Before Him Comes Me (7 page)

“I will just wash these few dishes first.”

“You will do no such thing.” Zara jumps at the voice behind
her. She hadn’t heard Trudy’s entrance. Putting the phone back into its box,
Trudy hands the box to Garrett. “JG, take Zara to bed immediately.”

“Gram has spoken. Goodnight and thank you,” he whispers the
last part as he bends down to kiss the older woman on the cheek.

Gesturing for Zara to lead the way out of the kitchen,
Garrett follows a step behind. This is completely new for Zara and she pauses
to move out of the way twice in the distance between the kitchen and her
bedroom door.

“Here, let me show you how to make a call before you go to
bed.” Garrett stands at the doorway of Zara’s room but does not step inside. It
only takes a quick lesson for Zara to call his phone using the preprogrammed
number.

“Goodnight, Zara. I’ll see you in the morning.” With that,
Garrett turns around and walks back down the hallway. Zara stands in the
threshold of her bedroom, holding her new phone and its box.

Despite a long day filled with new information and gifts,
one thought lingers in Zara’s mind.

Why is he not touching me anymore?

She steps further into her bedroom and closes the door, then
walks to the militarily-made bed and sits down.

Pulling the phone out of its box, she texts Sloane.

Hello. I wanted to let you know I am okay. I have a lot to
talk to you about. Please do not worry. I will call you on Thursday. PS My hair
ties are here. Oh, this is Zara.

The ding and then vibrate alert to an incoming text, makes
Zara smile.

I’m really glad you’re here. Sweet dreams.

A second ding and vibration announces a second text.

I have been worried. You better call me. PS HOW?

Zara puts the phone on the nightstand next to its box. So much
has happened since leaving the Circle. The presence of her hair ties and all of
her favorite stuff has not been explored. And they aren’t the last thoughts on Zara’s
mind as she slips into sleep.

He is glad I am here.

Upon waking, Zara makes her way to the kitchen to the aroma
of freshly brewed coffee and the sound of music playing. It is not the soft
piano of yesterday, but something light and airy with a woman soulfully singing.

Zara pauses hearing Garrett’s voice mingled with another
voice, foreign to her. Uncertain, she waits to enter the kitchen. Garrett
catches a glimpse of her and makes his way to her side. He has an unfamiliar
smile as he stands in front of her. With a start, Zara realizes she is disappointed
she is not alone with Garrett this morning. His not touching her comes as a
surprise so she schools her features the way she has been taught. Zara smiles
up at Garrett.

“Good morning. You look amazing.” Feeling uncertain about
responding her hand goes to her neck, her fingers sliding down to the end of the
chain to grasp the pendants.

“Good morning and thank you. I can come back later if I am
interrupting.”

“What? Never. You could never interrupt. You remember my
mother. My parents arrived very early this morning. Come. I want you to meet
her.”

Garrett reaches for her hand then withdraws abruptly. Zara’s
heart sinks.

Why? Why does he stop?

She searches his eyes for answers, but finds only a
practiced smile and an empty stare.

“Lead the way.”

Garrett steps aside and follows close behind as Zara makes
her way into the kitchen. At the table sits a woman with manicured blonde
shoulder length hair flashing the same brilliant smile as Garrett’s. She stands
and meets Zara with a bear hug.

“I am so glad that you are here with us, Zara,” she says
with quiet sincerity. “As is my son, who has been looking forward to meeting
you for a while.”

“Mother!”

Zara laughs in delight at Garrett’s childish tantrum. She
begins to take a chair between them, and then remains standing as an afterthought.

“I’ll get the coffee,” Garrett says motioning for her to take
a seat.

Zara’s attention returns to Garrett’s mother when she asks, “How
do you like Michigan so far?”

“I like it very much, thank you. Your home is lovely. Thank
you for allowing me to stay.”

“Nonsense. This is your home now. The Ceremony may not have
been completed, but you decided to come here with Garrett. That makes you
family.”

