Authors: Renee Matteo
She snuggled into him
and placed the side of her head on
his chest and wrapped her right arm tightly around him.
The stir of the breeze from the open window seemed to cleanse the room as it moved about.
Before either knew it they were fast asleep.
Fifteen
“You asleep?” Grant whispered.
“I was…How long have we been sleeping?” She let out a long yawn, stretching her arms above her head causing the sheet to shift down exposing her bare chest. Gina laughed aloud, slowly pulling the sheet back up over herself. She moved back down and rolled into Grant cuddling into him with her head resting on his shoulder. She danced her fingers lightly up and down his tight chest and to his stomach feeling the penetration of each muscle on his skin.
“About an hour or so,” he replied. Grant kissed her forehead and sat up, moving her to the side, stretching his arms out in front of him. “How’d you sleep?”
“Great.” She sat back up next to him, holding the covers tight, careful not to expose herself again. A warm breeze crashed into her body from the open window at the foot of the bed. “Feels nice out.”
“It does,” he replied. He stood up out of bed with his bare body fully exposed to her.
Gina peered at him taking in every space of skin in front of her eyes. “Where you going?”
“To get some water.”
Gina took in an extended inhale of the warm spring air feeling happy and content in the moment. She slid her legs over to the side of the bed and slowly rolled her feet onto the floor. She looked out the open room door into the kitchen and watched as Grant rustled through the fridge with his backside to her. She gradually tiptoed out of the room and over to the start of the small guesthouse kitchen.
Grant turned slowly enough to catch her presence out of the corner of his eye and froze in a stare.
“What?” Gina laughed.
“You’re beautiful.” His eyes trailed from hers and gradually down her bare body.
She could feel the heat rising through her body as she felt his stare bounce off every inch of her.
“Wow.” He dropped his bottled water on the counter and walked over pushing her up against the wall, pinning her shoulders back with his. He pressed into her as he slid his right hand up the counter of her body while his left had cupped the side of her cheek.
“Whatcha thinking?” She asked with a smile, firmly wrapping her arms around his neck.
“I am thinking that I don’t know what to do with you.”
“I could give you a hint.” She was bold and confident with every move she made with him. It felt empowering to her to feel so unleashed. This uninhibited Gina hadn’t emerged since they have been together last.
“I bet you could,” he countered. He leaned in, slowly brushing his lips against hers. His hot breath tickled her cheek as he pulled back from her, placing his forehead against hers.
“What’s that?” Gina whispered.
“What?”
“That.” They both fell silent as they listened intently to the stillness of the room around them. A dull hum muffled in the distance.
“Oh, my phone.”
“Do you want to get it?”
“Not really.”
“Why not?”
“Because I am busy,” he replied. He leaned in to finish the kiss he had yet to start. His nose hit hers as they awkwardly shifted attempting to find their place. “Okay, you killed it,” he teased. He placed a hand on each side of her head and softly pushed his lips against her forehead. He walked back into the bedroom rustling around the room for his jeans, pulling his phone out of his pocket reviewing the missed call.
Gina watched him from the hall curious about their interruption.
No emotion crossed his face as he tossed the phone onto the bed.
“Who was it?” Gina asked. She walked towards him in the bedroom and leaned the left side of her body up against the door frame, with her right hand resting on her left hip.
He grabbed his t-shirt off the bed, ignoring her advances. “Sarah.” He replied quietly. He grabbed his faded jeans off the bed and pulled them on. He moved in slow motion as he connected the belt that hung off the jeans onto the second hole.
“Oh.” Gina stood up straight, crossed her arms over her exposed breasts as she took two small steps behind the door frame. “Can you hand me those?” She gestured toward her garments scattered across the floor.
“Sure.” Grant scooped up all the articles of her clothing and slowly walked them over to her, avoiding her eyes as he approached.
“Thanks.” She walked into the bathroom around the corner, slowly closing the door behind her.
What are you doing here? Sarah, my God. His fiancée.
Gina held her breath tight, fighting back the tears welling up in her eyes. She frantically threw on her clothes, stopping to look at her reflection in the mirror.
My God, what did you just do!
The thoughts in her mind went blank as she gazed back at herself realizing she really had nothing to say or think. The idea of being in this situation was something she couldn’t even begin to process. The immense chaos that would greet her when she opened the door made her throat feel as if it was going to close. She watched herself with judgment as she took in three deep breaths trying to gain some sort of clarity on what was happening.
Gina turned towards the door reaching down at the handle, pausing for a moment as she turned it.
Oh God, what do I say to him?
