She was his, his mind screamed, even as he tried to
tell himself that he should be thankful she was telling him the truth. Rising
to his feet he began pacing the room, searching for control, while he felt as
though his entire world was shifting on its axis. Running his hand through his
thick hair he knew he had to get her to understand that she was meant to be
with him.
“Leah, there are things about Alex I’m sure you don’t
know,” he said finally, coming to a stop facing her. “You really don’t want to
be a part of how he lives the lifestyle.” He was prepared to use every weapon
he could think of to make her forget Alex and stay with him; not least because
he was sure it was for the best.
“I know about the Ranch,” she whispered softly, still
unable to look at him. She didn’t want to hurt him, she didn’t really want to
leave him either, but her feelings for Alex couldn’t be ignored. “I’m not
saying I want to end things, I just, well, I don’t think I’m ready to be
exclusive.” She hated how that made her sound, even as she said it. Never in
her life had she thought it would be possible for her to want two men at the
same time.
“So you want to be his pony girl and my slave?” He was
amazed that she was even considering that lifestyle, and wanted to break Alex’s
jaw for having told her about it, and for making it seem attractive enough that
she would consider it. She wasn’t ready to be involved with the lifestyle at the
Ranch, hell, if he was being honest; she wasn’t even ready for him.
Tears ran down her cheeks at his words, and she
wondered if that was truly what she was asking for. “I don’t know,” she said
softly, uncertainly. “All I do know is I can’t bear the thought of leaving
either of you.” That was as honest as she could be, and she knew when she said
it that it was the truth. “You’re both different, not just in the lifestyle, as
men, and I love both of your personalities, and the way you both make me feel.”
He’d done the polyamorous thing before, several times
in fact, and he reminded himself that he had enjoyed sharing a woman with
another dominant. That was before he had met Leah however, she was not just one
of those other submissive's he had used for his pleasure in the past.
He loved the woman before him, and wasn’t sure he
could share her, even if it was the only way he could have her. “I’ll be
honest, Leah,” he told her. “I’ve had multiple partners before, you know that.”
Hell, he had shared her with another man; that had proved to be a bad thing
however, and both of them had regretted it. “I just don’t know if I can do that
again, not with you.”
Leah blushed furiously at how badly he had
misunderstood her. “I’m not saying that I want both of you at the same time,”
she told him, though she did find the idea interesting, it having been put into
her mind, and she shook her head to clear it of the mental picture.
“Then maybe you should tell me just what it is you are
trying to say, because I'm confused.” That was the understatement of the
decade, he thought, he had absolutely no idea what she was trying to suggest.
Returning to the couch he sat, forcing himself to remain in control of his
emotions.
“I’m just saying that I don’t want to have to choose between
the two of you, at least not right now, it’s too difficult, I’m just not sure
exactly what I want, or which of you I can get it from.” There, she’d said it,
she thought, finally lifting her eyes to his, hoping he understood and could
give her what she needed.
“So you don’t want to be with us together, but you
want to spend time with each of us individually.” He didn’t like the idea at
all, she was his, and he wanted her with him, but he wasn’t willing to let her
go either. He was silent for a long time after she nodded, considering what she
was suggesting, and whether he could live with it. “If that’s the only way I
can have you, Leah, then I’ll take what you will allow.”
He’d never conceded to a woman before, and realized it
was a mark of how deeply he cared for her that he was willing to do so then.
Sharing a sexual fantasy with a partner was one thing, it was something else
entirely to accept the idea that she would be out there, fucking another man.
Despite his words he wasn’t entirely certain he could cope with that idea, but
he knew he had to at least try, if he didn’t he stood to lose her completely.
“I just want the time to decide what’s
right for me.” She really hoped he could understand. He had been her first, and
only, boyfriend before Alex, and before she could commit the rest of her life
to him, she needed to be sure he was what she truly wanted. With difficulty she
did her best to explain it all to him, though she wasn’t sure she did a good
enough job.
“I’ll be honest, sweetheart, the thought of you with
another man makes my blood boil,” he told her, his fists clenched as he fought
the anger that bubbled just beneath the surface of his forced calm. “I don’t
like it one bit, but if that’s what you need; then I guess I will have to live
with it.” He wasn’t sure how he was going to do as he said, but he knew he
couldn’t refuse her.
He had had the time to learn what it was he wanted
from life, he reminded himself, the least he could do was provide her with the
opportunity to do the same.
It shocked her that he was willing to be so
reasonable. “I have to admit, I didn’t think you’d be open to the idea.” She
continued to look him in the eye, wanting to read his thoughts as well as
listen to what he was saying.
“If I didn’t love you, Leah, I’d tell that you need to
make a decision now, but that’s not fair to you.” He was struggling with his
anger over the situation, but refused to allow it to show. “I haven’t been a
saint, by any stretch of the imagination, and while I would prefer for us to
explore this together as a couple, I can understand that you need to
experiment.”
“You mean you’d be okay with me having a second lover,
as long as we did it together?” She wasn’t sure why it shocked her to hear
that, he had forced her to be with another man during their ten nights
together.”
“If that’s what you desire, yes.” He shrugged. “I am a
pretty open-minded person when it comes to sexuality and sexual
experimentation, I’m sure you must have figured that out by now.” He gave a
chuckle that held little in the way of amusement.
The point was neither here nor there in this
conversation, she thought, but it did change how she thought their relationship
would be if she chose to remain with him. “Would you take other lovers if I
were to choose you over Alex?” She couldn’t help asking the question; though
she wasn’t sure she wanted to hear the answer.