As Garrett places large cups of creamy coffee before her and
his mother, tears once more pool in her eyes at the disappointment. She has let
them down by not going through with the Ceremony. Eyes down, Zara concentrates
on the music playing.

“Zara, would you be interested in going for a drive?”
Garrett asks.

She nods slightly.

“I’ll be right back.”

Zara drinks a little more of her coffee listening to him
retreat behind her. Alone with Garrett’s mother, she has no idea what to say or
what protocol to follow.

Breathe. There is nothing that can be done. Eyes down. Breathe,
Zar.

“Zara Faith, please don’t feel embarrassed for one second.
You did a very brave thing choosing the path you know nothing about.”

Zara looks into her eyes shocked to discover a hint of tears
that mirror her own. Garrett’s mother reaches out and warmly takes her hand.
The contact is more than she had received from her own mother in many years,
adding to the inundation of feelings Zara is experiencing.

“Sweets, you are not the first one to decide not to complete
their Circle Ceremony. In fact you now know three women that have done it and
all have survived. Although one has not survived as well as the other two.”

Zara is unable to suppress her look of surprise.

“That’s right. I refused to go through with the Ceremony until
I met my Sir. Trudy stopped the planning of her Ceremony.” She held up her
fingers as she went through the list. “And your mother is the third.”

The silence is deafening. Both women stare at one another
for several minutes. Zara searches for more answers in the eyes staring back at
hers.

“Zara, breathe dear. You are going to pass out.”

“I don’t understand. My mother?”

“Zara Faith, that’s not my story to tell and I’m sorry that
your mother hasn’t shared her story with you yet. I will, however, share mine
with you though I don’t think now is a good time. Just know everyone here has a
great deal of respect for the courage it took to walk out of the Circle without
a collar.”

Zara’s fingers fly up to her neck as if to verify a collar
had not been placed there without her knowledge.

Reaching for Zara’s hand, Garrett’s mother cradles it in
both of hers, “It will be alright, Zara Faith. The unknown doesn’t mean it’s
wrong or forever.”

“Thank you.” The concern gives Zara a sense of closeness she
had not felt with her own mother in years. Before Zara can ask Garrett’s mother
more, a frown passes over her face.

“Sweets. I can hear you thinking all the way over here.
Please let go of the information I have shared with you about your mother. In
time she will open up and tell you her story. That is my hope, anyway. There is
no point in allowing it to run rampant through your thoughts.”

Blushing, Zara looks down at the coffee remaining in the
cup. She slowly brings the cup to her lips and takes a long sip. Even at a
lukewarm temperature, Garrett’s coffee is the best Zara has ever tasted, including
her many trips to Starbucks with Sloane.

Knowing her thoughts of Garrett have betrayed her, Zara’s
blush deepens.

“Well, Zara Faith, it is not your mother turning your cheeks
pink. It must be my very handsome son. Isn’t this an interesting turn of
events,” she declares. “What is your most pressing question? I know you are
bouncing several around and are not sure if you should ask. Here in this house,
you should always ask.”

“He stopped touching me,” Zara coughs in surprise at the
bluntness of her question, rushes on to explain but falters in the end. “From
the moment we were in the Circle until last night, he touched me. He would hold
my hand or lay his hand on my back. Now he has stopped– not even brushing up
against me. I don’t understand. Forgive me, please. This is not a subject I
should be having with his mother.”

“Let’s start with you calling me Charlotte. I’m actually the
perfect person for you to talk to about this since I, too, am a submissive.
Trudy is also a resource for you. Anytime. Let me ask you a question. At any
point between the time you were in the Circle and now, did you pull away from
Garrett or ask not to be touched?”

“Last night I requested to get off his lap. I was upset and
he wanted to talk about it but I needed space to discuss what was wrong. I only
needed it for that conversation.” In a voice barely above a whisper, Zara realizes
she has discovered the reason for his retreat. “I did not know it would stop
all the closeness.”

