Becoming (9 page)

9

Gaia lay on her bed, dressed in her pyjamas. The others were all sleeping. There was mumbling and sniffling, the occasional snore. Gaia stared at the wires and frame of the bed above, her familiar nightly view, the tapestry of nocturnal doodling, her distraction. All those times Gaia had lain awake and could not sleep. All those hours she had absorbed this view, studied it. All the minutes weaving thread through the framework. All the seconds thinking who she was, how she got here, what the future held. Was life happy or not? What did she want? All those months, weeks, days, hours, minutes, seconds. All those questions. They had all led to this moment. The next few minutes would be the point of no return. Gaia would make the final break and set forward the unstoppable wheel of destiny. The next hour would change forever, determine who she would become. Gaia would embark on the most perilous journey of her short life. She was about to discover who her companions would be on that journey, the people who would make it happen. The next few days and weeks would define her future.

Why? Gaia asked herself over and over. Was the journey worth it? Gaia knew what she did not want, and had always known it. Gaia did not want to be moulded like putty, functional and forgotten. She would not be part of a structure, nothing but a small piece of the glue that held it together, a cog in the machine. The community had given her life, given her education, training, a purpose, but it had come at a heavy cost. The community had stolen her soul, defined all that Gaia was and would become. No more.

It had taken time to find the answers, but Gaia now knew what she wanted. Free to make her own decisions, and determine her own path. Free to make her own mistakes, and her own successes. Free to find out who she really was, not who they wanted her to be. Their chances were slim. There was a good chance of being killed or captured. They may fail in their ultimate goal to find the community, but Gaia had to do this. The journey was her chance. She had to grab it, and take the opportunity. Gaia was ready. This was her moment.

It was time. Gaia’s clothes were ready, and a small rucksack packed. She reached under the mattress for the knife. The elastic in her pyjama bottoms was not strong enough to hold the sheath securely so she taped it to the base of her back. Gaia tested the position and angle to ensure she could reach it. She drew the knife from the sheath, and rolled the handle in her hands. The blade glistened even in the night. Gaia ran her finger along its razor edge, feeling the lightest of pressure would slice her skin. She held back, just enough to avoid drawing blood. Once this was done there would be no turning back. The knife on its own was nothing, it was lifeless. The knife’s purpose defined by others. Gaia’s actions would gave it meaning, and she was about to determine that meaning. In a moment the destiny of the dagger and Gaia would be defined forever. Together they would be intertwined in that one fateful act.

Gaia replaced the knife and steadied herself. She felt electrified, buzzing with the fear and anticipation of what lay ahead. Gaia took slow, deep breaths, holding it in and counting to three, then releasing and holding it. The air emptied from her lungs, filled and emptied them again. In, pause, out, pause, in, pause, out, pause. A steady rhythm began, all on the count of three. It was like a slow waltz. The adrenaline began to ease, the ringing in her ears subsided, her stomach settled. Gaia was ready. It was now. This was the point of no return. She was staring over the precipice.

Gaia glided across the wooden floor, opened the door to the passage. She left the room,  and closed the door behind her, moving towards Hakan’s door, his room. Gaia listened, but there was nothing. Raising her hand, there was a pause, just a moment for one final listen, then a tap on the door. There was no answer. Gaia listened again, but nothing. Another tap, a little harder this time. The door opened. Gaia jumped, startled. There was no sound, no warning, in an instant his face was there, smiling at her. Smiling at his assassin.

Hakan eased the door open and gestured Gaia to enter. It was a narrow opening, just enough for her to squeeze past, enough to make her brush past him, feel his presence. The calm composure from her breathing earlier had faded. The tension was building within. Gaia shuffled into the room, trying her best to not touch him, but her arm caught his chest. She tried to keep her back arched and away from him. The knife was well concealed, but all it took was the wrong twist of the body and the outline of the weapon might be revealed. Gaia could not take that chance. The leader was dressed in light trousers and a t-shirt. He was barefoot. Gaia turned to face him. Hakan closed the door and looked at Gaia. Up and down, from side to side, leaning his head left and right. There was a pause. Hakan continued to scan her face and body, the smile still etched on his lips.

