“I don’t blame you. I take it your mother wasn’t exactly thrilled to see you today?”
“Despite being in a body cast and lying there helpless, she was her usual bitchy self. In fact, she threatened to call security to have me tossed out.”
“Amazing. To think you’re her only child.”
“Amazing, yes.” Jacqueline looked in the mirror, then back at Kay.
“Listen, I don’t really want to listen to more bullshit from Brother Garner. Let’s skip the cemetery.”
“Skip it? Jackie, we can’t skip it. For one thing, we’re already in line.”
“Well, then let’s get out of line.” Jacqueline turned sharply left, cutting across the other lane to take a side street. “Where the hell are we, anyway?”
“You are
so
bad! Can you imagine what they are saying about us now?”
“I don’t really care. I just want to get out of this damn suit and into jeans.” Jacqueline turned again, going back toward the church. “If I remember correctly, there’s a back road.”
“Yes. It comes out behind the high school.”
“Ah, yes. I remember now.” Jacqueline sped up, the road deserted now as the funeral procession had left. “So, who’s manning your store today?”
“Frannie. A high school student who helps me on Saturdays and during the summer.”
“You make a good living?”
“I do okay.”
“Is she expecting you this afternoon?”
“I told her I would stop by later. Why?”
“Wanna play hooky?”
“And what? Go swimming out at Blue Hole?” Kay laughed. “I got grounded two weeks because of that.”
“And I got my car taken away.”
“For only one week, if I recall.”
“That was torture enough, having my mother drive me to school every day.”
Kay smiled. “I would like to spend some time with you, though.”
“Me, too. Got any ideas?”
“Well, it’s sunny and warm.” Kay raised her eyebrows mischievously.
“Wanna go to the river?”
“Kay Garland, you are a troublemaker! The last time you talked me into going to the river, we got caught drinking beer and smoking pot.”
“
Yo u
brought the beer
and
the pot!”
Jacqueline laughed. “God, it’s so good to see you.” She reached across the console and lightly squeezed Kay’s arm.
“Yeah, I know. I’ve really missed you.”
“Yeah. We never got a chance to say good-bye, you know. It was like . . . like I was just ripped away from here and . . .”
“I know, Jackie. I . . . I cried at first. I didn’t understand how you could just leave without saying anything to me. But Mama . . . she explained everything. About your mother and why they sent you away. And then I got pissed that you’d let them do that. And when you didn’t write or call, I got angrier. I felt like our friendship didn’t mean anything to you.”
“Oh, Kay. I’m so sorry. It wasn’t like that. I thought about contacting you so many times over the years, but . . . well, the more time that passed, the more I convinced myself that you wouldn’t want to hear from me. Hell, for all I knew, you wouldn’t even remember me.”
“I know you don’t truly believe that, not after all we shared. You were my
best
friend.”
“Your best friend who turned out to be gay and didn’t have the courage to tell you.”
“We were just kids. But Jackie, you could have trusted me with anything.”
Anything? She wondered what Kay’s reaction would be if she confessed it was sexual feelings she had for Kay that finally opened her eyes. Jacqueline looked at her old friend, the light brown hair hanging loosely over her expressive eyebrows, shadowing the blue eyes that Jacqueline used to know by heart. Without thought, Jacqueline reached over and brushed the hair away, revealing those eyes to her. They were the same caring, honest eyes she remembered.
“I was scared to tell you,” Jacqueline finally admitted. “Hell, I was scared about everything. And with good reason, it turned out.”
Jacqueline slowed as they reached the country club, the guard waving her through. Kay got out when Jacqueline parked, her eyes moving over the manicured lawn and up to the house. She silently followed Jackie to the door, waiting as she unlocked the front door and motioned for Kay to enter.
“Nice.”
“Yeah, it is. Look around. It will take me a second to change.”
Kay watched Jackie walk away, then moved into the living room, looking around at the pictures and personal items there.
She’d known the Lawrences all her life, but had never once been inside their home. The Lawrences and Garlands had not exactly moved in the same social circles. In fact, she found it odd that she and Jackie had even become friends in the first place. The Keys were the most powerful family in Pine Springs. Hardly the kind of family Kay would feel comfortable with. But she and Jackie had just clicked, ever since they were kids. At first, Mrs. Keys had tried to keep Jacqueline away, steering her toward the kids whose parents were members of the country club. But, as Kay had said several times, Jackie was stubborn.
