Mel scowled and glared across the room at the window. “What a total bitch! And him, don’t even get me started on him! How did you even find out? How long had he known?”
She was bombarding me with questions, and I tried desperately to answer each one but for most, I had no answers.
“I found the letter in his office. It was dated back to April. He’s known for months. It could all be a huge ploy of hers and that sick and twisted ex-husband. God knows he’s capable of it. But even if it’s not true, he lied to me. He kept it from me. What else is he keeping from me? Is that why he’s kept the apartment in New York? Is it for her and the child? How long had he even known she was pregnant? I mean, what if it happened while he was in New York, thinking we were over. Can I blame him for that?”
My head ached and my chest felt heavy as I thought of all the countless possibilities. Mel stomped, stamped, and growled with anger.
“Don’t make excuses for him, Layla! That douchebag could possibly have a kid and even if he doesn’t, even if it isn’t his fucking kid and they are just trying to dick him over, why the hell has he been keeping all these secrets? And why the hell didn’t he want you to know about the apartment he keeps in New York? What the fuck is he hiding? He keeps you on a need to know basis
, and clearly, you never need to know! Trying to protect you. Are you a child? Are you a fucking concubine? No, you’re a woman with goddamn needs, and if you want to see the city, go sightseeing, see your friends, or whatever, without a driver or bodyguard then you fucking see it. Fuck him, his money, and his blue eyes. I took Amy to see a movie and we took in water bottles full of cheap wine, a bag of M&Ms, and we had a great fucking time. Why? Because we could! Because that’s love, Layla! Not fucking and fighting all the time. Not choosing lingerie off skanky hoe bags in a hotel room. Not being watched and followed by your boyfriend and his stalkers, who know where you go and what time you change your goddamn tampon. Fuckin’ loser! I hate that asshole.”
Amy and I stared at Mel as she ranted. She was like a woman possessed!
“Pathetic little weasel and his pathetic excuses for the way he fucking acts! I suppose there’s one thing we should be grateful for, it finally gave you the boot up your ass to get the hell away from him. But more importantly, now that you and Jared are apart, I’m almost positive Alicia will know about it and when she does, her husband will too. You’re not a pawn in the Jared versus Felix game anymore. Let them tear each other apart. And let Alicia get her pound of flesh, too. You don’t need that shit! It’s their fucking mess! You’re twenty-one now! There’s a whole world of fun to be had and now you’re back here with us, I’m going to make damn sure you get it! Step one, getting you drunk, dancing, and back into college again!”
I shook my head. “I don’t know, Mel. Classes started almost three months ago. I don’t think it’s such a good idea.”
Amy huffed loudly. “I think you’d be crazy not to even try! Besides, what else will you do with your time? Lie around and wallow? Fuck no! Layla, you left everything for him and what for? Where did it get you? Stranded in London, broken-hearted and totally played! Has he called you?”
“Only about a million times since I walked out of his office. He texts, leaves messages, and even emails. Not that I’ve read or listened to them. There’s nothing he could say that I want to hear right now. I’m sure it’s all sentimental bullshit and confessions of his undying love and devotion to me. It’s all crap and fucking worthless! I gave up my whole life to be with him. Was I always that fucking blind? Or just stupid? How the hell could I believe he would or could change? Lecturing me about honesty and not being irrational, when all the time, he holds his own fucking deck of cards! Asshole!”
Amy nodded in agreement and pressed her lips together. There was clearly something on the tip of her tongue.
“What is it, Amy?” I pressed.
“I was just wondering … what happened when Ollie showed up?”
Getting comfortable, I almost laughed as she and Mel moved closer to me and waited like children waiting for a bedtime story.
“I was shocked.”
“Shocked happy or shocked not so happy?” Amy asked.
“Shocked and a little pissed. He was so arrogant, cocky, and he totally got a kick out of torturing me the whole time. And then, he started fighting with Daniel. He seemed really fucking sure of himself, too. Telling me how unhappy I was. Why do the men in my life seem to think they know what I think and feel better than I do? He didn’t have any fucking clue. It was luck.”
