Piece of cake.” Jackie pointed. “If we can just get up there, it’ll be
enough room for both of us to sit. And we’ll be high enough so Sammy
can’t get up here to bother us.”
“Jackie, I can’t go that high. Mama will have my butt if she finds out.”
Jackie laughed. “She’ll only have your butt if you fall!”
Jackie used Kay’s shoulder to balance herself, shoving her dirty
sneakers between branches and the trunk of the old oak, climbing ever
higher. She looked down at Kay who was watching her in awe. “Well,
come on. Follow me up.”
Their eyes met, blue on blue, and Kay’s face set with determination as
she followed Jackie up the tree. Jackie found the bend she was looking
for, and it was plenty wide enough for the two of them to sit. She knelt
in the crevice of the tree, again offering her hand to Kay.
They leaned back, both breathing hard after their excursion. Then Kay
started laughing.
“What’s so funny?”
“I wouldn’t do this for anybody else,” she said.
“What?”
“Climb up this high. You know I’m scared up high. Remember when I
fell off the barn roof?”
“ Yeah. But you made it. See? Here we are, at the top of the world,”
Jackie said, waving her arms to the treetops.
Jacqueline let a small laugh escape. It had been the first of many times they scampered up the old oak tree in Kay’s back yard. The first time Kay’s mother had caught them, she’d threatened them with a belt. And she couldn’t blame her. They’d been all of ten when they started climbing that damn tree. She leaned against the railing, her eyes sliding closed when she remembered the last time they’d climbed up there.
Seniors in high school. Jacqueline needed to talk, she wanted to tell Kay what was going on with her, how she was feeling. She felt like if she didn’t tell someone, she was just going to explode with it. And where better than their tree? They’d had many a long talk in that tree. They’d made big plans, they’d gossiped, they’d hidden from Rose. And they’d talked about everything over the years. They had no secrets.
Except one. And in the end, Jacqueline couldn’t bring herself to tell Kay that she was gay. She was afraid Kay wouldn’t be her friend anymore, and Kay was her best friend, her only friend, really. The only one that mattered. But it was soon out of her hands. Only a few weeks later, she was on a bus out of town, never to return.
She stood up straight, her eyes looking out to the Pacific Ocean. Never to return, until now.
The flight to Dallas was crowded, even for this ungodly hour of the morning, and Jacqueline struggled to stretch her long legs, ignoring the young man next to her who was tapping his fingers nervously on his own legs.
“First time,” he finally said.
“I understand,” she murmured.
“You?”
“No.” She pulled out her laptop, hoping that would discourage any further conversation. She was nervous, too, but it had absolutely nothing to do with flying. She brushed at the hair on her forehead, intending to work some, but her mind drifted. It had been so long since she’d thought of her parents, she hardly had a picture of them in her mind anymore. But she remembered clearly the day they sent her away.
She, standing there in her faded jeans and scuffed athletic shoes; her mother, dressed for cocktails at the country club.
“We’ve purchased you a ticket to Dallas. Where you go from there is up
to you.”
“Why are you doing this to me?”
“You know perfectly well why, Jacqueline. We’re the laughing stock of
Pine Springs, not to mention the Women’s League. We simply cannot
allow it to continue, and you seem to think that you were born this way!
Think of your father. He won’t be reelected next year. The laughing
stock, I tell you!”
Jacqueline closed her eyes, remembering the pain she’d felt that day.
She vowed then and there that she would never return, no matter what.
But here she was, on a flight to Dallas nonetheless.
She wanted to believe they sent her away to shock her, scare her perhaps. But she had been too proud and too stubborn for that. After her brave declaration to them a few weeks before, stating that she would not marry Daniel Thornton because she liked girls, her father had refused to even look at her, much less speak to her. No matter how hard she tried, her father simply turned away from her. Her mother, on the other hand, took every opportunity to tell her the devil had his hooks in her and surely Brother Garner could talk some sense into her. Jacqueline was forced to sit through two sessions with him as he attempted to
heal
her.
That, she would never forget.
