During a pause, Paula quickly got to her feet. "What's wrong with me? We've been so busy gabbing I forgot to get the drinks I promised you." Paula went over the beverage options, one of them being a pitcher of homemade margaritas.
"I'll have a margarita," Lucia said. "I could use a drink."
"I'll have the same," Juliet said.
Paula and Kristen left to get the drinks and as soon as they were gone, Juliet said, "They're nice, Lucia. I can see why you were such good friends."
"They're good people," Lucia said.
Juliet studied Lucia's face. "How are you holding up so far?"
"Not bad as long as we don't focus on me. My friends said they wouldn't bring up the past or talk about Devin and I'm grateful that they're being true to their word," Lucia said. "Having you with me is making this a lot easier. Stay close will you?"
"I'm not going anywhere."
When Paula came back she was carrying a tray of drinks, napkins and small plates. Kristen came in behind her carrying another tray that had bowls of salsa and guacamole on it along with a platter of tortilla chips.
"I hope you guys are hungry," Paula said. "Kristen made fresh salsa and she makes the best guacamole this side of the Mississippi."
"I warned Juliet she'd better save her appetite," Lucia said. "You two have quite a reputation for putting on a spread for your guests."
"What can we say?" Kristen shrugged her shoulders. "We love to entertain."
"Devin used to--" Lucia stopped in mid-sentence. What the hell was she doing? She'd been worried about her friends bringing things up and here she was, doing it for them. She had to be more careful if she was going to survive being in this house with her friends, so close to everything she'd lost.
"What were you about to say?" Kristen asked.
"Just that Devin also loved to entertain. She would have had people over a lot more if my job hadn't kept me from coming home at a decent hour."
"You couldn't help it if you had to work. Devin knew that," Kristen said.
"I've got a suggestion," Paula said as if she knew they needed to change the subject. "Why don't we move this party out to the sunroom? I have to start the grill soon and that way I can listen to everyone while I do the cooking."
Everyone picked up as much as they could carry and followed Paula to the back of the house, the mood having been lifted, at least for the time being.
"What are we having?" Lucia asked, once they were relocated.
"Remember those grilled marinated game hens you used to love?" Kristen asked. "We're having them with rice pilaf and Paula's beet and fennel salad."
"That was one of my favorite dinners," Lucia said. She tried to stay in the present, to laugh when the others laughed and contribute when they discussed something of interest, but her mind was distracted. Her anxiety escalated as the evening progressed. She wanted to be carefree, wanted to have a good time like everyone else, but she couldn't wait to get out of there and go somewhere else, somewhere safe.
A while later, Paula and Kristen went off to attend to dinner preparations, leaving Lucia and Juliet alone. As though Juliet knew Lucia was struggling internally, she got up from her own seat and went over to sit next to her. "This has to be awfully hard for you," she said, resting her hand on Lucia's.
Lucia curled her fingers around Juliet's. "It is." Lucia closed her eyes and gripped Juliet's hand for dear life. If she couldn't talk to her, how was she going to get through the rest of the evening? "I was afraid to come here. We lived right next door and I didn't know what it would be like to be faced with so many memories. Now I'm not sure I have the strength to see this through."
"You'll get through it. You're a strong person."
"You think I'm strong?" Lucia shook her head. "I'm not."
"Is there anything I can do to make it easier?"
"Just be with me."
"I'm right here and if you need to leave after dinner just make up some excuse and we'll go. Whatever you need to do to is fine with me." Juliet put her other hand on top of their joined hands. She was about to say something when Paula burst into the patio and announced that they were ready to eat.
DINNER AND CASUAL conversation temporarily allayed Lucia's concerns and by the time dinner ended it was getting dark outside. Paula proposed they return to the living room for coffee and dessert. On the way, Lucia lagged behind the others, unable to resist pausing at the window to catch a glimpse of her former home. A soft light shone in the room she and Devin had used as a den although she couldn't see what was in there now thanks to the partially drawn curtains.