Mel cast her eyes at the floor and winced. “Uh, that’s not exactly true.”
Sitting forward, I stared at her in anticipation.
“We, well, I, might have told Ollie how miserable you were. And, I might have encouraged him to go after you.”
Leaping to my feet, I growled at her.
“You did what? Mel, I … what the hell?”
Mel stood in front of me and yelled, waving her hands around.
“You were so unhappy. I could tell. And no matter what you keep telling yourself, you still love Ollie. You kept asking where he was, who he was seeing, was he okay. It was getting ridiculous. I’m so fucking tired of being between you two! Sort your shit out! Both of you. God, it’s like babysitting teenagers! Tell me you don’t still have feelings for Ollie, Layla. Go on, lie to my face.”
Mel was practically my sister. No one could, or would, ever speak to me the way she did. She had a talent for calling me on my bullshit and when she did, it usually involved her yelling and me having to climb down off of my soapbox.
“Fine, I love him! Is that what you want to hear? I love him. I haven’t stopped loving him, or thinking about him since he drove away from me that night at the dorm! When he’s near me, I feel like a teenager again. He makes me confident, fun, hot, and sexy. But sexy in a way I can’t even describe. Not the way Jared makes me feel. Something … more. Jared’s hot, heavy and passionate, and we have a burning and powerful connection that I’ve never experienced before. But Ollie, he’s sweet, funny, he cares about me, but most of all, he’s my friend. I trust him and at least I know he can be fucking honest with me. He doesn’t treat me like a fucking child. Jared? He’s so serious, boring, strict, and stiff all the time. It’s like dating a middle-aged businessman! Urgh, I don’t want to go around in this circle again. Ollie, Jared, Ollie, then Jared again. It’s making me dizzy!”
Wrapping her arms around me, Mel grinned. “Jared Garrett never did and never will loosen up. He’s so uptight that I’m surprised he can even bend enough to sit down in his big important fucking office.”
I nodded slowly. “Tell me about it. God, I’m so sick of men and relationships and my love life being so damn complicated! I think you two had the right idea. Maybe I should switch to girls.”
Joining us in a hug, Amy giggled. “Now she tells me when I’ve already hooked on a ball and chain!”
Mel swatted her playfully on the behind. “I’m open to exploration if you are.”
I chuckled and shook my head. “Sounds great in theory but I just don’t think I have the stamina to keep up with you two.”
Amy smiled. “She can be a little too much. Okay, so if you’re not switching teams, what
are
you going to do?”
Releasing them, I stood back, brushed the hair from my face and wiped the tears from my eyes that I hadn’t even known I was crying. It was one of those times where you’re so angry that your body doesn’t know quite what to do. You shake with rage, but all you can manage is a flood of frustrated tears.
“Nothing. I’m going to do nothing. I’m tired of planning and trying to control my life. I’m just going to roll with the punches and be Layla for a while. I want to be Layla without a boyfriend, and Layla without the complicated stuff. Just … me.”
Amy jumped up and down excitedly and grinned. “That’s our girl! And, I think we should celebrate her triumphant return with a drink at Benny’s tonight!”
I gave Mel a wary look.
“Gotta see him again sometime, Layla. He’s not going away anytime soon.”
Rolling my eyes, I nodded. “I guess I have to get it over with, but he is being such a dick.”
Mel shrugged. “That’s just Ollie. You didn’t expect him to be the way he was before you stomped all over his heart, did you? Besides, douche or not, you know you missed him.”
Even if it were making my stomach churn and my chest ache with anxiety, I would have to just get it over with. Ollie was clearly not giving up, and as much as I was trying to convince myself otherwise, I wasn’t sure I wanted him to, either. I pressed my lips together and closed my eyes, thinking about that kiss. My insides were heating at the mere memory. What the hell would I do once we were actually in the same room? God, I needed help.
