BROKEN (7 page)

“You were magnificent, both of you,” she beamed.

Mitch patted the horse’s neck affectionately.
 
“He sure can ride like the wind, can’t he?”

“He needed to run off some that high spirit
,
otherwise he
would
be chomping at the bit the whole time we’re riding fence.”
 
She turned Serina around, calling over her shoulder, “If you two are through showing off, we have work to do.”

“Don’t listen to her, boy,” Mitch said as they trailed after her.
 
“She’s just jealous because you’re faster than Serina.”
 
He leaned forward, lowering his voice.
 
“And thanks for not giving me away.”

They rode for hours, stopping to repair any barbed wire that had come loose and marking posts that either needed to be reset or replaced altogether.
 
By the time they arrived back at the ranch, Mitch’s muscles ached from all the time spent straddling Diablo.
 
Jessie didn’t seem to have any side affects at all, but then she probably did this all the time.
 

He wasn’t happy with the idea that she went out alone while all the ranch hands were off tending to the cattle.
 
It terrified him to think what could have happened if she’d been thrown from her horse or tangled with a piece of barbed wire.
 
She could lay there for hours before any of the men returned to discover she was missing.
 
Well, there wasn’t anything he could do about the past, but he was going to make damn sure she didn’t ride out alone again.

Mitch followed Jessie’s lead as she removed the saddle and blanket from Serina then replaced the bridle with a halter and tethered her horse just outside the stall.
 
After storing everything back in the tack room
,
they brushed down the horses, grained them, laid down fresh straw, and finally headed up to the house.
 
They showered together, which was definitely the highlight of his day, then trudged down to the kitchen to start dinner for the ranch hands.

“What are you doing?”
 
Jessie asked, when he plucked a handful of potatoes from the bin and carried them to the sink.

“You said we were having steak and baked potatoes for dinner.
 
I thought I’d get these washed up and in the oven while you put the meat on the grill.”
 
When she just stood there gaping at him, he wondered if Adam had been the one to do the grilling.
 
“Did you want to switch jobs?
 
I’d be happy to do the steaks instead.”

“No, I…”
 
Jessie shook her head.
 
“It’s just that you’ve never even offered to help before.”

Mitch closed the distance between them and gathered her in his arms.
 
“It was wrong of me, Jess.
 
You work too hard as it is
.  I
t was incredibly inconsiderate of me to let you make the meals by yourself.”

Jessie smiled up at him.
 
“Who are you,” she teased, “and what have you done with Adam?”

Pain shot through his heart.
 
He’s dead
, Mitch thought, as the grief over his brother’s loss renewed itself.
 
 
But he couldn't tell her Adam was gone, or how much it tortured him to think of it.

“What would you say if I told you he was gone, that he was never coming back?”

Jessie stood on her toes and planted a kiss on his lips.
 
“I’d say I like the new and improved Adam
Kincaid
much better.”

Guilt was steeped on top of the other emotions battering his heart.
 
“Why did you put up with it, Jess?
 
You should have booted me out long ago for the way I treated you.”

She wound her arms around his neck.
 
“You’re a good man,
Kincaid
, you always have been.
 
Maybe you weren’t the most considerate man when it came to things like making dinner, but I didn’t mind because I like
d
taking care of you.
 
Besides, you made up for it in other ways.”

Mitch frowned.
 
“How
?  B
y taking you to bed?”

“Well, there is that,” she grinned, recalling the heated love-making session in the shower not thirty minutes before.
 

Judging by the somber look on his face,
Kincaid
wasn’t
amused
. 
Instinctively,
Jessie
knew it was
important it was for him to know
that he brought more to the relationship
than just great sex.
 

“Kincaid, do you honestly believe that’s all you’re good for?
 
So what if you have an aversion to cooking and housework?
 
You’ve always been more than willing to help around the ranch and you’ve never been anything but kind and caring towards me.
 
You’re good to me, and you fill a void that no one else could.”

“Kind and caring,” he said derisively.
 
