“Well, I suppose school wasn’t your fondest
pastime, but it we did have some good times,” I said, trying to
encourage even the slightest warmhearted memory he might have
harbored. After all, I was with him in the rowboat and in the
schoolhouse. We shared lunches, and he pushed me on the swing that
hung from the big oak tree in the schoolyard. Ayden and I had
gotten closer when Heath became smitten over Clara Roth. We were
all we had. Then there was Victor, the old keeper who haunted the
lighthouse station, who watched over us, and who saved Heath and
Ayden from drowning in a ferocious storm. Ayden and I were the only
ones who knew of his ethereal existence. It was our secret, and one
we shared to this very day.
Ayden pushed his plate aside, stood and
stretched, then announced he needed to prepare the light for the
night, and then was going to straight to bed. “I have a wicked
headache. I really need to sleep it off,” he mumbled as he headed
out.
I felt an instant sting to my heart. Ayden
wasn’t aware of how important it was for me to recapture those
precious memories - the memories that kept me alive when I was
locked away and tortured. Between starvation and whippings,
youthful Ayden and Heath were all I thought about. The hope that
one day I would return to Jasper Island to live just as I had
before Daddy took me away gave me the will to go on. Perhaps it was
a bit unrealistic and idealistic, but it made me feel good.
However, Ayden held no nostalgia for
yesteryear. He lived in the present, for today. His focus was to
wait for the night and any impending storm or impenetrable fog to
roll in and blanket the region, making it nearly impossible for
vessels to navigate the waterway. Ayden wanted me as his wife, to
serve as his better half, and that is also what I wanted. But there
was so much more I longed for, so many emotional undercurrents I
needed help to overcome.
Heavyhearted and crestfallen, I washed the
dishes, then made my way to my room for a short nap. I heard Ayden
come in not long after I laid my head heavily onto the
feather-filled pillow. I thought I heard his footsteps stop before
my door, and waited to hear a knock. Occasionally, there were
mornings when I knew he was outside my door. I sensed his yearning
for me, but I always stayed still, unable to rise and open the door
and allow Ayden to become something more than the man who
emotionally was more like a brother to me than a husband.
My nap was deep, my dreams took me years back
to when I was little and Momma and Daddy were here with me, before
Momma went mad, before Daddy lost himself in such despair that he
could no longer function. In my dreams, I felt his strong arms
holding me up on the ship’s bow on the day we came to Jasper
Island. I could almost feel the brisk wind whipping through my hair
and taste the salt from the spray of the ocean on my lips. The
dream seemed so real. When I woke, I rubbed the sleep from my weary
eyes, looked around, and quickly remembered that I was on Jasper
Island, only Momma and Daddy were long gone.
The day was as brilliant, as Hazel had
predicted. The air was light, the breeze mild. Over on the mainland
the leaves were taking on the radiant colors of early fall -
brilliant fiery orange, red, and yellow. I was anxious to get
outside, to fill my lungs with fresh, crisp autumn air to take away
the heavy woe that was slowly seeping in and weighing me down. I
had rugs to beat the ash out of, and I dragged them outside, then
painstakingly hung them over the clothesline.
I noticed Heath sitting on his favorite rock
with his fishing pole in hand, inconspicuously glancing over my way
when he thought I wasn’t looking. I paid little attention to him,
but secretly wanted to stop my work and sit beside him and fish, as
we had as children. If it were Ayden there, I would have.
I spent half the morning beating the rugs, as
Heath caught fish after fish. Hazel would be happy, I thought. No
supper for her to prepare. Heath had caught supper.
I strolled over to him when I was finished
with the last rug. I stood looking out at the calm sea and the
crisp blue sky, the same color as Heath’s eyes.
“Is there enough for all of us?”
“Almost enough. I need two more, then there
will be a flounder for everyone.”
“Hazel will be pleased,” I said. Heath
squinted and looked up at me.
“Do you want to fish for a while?”
I didn’t jump at the offer, didn’t want to
seem so eager to slide the long, wooden pole in my hand, sit on the
rock facing the warm sun, and relax while waiting for a nibble. If
Heath knew how much I missed these things, if he saw how vulnerable
I was, would he take advantage of me, I wondered.