‘So you came thirty seven. I’m pleased. Perhaps a little surprised, but I think we both know this is for the best. Have you had a think about my proposal?’

Gaia was fighting the nerves and fury inside. Both were stirring themselves into an explosive cocktail. She could feel the switch twitching, on the verge of going. It was taking all her mental power to suppress the feelings and keep control. Gaia had to focus, and wait for the right moment. That time was not now. It would come soon, but not yet. She would know when, and then strike. Gaia took a deep breath, forcing out the words to keep up the charade, not wanting to give him any suspicion.

‘You didn’t give me any choice, did you? I know I’ve done something wrong, and I don’t want any trouble. Yes, I’m thankful you haven’t reported me. I’ve come to say thank you and discuss how I can repay you.’

Hakan grinned, a half grin, but Gaia could see he was satisfied with the response. There was a pause. Hakan screwed up his face and shook his head.

‘Yes, I think a thank you of some sort is in order, but the key question is
how
you’d like to repay me.’

Gaia took a deep breath, composed herself. Her heart was racing, hands trembling.

‘I don’t know. How would you like me to?’

Hakan moved closer, brushed past Gaia and sat on the bed. He leaned back and crossed his legs, looked up at her, the expression of smug satisfaction returning. It was a look that said he had power over Gaia and knew it. The look made Gaia want to cut his throat now, more than ever. Gaia composed herself, wrestled with the fire bursting to get out. The finger was poised desperate to flick the switch, to unleash all her hatred and anger upon him. The moment was soon, but not now.

‘I was pretty clear, come up with a way of thanking me. What
I
want is not what I’m asking, I want to know what
you
want to give me.’

Hakan uncrossed his legs.

‘Take your time we’ve got all night.’

Now was the moment. The adrenalin was pumping through her veins, stomach and chest aching. Gaia needed to focus, and channel the aggression. She could feel the sheath pressed against her skin. Gaia had to maintain the advantage, the element of surprise. She slid forward, step by step nearing the bed. Hakan’s expression changed, a look of excitement seeped into it. His guard was slipping, becoming mesmerised by the anticipation, the thought of what was to come, hypnotised by the thought of his prize. This was another young and vulnerable victim at his mercy and command. The leader felt light headed, drunk on the sense of his own power. He sat up on the bed as Gaia approached, spread his legs as she stood between them. Hakan looked up at Gaia, she down at him. Their eyes locked. His were giddy with lust, hers were clouded, a thin veil drawn to mask the anger and disgust, the hatred soon to be unleashed. Hakan raised his arms and grabbed her waist while Gaia placed her hands on his head, pressing it down into the warmth of her crotch. Hakan closed his eyes, rubbing his face against the outside of Gaia’s pyjamas. His mind drifted into a stupour, lost in thoughts of desire, all that he wanted to give. Hakan trembled at the thought of what this young girl was offering, willingly, without force. This was the prize, the thank you.

Hakan flinched. It was so quick he knew nothing, still lost, drowning in his sick and delirious stupour. Hakan did not feel the knife as Gaia thrust it into his neck. He did not feel the dark, scarlet blood as it spurted across the room, the artery pumping it from the clean, precise incision. So lost he did not feel Gaia push him back onto the bed and watch as he lay there quivering, flinching, dying. Hakan’s final thoughts were the sick, warped images of a sordid mind. They were the thoughts of a man entrusted to protect, who abused that trust. A leader who stripped the young of innocence, and all that separates young from old. Innocence and hope. Hakan’s life did not flash before his eyes, nor did he see any light. There was no tunnel. no-one waiting with open arms. There were no angels, no loved ones. There was nothing. The dark, twisted thoughts dissolved, washed away in a pool of dark red blood.

Gaia looked down at the leader’s body, the still warm, but lifeless body. Hakan was weak, pathetic without power. He could no longer harm. Gaia was strong. This was why she lived and he died. Gaia looked at the knife still clutched in her hand. Half the blade glinted, the other dripped with fresh blood. There was a pause, a moment to take in her revenge. Hakan had asked for a gift, a thank you. Gaia had given him a worthy gift for the man he was. This was the truth and all that mattered, kill or be killed.

