Becoming A Butterfly (The Butterfly Chronicles) (14 page)

“
It was New Hampshire.”
He leaned into me. My heart began to crash against my chest. As it thundered in my ears, I closed my eyes, my breath shallow; I felt his fingers soft against my cheek. His sweet apple breath was warm against my lips. Then the doorbell rang. We both stiffened. I opened my eyes and his eyes, watching me, were steely. It rang again. I pushed away from him. “I’ll be right back,” I whispered breathily. Silently cursing whoever was at the front door, I looked back at him as he straightened himself. I made my way to the entryway, taking slow, deep breaths. I smoothed my shirt, jerked the door open, and there, leaning against the post was Chase.
Of course, it was Chase.
I crossed my arms and glared at him. His mellow demeanor instantly hardened.

“
Am I interrupting something?” he asked, as he removed his flash drive from his front jeans pocket.

“
No, yes, nevermind. What?” I said.

“
I just wanted you to add this song to the list before we upload it next week.” He handed me the flash. “Can I come in?”

“
Whatever,” I said, as I turned and went back to the kitchen. Henry was gathering his books and stuffing them into his bag.

“
I see,” Chase said under his breath as he took in the scene. I threw him a look that told him to keep his opinions to himself.

“
I’ve gotta go, Lacey. Thanks for all the help.” Henry avoided eye contact with both of us.

“
No problem. I’ll see you tomorrow,” I said, as I followed him toward the door.

“
Hey, how’s Farrah doing,
Henry
?” Chase called as he opened the refrigerator, asserting his comfort level in my house and some sort of male dominance. Henry flinched a little and turned to stare at him. Chase looked up, no overt expression on his face, even though I saw his eyes spark anger, but only for a second.
What was his problem!

“
OK, I guess,” Henry said and turned to me. “See you.” I didn’t follow him; I only glared at Chase. He found what he was looking for in a coffee drink, and walked past me toward the stairs. I followed him up the stairs to my room. He lay across my bed, placing his drink on the night stand
,
as I went to my computer.

“
Do I need to mix this?” I asked curtly.

“
No, it’s acoustic.”

I loaded it and added it to the playlist. “Laced with Lies” was the title. Without asking, I hit play. It was just guitar at first, soft and slow. Then I heard his voice.

She thinks

She’s invisible

When she hides

Behind her makeup.

She doesn’t know

That I see her

When she disappears

In the crowd.

But that’s

The way she likes it,

Though she’ll never admit it.

That’s the reason she hides,

Behind eyes laced with lies.

She thinks

My heart is stone

And my words

Are made of rubber.

She doesn’t know

Her words burn through me,

Leaving me severed.

But that’s what

She won’t understand;

All she knows

Is how to pretend.

Now everyone can see

Her eyes laced with lies.

She thinks

She needs it,

So someone can love her.

She’ll never understand

That I could always see her.

I wonder

If she’ll ever realize

How beautiful

She is to me.

And that’s the reason

I hide behind

My eyes laced with lies.

I turned and faced him. It was raw, beautiful, and gave me chills. He was staring at my ceiling. Without saying another word to me, he swung his legs over the edge of the bed, grabbed his drink, and left my room. Unable to speak, I just watched him.

Chapter 17

I listened to his song over and over, trying to find the metaphor in the lyrics. There had to be one. It was obviously about me.
Hello, Laced with lies, who else would it be about?
Then I berated myself for feeling so self-important. I wanted to text him, call him, go to his house and demand to know why he was so. . . so. . . so weird. But I was scared, too. I sat at my computer and decided to hack into the school database. After thirty minutes, though, it hadn’t calmed me in the slightest, and my phone dinged anyway, so I shut down my computer. It was a text message from Henry, to me, Lacey, not me, Farrah. I was beginning to get confused juggling this other persona.

Idk what’s wrong with me. Sorry about earlier. I shouldn’t have done that. I’m with someone, and you are too. It wasn’t fair to us or them. I won’t bug you anymore.

I dropped my head against my desk with a thud. In the process of three days, I had managed go from non-existent, to being noticed, almost kissed, back to non-existent.
I rocked.
I didn’t even respond. My head was swimming. What could I do? I didn’t want to call Jade or Tasha. After lunch, I was afraid I wasn’t their favorite person, and if I told them what had happened, I was afraid they’d completely turn their backs on me. I decided to give up on this day. It had started out so promising and had so many wonderful moments, and at the same time, horrible catastrophes. I put on my pajamas and climbed into bed at eight-thirty. And I murmured to myself, sounding like
Scarlett O’Hara
: “Tomorrow is another day.”

Thank God for Friday, but not for missing my alarm and oversleeping. I barely made it out the door in time; but I did and was greeted with a loud “LOSER!” from the backseat of Byron’s car. Henry didn’t look at me. I expected as much. I doubted he would ever talk to me again. I had to figure out a way to tell him it was all going to be OK. At least I hoped it would be OK. Who was I to say? My oldest friends in the world were punishing me for something they had a hand in. My newest friend was so hot and cold he was giving me third degree burns and hypothermia at the same time. I just had to figure out how to survive. I decided that I would tell Henry who I really was at the end of Stacey Gibson’s party. My plan was to show him how much I liked him and how much we had in common, and then take him aside and explain to him what I wasn’t sure I could—and that was why. I had a few weeks to figure out the why. I also decided that I needed to back off a little from him as Farrah. I figured if I could put some distance between us, it wouldn’t hurt so bad if he decided that it was too much. I hated to admit that I thought Jade might, possibly, by chance, be right about my behavior. I didn’t know how I would admit that to her, but I was going to, and I was going to tell her my plan. I hoped she would approve. I also intended to give her my blessing to go for Chase. Saturday would be the perfect opportunity for them to fall into place with each other, and in love, too. I had to find a way to mend things with him. I was determined though. He was becoming important to me, but I still wasn’t completely sure why.

