Becoming A Butterfly (The Butterfly Chronicles) (23 page)

“
That’s because Mom and Dad restricted your visitors to family only. Chase sent you this.” I reach into my bag and grab the note he’d given me. “He said he hopes you get better soon.” Her face lights up, and I realize what he means to her now that he’s rescued her. Her expression freezes, and she watches me for a minute.

“
You know I don’t
like him
like him, right?” Confused, I just narrow my eyes, but she continues. “Because he doesn’t like me like that, and he’s too old for me.” She is using my words against me, but I still don’t know why she’s telling me this. “Just so you know,” she adds, as she opens her letter and reads it. But I don’t know what she means at all.

Chapter 29

As I drive to school on the last Monday of my sophomore year, dread boils at the back of my throat. My dad has talked my mom out of grounding me. She still isn’t talking to me though. I might punish me too if I were her. I am grateful to have the weekend as a buffer before the last week of school. My hope is that it will blow over like the panty incident, like the bikini incident, like everything else seemed to do. I have finals to focus on and desperately need the excitement from the party to wear off. My friends meet me by the front door, Tasha running and engulfing me in a gigantic hug. Jade is a little slower to our side, but she squeezes in too.

“
If I’d have known—” Tasha begins but soon presses her lips together.

“
No one could have known,” I reply, leaning my forehead against hers, reassuring her.

“
Well, Chase…” Jade trails off as she looks toward the parking lot. We both follow her gaze, and there is Chase sauntering toward the entrance. Giving Lana a thoughtful note doesn’t change the fact that he betrayed me. I trusted him, I gave him my friendship, but he is an opportunist.

“
It’s too bad too,” I finished my train of thought out loud, as I stare hard at him. He meets my gaze with a wink and head nod.
Jerk.

We go in, and it seems as though the roar that normally surrounds us hums to a white noise as soft as a whisper. I feel my cheeks prickle with the blood rushing to my face. My hands begin to shake. This most definitely is not a buffered Monday. We separate, and I go to my locker get my books for my first class. I look down the hall and spot Henry strolling toward me with a larger than normal group of his alternative skater friends. Our eyes meet, and he holds my gaze until he passes. Then he laughs at something Bryon says. I will never say something that makes him laugh like that again. I watch him until he turns the corner. Then, wanting to disappear, I bang my head against my locker.

I spend finals with my head down and focus on my facts. By the time the last day of school arrives, I am ready
never to see these people again. They say the punishment should fit the crime, but in my opinion, kids are cruel. Chase tries to talk to me a few times, but I always manage to escape him. The way I avoid Chase, Henry avoids me, not that I am trying to track him down to catch up with him or even explain myself. He made it clear that he wants nothing to do with me. I knew that I was playing a dangerous game. I thought I would be OK with losing him, but if the truth were told, I didn’t think I would lose him.
Silly me.
So you
can imagine my surprise when Wednesday after classes are over and school is dismissed for the summer, I find Henry leaning against my trunk as I approach my car with Jade and Tasha.

“
So um, we are going to walk to Jade’s house, and meet up with you later,” Tasha says as she glances from me to Henry. I simply nod, and they turn
in the opposite direction toward Jade’s neighborhood.

“
Hi.”

He straightens up, and if I were a betting girl, I would say he wears a hopeful smile on his face. But I’m not, so cautiously I say, “Hi.”

Could I bum a ride home?” My eyebrows furrow as I debate whether or not this is a trap of some sort.

“
No Byron?”

“
Not today. I thought we should talk.” Looking up into his eyes, I melt, and the world disappears except for us.

“
OK.” As I turn to unlock the door, Chase drives by slowly. His eyes meet mine. I stand there and something in my heart breaks in that moment. He looks from me to Henry and then straight ahead. Within moments he’s gone, taking a piece of my heart with him. Henry gets in the passenger seat and I start the car.

“
Henry I—” “I jus—” we begin at the same time. “Go ahead,” I say.

