Authors: Cynthia White
Risha didn’t learn her lesson in the seventh grade. She wanted to try me again
,
so I gave her what she wanted.
When s
he jumped across the table and knocked me to the hard linoleum floor below
,
I was taken completely off guard. She got that one off
,
I gave her that much
-
but it wasn’t over just yet. Once I shook it off
,
I walked that bitch like a dog.
Larry
tried to pull me off her, but I wasn’t havin
g
it. We went at each other like animals in the wild. Word of a girlfight spread fast
, and s
oon damn near every student in the schoolwiln the s surrounded us
– but m
y rage wouldn’t let me care.
“The principal comin’!” An unfamiliar female voice shouted out from within the crowd.
“Come on
,
Meesh.”
Larry
pulled me off Risha as one of her girls pulled her from me.
“Let me go!
” I snatched away from him, picked up the chair I was sittin
g
in earlier
, and
swung it right at Risha’s head. “Talk all that shit now, bitch!”
The chair hit her on the side of the face, sendin
g
her crashin
g
to the floor
- and
I regretted it instantly. The way I hit her was merciless
; t
hat wasn’t me, but she made me so mad. I understood then how people commit murder with no intent. I didn’t kill her, but I could have. A blow like that to the head could have cost Risha her life
and
cost me my freedom. I knew I had to get my temper under control
; i
f I didn’t
,
my baby was goin
g
to grow up without me
-
and that was
not
acceptable. She was my first priority
...
I even put her before Boss.
The principal arrived right in time to see it all go down
, and
I got suspended for thirty days. He told me that the only reason he didn’t call the police was
that
I
’
d never been in any kind of trouble before. Risha was another story
; t
hat girl
lived
up in his office. Plus, I had too many people on my side that said she started it. After the nurse checked her out
,
she got bounced the same way I did. Thirty days was fine with me
,
just as long as she got the same.
The drive home was quiet. I played no music and answered no phone calls or texts
; m
y mind was too busy. I thought about the man I was about to marry, the man I loved with all my heart. Just for a second
,
I allowed myself to doubt him
:
What if Risha really was telling me the truth? What if Boss fucked that rat?
It didn’t take long for me to start to believe it was true
; i
t wasn’t like it was the first time. Asia wasn’t the last bitch to call my house
, and e
verybody else couldn’t be lyin
g...
Boss had to be guilty of something.
“What you doin’ home so early?
”
He began to question me as soon as I walked through the front door at one
-
thirty in the afternoon.
“Why?” I shot him as much attitude as I could muster up. “I fuck up yo plans?”
“Fuck you talkin’ bout, Meesh?”
“Whatever.” I just brushed him off
,
then tossed my bookbag on the floor in front of him. “I got suspended.”
“For what?”
h
e managed to ask through his ighthroughlaughter. “Baby, what the fuck you do
?
”
“Ya know,
”
I walked over and sat down on the couch right across from him. “It’s bad enough you gotta cheat on me
-
but do you gotta do it with a bitch that goes to my school
?
”
“Here you go
,
”
h
e complained as if I w
ere
the one bein
g
unreasonable. “Quit lettin’ them hoes fill yo head with bullshit.”
I honestly couldn’t tell if he was bein
g
sincere or not. Boss had a way about him that made you believe every word he spoke
,
even when he was blowin
g
smoke up your ass. The only
thing
I knew for sure was that I was tired. Between him, his drama, goin
g
to school, handlin
g
my business around the house
,
and takin
g
care of my baby
,
I was wore the fuck out. I couldn’t even argue with him anymore
;
I just wanted to get away.
“I’ll see you later
,
” I told him as I clutched my car keys tight and headed back for the door. “I’m going to my mama’s house to pick up Malaysia.”
“Don’t you think we need to talk about this?”
“I don’t really see the point right now.”
“The point is
,
I don’t wanna lose you over no bullshit.”
That was exactly what I meant
: h
e was good. I wanted to believe him
;
I wanted to stay there and hear him out
-
but something inside wouldn’t let me. I stood in limbo for a few seconds. My heart wanted me to stay
, but m
y head shook back and forth and told me to leave. It said I was bein
g
a damn fool for this nigga
– and e
ven my heart started to believe it was right. I didn’t have another argument in me
,
and I damn sure didn’t have another knock
-
down
,
drag
-
out fight.
So,
I did the only thing I could for myself
:
I left
...i
t was the only thing I did right the entire day.