She took in a deep breath, holding it in as she silently pushed the door open. She felt like a kid sneaking into the house as she quietly crept out of the bathroom.
Grant’s back was to her as he gazed out of the window above the kitchen sink. He could feel her stare penetrating through him as he turned to meet her. His face was blank making Gina even more cautious and confused about the situation in front of her. The reality of their lives seemed to have poured into the room, leaving an awkwardness to settle between them.
“So, uh, what time are you taking off today?”
“Soon.” He was quiet, looking back to her slightly puzzled. “How about something to drink?” Two bottles of water sat on the edge of counter. He nodded his head towards them.
Gina walked over, picked one up and quickly made a move towards the sliding glass door that led to the deck where they sat earlier in the day. She felt a sense of urgency as the door slid open to get away from Grant. The need for physical distance from him, or the situation or maybe just the room where it all happened was beginning to give her anxiety.
Grant followed closely behind, shuffling his feet as he trailed. “Let’s go down,” he said, in a voice so low it was barely audible.
“Okay,” Gina whispered. It wasn’t possible anymore for her to have a grip on the situation before her. She wasn’t sure what to say, do or think. It was as if some sort of autopilot took over her thoughts and body as she followed Grant down the stairs and onto the grass towards the main house.
Grant took a seat at a bench in the yard by the drive.
“What are you thinking about?”
Gina sighed, “I don’t know. What are you thinking?”
“I don’t think Sarah likes me very much,” he replied. He looked around the yard lost in his thoughts.
“Why do you say that?”
“She looks at me like I am some kind of science project. I think she is still trying to figure me out.”
“She doesn’t get it, does she?”
“Get what?”
“You. It took me so long to figure out that the mystery of you was that there was no mystery at all.”
“She doesn’t get me Gina. She has no idea who I am,” he replied hesitantly.
“Why are you with her then?”
“Why are you with Adam?” He countered.
Gina snapped back at him. “No, you’re not going to do that!”
“Do what?”
“That! Answer a question with a question.”
“Okay, then I made her a promise. I gave her my word.”
“So you stay the rest of your life knowing you are not with your soulmate because you gave some girl your word?” She demanded.
“Well, when you put it that way. What about you? You’re with Adam, Gina. It’s not exactly like you’re available.” The rational of life rolled off his tongue.
“And what if I was not with Adam? Then what?” She asked. She reminded herself of a spoiled four Yeahr old. She stood up from the bench.
“I don’t know Gina. I am not going to pretend like I do. ” He grabbed her hand, pulling her back down onto the bench next to him.
“Seriously Grant? Did you not just tell me you would love for us to be us again? That Sarah would lose and Adam would love again?” Despite the intensity of the moment she was surprised to find that her temperament had evened. “What was that?”
Grant was silent. Watching her speak, taking in every word she said to process in the most effective way he could at the moment. “I meant what I said Gina. God, did I mean what I said. I want you. I want us.” He rested his elbows on his knees burying his head in his hands.
“You just go back to Sarah and I go back to Adam and we go on existing like this didn’t happen?”
“I don’t know Gina. I just…shit.” His words were mumbled from the huddle he spoke from in his hands.
Minutes passed before either could find words to rationalize any part of the present. They sat quietly peering off in their own directions.
“What I do know Gina,” he began finally lifting his head from his hands, “is I love you. I always have and I always will.”
The words rang in her mind over and over again,
always have always will.
It sounded so defined, so final. “I am not naive enough to think I know what will be of the future. I mean, just twenty four hours ago I was making plans with my fiancée to buy a house in Chicago and today I am here with you.”
“This stinks,” she pouted coyly.
“Yeah, tell me about it.” Grant stood up slowly, and then looked back to the bench as if he was going to sit back down again. He looked at Gina, and then up to the sky as he began to pace back and forth in front of her.
“Hey, you okay?” She stood up, uneasy about what to say or do. She crossed her arms in front of her and rested her chin on her hands below.
“I should get going,” he paused. “I’m going to run up and grab my stuff.”
“Can you bring my purse and shoes?” She asked.
“Sure.” He ran up the stairs to the guesthouse deck.
Gina took a look at her surroundings. She felt comfortable here. Whole. For today, her world had made sense. A feeling she hadn’t felt since Grant was in her life last. A feeling she didn’t want to let go. Her life was chaotic now, in this world where she felt alone despite the many people who filled it. Grant’s presence greeted the corner of her eye. Her eyes followed him to the stairs to see him lugging a large green stuffed duffle bag and her small black purse and flats down the stairs.