“
I just don’t understand what happened. I go over everything, and now none of it makes any sense.”

“
It started as goofing around, and then you liked me, and I was able to just be me, with you.” I’m glad to be driving and not have to hold his eye contact. “There were so many nights that I wanted to tell you, but I was afraid to, afraid of losing you.”

“
You made me look stupid,” he says. Then under his breath adds, “Again.”

“
I don’t have any excuses; I don’t have anything that can make it up.”

“
Then other things make sense,” he continues as if I said nothing. “Like when you asked how I knew Farrah so well, why you closed your blinds after so many years. Gawd, Lacey, I almost kissed you. I
felt bad
for liking you.” He trails off. We drive in silence the rest of the way home. I park in the driveway and turn off the car. I put my hands in my lap. “Do you want to know why Byron and Bea hate you so much? It’s really stupid, but hey, it’s Byron.” Our eyes meet. “In kindergarten I was so excited because we were in the same class, remember?” I do. “But the first day of school you met Jade. You two were instant friends, and you forgot about me. I was upset at recess because I had this image of what scary school would be like with my best friend, Fearless. I wasn’t afraid because you were going to be there with me. Byron asked me if I wanted to play, and when I hid, he found me and got the truth out of me. He and Bea became my friends and immediately hated your guts. I guess it just grew over the years. You didn’t deserve the way they treated you. It wasn’t fair. But I didn’t either.” He looked out the window, one hand on his back pack
,
and the other on the door handle. “Byron will always be my best friend, no matter what he does. I questioned him for a while, but he’s the most honest person I know; what you see is what you get.” I sit in stunned silence. “I always kept an eye on you, Lacey, over the years, tried to watch out for you. But I just don’t see us coming back from this. I felt like you should know how I feel; I need some time away from you.” He looks over at me, and I’m confused. He’d had time away from me. His chest rises and falls slowly. “Don’t call me, chat with me online, don’t say hi to me, or talk to me for any reason. I don’t exist to you anymore. Don’t expect me to do the same; you don’t exist to me either.” He opens the door and walks slowly across my front yard. I manage to get inside my room before the tears find me. My life is over, shattered.

Chapter 30

I’ve become a recluse. I eat my meals in my room. I listen to my world rock that puts me in a mellow mood. I imagine that if I knew a drug dealer, I would consider becoming a stoner. But I don’t know any drug dealers in my school. I don’t even say hi to them in the hallways, let alone have a way to hook up with them over the summer. Every drawer and shelf have been organized and the clutter thinned out. All of the books I’ve bought throughout the year have been read and shelved by favorite author, storyline, year published, etc. I am exiled, whether by force or choice I’m not sure anymore. I look forward to my Saturday visit with Lana. It will be our first since her relocation to the stress center. It will be our first solo visit too. My parents are going to see her on Sunday. I am sitting on the floor playing video games, working on my record-high scores, my hair piled on top of my head in a messy bun, in my comfy tank top and comfy sweats with the waist stretched so far I have to roll it three times to get them to stay on my hips. My computer chimes, and I rise from the floor to see a video request from Jade. I accept it, and she smiles at me from her room.

“
Hi, Mama, hold on,” she says and clicks some buttons. Tasha appears on a split screen.

“
Hey,” I say waving.

“
Hi.” Tasha smiles.

“
How are you feeling?” Jade asks motherly.

“
It is what it is,” I shrug. Henry has been true to his word and is becoming an expert at ignoring me, which I am making easier on him by becoming a recluse.

“
Are you going to come over tomorrow?” Tasha asks. “My dad said my car will be ready.” For her sweet sixteen Tasha gets a custom Cadillac convertible. “I will try,” I say, knowing that I probably won’t. I am in a funk, and I am not sure when I will get out of it.

“
She’s going to see Lana on Saturday,” Jade reminds her, giving me an excuse.

