Becoming A Butterfly (The Butterfly Chronicles) (22 page)

“
Of course.” I nodded.

“
Shall we?” Byron asked, pointing toward the tiki torched path. We followed them, and Henry squeezed my hand encouragingly.

As we entered, a hush came across the party. The DJ continued spinning, but all eyes turned to us. After a few minutes, they returned to their conversations, but I was grateful for the dim lighting. I was sure my face was as crimson as Tasha’s dress. Chase watched me from across the room. I stole glances at him too, reading encouragement in his eyes sometimes and dread the other times our eyes met.

“
Do you want something to drink?” Henry leaned over and asked me. Bea ignored him and continued the long lecture she’d began once we entered the party over an hour ago, filling me in on who everyone was and the latest gossip about them. I wasn’t much on conversation with Bea for obvious reasons, but I’m not sure she noticed. She just wanted the spectacle of being on the infamous Farrah’s side. I turned to Henry and nodded, and he took my hand and led me to the refreshment table. “Looks like we got Bud, MGD, spiked punch, or a mixed drink—though I only know how to put vodka with juice—oh, and water.” He held up a bottled water. I took that, thanking him. He grabbed an MGD. We moved around the pool and stood by ourselves. People were dancing and laughing and playing games. I felt safe, like I had pulled it off. Henry didn’t take his eyes off me. I surveyed the party, unable to meet his gaze. From this view, the party was a success. Stacey should be pleased, another year come and gone. She pranced around from one conversation to the next, being the perfect hostess. I kept Chase in my peripheral vision. Knowing he was there calmed me for some reason. Henry drank his beer at a steady pace. I knew I had to tell him now, before he actually got drunk, before he figured it out for himself, but instead we stood there, a bit awkward. Without warning he turned back to the table and grabbed another beer, tossing the empty bottle in the trash at the same time. I’d never seen him drink before. I wondered if he was really nervous or something, but that didn’t make sense. Thinking he might be nervous made me suddenly anxious and fidgety. The awkwardness grew as if it were a blanket enclosing us. This wasn’t the Farrah he was used to. He began to rock back and forth on his feet.

“
Do you want to dance?” Henry asked, leaning into me so I could hear over the music. He had chosen to stand right in front of a speaker.

“
Maybe in a few minutes,” I answered. “Do you maybe want to go somewhere alone, so we can, I don’t know, talk?” He looked at me strangely for a moment and then smiled like he understood, but he didn’t. Out of the corner of my eye I saw Chase move across the crowd.

“
Where did you have in mind?” Henry asked. I was distracted now, though, Chase had stepped in front of Bea and was talking to her. She gave him her signature annoyed look, but then it softened and she smiled at him widely. “You guys used to date, didn’t you?” Henry asked, his gaze following
mine to Chase overtly flirting with Bea. We watched as he glanced across the party to me, while saying something to her, and then put his attention back on her, touching her arm.

“
Yes,” I said without thinking and then retracted, “I mean, no.” Confusion slammed into my brain. What was he doing? He didn’t like her; he even said that given the choice, he’d pick me all day long.
What had happened to that? And, for that matter why was it making me so angry?

“
Well, which is it?” I could still feel Henry’s eyes on me, but I couldn’t take mine away from Chase and Bea.

“
Huh, what? No. We have only ever been just friends,” I said distractedly. Then I turned to face him, but he was looking at me differently. Almost like I had told him I just wanted to be friends, or that I liked someone else. “Can we just go somewhere and talk, please?” I pleaded. He looked at me, debating, and I think he was about to agree when Bea stepped up beside us. Chase had turned and was leaving through the gate.

“
Who does your hair? I could never get my curls to look that good,” she said overly fake as she interrupted us.

“
No one, I just style it,” I said, annoyed. I pleaded with my eyes to Henry. We could leave right then.

“
And this color, it’s wow—is that natural?” she continued, fingering a curl.

“
Natural, excuse me, if you don’t mind,” I said as pulled my curl loose from her hand and took Henry’s hand at the same time. I passed her and began to lead him out of the party.

“
Oh, I do,” she growled, shoving both of her hands into my hair and tearing it from the pins. I screamed as my own hair came out with the wig. She pulled me backwards with such force my hand was ripped from Henry’s while he looked on in horror. Then that look changed from horror to recognition and finally from recognition to astonishment.

“
You?” Everyone stopped talking, laughing, singing, and dancing. The DJ stopped spinning. The only noise was Henry saying, “You?” I pushed the hair that had fallen out of the bun off my face.

“
Let me explain—” I began.

“
All this time, it was
you
?” Then he looked away blankly at the pool. “Everything—” he started, but he didn’t finish. I knew what he was thinking of, the video chat, all the conversations, the almost-kiss between us, the actual kiss between Chase and me, like he said, everything. Bea stood there smugly, smiling at him triumphant. He looked around the party. His cheeks puckered in a blush, and then he looked at me again.

“
BBBBBBBBAAAAAAHHHHHHH!” The next thing I knew, Derrick Chandler was roaring a war cry and running across the yard. He grabbed me around my waist and leapt into the pool. The last thing I saw before I took a deep breath and closed my eyes was Bea tossing the wig into the pool, too.

Chapter 28

I sink, holding my breath for as long as I can. I replay the entire past two months in my mind as I sit at the bottom of the pool for a matter of seconds, though it feels like hours, like an eternity. My lungs begin to burn, and I realize I can’t stay down here forever.

I surface, reach my wig, and humbly swim to the edge of the pool. All eyes are still on me except for two. I search for Henry, but he’s gone. Derrick climbs out from behind me and instantly begins high-fiving his friends.