Finally, Mrs. Keys had given up, allowing Jackie to stay overnight often on weekends with the Garlands. It was a habit that continued all through high school. Kay had been content having Jackie as her only friend, shunning most of the other girls to spend time with Jacqueline.
She remembered how jealous she felt when Jackie started dating Danny Thornton. That was the only reason she ever agreed to go out with Billy Ray Renfro in the first place.
She groaned, not wanting to bring up those memories. Not yet. Despite what she’d told Rose, she was not over it. She doubted she ever would be. It was the most horrible time in her life, a time when she needed Jackie the most. But Jackie had vanished, without a word.
“Why are you frowning?”
Kay turned, finding a more familiar Jackie standing there in jeans and T-shirt. She was so comfortable looking. She always had been. The cute teenager she’d known had grown into a very attractive woman.
However, the teenager she knew would never have ironed a T-shirt or tucked it into jeans. She smiled. “Feel better?”
“Much.” Jacqueline walked closer. “Why the frown?”
“I was just thinking.”
“About?”
“You. Me. High school.”
“Ah. Well, how about we pick up some
refreshments
before we go to the river, huh? We can talk. It’ll be just like old times.”
“Yes. I’d like that.”
The river road was as Jacqueline remembered it. Bumpy. The Lexus took every pothole in stride, and she drove them down to the end, turning off on a side road that followed the river a ways before ending.
“It looks exactly the same,” Jacqueline said. “Just more trash.”
“Yeah. More trash. But I don’t think the high school kids come here as much as we did in those days.”
“Well, they don’t know what they’re missing.”
Instead of beer, they decided on wine, both agreeing they’d grown up enough to progress to wine when sneaking off to the river. Jacqueline grabbed the bottle and the corkscrew they bought, and Kay brought the blanket she’d tossed in the back seat when they’d stopped by her house to change. They both smiled as they walked down the same path they’d taken hundreds of times before. As Jackie had said, not much had changed. The forest opened up right at the river’s edge and they found a spot under one of the large pine trees. Kay spread the blanket and they both sat cross-legged, looking out over the water.
“Listen,” Jacqueline whispered. “So quiet.” The gentle flow of the river was silent in the forest, and above them, cardinals sang.
“You miss this? The quiet?”
“Yes. Although I don’t really live in the city. I bought a condo in Monterey, so my quiet is listening to the ocean.”
“It must be beautiful.”
Jackie smiled. “Some days beautiful, some days foggy. But the sound is always the same. Once you’ve lived by the ocean and fallen asleep to the sound of waves crashing on shore, you find there is no more comforting sound than that. It’s endless,” she said quietly. “The day that sound stops is the day the world ends.”
Kay watched as Jacqueline opened the wine while she spoke, her quiet words echoing in the forest. She then poured wine into the plastic cups they had snatched at the liquor store. She took one from Jackie, smiling before taking a sip.
After only a few moments, Jacqueline reached over and tapped Kay’s leg. “Now, we’re alone, no interruptions. It’s time you told me one of those
long stories
you’ve been holding back on.”
“I see you’re as impatient as ever.”
“Why don’t you go to church anymore?”
“Why don’t you?” Kay countered.
“Well, let’s see.” Jacqueline leaned her head back, looking to the top of the pines and into the blue sky beyond. “How about because my mother took me to Brother Garner to have him heal me of my sickness, to have him pray the devil out of me? Now
that
was a fun time, let me tell you.
Or how about the fact that I’m destined to spend eternity in hell, paying for my sin of loving women instead of men?” Jacqueline met Kay’s eyes. “Or maybe I’m just afraid of lightning bolts!”
“Okay. You got me beat.”
“Tell me, Kay.”
Their eyes held, blue on blue, and Kay felt the weight lift somewhat from her heart. For so long, she’d kept it all inside, never talking it out with anyone, just skimming over the surface with Rose, with her mother.
She’d always insisted she was fine, just fine. But the crystal blue eyes she remembered were there, looking into her soul as they’d always been able to do, seeing things no one else was ever able to see.