She let a ghost of a smile touch her mouth. It would have been very comical had it not been happening to her. The week seemed to last an eternity. It hadn’t taken long for the rumors to spread through town and she felt all eyes on her, especially at school. Friends suddenly avoided her, and the girls’ locker room was suspiciously empty when it was her turn to shower.
“Bunch of idiots,” she murmured. All but Kay. She never avoided her.
She seemed nearly puzzled by everyone’s reaction. But she never once made mention of it.
Jacqueline purposely turned her focus to her laptop, resting her fingers lightly over the keys, refusing to allow any more memories to crowd in.
It was from another life. It would do no good to dwell on it. But still, why in the world was she going back? Closure? To tell her mother off?
To let the whole town know she’d made something of herself after she’d escaped from behind the pine curtain? She doubted anyone would even remember her. Or care, for that matter.
Hours later, she found herself creeping along in Dallas traffic. Heavy, yes, but nothing like rush hour trying to get in or out of San Francisco.
She managed to find the interstate without getting lost and by early afternoon, was heading east on I-20. She’d purposefully rented the most expensive car she could find, for comfort she’d told herself, but she knew better. The Lexus would definitely stick out in Pine Springs.
After stopping in Tyler for a bite to eat, she headed south. She had another three hours, at best. But it was a beautiful spring afternoon, and she was in no hurry. She was enjoying the drive, she admitted.
Beautiful redbud trees, in full bloom, seemed to compete with the snow white of the dogwoods. Azaleas, just starting to show color, were proudly displayed by nearly every house she passed. Soon, the road was virtually swallowed by pine trees, and she felt an unfamiliar peace settle over her. The pine curtain. Why in the world would she feel peaceful heading back into it?
Time—and the miles—flew by. She checked her directions again, then turned off the main highway just past Rusk and headed even deeper into the Piney Woods. Tiny towns, just dots on the map, seemed stuck in the past, hovering in the mid-century. Old farmhouses tucked against the forest while cows grazed lazily on cleared pasture land. She took it all in, so different from the ocean condo she now called home. She drove aimlessly, her mind wandering as the miles passed much too quickly.
Her breath caught when she saw the sign. PINE SPRINGS. 20 MILES.
Suddenly, it all became a reality. She was going back home.
And it was the time of day Jacqueline remembered well. The late afternoon hung on for a few more minutes before early evening would take its place. A time when, as a kid, Jacqueline would rush home on her bike, trying to beat the sun—and her curfew. Many a day she would come flying up the driveway, the gravel kicking up under her bike tires as she skidded to a halt before bursting through the kitchen door, just in time to catch her mother’s scolding glance.
“Louise has dinner ready. Your father is already at the table, young
lady.”
“I’m not late.”
“ You’re filthy. What trouble did you get into today?”
“No trouble. Baseball.”
“Baseball? How many times have I told you? That is no sport for a
lady.”
“I’m not a lady. Besides, I’m better than them.”
“ Yo u are too old to be playing with boys, Jacqueline. Now, go wash
up.”
The smile came without warning as she remembered the argument they’d had more than once over dinner. Her parents wanted her to try out for the cheerleading squad, but she adamantly refused.
Cheerleading?
Please. She wanted to try out for the basketball team.
And she did,
over their dead body
.
She slowed as she reached the outskirts of Pine Springs, surprised that it was all still so familiar to her. Not much had changed over the years.
She crossed the bridge into town, looking fondly down the river, and so many memories crowded in at once. Downtown hadn’t changed a bit, she thought, as all the familiar structures came into view. The old courthouse building looked exactly as she remembered with giant magnolia trees on every corner. Across the street, the lone bank dwarfed the old five and dime store that surprisingly appeared to still be in business. There were few cars on the streets, but then again, she supposed the shops all closed up at five, everyone rushing home to kids and dinner.
It hit her suddenly. What the hell was she doing here? Familiar, yet alien. It had been fifteen years, a lifetime ago. She was no longer the scared kid getting on that bus. She was a grown woman, a successful writer. This town had nothing to offer her except painful memories, and she certainly had nothing to offer it. But that wasn’t entirely true. Not all her memories were painful. She had a great childhood, and both her parents had spoiled her, giving her things that her friends’ parents could not afford. She realized now that they’d only done that to prove they had more money than anyone else in town. But still, she’d been happy.