Benny’s was packed to the walls, as usual. Friday nights were always busy, but there seemed to be a distinct increase in the number of women at the bar. I nudged Mel who smiled back at me and shrugged.
“The guys are kind of a big deal around here now. The freshmen girls at college can’t seem to get enough of them.”
Spotting our booth, Amy fisted her hands on her hips and scowled as she stormed over and quickly evicted the three girls who were occupying it. Mel and I chuckled at her as we followed and slid ourselves into our seats. The whole place was buzzing. Leaning across the table, I tapped Amy on the hand.
“Is everyone seriously here for DOA?”
She nodded enthusiastically. “Didn’t you hear? They were head hunted by some record company in England. Apparently the boss saw them perform here once and loved their whole style, set list, and offered them a contract. It was amazing!”
“What about you two? You’re a part of DOA, too.”
Mel snorted a laugh. “They didn’t want a mixed group. Ollie refused the contract at first and told them we all go or none of us do. But we told him to just go for it. It’s not like it’s the career either of us wanted, and I’d hate to make it one. It’s fun and a hobby. I’ll stick to college, thanks.”
Amy nodded in agreement. “It’s their dream. Not ours. Eric’s been pushing them and sending out CDs all over. I think he was a little pissed that what actually snagged them a deal was Ollie.”
I gave them a mystified look.
“He’s hot. The record company boss is a chick. She thought Ollie was hot and decided to sign them. Nick didn’t give shit as long as it got him paid and laid,” Mel explained.
So Ollie really was in London on business. I mentally rolled my eyes at myself. Of course he wasn’t there for you, Layla. Why would he be? You’re hardly his favorite person these days. Caught up in my thoughts, I jumped slightly as a pair of sneakers brushed past my face, barely missing me. They were attached to a smug and scruffy looking drummer. Jumping over the booth, he slumped into his usual seat and draped his thick, tattooed arm around my shoulder.
“Well, fuck me! Ollie said you were back in town, but I didn’t think you’d show up here.”
I rolled my eyes.
“Last I checked it was a free country, Nick.”
Picking up his hand, I removed it from my shoulder.
“And last I checked, you were in Europe. What happened? You miss me too much?”
I snorted. “Nick, I missed you like a mongoose misses a snake.”
“You missed my snake, huh?”
Urgh.
“Nick, shut the fuck up. Snake. No one misses that maggot you got dangling in your pants,” Amy spat at him.
He feigned insult and held his palm to his chest. “Man down! I’m hit. The lesbian has penis envy.”
A hand swatted Nick across the head, and placing his beer on the table, Ollie leapt over the back of the booth and slid in next to me.
“Douche. There’s not a lot to be jealous of. Mel’s dick is bigger than yours.”
Eric laughed as he joined us at the table while Mel sat back in her seat and grinned. “More man than you three will ever be.”
I couldn’t help but smile. It was all so … normal. The exchange of insults that no one actually meant. The way the three guys talked about music and wrote song choices on napkins. It was as though I’d never left, but I had. I had left and when I left, one thing had changed for sure. Ollie.
Sitting silently next to me, he picked and peeled the label from his beer bottle. I sat rigidly and awkwardly. I didn’t know how to act around him anymore. He wasn’t the Ollie I remembered. Leaning across me, he reached for another beer and flicked the cap off. It landed on my lap, and reaching for it, Ollie placed his hand on my thigh. My body instantly heated. His hand lingered a moment before he grabbed the cap and tossed it on the table. His eyes caught mine, and the corner of his mouth curved up as he pressed the bottle to it, and his lip ring pinched as he smiled. Putting down his beer, he leaned into my ear.
“Calm down. It was just a bottle cap. I’m not about to drag you into the bathroom and fuck you against the wall.”
My heart skipped a beat as my memory flashed images of the two of us, hot, sweaty, and going at it in the bathroom that night. It was … intense.
I tried to seem unaffected by him. “What makes you think I’d go with you?”