“Ahhh…” Charlotte nods. “When a Dom is not in a collared
relationship with a submissive, there are certain protocols that must be
adhered to at all times. Garrett is very attracted to you and has been for
quite some time. I see you’re surprised to hear this. He knows you much better
than you are aware.

“When you asked Garrett to release you from his hold, you
set a boundary that he will not cross. You may have intended it for just that
conversation, but to him, you requested space between the two of you. Until you
remove that boundary, Garrett will fight with every fiber in his body to
respect that. Never mistake his respect as disinterest.”

Male voices can be heard coming closer and Charlotte,
reading the concern on Zara’s face, rushes to say, “Zara Faith, the only way to
change the boundary that he perceives that you want is to talk to him about it.”

Charlotte’s last sentence dances around in Zara’s mind as
Garrett and an older version of him walk into the room. They are smiling and it
is obvious they have just finished a conversation meant only for them.

“Dad, this is Zara. Zara, this is my dad, John Warren.” It
is impossible to miss the joy Garrett feels making the introduction. Charlotte
and Zara stand as he approaches them, his face lit with a huge smile. He stops
briefly behind Charlotte to caress her shoulders, then moves toward Zara.

“Zara Faith, it is a pleasure to meet you. Please call me
Warren. Before we go any further, I would like to let you know that in this
house I have only one sub and that is Charlotte. Since you are collared by no
one, you are here as part of our family. I would ask that you conduct yourself
as freely as you possibly can. Now give me a hug.”

Unsure she has just heard everything correctly, Zara slowly
takes a step forward, then suddenly finds herself engulfed with her first hug
by a man other than her little brother in as long as she can remember.

“Okay… okay… okay. Dad, let Zara go.” Warren releases her
and walks over to Garrett and enfolds him with the same embrace.

So… this is the difference between a dad and a father. A
dad would have been nice.

“I have to run. I love you, son. Be careful to remember that
while Zara is with you, she is your complete responsibility in every way. Have
fun today.”

“Will you still be here when we get back?” Garrett asks his
dad after extracting himself.

“I don’t think so, but Trudy will remain here until you head
back to the city. Call if you need anything. Zara, it has been a pleasure to
meet you. We will make more time to talk next time. Charlotte, I will be in my
office.”

With that, Warren turns and walks out, returning the same
way he came. Charlotte stands and gives Zara a quick hug, then embraces Garrett
for a few beats longer.

“I love you, Son. Please take care of our Zara Faith.”
Grabbing her cup of coffee off the table, Charlotte gives a last wink and
follows after her Dom.

Mulling over how the interaction in this family is nothing
like her own, Zara startles at Garrett’s voice just behind her. “Do you have
your phone?”

Zara nods and then follows Garrett out into the sunshine.
Zara closes her eyes and turns her face up to the sun, reveling in the warmth
of the morning. She is spending some time alone with Garrett.

They walk to the open top Jeep. Garrett mistakes the source
of her smile and chuckles, “So you like Jeeps then.”

Closing the door behind her, he reaches in to hand her a
hair tie from his pocket. She pulls her hair into a messy bun. Uncertain about
so many things in her life, Zara is certain the distance between she and
Garrett will be gone by the end of the day.

Garrett climbs in, turns the ignition and cranks the stereo
so loud Zara cannot hear herself think.

Perfect.

Zara finds a peaceful confidence in the rhythmic pulse and
the woman’s conviction, appreciating the power in her voice as she takes hold
of the song. The song ends way too soon and Zara considers begging Garrett to
replay it.

Sitting side by side, the loud music becomes the
conversation between them. A couple times, Garrett turns the music all the way down
to ask if the song that is playing is okay. Responding with an enthusiastic
head nod, he sends the volume soaring back up.