Gaia wiped the blade on the blankets and placed it back in the sheath. There was no point in hiding or concealing the body. It was unnecessary and would waste time. She pulled the leader’s trousers and underpants down to his ankles, and left him there semi-naked. It was a final insult, stripped of all dignity even in death. Gaia wanted there to be no doubt in the minds of whoever found him of the kind of man Hakan was. She wanted to expose him in every sense. This was unequivocal, it would show the other leaders the provocation, the intent, and the sick mind that had led to this. The scene would confirm everything, that the whispers were true. There would be no doubt. The truth would be exposed. They could choose to ignore it, but they would know. Gaia was curing this disease, purging it from the community, performing something for the greater good. The community should thank her, but they would hunt her down.

Gaia searched for the key, in the bedside cabinet, the desk drawer, under some papers on the desk, but it was not there. She searched his clothes pockets, his jacket, and trousers. They were all empty. Gaia needed that key. It must be somewhere. Where would he keep it? Of course, it was obvious, you keep a key in a door. From the lock hung a bunch of keys. How stupid of her. Gaia removed the keys, and looked one last time at the leader’s body, swamped in blood, all life gone. Gaia felt no remorse, no guilt, only satisfaction, the smug satisfaction that once swept across Hakan’s face, but had now gone. Now it lay on the face of Gaia.

Gaia left the room and locked the door. She tried the keys in the outside door, one of them worked. Returning to bed, Gaia changed out of her pyjamas, put them under the blankets with a few other clothes and the pillow. It made an unconvincing body up close, but at a distance in a dark room it would suffice. The time was pressing, the window of opportunity limited. As long as they were not discovered until morning they would be fine. The tide would buy them some time.

Gaia heard a noise. It was at the far side of the room, from one of the other bunks. It was one of the girls. Gaia lay on her bed and watched. It was Clara, a tall, dark haired girl. Gaia knew her a little. They had done some tasks together, spoken a couple of times. Clara was one of the glamour girls, the ones Gaia hated, the girls that obsessed over their looks. Clara loved the attention of the boys, and attracted a lot.

Clara tip-toed across the dorm and to the door, eased it open and left. Gaia needed to act. She grabbed her rucksack, took the knife from the sheath and moved to the door. She pulled it ajar, and peered through the thin crack. Gaia saw Clara standing outside Hakan’s door tapping on it, as Gaia had done moments earlier. Clara was dim, shallow, and weak but did not deserve to die. She was another of Hakan’s victims, like all the others, as Gaia could have been. However, Clara could not be trusted to remain silent. Gaia could tie her up and gag her, but that would be risky. Gaia could wait to see if Clara gave up and returned to her bed. There was no reason for Clara to be too suspicious if Hakan did not answer the door. The last thing to suspect was that the leader was dead. Clara would not want to raise any alarm without good reason as it would lead to awkward questions. Time was ticking, and Gaia decided to wait a little longer, hoping Clara would return to bed.

Gaia waited, but Clara continued tapping. Clara stopped, turned and lent her back against the door, pushing her head back and looking into the air. Clara’s face was cast in despair, as tears streamed down her cheeks. She slid down the door and sat on the floor, her head in her hands. Gaia could hear the girl’s gentle sobbing, whimpers of desperation. What kind of a spell had Hakan cast? This pathetic creature wanted him, cried for him. Gaia pitied Clara, as a victim and for her weakness. Clara had surrendered to the leader, allowed him to take her, own her. Now in rejection Clara was lost and broken.

Time melted away like a candle. Gaia would need to make a move soon. The delay was jeopardising everything. There was no turning back now. Gaia had crossed the line, and could wait no longer. Gaia had to act now. Control was the key, always, and there was now only one option that allowed Gaia to remain in control. She would take Clara with them. It needn’t be the whole of the way, only until they escaped the island. Then Clara could do no damage, and they could let her go. The community would find her, but Gaia and the others would be gone. It was far from ideal, and Gaia knew it. The others would not be happy, but it was the best option.