“I have so much housework to do, lunch to
prepare . . . ”
“Sit down, Lillian. You’ve been working all
morning. You love to fish, I remember. If you don’t want me to sit
with you, I’ll leave. But then who will put the worm on the hook?
Aren’t you still squeamish over worms and snakes?” he asked with an
impish grin.
“I am not still squeamish over such things
anymore,” I retorted.
He stood and brushed off the dirt from his
trousers, then handed me the pole. “Here you are. I will be sitting
over there.” He pointed over to the end of the island, under the
tree where I used to sit and cry and wonder and daydream about
Heath. “I’m going to take a catnap. Enjoy . . .”
He wandered off, not looking back to see if I
was serious or not. I was definitely frightened of slimy, slithery
creatures, especially snakes. A snake had driven me into the arms
of Warren Stone.
“Wait!” I called. Heath spun around. “Would
you mind?”
He smiled with satisfaction, as if all along
he knew I was fibbing.
“Not at all. It will be like old times.”
I sighed and resigned myself to his
assistance. When we were side by side with my fishing line dangling
down into the water, and I caught my first fish since I was eleven,
I felt genuinely happy. “This is nice,” I said, as he dropped my
second fish into the basket.
“You caught the largest fish. Doesn’t
surprise me, though,” Heath said, with eyes that finally sparkled
with cheerfulness when he looked at me. Heath no longer scowled;
his gaze wasn’t harsh and judgmental any longer.
“Thank you for baiting the hook,” I said,
handing him back the pole.
Heath lifted the basket and brought it near
to the house, where he would scale and gut the fish for supper. I
trailed behind, forgetting about my chores, not remembering to take
in the rugs.
“It’s been quiet around here today. I suspect
that’s why the fishing was so good,” Heath said, as he started on
the first fish.
“They begin school tomorrow. All but Mary and
Willard. I suppose we can catch fish for supper every day.”
“It doesn’t seem so long ago that we were in
school. Amazing how time flies,” he said.
“I remember my first day. I was so nervous,
sick to my stomach. I was so embarrassed when I threw up all over
myself,” I confessed. Heath looked up.
“I was happy you didn’t quit and give up. I
don’t know what I would have done if you hadn’t gotten on that
rowboat and come with Ayden and me to school.”
“Oh, it wouldn’t have mattered to you. You
were smitten with Clara Roth. You probably wouldn’t have even
realized I wasn’t there,” I said nervously, wringing my hands. This
was the first time we had had a nice talk since Heath came to
Jasper Island.
Heath put down the filet knife, and his
expression turned serious. He was about to speak when Ayden turned
the corner. “Fish for supper. Yum!” Ayden didn’t notice he was
interrupting.
Heath continued his gutting while I pried my
eyes from him and awkwardly turned to Ayden. “I have to bring in
the rugs. Will you help me?”
“After lunch. I’m starving.”
I gulped. There was no lunch prepared.
“I can fry you up a fish. Give me a minute.
I’m just about finished with this one,” Heath interjected, saving
me from Ayden’s displeasure.
“That sounds great. I have to go to the oil
house first, then we’ll sit down for lunch. It’s a fine day to eat
outside.”
Once Ayden was far enough away, I thanked
Heath.
“I must take the blame. After all, it was I
who persuaded you to fish, taking time away from your lunch
preparations.”
I responded with a nod and a subtle smile,
then set the table. We all sat and shared one of the large
flounders I’d caught. Ayden and Heath sat across from me. Often, I
glanced at them admiringly. Through Heath’s moustache and the
shadow of a beard on Ayden’s pale skin, even with their deep voices
and masculine physiques, it wasn’t hard to remember them as
boys.
The day grew warmer, almost mid-summer-like,
unusual for this time of year. Clear days like these were
short-lived, and fierce storms would arrive with little warning as
they did nearly every fall. The waves grew into enormous swells;
thick, menacing grey clouds darkened the day. Winds were wicked,
and I remembered the stories Daddy told me about the most
well-built lighthouses that toppled, demolished by wind and waves
from such ferocious storms. The storms that raged in the fall were
the most feared.
Before the day was over, the Coopers
returned, and life at the station was again turned upside down.
