“I’m sorry. I shouldn’t go off on you like this
, but this whole situation turns me into a jealous, irrational asshole, and I hate it. It’s not who I want to be when I’m with you. I hate this feeling that I could lose you to someone else. The feeling that you’re not completely mine.”
I could see the regret in his deep and gorgeous blue eyes. I wanted to reassure him that he was wrong and that I felt nothing for Ollie
, but it would have been a lie. I reached out and placed my hand on his shoulder, but he turned away. Gripping the edge of the kitchen counter, his whole body became visibly tense.
“Jared, I
… I don’t know what to say.”
He shrugged. “I need to pack and you should think about doing the same. We’ll talk about this some other time. Anything we say now, we’ll only regret later.” Never making eye contact with me, he silently walked away and headed for the bedroom. I stood completely floored in the empty kitchen. Did I really say Ollie’s name in my sleep? How could Jared be so upset over something I have absolutely no control over? Okay, granted, if this were the other way around, I would be furious. All I did know was that whatever it was I was feeling for Ollie, it was tearing Jared and our relationship apart.
The ride to the airport was deadly silent. You could have cut the tension in the Mercedes with a knife. Jared and I hadn’t spoken much more than the polite pleasantries we passed across the dinner table since our argument in the kitchen. Two days had passed and our physical contact was limited to a small kiss on the cheek before he left for work. He would leave early and return late. I got the feeling that this was to avoid any more uncomfortable silences. This was clearly something Daniel had become aware of also because as we drove along, he frequently tried to engage us in some sort of conversation … any conversation to be honest. But Jared simply gave short or one-word answers before continuing to gaze out the window and brood.
When we finally pulled up outside JFK, I was more than ready for some distance. Jared’s mood was beginning to grind on me. It wasn’t as though I were cheating on him. I had only said a name out loud in my unconscious state of sleep. He was punishing me for something that wasn’t my fault. Without waiting for Daniel to open my door, I flung it open, stepped out and hauled my case from the trunk. I gave Daniel a quick wink and smile before storming into the airport with my case dragging behind me.
I had just stopped to check my flight number and terminal when I was grabbed by the elbow and pulled forcefully toward the restroom. Growling, I tried to free myself from Jared’s tight grip, but he was clearly not in the mood for games. Throwing open the men’s room door, he glared at a teenager who was checking himself out in the mirror. “Would you mind?” Jared asked with no intention of accepting any answer but a ‘no.’ The boy clearly thought so, too, as he quickly scurried out of the bathroom. Pushing me inside, Jared closed the door and turned the lock.
“What are you doing, Jared? Not satisfied with guilt tripping, silent treatment
, and outright ignoring me, you’re adding kidnapping to that list?”
I went to walk past him
, but he swooped quickly and grabbed me around the waist before sitting me on the bathroom counter top. Panting and furious, I glared at him. His lips parted slightly as he stared back at me, his mouth inches from mine. My chest rose and fell heavily. Having him so close after so long without so much as a bite, was like being a starving man at a buffet. Jared was a feast, and I was ravenous.
“It’s only kidnapping if you don’t want to be caught.”
My tongue flicked over my bottom lip that had become dry from panting. Jared’s eyes darted to my mouth and a smile spread across his face. His cocky and confident expression irked me. I was still angry with him, and the proximity of his body to mine was weakening my resolve.
“It’s not about being caught, it’s about you and your ego. Why don’t you go and board your plane
, and I’ll board mine. In silence, the way we’ve been for the last two days.”
His hands glided gently up my thighs, lifting my dress to my hips as he did so. My heart thundered in my chest. His lips brushed softly against mine, close enough to taste but far enough to withhold his delicious kiss. My desire and hunger for him was unravelling me. I reached for him, desperate to have him close but he caught my wrists and halted me. Holding them tightly, he leaned in to my ear. His warm breath on my skin sent shivers down my spine.
“Have a good flight.”
Releasing me, he stepped back and gestured at the locked door. Angry, outraged
, and sexually frustrated, I huffed as I slid myself from the counter, stormed over and unlocked the door. Pulling my case behind me, I walked away refusing to give Jared even a final glance. His silence I could live with, but his cruel sexual teasing was simply torture to my aching body.
I sat in the departure lounge, mindlessly thumbing through the latest celebrity gossip magazine. The sound of people entering automatically caught my attention
. Each time I would turn, hoping that Jared had come to make amends before we were an ocean away.
“Ma’am? They’re boarding first class now. You can go right through.”