Grinning mischievously, he glanced around the table to see if we were being watched. Amy, Mel, and the guys were too engrossed in arguing over the choice of songs Eric had selected. Biting down on his lip ring, he moaned deeply.
“I don’t
think
you would go with me, Layla. I
know
you would. You think I don’t know when you’re hot and turned on? I made it my business to see the signs.”
I could feel my cheeks flush, and quickly I climbed over him and out of the booth.
“I need the bathroom,” I mouthed to Amy and Mel who nodded briefly to acknowledge me but quickly resumed their argument with Eric and Nick over music. Making my escape, I hurried to the solace of the ladies’ bathroom and breathed a sigh of relief. How did he still have this effect on me?
Resting back against the sink, I stared at the wall opposite. Thoughts, visions, and memories of Ollie’s hands on my body flooded my brain. His firm grasp on my thighs as he hoisted me up and slid inside of me. His big, hard, and oh so perfect cock filling me up. I’d never experienced sex like it. It was hot, passionate, and filled with lust yet loving and gentle at the same time. He’d been so caring and wanted so much to make me happy. It was a vast contrast to the sex I’d always had with Jared. Oh, don’t get me wrong, Jared could be sweet and loving, but it was always one extreme to the other. Either we were making love or we were fucking. With Ollie, it had been something between the two. I couldn’t even describe it exactly, but when you’ve experienced it, you remember it forever. I could feel my blood warming and a throbbing began to call to me from between my thighs. My body remembered the pleasure, too.
Turning around, I looked down at the sink and ran the cold water, splashing a little on my red and burning cheeks. The bathroom door creaked open behind me, but I didn’t look up. The sound of the lock clicked, and I instantly knew who it was.
“You look a little flustered. What’s got you all hot and bothered?”
I closed my eyes tightly and grimaced. Damn him. Spinning around, I glared at Ollie.
“What do you want, Ollie?”
Slowly walking over to me, he pressed his body against mine, forcing me to lean back over the sink. The back of my head rested on the mirror.
“Why do you keep running away? Are you scared to be near me?”
I shook my head but couldn’t tear my gaze away from his.
“I’m not scared to be near you, Ollie. I choose not to be.”
He chuckled deeply. “Why?”
Irritated, I pressed my palm against his chest while the other supported my balance on the sink.
“You think you know me so well. You think I don’t know what you’re doing? The kisses, the games, the teasing, are you trying to make me suffer?”
Pushing away from me, he threw his head back and laughed.
“Suffer? You think that’s suffering? Layla, you ripped my heart out and trampled on it all the way to Europe!”
He slammed his fist on the bathroom door and growled.
“Do you know how hard it is to be around you? Half the time I want to yell in your face and make you miserable, and the other half, I want to rip your clothes off and fuck you till you’re screaming!”
My heart pounded in my chest as the tension between us grew.
I swept my hair from my face and breathed heavily as anger, lust, and confusion swirled inside of me.
“What am I supposed to do, Ollie? If you want me to go, say so. But for the love of fucking God, stop torturing me!”
Storming over, he stared at me with fire in his eyes and gripped my hips. Lifting me up, he sat me on the sink and pressed his hips against mine. My skirt hitched to my waist, and I could feel his hard length pressing against my sex. His right hand left my hip and swiftly grasped a handful of my hair, yanking my head back to expose my neck. His lips hungrily kissed and licked across my skin, and the cool steel of his lip ring sent a shiver through me. My chest rose and fell heavily and my feet hooked around his behind, urging him closer. His mouth trailed kisses to my ear.
“You want to know what torture is, Layla?” Releasing my hair, he took my hand in his and thrust it into the front of his jeans. I gasped as my fingers folded around his thick, long, solid cock.
“
That
is torture. I want to fuck you, Layla. I want to fuck you till you beg me to stop. I want to fuck you until my name is the only word you can speak. I want to make you come over and over until you can’t walk. I know every inch of your hot, tight little body.”
