Authors: Renee Matteo
“Why would it be wrong?” Ali asked.
“To Adam.”
“You’re not doing anything to Adam. You’re just
thinking.”
“I know. But Adam is my fiancé. I feel guilty thinking about an old boyfriend. Adam and I are supposed to be beginning a life together. Without the past.”
“Your past doesn’t go away that quick Gina. Sooner or later, I am sure it will fade. For now, don’t feel guilty. You can’t help your past.” Ali said. She gave Gina a small, warm smile.
The waitress approached the table again, in a bigger hurry than the last time. She quickly set down their food. “Anything else?” She asked.
“Nope, I think were good.” Gina replied.
“Great. I am going to put this here. Thank you ladies.” She set the check down, smiled again and walked away. Gina looked back at Ali.
“I’m sorry.”
“For what?”
“I always do this to you. I babble on about what is bothering me and you just sit and listen. You’re the most realistic, rational and understanding person I know. I always feel better after I talk to you. Thank you.”
“I love you
, G. Just take a deep breath. I know this seems overwhelming. I went through the same thing before I married Chris. I wondered if I made a mistake. It is a natural feeling. I love Chris. And I know you love Adam. It’s okay to feel what you are feeling.” She said, smiling lightly.
“How long before it passed?” Gina asked.
“I’m not sure. I always knew I loved him. I just started thinking about it a lot. Making sure I made the right decision. Once the twins came along, we got busy. Time flew by. Two Yeahrs later, I look at him and know he and I were meant for one another.” She said. Ali began digging through her purse, looking for her wallet. After pulling out three toys and a binky, she finally put her hands on it.
“You make it sound so easy.”
“It is easy. Because I am happy. That’s the key Gina. Follow your heart. Life’s too short to not be happy.“ She smirked. “Although I would be happier if I could have just one day alone away from the girls!” She joked. “I got it.” She said as she put a twenty-dollar bill on the table.
“What are you and Chris up to tonight?”
“Our Saturday night routine. We will feed and bathe
the twins, clean up the house and put in a movie. I’ll fall asleep and he’ll wake me up at the end of the movie and we go to bed,” She laughed. “I’ve seen the first half of about fifty movies.”
“Sounds exciting,” Gina said sarcastically.
“Oh it is! You just wait!” She paused, “When do you think you and Adam will start a family?”
“Not sure. When we first got engaged I said we were
going to start as soon as we got married. But now, I am not so sure. I know I am not ready.”
“You’ll know when the time is right.” She paused to let out a short giggle, “or one day you’ll realize you may have forgotten to take precaution because you’re pregnant with twins like I was!”
“Let’s hope not. I doubt I will be super mom like you are.”
“Sure you will. Gina, you’re great with kids.”
“I know you have very exciting plans tonight,” she began, “but Adam is having a few friends over tonight, do you and Chris want to come over?”
“Thanks, but my in-laws are out of town and I doubt I can get a sitter.” They finished up the last bites of their breakfast and sat for a moment in silent contention.
“This was nice,” Ali said. “We don’t do this enough anymore G. I know it’s mostly my fault, with the twins and all, but I miss this.”
“Aww…” Gina smiled, “me too. And it’s not your fault, this is what happens when you get old…like us!”
They got up, bundled themselves up and walked out the
door of the café.
“I’m over here,” Ali said, pointing to the parking lot to the right of the café.”
“I’m this way.” Gina pointed down the other side of the street.
“Chat with you tomorrow,” Ali said as she gave Gina a quick hug.
“Have fun tonight.” Gina winked as she pulled back from their embrace and headed to her car.
Seven
Gina slowly and solemnly walked to her car through the snow
that was swirling vigorously in the wind. She would normally have taken more of a shield from the bitter wind however her mind was too distracted mulling over the things Ali had said to her. No matter how she tried to rationalize her feelings Gina couldn’t accept the fact that all of these emotions were par for the course.
She pulled her keys out of her jacket pocket and clicked the button to release the lock of the door.
Gina took a second to take in a long breath of the crisp winter air then pulled the door open and got in. The unseasonably cold April air had chilled the interior of her car. She quickly fired up the ignition, reached over to the heating dial and turned it to high. The brisk air that had sat idle on the engine while she was in the café poured out through the vents. She tensed her body up doing the best she could to ward off the freezing air.
The snow had piled high covering the earth like a thick blanket falling hard and non-stop for a better part of the day. She
took a look out in front of her through the windshield waiting for her car to heat up as she thought about Grant, about Ali and about all the confusion consuming her.
She pulled the car into drive and slowly merged back onto the main road. The
tires began a tough fight between her and the road conditions doing all she could to move through the heavy mass. She cautiously moved back through the same mass of bare trees she had passed on her way in.