“I . . . I was dating Billy Ray Renfro when you left, remember?”
“Yeah, I remember.”
“Well, I guess about a year after high school, everyone started asking when we were going to get married. He was the only one I’d ever dated.”
“Why? As beautiful as you were, as you are, I never understood why you picked him.”
Kay shrugged. She didn’t remember ever being overly interested in boys then. There was just Jackie. That was enough.
“I don’t know why, Jackie. It just happened. And when he asked me to marry him, I thought, what else did I have? I was still stuck here in Pine Springs, you were gone, and there was no one else. He was working at the mill then, had a steady job, so I said yes.”
“Forgive me, but I always thought he was a loser.”
Kay laughed. “Well, you were right.”
“I’m sorry. If I’d been here, I would never have let you marry him.”
“Oh, yeah? At the wedding, when Brother Garner asked for objections, you’d have stood up?”
“Absolutely.”
Kay laughed. “Yes, I believe you would have.”
“I’m sorry. Go on.”
“Oh, Jackie, this is hard for me, you know.”
Jacqueline reached over and took her hand. “Tell me what happened.”
Kay watched as their fingers entwined, remembering all those other times when they’d come here to talk, how easy it was to talk to Jackie, to tell her things she would never consider telling anyone else. She looked up then, meeting blue eyes. How was it that she felt so comfortable telling Jackie things, but Jacqueline had been terrified to talk to her about the most important thing in her life?
“Why couldn’t you tell me, Jackie?”
Jacqueline frowned and nervously brushed the hair over her ears. “I thought this was your time to talk.”
“It is. But we always talked about everything, Jackie.
Everything
. Why couldn’t you tell me about that?”
“You know what? Maybe some day I’ll tell you about it. But not now.
Now we’re talking about you.”
Kay nodded. “Fair enough.” She leaned forward. “Don’t think I won’t hold you to it.” She cleared her throat and took a deep breath. “Billy Ray was violent,” she blurted out. She felt her fingers being squeezed by Jacqueline, and she squeezed back. “It’s okay, Jackie. I knew it going in, I think. He was . . . he was never gentle, you know. And it just kept getting worse and worse. I couldn’t seem to do anything right.
Nothing was ever good enough. Dinner was late, and he got mad. I had dinner ready early, and it got cold. Just little stupid things, but he’d get angry and . . . hit me. At first, a slap here and there. Then, well, it just kept getting worse.”
Jacqueline swallowed the lump in her throat, watching her friend as tears escaped and slid down her cheeks. Jacqueline reached out and brushed them away.
“You never told anyone?”
“No. I was too ashamed. If I had bruises, I made up some excuse.”
“Bastard,” Jackie whispered.
“He came home really drunk one night. Which wasn’t unusual. But he wanted to have sex. I couldn’t sleep with him. I hadn’t been able to sleep with him since, God, since nearly the beginning. I wasn’t in love with him. I couldn’t stand his touch. And I should have left, I should have told someone . . . Rose, my mother, someone who would have talked to me and made me leave him. But I didn’t. I stayed because that was what I thought I should do.”
“Jesus, I’m so sorry I wasn’t here for you.”
“That night, when I refused, he took a chair and smashed it over my head. And he kicked me and hit me and . . . and then he raped me,” she finished in a whisper.
“Oh, sweetheart.” Jacqueline moved to her, taking Kay in her arms and holding her tight.
Kay clung to her, crying. She’d never told anyone he’d raped her. She’d begged the doctor not to tell her mother. Just the assault was enough to lock him up, just the assault was enough to make her hang her head in shame. She didn’t want the whole town to know her own husband had raped her.
“I don’t remember a whole lot of that night. When I came to, I was in the hospital, and he was in jail. I spent one week in the hospital, and he spent two years in prison.”
“Where is the bastard now?”
“I’m not sure. His family moved away after it happened. I know he was in Houston for awhile. I think he got into some trouble there, too.”
“That son of a bitch. If I’d been here, I would have killed him.”
Kay smiled through her tears. “Yes, I think you very well might have.”
She pulled completely out of Jacqueline’s embrace, but didn’t release her hands. Kay cleared her throat, then continued. “You asked me why I didn’t go to church anymore. I don’t go to church because of Brother Garner.”