The young, dark-haired, blue-eyed, and surprisingly orange-skinned flight attendant gave me a beaming white smile and gestured toward the plane. I glanced around once more, praying that he would still show. But he wasn’t there. He wasn’t coming. Jared was still hurting, and I was being punished. The sting of tears forming in my eyes was a bitter reminder of the pain I had. Not by my love for Jared. It was my love for Ollie.
First class seating was a pure and indulgent luxury. With a glass of complementary champagne in my hand, I gazed out of the window at the runway. I wondered where Jared’s plane was. Was it close by? Was he also gazing out of the window and feeling the same ache that had settled in my chest. The doors of the plane closed
, and I sat back in my seat, ready for the captain or flight attendant to address the passengers. Flying was something I was going to have to become accustomed to. Well, that was assuming Jared would still desire my company in Europe now.
“Good morning, ladies and gentlemen. This is your captain speaking. We are now ready to depart but have a final request before take-off. Please ensure that your seatbelts are fastened and that you remain in your seat during take-off. Please refrain from smoking
, and finally, would Miss Layla Jennings please exit the plane via the nearest exit.”
What!? My mouth agape,
I stared at the flight attendant as she practically glided over, unclipped my seatbelt and gestured at the door now being held open by the captain himself. Outraged, I strode over and yelled furiously.
“You’re kicking me off of the plane? Why? What on
Earth could I have done to deserve it?”
Holding up his hands, the captain shook his head gently.
“I’m just doing what I’m asked.”
He pointed at something across the tarmac
, and as I turned out of the door, my breath caught in my lungs. Standing at the bottom of the steps, was Jared. I stared down at him, confused, relieved, and anxious all at once.
“I forgot something,” he grinned.
I snorted a laugh. “Oh, really? And what might that be?”
He raised an eyebrow at me. His sexy and smoldering smile was melting my cool demeanor. Silently, he walked up the stairs toward me. I couldn’t take my eyes off of him. My breathing quickened and my pulse raced the closer he drew to me. He stood in front of me and took my hand in his own. Lifting it to his lips, he placed a chaste kiss on my palm and pressed it gently to his cheek. His eyes burned into me as he gazed deep into my own.
“I forgot to tell you how much I love you. You didn’t really think I’d let you go without kissing you goodbye. Did you?”
Tears slid slowly down my face. I bit my lip, trying desperately to control the sob that was trying to escape me.
“Oh, baby. Don’t. I hate to see you cry. It cuts me like a knife, and I can’t stand it. I’m sorry. I handled everything so badly, and you didn’t deserve it. I just can’t help how I feel. I love you so much, and the thought of you in his arms drives me crazy.”
His forehead rested against mine as his lips trailed small kisses across my cheek.
“I’m so sorry I hurt you, but the way you reacted was totally out of line. Whatever it is you think I have done or will do, it’s all in your head. I can’t just switch my emotions off like a tap. I can’t tell you that I feel absolutely nothing for Ollie but regardless of what I
feel,
I haven’t actually done anything wrong.”
Pressing his thumb to my lips, he silenced me.
“I know, Layla. You can’t help how you feel, I know. But you are mine now, and I won’t share you. Go to L.A., see your friends, and come back to me. Take some time and some space to think about everything, and then come home. Come back to me, but come back mine and mine alone. I know you must grow tired of hearing it, but I do love you with all of my heart. And I want the same in return.”
I held my hand to my heart. “I do love you, Jared
, and I will never be tired of hearing you tell me the same. I chose you. Please, trust me. I’ll meet you in Paris. I’ll meet you anywhere you want.”
A wide and genuine smile appeared on his lips
, and I couldn’t help but grin myself. His hands cupped my face as he pulled me close. I held him tightly, wanting not a single inch between us. His hands slid down to my back and his lips pressed hungrily against mine. He kissed me, deeply, with a passionate need. He kissed me in a way that made my knees buckle and my head dizzy.
The sound of the captain clearing his throat caught our attention, pulling us from our heated embrace. Giggling, I blushed a dark shade of crimson as I realized we had an audience.
“I’m sorry to break this up but I have a schedule to keep to.”
Releasing me, Jared nodded and smiled. “Sorry, James. I owe you one.”
I shot the captain a questioning look.
“Nope. We’re finally even.”
“How is your lovely wife? How long has it been now? Five years?” Jared asked.
“Yeah, five years and two daughters.”
I shook my head in confusion. “Wait, you know the captain of my plane?”
