“Leah, I know you’re angry with me
and I’m sorry I allowed my temper to get the best of me.” Rhett spoke quickly
before she could decide she really didn’t want to listen to what he had to say.
“I’ll do anything to make it up to you. I know I have a problem with my temper
but I promise you, it won’t happen again, I’m getting myself help, professional
help, to deal with my temper.” He forced himself to remain aloof, afraid of the
rejection he feared she would offer.
“That’s good, I’m glad you’ve
admitted you have a problem and are willing to do something about it,” Leah
told him. A part of her wanted to drive over and tell him all was forgiven, but
her mind couldn't really take another incident like the last one. “I’m sorry,
Rhett, but I think we moved into this entire thing too fast, we barely know
each other and we already got engaged. I think the best thing we can do is take
some to get to know one another, and then decide if we really want to be
engaged.” It broke her heart to admit that, she knew it was the right thing to
do though, they had only known each for a couple of weeks.
“You’re right, Leah, we should get
to know each other better, and I need time to deal with my problems before I
can be the person you deserve to be with.” He wanted to demand that she come
back to him, right then, but he fought against it, knowing that it was his
instincts and his urge to take control of everything he wanted that had gotten him
into the mess he was in right then.
It didn’t make sense to him that his
heart could belong to her so completely in such a short time, but he knew it
did, and because of that he was prepared to go against his nature.
Leah was surprised that he wasn’t
asking, or even demanding, that she come back to him, and the lack left her
heartbroken. If he had asked, she would have been tempted, and might not have
been able to resist, she knew that, so she was glad he hadn’t, but it still
hurt that he hadn’t tried. “I’m glad you’re prepared to be reasonable about
this.” She wanted to scream at him, to demand that he not sound so distant and
uncaring, but she fought the urge, needing to preserve her dignity.
“I hope you know that I never meant to
hurt, Leah, and I hope we can still be friends.” Fuck being friends, he thought
to himself, he wanted her in his life and in his arm.
“Things happen.” My god, had she
really just said that? She wanted to slap him, how could he not give a damn,
she wondered. Her entire world was tilting again; the thought of him not loving
her wasn’t even something she had considered.
“Yes they do, and I’ve allowed my
emotions to overrule my common sense with you, but I promise, I am going to work
on that.” He wanted to tell her it was agony not having her with him, but he’d
be damned if he would hurt her again, he simply wasn’t willing to risk it.
“Would you considering having dinner with me next Saturday?” He wanted to talk
about his plans with the psychiatrist, and apologize in person, he knew he
needed to allow some time to pass first though; he didn’t have enough control
over himself to do it then.
“I’ll have to let you know next
week, I start my new job on Monday and I’m not sure what kind of hours will be
involved yet.” Were they really having this cold conversation, she thought to
herself, it was like nothing had happened between them, either the good or the
bad.
“I understand.” He didn’t understand
really, but after what he’d done, and the way he’d acted, the least he could do
was give her space until he sorted his shit out.
She had no idea what to say to this
distant Rhett, who was breaking her heart with every line. A part of her wanted
to scream at him to demand she come back, even if the rational part of her knew
that wasn’t the way a relationship was supposed to work. “Okay.” That sounded
so lame, she thought, why couldn’t he just tell her what to do again, at least
she knew where she stood then.
“I’ll call you during the week, if
that’s alright.” He wanted to make her feel as if she was in control of the
situation, and not like he was trying to take charge of everything again, but
it was a new arena for him and he had no idea how to go about it.
“That sounds fine.” She found
herself fighting back tears, it was like she was talking to a casual
acquaintance rather than the man who had set her body on fire and challenged
her mind at every turn. “I need to go now, Rhett.” She needed to get off the
phone, before she begged him to stop pretending like what they had shared had
been nothing, she could feel herself withering and dying inside and knew if she
didn’t end the call she would end up doing something she would regret.
“Take care of yourself then, Leah,
I’ll speak with you soon.” He didn’t want to end their conversation, but he
didn’t want to try and keep her on the phone if she had plans. In addition to
that he knew if he didn’t get off the phone soon he would say or do something
to wreck things, so ending the conversation then was the right thing to do.
“Goodbye, Rhett.” Leah ended the
call, fighting back the emotions that were building inside her, and which
threatened to explode out of her like a reservoir blocked by a poorly
constructed dam, as she did so. Hardening her heart against the ache the call
had caused she dropped the phone carelessly on the bed and then, adopting as
cheerful a pose as she could, made her way back out into the main room, where
Janie and the two men were waiting for her. “I’m starving!” she announced. She
wasn’t, not really, but knew if she didn’t act as normal as possible then Janie
would want to know what was wrong, and that would only cause her to break down.
“I could definitely eat.” Janie
smiled. It was a little early to eat, but she sensed something was off with her
friend, even if she didn’t want the others to know about it, and if having
dinner was going to take her mind off it then Janie was alright with that.
“Would you like to join me in taking
these lovely ladies out to eat, Alex?” David asked, winking at Janie he walked
over and put his arm around her waist lovingly.
“I’d be honored.” Alex was enjoying
the company of the couple; not only that but he and David had been discussing a
business plan he was interested in talking about further.
Dinner had been strangely
comforting, Leah thought as they arrived back at the hotel. She’d worried about
dwelling on Rhett’s strange attitude on the phone, but that hadn’t been the
case. Alex had proven himself very good at engaging people in conversation, and
capable of conversing on a wide variety of subjects; she had found herself
enjoying his company. Being with Janie again, and knowing that her best friend
in the world no longer hated her, had made a world of difference as well.