Tasha met me at my locker. “You and Jade have to make up. I can’t take all this being in the middle stuff. It feels like her parents are getting divorced all over again. Only it’s totally different this time. I see her side, and I see your side, but then I see my side
,
even though I don’t really have a side. I’m stressed, and finals are in two weeks.” I put my hands on her shoulders and looked into her eyes.

“
Breathe in.” She did. “Breathe out.” She did. “Calm down; I have a plan.” She looked at me wearily, and I looped my arm through hers, and we made our way down the hall. Chase stood in his usual stairwell entry, leaning against the wall watching the crowd pass. He was wearing a dark blue work shirt open over his T-shirt. That was new—for school. I slowed when our eyes met. “You go on; I’ll catch up,” I said, patting Tasha on the shoulder. She looked at Chase then simply nodded to me. I took a deep breath and walked over to him. He ignored me.

“
Can we talk?” He glanced at me and returned his steely gaze to the hallway. “Please,” I pleaded. He straightened up and went through the door. I followed him. Instead of going up, he went down to the basement. The door was locked. It was always locked, but he leaned against it and just looked at me. I wasn’t intimidated by his blank stare. I was now immune to it, used to it, so I sat down on the steps. We stayed in the stairwell; I waited until the last of the footsteps had faded, and the doors were no longer slamming before I started in. I was going to let him have it—my honesty that is. I took a deep breath.

“
I’m not sure what happened. Somewhere along the way, you’ve become one of my closest friends.” He rolled his eyes. “You told me you liked me for me, not who I pretended to be. Well, I like you for you. I know we do this whole banter thing, and you keep me on my toes, but if I were being honest, I kind of enjoy it, but I have to know what you’re thinking and feeling. You don’t like Henry, for whatever reason—”

“
I’ve never said I don’t like Henry,” he interrupted and glared at me.

“
Your words may not have said it, but your actions do. In the past few weeks I’ve spent enough time with you that I think I know you pretty well, and you know me too.” His eyes softened, but he still held my gaze. “You don’t like him, but I do, and for some reason he likes me; he just doesn’t fully know it yet.” I couldn’t look at him anymore. “I hope that when this is all over, he will forgive me, and give me a chance. I’m not sure if I deserve it, but I’ve crushed on him since forever, and this is my opportunity to be happy. I hope you can support me in that. Like I said, you’ve become one of my closest friends, and I don’t want to lose you, but I want you to understand: things can’t be how they have been the past few days.” I put my hands in my lap and laced my fingers. He looked at a crack between the concrete and cinder blocks like it was the most interesting thing in the world. The second bell had long since sounded. I knew we were down her for the duration of first period, which I could only assume was at least twenty more minutes. He was silent for what felt like forever. And just when I decided to give up and try to get into class, he began.

“
It’s really hard for me to trust people—especially people I haven’t known for very long. It’s weird with you. I know we started out with this
arrangement
, but you have turned out to be completely different from what I thought you would be. You’re brave and surprisingly honest, and I find myself telling you things I haven’t even told some of my closest friends, so I agree I don’t want to lose what we have. When I care about something, though, I want to protect it, and I feel like I need to protect you. You have no idea what something like this could do to you if it blows up in your face. You’re risking a lot.”

“
Maybe I feel that way because I’m watching it from the outside. I mean, Lacey, come on, look at how fast the kids at my old school figured it out. All it takes is one person telling someone from our school. Then everyone will know. And Jade was right; you’re playing with Henry’s emotions. That’s not fair, so yeah I’m going to give you shit when I see you flirting with him.” He squatted in front of me and took my hands in his. “I don’t doubt that he’s falling for you,” he said in a hushed tone as he looked up into my eyes. “Anyone who gets to know you will realize how amazing you are, but you’re going to hurt him, and he, in turn, is going to hurt you. That is what I have a problem with. I want you to be happy, with the right person, and if you have to lie to him, then he’s not the right person.” Chase was so sincere. I felt my eyes getting round and glassy as he stared up into them. “It’s just not worth it.” He traced the top of my hand with his calloused fingers. I couldn’t feel the roughness of his hands; I only felt his delicate touch.

“
I have a plan,” I whispered. “It’s going to be over soon, one way or another.” He looked down at our hands and let out a deep sigh. His messy hair covered his face, so I couldn’t see his expression.

“
Whatever it is, I’ll help you.” He looked back up at me. “You kept your end of our bargain, and I’ll keep mine.”

“
Thank you.” I pulled him close to me in a hug, and he held me tight. Then the bell rang.

Chapter 18

It seemed like we couldn’t let each other go. We hugged until the warning bell rang, and when he finally pulled away from me, my silent tears had darkened his shoulder. I wiped my eyes and sniffed.

“
Don’t cry. We’re OK.” He looked up at me tenderly. I simply nodded. We both stood and went up the stairs to the busy hallway. He gave me one last nod before he turned and went down the hall in the opposite direction from me. I took a deep breath and mentally checked Chase off my check list. I decided to make Henry my next priority. At my locker, I grabbed my books, but before I closed my locker I sent him a text.