She excelled in sports, not cheerleading.
Then it happened, that early spring day during her senior year of high school. She was finally able to put a word to what she’d been feeling for so long. Lesbian.
Gay
. Jacqueline remembered the loneliness she’d felt at that time as she tried to keep her secret. Even Kay had no idea.
But really, it was her feelings for Kay that had made her come to terms with her sexuality. It became obvious to her that it was Kay, not her so-called boyfriend, she wanted to be with. Kay was the one she thought about at night while lying in bed. And it was because of Kay that jealousy consumed her the night of their senior prom when she’d seen Kay and Billy Ray Renfro kissing behind the bleachers in the gym. It all became crystal clear that night. Jacqueline was different. She didn’t fit in. So, little by little, she withdrew from Kay, keeping her secret to herself. She would be going off to college soon enough, and then she wouldn’t have to worry about it. She and Kay would drift apart. But then, her parents brought up the subject of her marrying Daniel Thornton, saying they had already discussed it with Daniel’s parents.
No, Jacqueline definitely was not going to marry Danny Thornton.
And so it all came out. Her secret. Within a week, it was all over town, and a mere ten days before graduation, her mother put her on a bus and sent her away in shame.
The honking of a horn startled her, and she shook herself, realizing she’d been sitting at the traffic light, daydreaming. She pulled through the intersection just as the light turned red, no doubt pissing off the driver behind her.
The motel Mr. Lawrence directed her to was on the main drag, the sign chipped and faded, but still, it made Jacqueline laugh.
Pine Springs
Motel. Take your boots off and stay awhile.
“Why on earth would anyone want to do that?”
But she pulled in nonetheless, parking next to the faded vacancy sign that was nailed to an ancient pine tree. There were all of three cars in the lot, and she eyed the motel suspiciously. John Lawrence had offered a room at his home, but she’d insisted she would rather have her privacy. Perhaps she should reconsider. The motel hadn’t seen an improvement in thirty years, she was certain.
The desk clerk was a scruffy, bearded man with a wad of tobacco in his cheek and he chose that moment to spit into a filthy cup. Jacqueline raised an eyebrow.
“Help ya, ma’am? Git ya a room?”
“Actually . . . no, thanks.”
She turned and quickly retraced her steps, pausing beside her rental car to unclip her cell phone from her jeans pocket. She searched through her programmed numbers, finding John Lawrence, which she’d just added that morning. Leaning against the car as she waited, her eyes scanned the darkening sky, smiling slightly at the nearly full moon that rose over the pines.
“Hello.”
“Mr. Lawrence? It’s Jacqueline Keys, I hope I’m not interrupting dinner.”
“Good evening, Jacqueline. No, no, you’re not interrupting. I trust you made it.”
“Yes. No problems. I’m actually at the motel right now.” She cleared her throat as she glanced at the faded vacancy sign. “Well, I’m in the parking lot, anyway. I’m afraid to go inside.”
His hearty laugh brought a smile to her face and she relaxed a little.
“I tried to warn you.”
“I was wondering if maybe I could reconsider your offer.”
“Mary has a room already made up for you. We’ve been waiting dinner.
I’m sure you have lots of questions.”
She let out a sigh of relief, finally opening the door and climbing in.
“Great. I’m sorry, but I don’t remember where you live.”
“We’ve moved to the country club, not far from your parents’ new home. Just off the ninth green. Do you remember how to get to the country club?”
“I think so. I played golf there enough, I should remember.”
“We’re on Fairway Lane, third house on the right, but call if you get lost. The streets are rather winding.”
“Thanks. I’ll see you in a bit.”
Once back on the highway, she drove through the heart of town, the streets now dark and deserted. The only activity she could see was at the Dairy Mart. She imagined it was still the main hangout for the high school kids. She drove along, turned down familiar streets, surprised that she still remembered the way.