BROKEN (8 page)

“But I want to help,
Kincaid
.
 
And I don’t see how we can build any kind of relationship if your mind isn’t even here half the time.
 
You used to share your feelings with me, the good and the bad.
 
Don’t you trust me anymore?”

“Oh, sweetheart, it’s not a matter of trust.”
 

Or was it?
 
Wasn’t he betraying her trust by not telling her he wasn’t really Adam?
 
God, he
had
made such a mess of things.
 
How was he ever going to undo the things he’d done?
 
He’d lied to her right from the beginning and he continued to lie to her, packing them one on top of the other, day after day.
 
What w
as going to
happen when it all
came tumbling down?
 
She
would
hate him.
 
She’d despise him for all the dishonesty and
would
never allow herself to trust in him again.

Mitch took her hand then led her back to the bed and sat down, pulling her onto his lap.
 
“Look Jess, I can’t tell you everything that happened out there, at least not yet.
 
But maybe…maybe as I come to terms with it myself, I could tell you. A little at a time, you know?”

“Okay,” she agreed reluctantly, “but you have to promise that if it gets to be too much, you’ll come to me.
 
I’m worried about you.
 
You seem…different.”

Mitch drew in a shallow breath.
 
“Different in what way?”

“I don’t know,” she shrugged.
 
“Just little things
,
like forgetting where your boots are kept and not remembering how to saddle your horse.
 
And the way you kiss me, even the way you make love isn’t the same.”

Male pride made him ask, “I don’t satisfy you?”

Jessie laughed.
 
“Oh
,
no, quite the opposite.”

“Thank God,” he said with a grin.
 
“So…what
is
different about it now?”

“Well, for one thing, you kiss me like you mean it.”

“And I didn’t before?”
 
When she didn’t say anything, Mitch tightened his arms around her.
 
“Talk to me, sweetheart.”

Jessie let her head rest on his shoulder, silently berating herself for what she’d said.
 
But she hadn’t been lying, it
was
different.
 
“You’re a terrific kisser,” she prefaced her explanation.
 
“It’s just that now I
can tell you
actually
feel
something when you kiss me, that you’re not just doing it to
erase memories
of something else
.”

Mitch closed his eyes.
 
“God, baby, I’m so sorry.
 
I never meant to…”

“I know,” she said softly.
 

He held her for several minutes, unable to grasp how Adam could have been so oblivious to Jessie’s emotions.
 
And as much as it pained him to know how poorly she
had
been treated, Mitch needed to hear the rest.
 
More importantly, Jessie needed to say it.
 
Her love for Adam had to have been enormous to overlook his shortcomings, and that stung almost as much
as
knowing his brother’s inability to return that love had hurt
Jessie
.
 
Intentional or not, Adam hadn’t done right by her
,
and Mitch was at a loss as to how he could make up for it.

Mitch eased her back onto the bed.
 
Propping himself up one elbow, he looked down at the woman who
had
come to mean so much to him.
 
He wanted to tell
Jessie
how beautiful she was, how she made his heart race with just a smile, how her soft touch made him tremble.
 
How much he loved her.
 
But he
couldn’t
say any of those things
, not when
she
believed
he was Adam.
 
When the time was right he
would
confess his love, but only when she knew who he really was.

“You said making love was different too.”
 
He gently wiped away the tear that streaked down the side of her face then leaned down and kissed her.
 
“Please, Jess, I need to know.”

Jessie considered her words carefully before speaking.
 
Over the years, she
had
suppressed her own feelings, always placing
Kincaid’
s needs above hers, and up until now she hadn’t allowed herself to dwell on the things that were lacking in their relationship.
 
She simply accepted that
Kincaid
wasn’t capable of reciprocating the feelings she had for him.
 
After all, he hadn’t promised forever
,
and if she was willing to settle for that, it was hardly his fault.
 
But looking at him now, seeing the genuine pain in his eyes, she finally had to admit to herself that it wasn’t enough.

“It was always good between us,” she began hesitantly.
 
“I don’t want you to think I cried myself to sleep every night or secretly resented
that
you couldn’t give more of yourself.
 
It’s just…well, it seemed like you used making love to me as a way to erase the awful things you’d gone through rather than a way to express how you felt about me.”
 
Jessie stopped when she saw the look of mortification on his face.
 
“Oh
, Kincaid
, I’m sorry!
 
I didn’t mean to hurt you, honestly.
 