“It is something we would have discussed, but if you
wanted another man in your life, it would only have been fair for me to have
another woman.” When he had made the decision to propose to her he had given no
thought to such a possibility, but he knew other couples in the lifestyle had
open relationships.
“Wow!” Her astonishment slipped from her on a sigh as
she allowed the information to sink in. “There is so much we still don’t know
about each other.” That was an understatement, she thought, and another sign
that they should slow things down; they had taken things too fast without
getting to know one another properly. “So how do we do this?” She had only
gotten as far as knowing that she needed to tell him of her desire for more
freedom, the consequences of such a statement had not even crossed her mind.
He chuckled softly at her question, thinking that he
was just as clueless as she was. “Still wanting me to top you, baby?” If that
was the case, he’d tell her to stop defying him and end things with Alex so she
could come home, where she belonged.
“I don’t want to end things with you, Rhett.” That was
more true than she could emphasize with words, the thought of not having him in
her life made her heart ache.
“So you still want me to be your Master?” He had to
ask the question, she was being more than a little vague about what she truly
wanted, and that left him confused.
“Yes, but I don’t want you to ask me to stop seeing
Alex.”
“Then the three of us need to talk, sweetheart,” he
said, not liking the idea of having to share her one bit, even if it was the
best way to keep her.
“Is that really necessary?” The thought of the three
of them in a room together didn’t seem like a very smart idea, especially
considering Rhett’s anger and expressed desire to kill Alex.
“Absolutely necessary,” he nodded, “if we are going to
be sharing you, and I’m going to assume that you will limit yourself to just me
and Alex,” he was prepared to accept one outside relationship, if he had to,
but that was it, “then we need to come to some kind of an agreement, so we all
understand the situation. When it comes to something like this it is always
best to have rules in place so all parties know what is and isn’t acceptable.”
She blushed bright red at his words. “Only you two.”
She felt guilty enough at the thought of sharing herself between two men,
without adding the prospect of more men.
“Then I will set up a meeting for the three of us so
we can come to terms regarding what we all want.” He did his best to keep his
reluctance from his voice.
Leah breathed a deep sigh of relief, which lasted only
until she thought about how that meeting was likely to go. “I have to admit, this
is the strangest thing I’ve ever talked about before.”
“Just wait until you get to the Ranch.” He just
couldn’t see her enjoying that type of kink, though he kept that opinion to
himself, sure that she would have her eyes opened soon enough.
She hadn’t even discussed going to the Ranch with
Alex, and it was apparent she would need to bring it up before their meeting.
“So when do you want to do this?” Was she really going to sit down with two men
and plan out her sexual needs? It just didn't seem possible, but it was
apparent she was because despite her feelings she didn’t tell Rhett to forget
the idea.
“I’ll call Alex in the morning; the sooner we decide
what we’re willing to do the better in my opinion.” The conversation was not
one he’d ever planned on having with his sweet Leah, but it was going to
happen, he decided.
After discussing things for another hour, Leah asked
Rhett to drive her back to the airport so she could get her car. One thing she
knew for sure, she was going to get her own place, just as soon as she could
afford it. Given how crazy the situation between them was likely to become,
whatever decision was made, she wanted a place she could call her own, a place
that was hers, not someone else’s.
Once Rhett had dropped her off Leah made a quick call
to Janie, to check that it was alright for her to crash at the condo, telling
her she would explain later. She then called Alex to explain that she was
staying with her friend.
Her calls made, she finally headed toward the condo.
It had been an exhausting night, on many levels, and all she wanted then was
somewhere to lay her head where she wouldn’t be asked more difficult decisions.
Janie wasn’t all that surprised to have Leah needing a
place to stay for the night, and was more than happy to have her there. She
was, however, surprised to hear about what had happened between her and Rhett,
and especially about the discussion they had had.
She found it hard to believe he hadn’t gone all caveman,
as Leah called his behavior, and demanded that she end her relationship with
Alex. The fact that not only had he not done so, but he had also seemed willing
to share Leah, had her questioning his motives. It didn’t fit into the persona
he had previously displayed.
“Have you talked to Alex?” Janie asked.
“Not about any of this,” Leah admitted. “I just told
him that I was spending the night here, he didn’t ask why.” Though she wasn’t
sure how Alex was going to react to the suggestion that she should be involved
with both men at the same time, she was confident that he wouldn’t lose his
temper like Rhett was prone to doing.
“Sweetie, I have no idea what is going to happen when
all of you get together, but I think I should be with you for this big discussion.”
She didn’t care if she was butting in where she didn’t belong, she was
concerned that her friend was getting herself into a situation that she didn’t
know how to deal with, and felt it only right that she should be there to
support her.
“I know you worry about me, Janie, but you’re going to
have to trust me to make my own choices here.” It was going to be hard enough
sitting down with Rhett and Alex to discuss something so crazy, without adding
her friend into the mix. She couldn’t imagine that Janie would manage to stay
on the sidelines and not add her opinions to the discussion, and that was
likely to confuse things.
“You’re damn right I worry about you, Leah, you know
how I feel about Rhett, and I honestly don’t know enough about the Ranch or about
pony play to feel comfortable about you getting involved with it. Add to that,
I don’t trust either Rhett or Alex to do what’s right for you.” She liked Alex,
a lot more than she cared for Rhett, but she was sure that ultimately he was
concerned with what would be best for him.
All men were the same, she thought, they all did what
was best for them. The moment the thought crossed her mind she felt guilty for
it, David had never given her any reason for thinking he didn’t consider her
needs above his own.