Alone with Leah, who he found to be
a breath of fresh air, Alex felt a little uncomfortable. He was drawn to her,
more than he cared to admit. “Thank you for a lovely evening, Leah, I enjoyed
meeting your friends.” That had to be the understatement of the year, he
thought with a wry smile. Janie had a lively sense of humor and an
engaging personality that could have drawn anyone out of their shell, and David
had given him more information in an hour on the economic situation in Chicago
than his top advisor had managed in the past week.
Setting her purse down on the table,
Leah smiled at the comment. “I think they were quite taken with you.” She
wished Janie had shown as much appreciation for Rhett, and then immediately
regretted the thought, though she couldn’t deny that it had been weeks since
she had laughed as much as she had that evening. What worried her most was that
she knew Alex was the main reason for her laughter, and that she had spent the
majority of the evening comparing Alex to Rhett, and her fiancé had not come
off well by the comparison.
“They both seem like wonderful
people, and I have to admit, I would love to work with David on some projects I
have planned.” Shrugging off his jacket, he carelessly draped it over one of
the armchairs before sitting down. “So, how are you doing?” He knew he probably
shouldn’t ask, but he couldn’t help himself.
Taking the chair beside Alex’s, Leah
perched on the edge. “They are great folks,” she agreed. She was silent for a
few moments before she answered his question, giving herself the time to
consider it carefully. “I think before I met Rhett I was a little more sane, at
least I felt it, but I miss him, and I think it’s going to take a while before
I start to feel sane again,” she told him with a shrug. She couldn’t be more
honest than that.
“Sometimes it helps if you talk
things out.” He gave a sympathetic smile. “Trying to start over can be a huge
step when any relationship ends, both mentally and emotionally. I’m sure you
know that.”
“Actually, Rhett was my only
relationship.” She flushed deeply as she made the admission, not sure why she
had. She barely knew the man before her, but for reasons she couldn’t quite
grasp, she felt a strong bond with him. Maybe it was because she knew he was a
dominant, and understood at least some of what she had been going through, and
better than she did; she nibbled at her lip as she considered the notion.
Alex was floored by her revelation;
when Rhett had told him she was new, he assumed he had meant she was new to the
lifestyle, not a complete innocent. “So Rhett was your first lover?” He had no
right to ask such a personal question and immediately regretted the impulse
that had made him ask it.
Her face became even more heated as
she nodded. “It was a personal choice for me to wait.” That sounded so lame,
she thought. Why was she even having the conversation, she wondered. Unable to
keep her thoughts to herself, despite her embarrassment, she found herself
telling him all about her father’s treatment of her mother, leading to their
divorce, and how that had led to her decision to remain celibate.
Sitting back in the oversized chair,
Alex took in her story, amazed by it. He couldn’t imagine stepping into a
relationship like the one she and Rhett had shared as a novice. He knew very
well about Rhett’s ten night plan, he had helped him to form it; both of them
had come to the conclusion that if a submissive could make it through all ten
fantasies/challenges without using her safe words, she would be the perfect
submissive. The plan wasn’t one to be used with a complete novice though; he
couldn’t imagine how Rhett had believed a beginner could cope with it.
“Sorry, I guess I run my mouth too
much sometimes.” Leah laughed nervously, feeling sure that she had made him
uncomfortable with her revelations. He was so easy to talk to though, being
around him left her with the strangest urge to tell him all about herself,
every last detail.
“No, not at all, and please, don’t
apologize. I’m happy to listen to whatever you want to tell me.” He wasn’t sure
happy was quite the right word, horrified was a little closer to the mark,
though he kept that to himself. “Did he take you through the entire ten night
plan?” He had to know, even if he didn’t have the right to, what she had told
him up to then had left him morbidly curious about the situation.
“You know about that?” She hadn’t
really thought it was something Rhett did with every woman he met, and it
didn’t make her happy to think about him being with other women, especially the
way he had been with her.
“It was something we came up with
years ago to test a woman’s desire and ability to be a submissive.” It sounded
so cold, to his ears, as he told her that, and it made him wonder a little
about the sort of person he was, that he could help come up with what was
essentially a test to determine a woman’s ability to endure the demands of a
man.
She should have been more
embarrassed than she was, but Leah found it almost comforting to be talking to
someone else about it, especially someone who knew so much. “I couldn’t do the
rape scene; that crossed more lines that I ever want to think about again.”
Just thinking about that night made her cringe and she felt a shiver run
through her, as if someone had just doused her with a bucket of freezing cold
water.
“Damn!” he cursed, and immediately
regretted doing so. “Forgive me; I have to say that even contemplating doing
something so advanced with a novice turns my stomach.” He was both curious and
concerned about her mental health after what Rhett had exposed her to; the
potential for harm in what Rhett had done was massive, and he couldn’t believe
that she had come out of it without suffering some harm.
“I’ve heard worse.” Leah laughed
softly, amused that he would be so concerned over the use of a simple curse
word. “Thinking about that night makes me feel sick as well; it’s not something
I’d ever want to go through again.” That was the understatement of the year,
she thought to herself.
“I shouldn’t think you would; normally
that’s something that is planned out very carefully, and discussed extensively
beforehand. It is definitely not something to be done with such limited sexual
experience.” He wasn’t a huge fan of the rape scenario, though he had used it
himself on a few occasions, primarily as a form of therapy with rape survivors
who wanted a chance to change their level of control during the scene. Each
time it had required months of planning and practice before a full run through,
not to mention numerous sessions between himself and the submissive during
which they discussed everything until they knew and trusted one another fully.