Outdoor lighting illuminated several areas in the yard and she noticed that the tree Devin had planted in memory of her grandmother had been chopped down. Devin had hoped the tree would grow and fill that corner of the yard providing shade and a home for the birds she loved to feed. Lucia wondered how big the tree had grown before it was cut down. That was something she would never know because the tree was gone. And Devin was gone as well. She was gone forever.
Lucia felt as if a knife had been wedged into her chest. The piercing pain made her wince and clutch at her breast as she tried to breathe. A jolt of panic raced through her as she realized her worst fears were about to come true. She was going to lose it right here, right now, and she didn't know what to do. Tearing herself away from the window, she hurried into the living room.
"There you are," Paula said. "We thought you got lost."
"I was looking at my house and..." Lucia saw the concern on her friends' faces as they all stared at her. She must have looked like a raving lunatic, her eyes darting from one person to the other. "Somebody cut the tree down!"
"We were hoping you wouldn't see that," Kristen said.
"Well, I did." Lucia was in danger of bleeding to death right there in front of them and if she did start to bleed, no one would be able to save her. "What do they care? It's their fucking house now!" She collapsed into the nearest chair.
Paula must have thought she should be the one to explain the situation to Juliet. "Lucia's partner had the tree planted after her grandmother died. It was--"
"Jesus! You promised!" Lucia jumped to her feet.
"I'm sorry, I was only--"
"Don't say another word." Lucia held up her hand to silence Paula. "I can't take any more of this. I have to get out of here. " She bolted for the front door.
"Wait! Where are you going?" Paula yelled after her. Her face had turned a bright red. "Lucia, please don't go."
Lucia turned to Paula, just for a moment. What she was about to do was unkind and unfair, but she had no other choice. "I have to get out of here. Please take Juliet back to the hotel for me."
EVERYONE STOOD PARALYZED as they listened to the front door slam. Juliet ran out onto the porch only to see the rental car screeching out of the driveway and onto the road. Before she could take another step, the rear lights disappeared from view.
Kristen turned to Paula, her hands on her hips. "Damn it, Paula, look what you've gone and done. What's the matter with you?"
"What the hell did I say? And don't blame me because it isn't my fault she saw the tree." Paula folded her arms across her chest and frowned. "Shit."
"You can say that again," Kristen said.
"Shit, shit, shit," Paula repeated, glaring at Kristen. After holding the glare long enough to convey her displeasure, her features relaxed. "We didn't do anything wrong and we shouldn't be fighting with each other. This was hard for everyone and I think that no matter what anyone said or did she would probably have been upset at some point. We thought she could deal with this and she must have thought so, too, or she wouldn't have come."
"You're right. I'm sorry," Kristen put her arm around Paula.
"We're sorry about this," they said to Juliet in unison.
"So am I, sorry for you and sorry for her." Juliet had feared this would happen. She followed Paula and Kristen back into the living room and when they were all seated, she said, "It breaks my heart to see the pain in her eyes day after day and not be able to help her. Getting to know her hasn't been easy and we've had our conflicts. In spite of it all, we've become friends and I care about her."
"We care about her, too," Kristen said. "We only wish we could help her."
"Maybe you can," Juliet told them. "You can start by telling me about Devin's death. Lucia never told me the details and I knew better than to ask her. Maybe that would help me understand what she went through and then I might be able to help her more."
"I don't think she'd want us to do that," Paula said.
"You might as well at this point," Juliet said. "It seems like it's all coming to a head and I'm willing to risk her anger. I'll even take the blame."
Kristen and Paula looked at each other and reached a decision without exchanging a word. "I suppose we've got nothing to lose."
Paula began telling the story. "It was their tenth anniversary and they were having a party and commitment ceremony at their home. Their families were here, their friends, everybody they knew."
"This isn't going anyplace good, is it?" Juliet remarked.
"No it isn't." Paula's face was transformed with sorrow.
Kristen took over for her. "On the day of the party, Lucia's office called and said she had to come in for an emergency meeting. She tried to get out of it, but she couldn't. Her boss promised she'd only have to be there for an hour at the most."
