Authors: Renee Matteo
“Help me out here babe.”
“About that girl…”
“Huh?”
“On our first date. You told me about that girl. What’s her name, Amie? No, Jamie?”
Grant searched his mind for anyone he knew named Jamie. Nothing surfaced. He raised his eyebrows to her and gave a slight shrug to his shoulders.
“You told me how she was your first true love. That you still loved her and that you would always love her. And that you wanted me to know that, because you wanted to be honest and fair to me.”
Memories of the past he had locked away in the back of his mind suddenly consumed him.
Gina.
His heart began to tighten in his chest. He took a deep breath.
Gina. Gina.
Her name began to rattle around in his mind bouncing off the walls of his thoughts and back to his conscious again. Waves of excitement followed by sheer panic flowed through his blood vessels.
“Who, Gina?” He asked, attempting to mask the flurry of emotion penetrating his body.
“Yeah, Gina,” she said with recognition of the name. “Do you still love her? I mean do you still feel that way?” The childish innocence of her question was confusing and slightly alarming. The casualty of the question felt closer to being asked if he still preferred Pinot to Cabernet as opposed to the curiosity over an old love.
An old flame. Is that all that Gina Fotelli is? An old flame?
It was so casual to Sarah; it was after all just a question. But to Grant, it was the fateful question he never allowed himself to answer.
“What? Sarah! I haven’t seen or talked to her in like six
Yeahrs. I don’t know anything about her now.” His voice rose with his body as he stood up and walked back over to the stove.
He could see Gina in his mind, as though she were right there in front of him. The scent of her shampoo seeped through the air and into his nose. He could hear the softness of her voice flutter though his ears and the feeling of her arms wrapped around his body.
Gina, my Gina
. He had done his best over the Yeahrs to accept that a part of his heart would need to eternally be closed off for her. He didn’t know any other way to deal with the loss of what he had always considered the greatest thing to have ever come into his life. What they had was beyond the scope of comprehension surpassing any description of love he had ever heard. He knew he would never find that again, and he knew that Gina was long gone. Hearing her name now was like a key to unlocking the memories he did his best to secure.
Sarah watched his hands grip the counter t
ightly and his biceps contract. “Okay, okay, don’t get so mad about it.” She shifted awkwardly back and forth in her chair. “It’s just, my mother brought it up while I was visiting.
“I am sure she did Sarah,” he whispered in a low rough tone.
“Whatever,” she huffed.
“She wanted you to end up more like them. Or should I say more like who they try to be.”
“Grant Foster!” Sarah popped up from her seat. Her body stood straight as a pole, her arms tightly crossed.
Grant stared back at her, his mind lost with Gina. His body was battling the slight tremble that was rumbling through it. He forced his thoughts back into the present conversation. Sarah was here with him. Sarah was his fiancé
e and his future. As much as his mind was burning with memories of Gina, he had to remember his future and not his past. Losing Sarah wasn’t the direction he planned on going in and he would be damned if he was going to let that happen now. “Wait,” he said closing the distance between them and taking her by her arms.
“You’re an ass,” she said.
“I know, I'm sorry”, he replied. He attempted to pull her in close to him without much luck.
Sarah stood as firm as a statue with her arms ti
ghtly crossed in front of her.
He stared into her eyes, hoping for some forgiveness. Or at minimum, for her to break from her anger with him. He watched her tone slowly settle as her eyes widened from her narrow stare. Once again, he attempted to pull her into him. After a few tight squeezes, she released her arm hold and wrapped them around his waist. Looking up at him, Grant caught a sense of relief, as her features seemed to soften. "I love you. Nothing else matters,” he said slowly and with as much assurance as he could convey. He smiled lightly as he raised his hand and gently brushed her long blond hair aside. He kissed her softly, and then once again, as he pulled her back into his
arms offering a reassuring hug.
“Grant,” she peered at him like a small child looking up to him for answers.
“It’s in the past babe. It’s me and you, Sarah. This is about us, this is about the rest of our lives.”
“Promises,” she asked quietly, burying her head back into his chest.
“Promises.”
Five
A mass of large bare maple trees became more abundant as Gina continued down the road; a sign that told anyone familiar with the area that they were entering Ellbrook. The town was accessible from four identical roads, each from every direction, creating the same entrance to Ellbrook no matter where you were coming from.
As she pulled into the center of town, Gina was surprised to find so many people out and about bearing the cold weather. The snow was falling hard and the wind was bitter, making the elements uncomfortable for a day out. The weather reports said there would not be a reprieve from the snow or the chill until mid-morning the next day. Had she scheduled this outing with anyone other than Ali, she would have cancelled. However, Ali was the definition of the stay at home mom who was crawling out of her skin. There was no question that she loved her little girls, but the monotony of being at home brought her something she didn’t appear fully prepared to handle. Outings, even a quick brunch, Ali looked forward to the same way Gina looked forward to a night out on the town. Gina knew she couldn’t cancel.