It was probably just my imagination or maybe I was feeling sorry for myself.”

“Stop it,” Mitch growled.
 
“Don’t you dare blame yourself for Ad…for my inadequacies!”

Tears welled up in her eyes.
 
“You’re angry with me.
 
I knew I shouldn’t have told you.
 
I should have kept it all to myself and…”
 

Jessie was silenced when
Kincaid’
s mouth captured hers in a hard, hungry kiss.
 
A soft moan vibrated in the back of her throat when his hand glided up her side to gently cup her breast.
 
His thumb rasped across the peak, slowly moving back and forth until her whole body ached for his touch.
 
He tortured her with the gentle kneading of her sensitive flesh, tormenting her even further when his tongue danced around hers; taunting and teasing and driving her half mad with desire.
 

“I want you,” he whispered hoarsely.
 
“You have no idea what you do to me, Jess.”
 

He fumbled with the buttons on her
blouse
, popping several of them in his haste to remove it, then just as quickly dispensed with her bra.
 
His eyes raked over her silky skin before he reached for the snap on her jeans.
 

“Tonight I’m going to make
you
forget the bad memories, Jess.
 
I’m going to make love to you until you can’t remember how it was before.”
 
He shoved her jeans and panties off in one fluid motion then stood up and tore off his own clothes.
 
Heat surged through his body as he lowered himself over her.
 
 

“Tonight is for you, my love
.  O
nly you.”

 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
                                       
***

Jessie watched them from her balcony window, an irrational uneasiness clinging to the back of her mind.
 
Hank had pulled the tractor up to the garage and enlisted
Kincaid
’s help in fixing whatever it was that ailed it.
 
It was losing power, he’d told them, and since the other men would be out with the herd or mending fences all day,
Kincaid
was nominated to be his assistant.
 
She was sitting at the kitchen table sipping her second cup of coffee for the morning while Hank waited for
Kincaid
to get ready.

“Have you checked the torque amplifier?”
 
Kincaid
asked as he pulled on his boots.

Jessie’s head shot up, looking first at
Kincaid and
then at Hank.
 
The older man arched a brow at her, but other than that his facial expression didn’t give anything away.
 
They both knew
Kincaid
was good at a lot of things, but understanding the mechanics of a tractor wasn’t one of them.

“You been reading farm magazines, boy?”
Hank grunted.

“No, no magazines,
old man
.
 
I
have
succumbed to the lure of the computer age.
 
I figured if I was going to live on a ranch I’d better know something about the equipment that keeps it running.
 
I’ve been using Jessie’s computer to educate myself.”
 

The tension in Jessie’s shoulders eased.
 
“You told me you were just e-mailing your buddies
,
and all this time you were learning about tractors?”

“I wanted to impress you, honey.
 
Can’t blame a guy for that, can you?”

She smiled back at him.
 
“No, I suppose not.
 
So how long are you two going to tinker with that thing?
 
I need to run into town for grain and some other supplies.”

“Shouldn’t be more than a couple of hours,” Hank said. “Maybe even less now that I have a self-educated tractor expert to help me out.”

Kincaid
didn’t bother to respond.
 
Crossing the kitchen, he leaned down and gave Jessie a kiss.
 
“If I’m not back in two hours, come and rescue me.”

That had been over an
hour ago.
 
Jessie moved away from the window but couldn’t let go of the nagging feeling that something wasn’t right.
 
Kincaid
had been here for nearly six weeks now, and she thought maybe that’s what was bothering her.
 
She kept expecting to see that look in his eyes, the one that told her he was getting restless and would soon be gone.
 

Instead, he seemed quite content to spend his days helping out with the endless chores around the ranch.
 
Most of the time he was with her, but when he knew whatever she had to do for the day wouldn’t take her far from the house, he
would
opt to accompany Hank.
 
He was kind and considerate and had completely lost his discomfort at showing his affection towards her when others were around.
 
She should have been grateful for
the changes in him, but for some reason it put her on edge.
 
It was like waiting for a bomb to drop, she thought dismally.

Jessie rubbed at her temple.
 
Why couldn’t she make herself believe he
had
really changed and wasn’t going to pick up and leave any day now?
 
Why did she still have doubts when he’d been so loving and attentive?
 
Or was that
why
she had
doubts
?
 
The
Kincaid
she knew had been intensely sexual, but not attentive.
 
When they were alone
,
he was constantly touching her, kissing her, and inevitably making love to her, but all that ended the moment someone else came into the room.