“
Yeah, she’s way north of Westfield. I have to leave early just to get there by ten so I can spend the whole day with her.” I’ve been doing a lot of soul searching too, and that is something I’m afraid that I can only do on my own.

“
This is the only way we get to see you these days it seems like, and I leave for cheer camp next week. Can we do it another night?” Tasha pleads.

“
Sunday?” I offer, hoping that seeing my sister will cheer me up and instantly feeling like a selfish pritch.
Yes, I just made up a word—prick and bitch—that summed my feelings.

“
Just don’t bail this time like you did last week,” Tasha pleads still. “We miss you.” Tasha is the soft voice of sympathy while Jade is the crisp voice of reason. They really are pieces of my whole. I’m glad that through this whole complicated mess I haven’t truly lost them.

“
I won’t; I promise,” I say. There is a knock at my door, and I look up to see my dad poke his head in.

“
There’s someone at the door for you,” he says. I look at my screen, and both my friends shrug. I log off and follow him down the stairs. There is Chase, ripped jeans, plain white T, and his motorcycle boots. I cross my arms and stare at him hard for a moment. I’d managed successfully to avoid his phone calls, texts, and Status Quo messages for the past two weeks. Now we stand in awkward silence, his eyes holding mine in that spell.

“
I hear your mom calling me.” I roll my eyes at my dad as he retreats toward the back of our house.

“
What do you want?” I demand, as I sit on the bottom of the stairs.

“
There seems to be some confusion as to who told Bea who Farrah really was. It wasn’t me.” He still annoys me with his whole referring to Farrah as if she really were a person. As if it doesn’t matter to us, it was someone else we knew in passing. I lean my head against the banister.

“
Why should I believe you?” I ask, staring a hole through the beveled glass front door.

“
Because I told you I wouldn’t tell Henry.” I look at him, remembering that conversation. It was the most real he’d ever been with me.

“
But then, there were times you threatened to tell him,” I continue, as if I were simply talking to myself.

“
I promised you that I wouldn’t, and I always keep my word. Bea was already going after you when I stopped and flirted with her.” He waffles his fingers over his knees. “I thought it was working, but then I realized what she was looking at. You had a strip of your natural hair mixed in with the wig. I gave her one last chance for a ride on my bike, but she blew me off. I left in order to make it look like I was really leaving anyway.” He turns on the stairs toward me. “I wish I hadn’t though. As much grief as I gave you, I would never hurt you.” His eyes search mine, trying to convey some secret message. Unfortunately, I don’t speak his language and continue to look at him blankly. He smooths the loose hair from my face and tucks it behind my ears. “I would never hurt you; you are too important to me,” he repeats as he leans his forehead against mine. He closes his eyes and takes a deep breath. His lips are so close to mine, I have a flash back to our kiss and I almost want to lean in and kiss him again, but that’s not fair to him or me and I wonder why I want to do that anyway; he’s just my friend. Instead I hug him, forgiving him, and he holds on to me tightly. I feel safe with Chase, like he sees me for who I really am, and who I want to be. He believes in me. We sit like that for a long time not saying anything. Then all too soon he pulls away from me and stands
.
Before he leaves, he says, “I promise I’ll never let anyone hurt you again. When you’re ready, I’d like to prove that to you.” I blink wildly, realizing that I’m dense. He is telling me he cares for me. He’s on his bike and pulling away before I realize it’s too late. All the moments we have shared flash across my eyes—gym class sitting on the bleachers, in my room, riding on his bike, hanging out in his room, that kiss. DUH! That kiss, it was the best kiss I’d ever had, and not just because I’d had only one kiss ever. I stand and go to the porch as I watch the sun chase the horizon. I could accept that I lost Henry, but I don’t see in myself what he sees in me anymore. Deceit. It destroyed us but it was necessary for me to be able to see in myself what Chase sees. I had it all along and didn’t even know it. Farrah was the cocoon of my creation; I was the butterfly.