She parked her car to the side of the road on the street close to the café she was meeting Ali. She put a quarter in the
meter and began her walk down the brick path that lined the street. Most of the small “mom and pop” shops that filled Main Street were preparing to open for the day. A small coffee cart that sat on the street smelling of strong brew and chocolate caught her nose quick enough for her not to pass. She stopped herself in front of the cart, pausing for a moment to take in a breath of the crisp fresh air. She noticed the stillness and enjoyment that came from the mix of the pure winter air and the warmth of the brewed coffee beans. “I will take a medium regular, black, please.” She said to the older gentleman standing at the cart.
He was dressed in a wool newsboy cap and navy tweed jacket. He appeared as if he had been standing in the same spot, selling the same coffee since it cost only a nickel. Softly, the older gentlemen acknowledged her presence with a slow nod and quick smile. He prepared her drink with precision.
“That’ll be $2.25 please.” He set the take out cup on the cart and smiled at Gina politely.
“Here you go. Thank you.” She said as she handed him exact change. Gina paused, taking a sip of the coffee in her hand, feeling the warmth of it running through her body. She walked along the streets enjoying the tranquility of her stroll as she window shopped on her way over to the cafe. She passed a few small shops, both boasting unique antiques before reaching a small pharmacy. She looked in the window at the spring display. She giggled to herself as she stood ankle deep in snow looking at the flowers and green grass in the window celebrating the arrival of spring.
“Hi Miss Fotelli.” A loud greeting shot out from behind her, disrupting her thoughts of nothing. Gina turned to see two boys dressed in snow gear and rubber boots holding sleds, immediately recognizing the one who called her name.
“Hi Sam, how are you?” She asked. Sam Rapter was in
her eighth period AP American History class. Gina liked Sam. Although he got out of hand and off track often, his sense of humor and lighthearted attitude was refreshing.
“I’m good,” he said, turning to the boy next to him, “This is Kaelib. He goes to Melikney.” Melikney Middle School was south of Ellbrook; it wasn’t uncommon for students from the schools to know each other despite the distance between towns. They often joined schools to complete all-star sports and academic teams since the towns were too small to fill teams of their own.
“Its nice to meet you Kaelib.” She said, extending her hand out to him.
He looked at her for a moment, confused by her gesture before puffing his chest up a bit as to act more mature as he extended his hand back to her. “You too,” Kaelib mumbled.
“Where are you boys headed?” Gina watched the boys with enthusiasm as she realized she had dropped herself into what she jokingly referred to as “teacher mode.” Somehow, no matter what, she was able to portray the interested, happy and caring person she always made sure her students saw her as.
“We are going up to the park to go sledding. Kaelib just moved to Melikney two months ago and his uncle told us about this hill he used to play on; it sounds pretty cool.” His words rumbled off at lightening speed.
“Sledding, huh? Well, that sounds like fun, and pretty nice of Kaelib’s uncle to give you the scoop. Where did you move from?” She said, looking back to the newly acquainted boy.
“South Carolina. My Uncle Grant grew up around here somewhere and knows about all the good hills. He told me all about them last week.” The words he spoke seemed to shoot out into the air lingering in a bubble for her to review.
Uncle Grant?
Gina couldn’t help but think the unthinkable
. There is no way!
“Oh, really. I grew up around here too. What’s your uncle’s last name. Maybe I know him.” She could feel her heart thud with anticipation of the possibility. She allowed herself to grow excited for a second by the prospect of somehow being connected to Grant again. The reality of it being the same person was slim to none she told herself. But, the excitement of what could be kept her breaths short.
“Foster.”
Gina swallowed hard trying to focus on his words through her shock.
“He’s not really my uncle. At least not yet. My Aunt Sarah and him have been dating for a while and they got engaged a few months ago. He is the coolest! He can play the guitar too.” He paused, smiling to himself with pride of his newfound family member. “Do you know him?”
The words pierced through Gina’s heart leaving her, once again, short for breath. She stood frozen in time, staring into space as her mind went blank leaving a paralyzing feeling in her body.
What? Grant. Grant. Grant.
The sound of his name kept flying through her mind as her body longed for a piece of him.
“Ah, nope. I can’t say I do.” She said quickly and
quietly, as she stared off into the distance viewing a picture of nothing but confused emotions. It was impossible. The sound of his name being said out loud kept her trapped back in the story she often replayed in her mind. “Well, have fun sledding. Be safe. I will see you on Monday, Sam.” She managed to muster up a smile, pretending as if nothing was the matter. “It was very nice to meet you, Kaelib. Welcome to the area.” She gave him a warm and reassuring look as she tried to quickly close the encounter with the boys.
“Bye.” They shouted in unison before running down the street.
She took a seat on the bench close to where they had been standing, unable to catch her breath. She kicked hard at the ground below her, shattering the ice that had formed around the bottom of the bench.
Grant is getting married.
The idea of him being with another woman tugged at her heart. She sat on the bench, sipping her coffee, allowing the memories of Grant to swarm around her mind. She missed him. Her heart ached as she continued to sit on the bench without notice of her surroundings. She fell silent with the world around her as she watched the black picture in her mind. All she could process were the words “Grant is engaged.”