I could hardly breathe. My hand glided up and down his shaft as his words fueled my arousal. His hand slipped up my skirt and grazed the lace of my panties. He grinned wickedly.
“And you want me, too.”
I shook my head as I panted, gazing into his eyes.
“No.”
He snickered breathlessly. “Don’t lie to me, Layla. I can feel it.”
I bit my lip and closed my eyes as his thumb pressed gently against my throbbing clit through my panties.
“Say it, Layla.”
My head fell back, and as his lips caressed the curve of my cleavage, I succumbed.
“I want you,” I whispered.
Ollie’s tongue dipped between my breasts and I hissed at the pleasurable sensation.
“Louder,” he demanded as gentle and teasing lips moved slowly up to my mouth, biting gently on my bottom lip, and grazing it with his tongue. I was so worked up, so hot, that I was sure the coolness of his lip ring would hiss and fizzle like ice on a hotplate. I took a deep breath and swallowed the lump that had formed in my throat.
“I want you!”
Instantly pulling away from me, Ollie stood a few feet away and stared at me. He was panting. Smirking, he shook his head and laughed.
I couldn’t find words. I was bereft and left wanting.
Marching over, his nose pressed against mine.
“
That
, Layla. Is torture.”
I felt as though the air had been ripped from my lungs. Skirting around him, I unlocked the bathroom door. He reached out and caught my elbow as I was about to pull the damn thing open and walk out on his ass.
“Don’t be sour with me. Isn’t this what we do?”
I gave him a confused and disgruntled look.
“It seems one way or another, whenever we’re together, one of us gets screwed somehow. Just this time, you don’t get to come when I screw you.”
Yanking my arm from his grasp, I glowered at him. “You are such an asshole.”
Snickering, he pulled the door open and held it for me to exit.
“Boohoo, Layla. Don’t like it, go back to your perfect little set up, money, shiny car, and big fucking social status in Europe. Oh, wait, that’s right, there isn’t one.”
Fuming, I turned on my heel and stomped back to our booth. Amy and Mel raised an inquisitive eyebrow at me. I shook my head in warning.
“Don’t ask.”
A ghost of a smile spread across Amy’s face and the two of them exchanged a knowing look.
“Oh, we weren’t going to. By the way, your lipstick is smudged.”
I rubbed at the area around my mouth to clear away the remainder of my lipstick. Damn it. The screech of the microphone caught my attention and the house lights dimmed slightly as the spotlight moved across the bar to the stage. Eric, Nick, and Ollie were setting up, and as I watched them, I felt a pang of regret. Friday nights were when we would all be on that stage together. I remembered the way Ollie would look at me, sing to me, and smile. It was a vast contrast to what was happening between us now. Tapping on the mic twice, he cleared his throat and slipped his white guitar over his shoulder.
“We’re gonna start with a favorite of mine. This goes out to an old friend who just came back into town.”
Oh great.
I shot Mel and Amy a worried look but they each just shrugged.
“Maybe it won’t be so bad. Maybe he’s over it,” Amy offered optimistically.
It was very optimistic and as the guys began to play, my stomach churned.
Gives You Hell
by The All American Rejects. I turned back to Amy who shifted awkwardly in her seat.
“Or maybe he’s not so over it.”
Folding my arms on the table, I dropped my head onto them and slammed it a few times in frustration.
“Don’t be so dramatic, Layla,” Amy said as she clutched a handful of my hair to stop me from banging it again.
Deciding not to let Ollie’s choice of song get to me, I stood, grabbed one of the shots of tequila Mel had bought while I was in the bathroom, and swallowed it in one gulp before slamming the empty glass on the table. Quickly smiling at the girls, I spun around and headed for the stage. Thanking the audience, Ollie grinned at his band mates, but catching me stomping up the steps to the stage, he looked me up and down and rolled his eyes. The crowd was dispersing away from us. Standing toe to toe with him, I raged at him.