Enjoying a puffy white cloud scurrying across the deep blue
sky, Zara leans her head back against the head rest to soak in the woman
singing
Here’s to Us
. Enjoying the scenery whipping by, a feeling of
disappointment replaces Zara’s relaxation as the Jeep pulls back into the
driveway.

Trudy suggested that I begin writing some of my thoughts in this
journal.  She said that after so many years of being taught to not express how
we feel it will be a safe place for me to explore how I feel. She also said my
situation is radically different from anyone else’s because they all stayed
within the safety of the Community. Feels strange to write my thoughts and
feelings.

The look on Mother’s face when I turned to walk out of the
Circle will not go away. Although her body was in absolutely perfect
presentation position for my father, her expression was completely mine. In the
instant we had, I saw no anger or sadness for the loss of a daughter. I saw
disappointment in her eyes. There was a great disappointment in a daughter who
had failed her so publicly in front of the Community but, more importantly, her
Master. All those years of trying to make her proud of me have been erased.

My Fredrik. How I miss you, brother. This beautiful place has
been a paradigm shift. I have spent the last four days virtually alone with my
thoughts on the beach. The family has been very welcoming and you would like
them very much. I miss you so much. When I lay in bed at night, I wish for
those three knocks of yours before you open the door and come in to talk. Tomorrow,
I leave here to go to college. I am so nervous. Scared even. I hope you know
that you are in my thoughts.

Clipping the pen to the cover of the journal,        Zara
lays back on the blanket listening to the sounds of the water lapping over the
shore and retreating. The screeching of birds as they search for food and the
occasional boat horn from across the lake. After hours on the beach, it all
resonates into an evenly balanced chorus that allows Zara to relax her wandering
thoughts.  

A shadow appears over Zara, it is Trudy standing in a big
floppy hat and large glasses. “Mind if I sit with you?” Trudy asks.

Sitting up quickly, Zara replies, “I would like that.” She
moves over to give Trudy room on the blanket.

“Hold this, would you please?” Trudy hands Zara a straw bag
before slowly easing herself down onto the blanket. “It has been a month of
Sunday’s since I’ve been out here.”

Once she is settled, Zara hands her back her bag. Trudy
takes out two travel mugs and gives on to Zara. “Iced tea.”

“Thank you.”

“Seems this is it.” Trudy takes a long drink of her tea.

“I have never spent so much time alone.”

“Well, Child. Garrett felt that after everything that you
needed time between leaving your family and the Circle and starting at State to
just take a breath. We all wanted you to have your space.

Zara looks at Trudy.

“Well, now.”

Zara stiffens.

“Child, he will be back this evening for dinner. He just
went to his cabin for the day.”

“Cabin?” Zara’s asks with definite interest.

Trudy nods and continues, “Garrett has a cabin left to him
by his grandparent. It is his retreat. He often goes when he wants to get away
and think. Much like you seem to be drawn to the water, he is drawn to the
woods of his cabin.”

Why did he not take me to the cabin with him?

“It’s been nice having you around the house these last few
days.” Trudy interrupts Zara’s thoughts.

“Trudy, I am nervous about going to State.”

Reaching around Zara, Trudy draws her into a half hug. “Child,
you are supposed to be scared. This next chapter is unknown to you. But, you do
have one thing going for you…Garrett.”

Zara looks back out over the water. Trudy places her hand on
Zara’s shoulder and leans on her to stand up. “It’s hot out here. I don’t know
how you kids do it.”

“Child, tomorrow morning you are going to wake up and
Garrett is going to drive you to State. You will join a lot of other kids who are
feeling the same way you are. Remember that my number is programmed in your
phone and you can call me day or night, even just to say you are scared.”

With that Trudy, started her slow ascend back to the house. From
several yards away, she turns back to Zara. “You will be ok. Child, you will be
far better than ok.”

Zara draws her knees up to her chest and wraps her arms
around them tightly. Resting her cheek on her knee she closes her eyes.

Funny how someone I just met can try to comfort me but my
own mother never could.