Bea stalks around the pool, grabs my arm, and turns me to her. I brace myself, looking down. “You thought you were
SO
smooth. You’re just pathetic.” I look up defiantly into her victorious eyes.

“
I wouldn’t have had to go to the trouble if I wasn’t made to feel like I wasn’t good enough, every day.”

“
Good enough? You’re
NOT
. This proves it, so you can’t blame your multiple personality problems on us. You and your sister should both be locked up. Psychos,” she says as she waves her hands around the crowd that now engulfs me.

“
Maybe I’m not good enough for you, but I don’t want to be either.” Everything was my fault. I turn and walk away, leaving a soggy path behind me.

I go out the side gate and slip off my heels. As I round the house, I see Chase with his arms crossed, leaning against his car. I speed up my pace. I don’t want to hear
anything
he has to say.

“
Are you OK?” he asks, watching me closely.

“
You couldn’t leave well enough alone, could you?” I walk past him, but he doesn’t move.

“
Do you need a ride home? I have a blanket in the trunk you can sit on.” I take a deep breath, turn, and get in his face. His eyes lock into mine, and I speak so low and so calm it scares me.

“
You promised me. You said you wouldn’t tell my secret. You lied. I’d rather walk barefoot on broken glass over a volcano than accept a ride from you,” I say. I step away from him. His eyes betray his hurt in a blink; then they steel into the vacant distant look he’s perfected.

“
Suit yourself,” he says softly as I turn and begin walking toward home again. “You never needed that wig. You’re perfect as you.” I stumble, but continue down the sidewalk, away from him.

When I arrive home, my parents are out back on the patio. They’re talking in hushed tones. I assume they are talking about Lana. I sneak up to my room and strip out of my wet clothes. I turn on the water for a bath, adding Epsom salts and bubbles. I climb in and almost immediately sink below the surface. I want to disappear, but I can’t escape. There is nowhere to escape, only places and people to face.

After my bath, I go to my blinds and peek through to look at Henry’s window. His light is on, but the blinds are closed. In all my years of nonexistence to him, he’d never thought to close his blinds. Now, they are closed. I go to my computer and delete Farrah’s profile, email, and phone number as tears slide silently down my cheeks. After that, I flop face first on my bed. Sleep finds me early in the morning hours
after I toss and turn. I ignore all the messages from my friends asking me if I am OK. I am not. I will never be OK.

The next morning I face the wrath of my mother. Again. She found her wig in my bathroom as she put away my clothes before I woke up. She throws it across my face, stinging my skin with the still-wet hair and my nose with the chlorine.

“
I’ve been looking for this for two months,” she complains.

“
I’ve had it,” I say.

“
I see that. And you ruined it.”

“
I’ll replace it.” I roll over and pull the blankets over my head.

“
You’ll do more than that. You’re grounded. For a month. No car. No computer. No video games. You can only go see your sister and that’s it. You just lost your summer, too, little girl. What were you thinking?” I know she is punishing me for more than just ruining her wig, but it is her excuse to make it right, I guess.

I take a shower and get ready to go see Lana. My dad hugs me as I go out the door and whispers that he will talk to my mom about my punishment. I just shrug. I would accept whatever they decided I deserve. As I exit the front door, Chase pulls up. He gets out of his car and leaves it running. He jogs around his car and meets me at the bottom of the stoop.

“
Are you going to see Lana now?” he asks out of breath.

“
Yeah,” I say.

“
Can you give her this? Your dad said she couldn’t see anyone but family. Tell her I hope she feels better soon. I don’t want her to think I forgot about her.” I nod at his thoughtfulness. “OK, I’ll see you around then,” he says, backing away from me, his eyes on mine. I nod, still numb. “OK,” he says again as he jumps into his car and drives away.
Why is he so. . . so. . . so. . . weird?

I stand in the doorway to her hospital room. Lana sleeps, and I don’t want to disturb her. I just watch her lying there. Her arms are wrapped in white gauze up to her elbows. She has an IV in her left hand, and the only sound I hear is its constant drip. I’m not sure if she senses me here or just happens to wake up on her own, but she opens her eyes and turns to look at me. It takes her a minute to recognize me, but she does and begins raising the head of her bed so that she can sit up.

“
Some girls will do anything to get out of school,” I say, offering her a weak smile.

“
Hey,” she replies in a scruffy morning voice.

“
How are you feeling?” I ask.

“
Better” is her simple response. I still hover in the doorway, afraid to come in
,
though I’m not quite sure why. I don’t know if she is angry with me or grateful, if she blames me or wishes I’d done something sooner. She has had time to think since we talked on Friday; maybe she’s changed her mind. I’ve never been so unsure of anything. “Come in and sit down,” she says, pointing to a chair beside her bed. I do. “They’re shipping me off for six weeks.” She looks at her hands in her lap.

“
I know,” I acknowledge softly.

“
I think it will be good to get away.”

“
Maybe. You need to talk to someone about what happened.” She flinches a little. “Besides me. I’m still going to be here for you, no matter what. That’s what sisters do.” I offer her my most encouraging smile. She returns a weaker version to me. “And when you come back, you will be stronger and more beautiful, inside and out. You won’t hide anymore, right?” I ask.

“
OK.” She nods, determination glittering in her eyes.

“
I’m going to come visit you every chance I can,” I tell her, being brave for her.

“
They are going to let me take my finals so that I can move on with my class too, though I’m not completely sure I want to. No one besides Mom and Dad, and now you has come to see me. Not even Chase.”