The two men glanced at each other and chuckled.
“Garrett, here, introduced me to my wife. We were at school together, and five years ago, I was in Long Beach having coffee in his mother’s shop. My wife was working there at the time. She also happened to be Jared’s ex-girlfriend.”
I raised an eyebrow at Jared who shrugged. “Got a thing for picking up girls in that coffee shop
, haven’t you,” I teased.
He seemed a little embarrassed
, and I realized that it was the first time I had seen Jared get flustered. “Angela was more a friend than girlfriend. It’s why we never worked out. But the moment she saw James, she begged me to introduce them. He said right there and then that he owed me one, and now I’ve cashed in that debt.”
The sweet, dark
-haired, flight attendant approached the captain and spoke quietly in his ear.
“I’m afraid I have to get ready for take-off, Layla, have a great flight. Jared, I’ll catch up with you in Long Beach. It’s a guy date.”
Nodding, Jared shook his hand, and as James left us, he turned his attention to me.
“One week. Daniel will be at the house to pick you up for your flight to Paris.
When you arrive back in Long Beach, he’ll be there with the car. He already boarded a private flight to meet you there.”
Pulling him to me, I kissed him, hard. “Is there anything you don’t think of?”
Shaking his head, Jared began walking slowly down the steps. As our hands stretched out, almost separating, he turned and smiled at me.
“I always think of you. So, no, when it comes you, every detail matters.”
He let go of my hand and walked away across the tarmac. Turning around, he called back to me.
“I’ll call you when I land! And, Layla, I love you!”
Grinning, I blew him a kiss. He pretended to catch it and held it close to his chest.
“I love you
, too!”
Walking through the arrivals’ lounge, I couldn’t help but grin. I was home. I was back on my own turf and ready for some fun with my girls. I was just thinking about the surprised look on both Mel and Amy’s faces when I would show up at their door, when suddenly I was assaulted from behind and knocked clean off of my feet onto the slippery tiled floor.
“Layla!”
With her arms wrapped tightly around my waist and her long red hair drenched over my face, Mel muffled several ‘I missed you’s’ into my chest.
“Mel, Mel? I missed you like crazy
, too, but could we resume this little reunion in a more dignified position? Like, I don’t know … vertical?”
Giggling, she released me, stood
, and held out her hand to help me up. Brushing her hair from her face, she beamed at me like an excited child.
“I have missed you so much, girl!”
Picking up my case, I smiled back and reminded, “It’s been a few weeks not a year. But I missed you guys, too. How did you even know I was coming? And where’s Amy?”
Glancing toward the main entrance, Mel rolled her eyes. “She’s arguing with Daniel.”
I gave her a stunned and confused look.
“We were out shopping for the new apartment when we saw him at the DIY store. He got chatting and when we asked why he was in town
… it was written all over his face that you guys must have been heading this way! Anyway, we managed to pull it out of him that you were coming and decided to meet you here and drive you home! We brought your car. We weren’t sure what time you were arriving, so we just kinda, you know, staked out Jared’s place as we figured Daniel would go there first to make sure it was ready for you. Then, we followed him here! I always knew I should have been a CIA agent … or a hit man.”
Shaking my head, I couldn’t contain my happiness any longer. Throwing my arms around Mel’s neck, I hugged her tightly.
“You guys rock. Now, let’s go find your girl before she kills Daniel. I know Jared told him to pick me up, but I’d much rather hang out with you guys!”
Taking my case from me, she led the way outside where we found Amy yelling loudly at Daniel.
“That huge house on her own? Is he insane? Are you crazy too? Because if you think for one minute that she’s going to be hauled up for the next week with you as her personal babysitter, you’ve got another thing coming buddy boy!”
I snorted a laugh. “Buddy boy?”
Turning sharply, Amy squealed and leapt at me.
“Layla!”
Almost knocked off my feet once more, I staggered backward and wrapped my arms around her. Daniel walked up and gave me a nod from over Amy’s shoulder. I rolled my eyes in response.
“Layla, you can’t go and stay in that house alone. Come stay with us! The place isn’t quite ready yet
, so we’re staying with Mel’s folks, but I bet your own would be stoked to have you stay there!”
I nodded in agreement and heard Daniel give a distinct grunt. Gently pushing Amy way, I fisted my hands on my hips and stared at him.
“Let me guess, you’re supposed to pick me up, take me straight to the house and read me the rules, regulations, and riot act?”