Immediately, there were children laughing, crying, arguing, and
underfoot. Ayden stayed clear of the kids, losing himself up in the
tower, unlike Heath, who lit up when they came running up to him,
asking if he could take out his kite. “Please, Doctor Heath!” they
urged. Oliver and Owen tugged on his pant leg as Lizzy gave him sad
puppy eyes at the thought of him saying no.
“You kids have chores to do. I’m not the only
one who has no time for fun,” Sylvia snapped and yanked her
siblings away from Heath. “And you have school tomorrow. First
thing. Hear me Owen, Oliver!”
“She’s right. You all need supper and then
you should get straight to bed. School is hard work, and takes
great concentration. If you don’t get enough rest, then you’ll be
likely to fall asleep. Then you will have to sit in the corner with
the dunce cap on. You wouldn’t want that, would you?”
The children were mesmerized with Heath. He
had such a soft spoken, carefree way of conversing. I could see he
must have been a very popular doctor. Besides, his good looks were
soft on the eyes.
“What is so important about school? Ma didn’t
have much schooling. Besides, I want to grow up to be a keeper,
just like Pa. All my schooling should be here on the island,”
Sylvia stated adamantly.
Heath immediately went on to defend the
importance of school, its fundamental purpose, and the consequences
of a poor education. Sylvia had her arms crossed over her chest
defiantly and huffed at his somewhat drawn out lecture.
“Not everyone wants to grow up to be a
doctor, Heath,” Ayden said, overhearing the conversation on his way
back to the oil house.
The younger children took off, now
preoccupied with getting sat down for supper, while Heath, Sylvia,
Ayden, and I stood ready to debate the topic.
“That’s right. I’ve had all the schooling I
need. Don’t plan to go tomorrow.”
“What does your father say about this?” Heath
asked.
“He says I’ll make a fine keeper,” she
snapped.
“But does he say you should drop out of
school?” I asked. She frowned at me, then turned to Ayden. “You
told me you were the same way, that you didn’t like school. Tell
them I know what I’m doing,” Sylvia instructed. Ayden’s face turned
bright red, and I sucked in my breath, appalled that he would
reveal such a personal thing to Sylvia and condone her decision, no
less.
“Now Sylvia, I think you took what I said out
of context,” Ayden calmly began. I was too stunned to listen any
more.
“I need to help serve supper,” I said, and I
stormed off.
The talk during supper was all about school.
Heath gave another lecture for all to hear, but I tuned it all out.
My mind was preoccupied with how easily this one young girl could
manipulate everyone around her. I refused to look at Ayden during
supper, and avoided him afterward. And when the next morning I that
learned Sylvia had gotten her way, I was livid with Ayden. “You
know how impressionable children can be. How could you lead Sylvia
to believe she didn’t need to go to school any longer?”
“You didn’t finish school, and you’re fine,”
he said in his defense.
“That wasn’t my choice!” I shouted in my own
defense.
“Calm down, would you. This is her parents’
decision, not ours.”
“You’re the one who got yourself involved by
allowing her to believe she could be a keeper. You know it’s nearly
impossible. Though there are skilled women keepers, Sylvia is one
who can only be a keeper’s wife without proper schooling,” I argued
disdainfully.
Weary, Ayden ran his hands through his thick
hair and sighed. The night had been rough - a duck had slammed into
one of the glass panels and smashed it to pieces. Ayden was on his
way to the barn to retrieve his tools and a new section of glass
when I stopped him.
“I am not the one who will douse her dreams,
as no one did yours. Besides, from now on I’m going to keep my
mouth shut, for anything that has to do with that girl somehow gets
me into trouble and you angry with me.”
Ayden was hurt, his shoulders sunk in defeat.
Instantly I regretted my attack. “I’m sorry, Ayden. I just think
she should get an education, and . . .”
“I need to get this glass panel up. James is
waiting for me,” he said coolly, and he walked away without another
word.
Heath passed by on his way to the boathouse
and asked if I wanted to row to the harbor village with him.
“Gladly,” I said. “I can use the distraction
with a short excursion to the village. Let me ask Hazel if she
needs anything. I’ll be right there.”