“How caring was it to abandon you for months at a time, or to pop up unannounced expecting you to welcome me with open arms?”
 

Mitch’s scowl deepened. 
It was Adam he was angry with, Adam who had hurt her time and time again, yet he took on the guilt and shame as if it was his own.

“You deserved more, Jess.”

“I knew what I was getting into when I agreed to this relationship,
Kincaid.
 
Yes, it’s lonely sometimes
,
but I have the ranch work to keep me busy.
 
The hardest part was not knowing if you were okay, or if…if each good-bye was the last.”

Mitch hugged her to him fiercely.
 
“I’m so sorry, Jess.
 
If I was half as smart as I’ve always prided myself in being, I never would have left you.
 
But you won’t have to wait and worry ever again.”

Jessie squeezed her eyes shut
.  W
ith all her heart
, she wanted
to believe what he was saying, but she knew the strong pull his job had on him.
 
It was an illusion to think
Kincaid
would really be content to mend fences all day or tend to the livestock.
 
He was an adventurer at heart, born to play the role of hero, and nothing she could ever say or do was going to make any difference.
 
Granted, these past few weeks had proved he
had
changed in some ways, but deep down inside he was still the same.
 
He
would
always long for the excitement and danger of being a Special Ops agent, and in the end he
would
resent her for holding him back.
 

“What about your brother?
 
You’ll worry about him incessantly.
 
You said yourself
that
Mitch’s heart wasn’t really in it and that you always felt the need to watch out for him.
 
How will you live with yourself if something happens to him?”

Mitch stroked her hair absently.
 
So Adam had known all along that it wasn’t the career he
would
have chosen for himself.
 
He pressed a kiss to Jessie’s temple.
 

“He won’t stay in it if I’m not there.”

“Good, I’m glad.
 
I know how much he means to you
.  Y
ou’ll feel a lot better about being here if you know he’s not out there risking his life.
 
Maybe you can even convince him to come here for a visit.”

“Maybe,” Mitch said, unable to keep the sadness from his voice.
 
“We’d better get dinner started or we’ll have revolt on our hands.”
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 

It would have been impossible to miss his desolate tone, but Jessie didn’t press him for an explanation.
 
She had a sinking feeling it had something to with his brother. 
When he was ready to talk he’d share everything,
After all, i
t wasn’t abnormal for
Kincaid
not to confide in her right away,
al
though he’d held out longer than usual this time
.  S
he did find it strange and a little disconcerting that he hadn’t even regaled her with stories of the good things that had happened.
 

She liked it when he told her about the pranks they pulled on each other because it was one of the rare times
Kincaid
truly let himself go.
 
Rubber snakes, smoke bombs, oatmeal planted in the toe of someone’s boot; this was the light hearted side he kept hidden from the world, the part she wanted desperately to draw out.
 
But that was reserved for his buddies and his brother, and sometimes Jessie found it difficult not to resent them all for it.

 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
                                     
***

I finally told Jessie about the Bogota mission.
 
Not classified information, of course, but about losing the young woman who got caught in the crossfire.
 
It was killing me, not knowing if it was my bullet that struck her down.
 
At first I balked at reliving those last few moments of her life, but Jess
was patient.
 
She wrapped her arms around me, t
old
me over and over that
it wasn’t my fault, that
everything happens for a reason and the woman’s death served some greater purpose even if it wasn’t immediately evident.
 
I hope she’s right.

We spent the greater part of the night talking.
 
Well, I talked and she listened.
 
It wasn’t easy.
 
I ranted and raved
like a lunatic, sometimes even directing it at Jessie, but she just smiled in her understanding way until my anger was spent.
 
With her encouragement, I
analyz
ed
what happened that day
and determined
there was no way possible I could have been responsible for the woman’s death.
 

After replaying it in my mind, I recalled
the way her body
 
pitched forward before dropping to the ground
.  Which meant
the shot had to have come from behind her.
 
All of my men, including me, clearly saw the woman’s face.
 