Daniel shifted uncomfortably. “Please don’t make this harder. I got into a whole world of trouble for New York
, and I promised I would keep an eye on you while you’re here. Pleeeaasse?”
I raised an eyebrow at him. “I knew it. No, Dan. It was one thing when he was making rules in New York
, a place I didn’t know so well, but this is my home. I survived perfectly well before Jared came along, and I don’t think it would do him much harm to get a reminder of that. Thank you for coming all this way, but it really wasn’t necessary.”
“But, Layla, I’m supposed to
…“
I cut him off mid-sentence with a raise of my hand.
“You’re welcome to hang out with us any time, Dan, but as my friend. Not as Jared’s employee, driver, and spy. Got it?”
Amy nudged Mel in the ribs
, and the two of them grinned like maniacs in triumph.
“Fine. Fine. But when I’m standing in the unemployment line, you’d better bring me coffee and muffins.”
I laughed. “I don’t think it will come to that, but sure it’s a deal.”
Climbing back in to his car, Daniel rolled down the window and pointed at Mel and Amy. “Anything, I mean anything
, happens to her, and I am holding you both responsible. You all have my number … use it. I’ll call you tomorrow to check in. Okay?”
Deciding that I should at least give him a little reassurance, I nodded. “Okay. Bye, Daniel.”
Shaking his head, he smiled and pulled away from the pavement. I turned to Mel and Amy who both pretended not to be totally thrilled at the events that had just unfolded in front of them.
“You two are the worst actors in the world. Now, where is my car?”
Giggling, Amy took my hand and led me across the parking lot to my beautiful sky blue baby. I practically skipped over to her and slipped in to the driver’s seat. Mel threw my case heavily into the trunk before racing Amy to the passenger seat. Even I knew it was wise not to challenge Mel for the front seat. When she yelled shot-gun there was a distinct possibility that she actually had one. Once we were all seated, I turned on the stereo and headed out of the airport for home.
* * * *
Amy chatted animatedly about everything they were doing to the new apartment while Mel drummed loudly on the dash.
“The couch is real leather
, and all the furniture, I think, is black glass. Of course that means all the walls have to be re-painted, but Ollie offered to do that since I’m completely useless and Mel can’t stand the fumes.”
I almost choked on a breath as Mel swung
‘round and slapped Amy on the arm while giving her a filthy glare. Realizing what she had said, Amy tried desperately to back track. But what was the point? Would we all just pretend he didn’t exist? He was Ollie, not some awful ex. Pulling over, I turned in my seat so that I was now able to see them both.
“How is he? And don’t lie and say he’s fine.”
Amy pressed her lips together and stared at the floor. I gave Mel a warning look that she had better be the one to give me an answer. Considering we had been friends all our lives, I knew if anyone would be honest with me, it would be her.
“He’s not fine, Layla. How do you think he’s doing? You did a really harsh thing
, and I’m not judging, God knows I have no room to talk about having my cake and eating it, too. He’s … Ollie, I guess. Just not as happy. In fact, he’s kinda pissed off most of the time. He’s been writing some pretty angry shit these days.”
I winced as a sharp pain stabbed through my chest. Bitch. That was me
, Layla, the cheating, heartbreaking bitch.
Biting my lip, I asked the one question I needed an answer to right now.
“Does he know I’m here?”
Mel glanced at Amy and scowled. “No. Amy wouldn’t let me tell him even though I said he ought to know rather than find out later and be majorly pissed.”
Leaning forward, I rested my hands on the wheel and sighed. “No, it’s better that way. Besides, I’m not staying long, and he’s in Utah. If he does come to L.A, I’ll just, I don’t know, avoid him. It’s best for everyone, I think. Right? Clean slate for us all?”
They looked unconvinced but nodded in agreement.
The rest of the ride home was spent in silence, apart from the odd humming along to the stereo. The relief I felt as we pulled in to the driveway was unbelievable. For the first time in our entire friendship, I felt as though Mel and Amy were torn. They were not in my corner.
Stepping out of the car, I gazed up at the house I had grown up in. Everything looked the same
, but somehow, it all felt different. A distinctly nostalgic feeling washed over me, and as I made my way to the door, I couldn’t have felt more estranged. I glanced up and caught sight of the hooks that had held the Christmas lights. It was clear that as much as I wanted to give Ollie space and a clean break, there were things and people everywhere to remind
me
of
him
. Taking a deep breath, I pushed the painful memory from my mind and opened the front door.