"She was supposed to pick up the cake on her way home," Paula added, having recovered her composure. "Once Lucia got to her office, she found out she'd be stuck there a lot longer and she'd only have time to get home and get ready before the party started. Her secretary called Devin and told her she'd have to get someone else to go for the cake. We know all this because we were at their house helping Devin."
Kristen resumed telling the story. "Devin was furious because Lucia had let her down again because of her job. She called Lucia back, but Lucia got mad and told Devin to get the damned cake and they'd discuss it later."
"We offered to get the cake for her," Paula said. "But Devin said no. She took one of her cousins and went to pick it up herself. They had an accident on the way home and--" Paula opened her mouth but no words came out.
"Devin was killed instantly," Kristen said.
Juliet gasped and covered her mouth.
"Her cousin survived, but she had severe injuries."
"Oh, God, that's horrible. I don't know how Lucia got through that," Juliet said.
"It was the worst day ever," Paula said, having found her voice again. "The police came to their house and told Lucia's brother. He was here with his family."
"Who told Lucia?" Juliet asked.
Paula answered. "Luke called her and told her there was a family emergency and she had to come home right away. The police told her when she got there. According to the police, it was a freak accident, nothing more than a series of unfortunate circumstances that all came together."
"How did Devin actually die?" Juliet asked.
"She hit her head and bled into her brain. She was cremated so there was no viewing. At her memorial service they had her picture next to the urn containing her ashes."
"So Lucia never really saw her again?" That fact was particularly difficult for Juliet to take in and she felt tears filling her eyes.
"Not alive, no," Paula said. "And neither did we."
"Did her family take her ashes?" Juliet asked.
"No. They were completely supportive of Lucia and Devin's relationship and they let Lucia have them. She took them with her when she left."
Juliet wiped her eyes. "Now I understand what Lucia has been through. I expected to hear something bad, but I didn't expect it to be that bad."
"We thought the world of Devin," Kristen said. "We lost a good friend that day."
"We lost two good friends that day," Paula said.
"What happened after that?" Juliet asked.
Kristen continued. "Luke stayed with Lucia for the first couple of weeks. She took a leave of absence at first and eventually she quit her job. "
"We checked on her every day after he went home," Paula said. "We brought her food, even though she hardly ate, and sometimes we stayed with her or she stayed over here. About two months later, Luke helped her sell her house and furniture, and then he took her home with him."
"Lucia made a lot of money, they both did," Kristen explained. "Devin left all she had to Lucia. From what we understood, she had savings, accidental death insurance and some investments."
"That's how Lucia bought the winery." Juliet took a deep breath.
"We always thought of it as some kind of cosmic joke that Devin's death left Lucia well off and forced her to move back home," Paula said. "Devin loved that area. She had an Aunt who lived in Ithaca and that's why she went to Cornell. She and Lucia met there and moved here after they graduated. They liked it here, but they talked about wanting to go live there again someday."
Juliet rose to her feet. "I need to find Lucia. I'm sure she must be hurting and I can't bear to think of her alone."
Paula got up. "First let me call the hotel and see if she's there."
When she returned, Paula reported that the desk clerk hadn't seen Lucia come in and that no one answered the phone in their room.
"Do you have any idea where she might have gone?" Juliet asked.
"Kristen, do you remember that lesbian bar we all used to go to?"
"It's a long shot, but she might be there," Kristen said.
"Let's go and see if she is," Juliet said. "She's been in the habit of going to a lesbian bar at home whenever she gets upset, so she might have gone there."
Everyone gathered near the front door and Paula grabbed her car keys from the hall table. "Here's what we'll do. We'll go to the bar and if she's not there we'll drive you back to your hotel. She'll have to show up eventually."
PAULA DROPPED JULIET off near the entrance to the bar while she and Kristen went in search of a parking place. Juliet stepped inside and waited for her eyes to adjust. Once images began to form again, she saw a scene unfold before her unlike any she'd ever witnessed. Women were everywhere. They were together in a way that was foreign to her making her feel like she'd been transported through a portal into another world. It took her a few moments before she could move.