The plow trucks hadn’t made their way down the road
in awhile, leaving a foot or more of snow for her little car to move through. Realizing she wasn’t prepared to make the jaunt in the condition the roads currently were in, she pushed the button to alert her hazards and carefully moved to the side of the road. As she sat, Gina peered out the window to the snow filled day before her. It reminded her of the night she spent stranded with Grant. Gina allowed her mind to slip off into memories of the time she shared with him.
*****
Gina shivered as she stood at her front window staring out into the snow-covered parking lot. The normally packed lot had few remaining cars as most of the students had already packed up and left for Christmas break. Her arms were crossed, tightly holding her black fleece coat against her body. She glanced over to the thermostat. Fifty-five. A drastic change from the seventy-three she and her roommate usually kept the apartment temperature set. It seemed silly to leave the apartment nice and warm while they were both away for semester break the next three weeks.
Gina peered out the window anxiously awaiting Grant’s arrival. It had been two Yeahrs since they began to date and every time she awaited his arrival, her stomach swarmed with butterflies. She was tapping her right foot up and down quickly expelling the bundled energy in her body.
She glanced around the corner just in time to see Grants black Suburban flying into her apartment complex. He swung into an empty spot close to her door and hopped out of the truck. She watched in slow motion as her front door came flying open.
“Hey, baby!” He exclaimed. He was wearing a black fleece coat and dark jeans. His head was covered with a black knit cap, drawing her straight to his eyes that sat directly under the fold of the hat. They were beaming green in the dim winter light. He walked in towards her scooping her up into his arms, pressing her tight against his body.
Her feet dangled in the air as she rested her chin on his broad shoulder. The subtle fragrance of
Pleasures
rushed her nose making the butterflies in her stomach rumble once again.
“I. Miss. This,” he whispered in her ear as he squeezed her in his arms.
Gina smiled to herself holding onto him tightly, thinking about the fact that she couldn’t think of a more perfect feeling than being in his arms.
He slowly set her down keeping a hold of her tiny frame as he fixed his eyes on hers. “Hi, beautiful.”
“Hi, love.”
“You all set?”
“Yep.”
Grant looked over to the door. A black and red
matching suitcase, duffle bag and backpack sat up against the wall. “Moving in?” He walked to the door rounding up her bags.
Gina ran over to the kitchen counter and picked up her keys and purse. “All set.”
Grant walked out of the front door, followed by Gina. He hurried over to the passenger side of the door and extended his arms out like a chauffer motioning her into the car.
“Thank you,” she giggled. She walked over to him and took his hand as she stepped up onto the running board.
Grant repositioned, placing both of his hands on her hips, giving her a helpful and playful boost into the truck.
“Excuse to put your hands on me?”
“Absolutely.” He grinned, slamming the door shut. She watched him in the passenger side mirror as he lifted her bags and tossed them into the back of the truck with ease. Grant slammed the back door shut with a loud thud sending a vibration through the car. He made his way around to the driver’s door where he hopped in with ease before pushing the key in and kicking on the engine. The heat flew out of the vents on the dash and the song on the radio shot out of the speakers.
“So…” Gina began. She looked over at him as he sang to the song traveling through the car and froze in her thoughts. The sound of his voice never failed to move her mind into a quiet daze of amazement.
He turned his head toward her flashing a cocky smile with a devilish look in his eyes. “Yes?”
“I am excited to get to spend two straight weeks with you! I don’t think we have ever spent this much consecutive time together. It will be a treat.” Gina drew in a deep breath relaxing into the moment of serenity she felt. Being with Grant gave her the greatest sense of peace. She turned back to him, “either you will never be able to let me go at the end of the trip or you will be so ready to get rid of me.” She flashed him a childlike smile. “Two weeks is a long time, how will we fill the time?”
“I can think of a few things.” He was smooth and calm, teasing her back. The grin on his face large. He reached over, taking her hand and squeezed it tight in his. “My family is really happy that you decided to spend the holidays with us.”
“That’s sweet. But honestly Grant, I can’t help but feel
like an intruder. I am so excited to be with you all that time and to get to spend the holidays with you but I don’t want to take
you away from your family”
“Don’t. They are really looking forward to having us there.” He paused, “both of us.” He hit the shuffle button on the radio waiting to hear what would play next.
“Lets just talk,” she said, gently placing her hand on his.
“Okay. What do you want to talk about?” He reached over to the dash and turned the volume knob around.
“I don’t know,” she paused beaming in her thoughts. “What’d you get me for Christmas?” Her smile grew larger; her eyes became wide like a little girl.
“You think I am going to tell you?”
“Maybe.” Gina looked in front of her taking note of the winter road conditions. The snow had fallen in thick flakes, piling up on the ground in mounds. The cars around them seemed to be moving in slow motion as hazard lights flashed from the back of most of the vehicles. Gina could feel a slight panic begin to set in as she squeezed his hand tight.