The smell of mom’s homemade apple and cinnamon pie swirled in the air and warmed my insides instantly. Dropping my bag in the hall, I made my way to the kitchen and peered around the door. Standing in front of the stove, wearing her bright pink apron
, and her long blonde hair tied into a tight bun, was my gorgeous mother.
“Hey, honey? This box says add two to three tablespoons of coco
a powder. So is that two or three?”
My father crossed the kitchen with a box of brownie mix and a spoon dripping with chocolate. Laughing, my mother took it from him and placed it in her mouth while she read the box.
“Go for three. You can never have too much chocolate.”
I turned the corner and leaned on the frame with a grin.
“I couldn’t agree more.”
The two of them swung around quickly, their mouths agape with surprise. The shock didn’t last long because before I knew it, I was wrapped in a three person, chocolaty embrace. Burying my face between their shoulders, I inhaled deeply. Mom smelt of her usual floral perfume, cinnamon, and chocolate. Dad had a smell that always brought me instant comfort. It wasn’t a fragrance exactly. It was just … dad.
“My baby! Oh
, I have missed you so much. Come here, let me look at you!”
Pushing away from me, my mother placed her hands firmly on my shoulders and stood at arm
’s length to examine me. Dad laughed at her and tousled my hair.
“Leave the poor girl alone, Diane. She looks great. You look great, honey.”
Tears in my eyes, I gazed up at him and smiled. “Thanks, Dad.”
Wiping away her own tears, my mother practically dragged me through the house to the living room and pulled me on to the couch.
“So, tell me everything! The reunion, how he reacted, how in love you are, everything! I’m living vicariously through you. How is New York? Is it incredible? Did you go sightseeing?”
She fired questions at me at lightning speed. Rolling his eyes, my father slumped down into his chair.
“Diane, would you please let the girl breathe? She just got here.”
I bit my lip and gave my mother an awkward smile. “He was surprised to see me but thrilled. I can’t really say more than that. I guess only he really knows what he was feeling. As for New York, it’s amazing and I did a little sightseeing but not nearly as much as I’d like. But, there’s time for that.”
She squirmed excitedly. “You really are a lucky girl, Layla. He’s smitten, and why shouldn’t he be? You’re an amazing woman. Now, what do you say we get you unpacked and then all go out for dinner?”
I nodded gently. “Sure. Sounds great but I actually planned on going for a walk. I’ve been cramped on a plane and in a car for hours so I could use a little exer
cise. Give me a couple of hours?”
Patting my hand, mom winked. “Of course
, sweetheart. No hurry. Are you in town long? Is Jared doing business?”
I shook my head and stood. “No, he had to rush to Paris. I’ll meet him there in a week. He arranged for me to fly here and visit everyone before we head to Europe.”
Shooting my father a disgruntled look, she sighed. “So romantic and thoughtful. You struck gold there my darling.”
Deciding I didn’t want to get caught between the two of them and their clearly lacking romantic life, I shrugged and made my way out. Amy and Mel were sitting on Mel’s porch. Seeing me, they jumped up and walked over.
“Hey, where are you running to?” Amy asked with a raised brow.
“For a walk. My whole body feels a little tight right now.”
Mel nodded and smiled. “Well, your mom just called me and asked us to come for dinner. You cool with that?”
God, that woman is a machine! She doesn’t waste time.
“Of course it’s okay with me. I’ll be back and ready to go in a couple of hours. Don’t do anything I wouldn’t do while I’m gone.” Shooting them a wink and knowing full well that there wasn’t much I wouldn’t or hadn’t done, I pressed my earphones into my ears and started walking.
* * * *
I’d been walking for around an hour listening to P!NK’s new album, when I decided to take a break. Walking across the park, I found a lovely shady spot beneath a large tree and slumped against it.
The breeze was refreshing
, and as I sat there, the track on my iPod changed and the sound of
Iris
by the Goo Goo Dolls started playing.
Ollie
. It was as though the universe was determined to punish me for what I had done. Banging my head back against the tree a couple of times, I stared up and saw a familiar carving. You have
got
to be kidding me! Really universe? As if it isn’t painful enough, now you have to literally shove it in my face? Okay, I suck! I get it. But what could I do? It wasn’t as though I could take it all back or make it like it was before. Ollie and I were over, and the friendship was officially broken. How could we ever be friends now? I didn’t deserve it and I didn’t deserve him. It was an uncomfortable truth, and one I was going to have to get used to. But still, I couldn’t shake the awful ache and horrible need inside me. I missed him and I needed to see him again, even if it was for the very last time.