Chapter 29
I ended up stayin
g
at my mother’s house for three nights. The space did me some good. I didn’t call Boss once, but I knew he was keepin
g
tabs on me
: h
is cell number was all over my mama’s
C
aller ID. It wasn’t like I was tryin
g
to hide from him
;
I just wanted some room to breathe. I thought he of all people could understand that. I loved my family
,
and I appreciated them to the fullest, but I thought my man needed to see what it felt like to miss me. It didn’t take long for him to catch on to what I was tryin
g
to do
; t
hree nights withm t nightsout me
,
and that nigga was foaming at the mouth.
My old friend Derrick
had come
over
and was
gettin
g
me caught up
on
all the latest gossip. D knew everything about everybody, but his vast knowledge didn’t prepare him for the day he came face
-
to
-
face with a pissed off Boss.
“Can I help you?” I heard D’s deep voice answer
M
ama’s front door all the way from the bathroom.
I was takin
g
a quick shower after Malaysia
had
thr
own
up all over me and my clothes
– and t
he instant I heard Boss’ voice
,
I knew I had to get out there. D had a smart mouth
,
and I didn
’
t want him to start poppin
g
off. I didn’t even take the time to dry off. My hair was soakin
g wet,
and my body was drippin
g
water all over
M
ama’s bathroom floor
, but it didn’t matter;
I threw on somebody’s white cotton robe and bolted towards the door.
“Nigga, who the fuck are you
-
and why the fuck you holdin’ my baby?” Boss snapped at D
,
just like I knew he would.
“
You know what happen to niggas that fuck with
-”
“Boss!” I got his attention before he could finish his threat. “That’s my friend Derrick. I told you all about him. Remember?”
He didn’t respond. I
’
d seen him mad before, but I don’t think he ever looked at me with such anger in his eyes. If he thought I was fuckin
g
Derrick
,
he was definitely barkin
g
up the wrong tree
;
D liked dick more than I did. I tried to calm Boss down
,
but it was no use. It was like he couldn’t even hear me. He just charged toward
s
me like an angry bull. That nigga grabbed me by my arm and pulled me into the bathroom, slammin
g
the door shut behind us.
“What the hell is wrong with you?
”
I snatched my sore arm away from him. “You hurtin’ me.”
“That why you been trippin’ wit me?”
h
e asked, more furious than I
’
d ever seen him before. “You fuckin’ that nigga?”
“Derrick?” I couldn’t believe the irony. “You think I’m cheatin’ on you? And with Derrick?” I shouldn’t have laughed, but I couldn’t help it. “Nigga, I got suspended from school for fightin’ a bitch you probably
did
fuck
-
and you wanna clown with me about a nigga I’ve been friends with since I was seven years old
?
”
“Why you got the nigga over here playin’
D
addy to my child?!”
h
e yelled so loud in my face that I wanted to slap his ignorant ass. There was nothin
g
wrong with my ears. I could hear him just o sar him fine, but he just had to show his ass.
“Nigga, fuck you.”
“Fuck me?”
“That’s what the fuck I said.” I got just as loud and just as ignorant. “Fuck you, Boss!”
He grabbed the robe I was wearin
g
and ripped it off my wet
,
naked body
; t
he sick thing was that it kind of turned me on.
When h
e pushed me up against the wall and kissed me hard
,
I started to suck on his tongue like it was filled with some kind of sweet nectar. Before I knew it
,
his dick was inside me
,
and we were fuckin
g
against the wall of my mama’s bathroom. I wrapped my legs around his waist and took every inch of that dick. He felt so damn good
;
h
e always did
...t
hat was part of the problem.
“Yeah, you like this rough shit, don’t you?”
h
e grunted in my ear as he continued to grind and thrust inside me. “Take this dick
...
yeah
...
take all this dick.”
“I hate you
,
” I whispered as tears fell from my eyes. It was the most confused I think I
’
d ever been. I didn’t really hate him
;
I just hated the way he made me feel sometimes. He was like a drug. One minute I was so high that nothin
g
could touch me
,
and the next I was bein
g
fucked like a common street whore. It didn’t feel so good anymore
; i
t just felt dirty.
That night
,
I took my baby and went back home with my man. Boss wasn’t perfect, but neither was I. Lookin
g
for perfection was a guaranteed way to end up miserable. I wasn’t ready to give up on us yet. Call me a fool, but I still
even
wanted to marry him. All the drama didn’t change the one thing I knew from the first day I saw him
:
Boss was my destiny. I wasn’t sure where he would take me, but I did know it would be one hell of a ride.