll say it for you. It's hot as hell and annoying."
"Don't forget hectic and exhausting."
"I haven't. I dread going as much as you do. Still, we need to be there."
"We can't afford not to be," Juliet said. "We'll sell more wine over that one weekend than you could sell in a month at the winery."
"That's what makes it essential that we go," Lucia said. "I got a good booth in a tent with some of the best wineries."
"What are you planning in terms of who does what?"
"Luke, Rob, and Dennis will set up the booth on Friday and deliver the wines and supplies. I'm going to man the booth on Saturday with Kim and Dennis while Luke, Natalie and Rob stay at the winery. Would you go with me so there will be four of us? That way we can take breaks when we need to."
"Of course. What about Sunday?" Juliet asked. "I can help both days."
"Thanks, you can help me at the winery. Luke, Natalie and Rob will do the festival booth and I'll stay at the winery with Dennis and Kim.
That was the only day Natalie's mother was free to watch the kids."
"Should I come here on Saturday morning and go to the festival with you or do you want me to meet you there?"
"Come here and Luke will take us there. We'll leave around eight."
"I'll be here around seven-thirty."
"One more thing," Lucia said, feeling suddenly shy and nervous. "I invited Carolyn and Lisa to dinner at my place this Saturday. They wanted me to ask you to come and I'd also like you to, very much. If you don't have a date, that is."
"I don't have a date. I'd love to come."
"That guy you're dating. What did you say his name was?" Lucia instantly regretted asking about him. Did she really want to bring up the subject of Juliet's boyfriend?
"Andre."
"Well, if Andre shows up like he did the last time or calls and wants to see you just call me. If you have to cancel at the last minute I'll understand." Lucia chose not to heed the admonition inside her head that told her not to dig for information that would torment her. She didn't stand a chance of being romantically involved with Juliet, so she had no right to be hurt thinking of her with him or anyone else. Someday, someone would win Juliet's heart and Lucia had to come to terms with that. If it wasn't Andre, it would be some other man.
"I'll make sure there's no chance of that," Juliet said. "I was planning on coming to work on Saturday, so I'll bring a change of clothes with me. That way I can shower and change before I come over."
"Come early so we can have some time together before they get there. If you don't mind, you can help me with the dinner preparations. I told them to come around six."
"I should be there by three-thirty or four."
"That would be perfect." Lucia had run out of things to say and seemingly, so had Juliet. "So--I'll see you. I suppose I should go do something constructive," Lucia said as she began to walk out of the lab.
"Wait. Don't go yet," Juliet said before Lucia reached the door. "I wanted to go out to the vineyards before I go home. Do you want to come with me?"
"I'd like that. Crazy as it sounds it makes me feel good to see my grapes, to smell them and touch them. I find it therapeutic. I'm actually beginning to care about them."
"Now you know how Luke and I feel," Juliet said.
"I suppose I do. Being with them makes me feel more grounded and connected to the earth. I can't express it any better than that."
"You don't have to, not to me."
"Something you said during your interview made me realize just how detached and indifferent I've been. It was a saying about the owner's footprints in the vineyards."
"I shouldn't have said that."
Lucia raised her hand. "What you said was right and I needed to hear it. This is my farm, my winery and I should know what goes on out there. I should care."
"Then I'm glad I did say it."
"So am I. You've helped me in more ways than I can count and I'm grateful to you for all of it. You came into my life just in time."
"Anything I've done, I've done for you."
Lucia did not respond to that. She wanted to, but she feared the content of what she might say as much as she feared where this conversation was headed. Every time they were anywhere near each other, things became intimate. They seemed to have crossed some invisible line and now they could not step back over to the other side. "I have to take care of one thing before we go out. Can you give me half an hour?"
"I'll stop by the barn and pick you up."
"See you then." Lucia walked away, turning once to wave goodbye.
JULIET DROVE LUCIA to the section of grape vines she wanted to inspect. They were quiet in the car although Juliet's head was reeling with private thoughts. Whenever she was with Lucia, the contentment she felt astonished her. She never thought she could be with someone and feel so free to be herself without pretense. In her heart she believed she'd been destined to come to this place, to Lucia and Luke and this winery. All she had strived for and all that made her who she was had led her to them.
The fragments of her life had been fused together and everything finally made sense except for one unanswered question, one problem that wouldn't leave her alone. Why did she ache for Lucia body and soul and what on earth was she going to do about it?
"I'm going to check the grape clusters to see how they're coming along," she told Lucia as they stood in front of the vines. As she carried out her inspection she explained what she was looking for. "These look healthy and they're growing properly," she said as she pulled a small instrument out of her pocket.