How could any of us forget the look of sheer terror as she raced towards us
,
or the shock that registered the moment the bullet
made impact?
 
In time, with Jessie’s help, I know the pain will lessen and I’ll be ready to take on another mission.
 
What would I ever do without her?

Mitch closed Adam’s journal.
 
He’d had a rough time dealing with the woman’s death too until Adam explained that none of them could have been responsible.
 
His brother neglected to mention the role Jessie played in
helping him work it out
.
 
If she hadn’t been there pushing Adam to remember every detail, he might never have gotten over it.
 
And since they all had a tendency to repress any thoughts about the ones they lost, it was possible none of them would have been able to rid themselves of the guilt.
 

Whether she knew it or not, by healing Adam’s wounded heart, Jessie had helped each and every one of them too.
 
Thinking about it now, Mitch realized that wasn’t the first time Adam had returned to the team with insightful reflections that had benefited at least one of the men.
 

No doubt
,
Adam considered it a weakness, this need he had for Jessie.
 
After all, he was the team leader, the one everybody else looked to for strength, the one with all the answers.
 
Only Mitch knew the truth about his twin, at least where Jessie was concerned.
 
After reading the first several pages of the journal, however, he was beginning to wonder if he’d known Adam even half as well as he thought he did.
 
He'd cared for Jessie, that was obvious, but he
had
used her more as a crutch for his own shortcomings than anything.
 
And what had she gotten out of the relationship?
 
The best she
had
come up with so far was that
Adam
filled a void nobody else could.

A heaviness settled deep in his chest as he returned the journal to its hiding place.
 
How could he even hope to make it up to her?
 
No wonder wariness hovered behind those beautiful blue eyes of hers whenever he promised not to leave her; Adam had made it abundantly clear that his job would always come first.
 
He’d been good to her while he was here, treated her like she was something special, but in the end he always left her.
 
Jessie had the power to take away his nightmares
,
and that was the void Adam filled; the desire to feel needed.
 

“
Kincaid
?”

Mitch whirled around.
 
“Jess, you scared the hell out of me.”

“What are you doing in the closet?”

“I…uh…couldn’t find my pocket watch, the one my brother gave me.
 
I thought maybe I left it in my duffle bag.”

“It’s in the top drawer where you always keep it.” 
Jessie went to him and slipped her arms around his waist, carefully masking the anxiety she felt.
 
How many times over the past few weeks had he forgotten where things were?
  “
I wish you
would
tell me what happened on that last mission.”

“I can’t, Jess.
 
I need to work through this on my own.”

Her stomach knotted.
 
“But we always talk it out.
 
You can’t do it without me,
Kincaid
, you told me so yourself.”

Mitch shook his head.
 
“I have to stop relying on you to put the pieces back together.
 
It’s not right to unload all my issues and expect you fix them.”

Jessie’s arms dropped to her sides.
 
“Then why are you still here?”
 
sh
e asked dully.

“What kind of question is that?
 
I’m here because I want to be with you.”

“Why?
 
I’m of no use to you if doing this alone is what you really want.”

“Of no use…”
 
Mitch gripped her shoulders.
 
“You listen to me Jessie Buchanan
.  You are
more to me than just a sounding board or a cure for whatever wounds I can’t heal on my own.”

She lifted her eyes to his.
 
“If that’s true
…
what am I to you?”

Everything
, Mitch thought
.  S
he was everything to him.
 
In less than a month
,
this woman had become a part of him, had become the center of his world.
 
He
would
have given anything at that moment to tell her the truth, but he couldn’t.
 
If he told her who he really was
,
he might lose her for good
.  T
hat was a risk he wasn’t willing to take.
 
Reaching out, Mitch gently caressed her cheek.

“I know our relationship has been pretty one-sided up to this point.
 
You’ve done all the giving and I
have
done all the taking, but it shouldn’t be like that, Jess.
 
I care for you, more than I’ve ever cared for any woman and I want…no, I
need
to prove to you that I’m not here because I want you to fix what’s broken just so I can run off again.”