Becoming (8 page)

7

Gaia sat on the sand and looked at the rippling myriad of grey and blue sea. The light shimmered and dazzled as the waves moved towards the shore. The soft, sleepy sound of them lapping relaxed Gaia. She was drifting in and out of her thoughts, a half sleep. The sun already hung low in the sky, its bright glow offering a gentle hand of warmth. Gaia closed her eyes and looked straight at the sun, its piercing light puncturing her eyelids. Even the dampened brightness blinded and burned her, but she continued, pushing it to the limit. Gaia’s brain told her to stop, warned her, but there was a fire, a desire that urged her on. She reached the point where she could take no more, the verge of too late. Her eyes moved away, her eyelids pressed shut. The bright flashes of circular light still played in her brain, sweeping through her mind, dissolving wisps of molten light.

Gaia sensed a presence. Someone was nearby. She opened her eyes, but struggled to see, they were still burning from the intense light. Gaia blinked hoping it would wipe everything away. There was a silhouette set against the sun, about ten feet away. The shape was familiar. As her eyes adjusted she realised it was Aran.

‘Are you OK? I didn’t startle you?’

‘I’m fine. What do you want?’

‘We need to talk. It can’t wait till this evening.’

Aran sat beside her. Gaia felt his warmth as their arms touched. He looked down at the sand, began to play with it, letting it fall from his hand.

‘I’ve spoken to the others and they’re ready. They’re all in.’

‘Can you tell me who they are now?’

‘No, not yet. You’ll find out soon enough. They don’t know I’ve spoken to you. It’s the best way, just in case something goes wrong, and any one of us is caught and questioned.’

‘Except you, of course! If you’re caught we’ve all had it.’

Aran laughed, looked up at Gaia and smiled. She felt herself blushing.

‘Well there is that risk, but someone has to pull it together. We could get caught together now.’

Gaia’s face burned. She looked away. Aran continued.

‘Trust me I’ve got plans for if I’m caught. Plans that’ll protect you all.’

Aran picked up a stray stick and began to poke random holes in the sand. 

‘We’re going to move at night. The day after tomorrow, Tuesday. The moon will be full, and we need some light. The tide is out in the early hours of the morning, just after midnight. We’ll meet at the hideout in the woods. I’ll have all we need there, but bring a bag. Remember we need to travel as light as possible, so only the essentials.’

Aran continued to fidget as he set out the plan. Gaia was mesmerised by his doodlings, now taking shape, becoming an intricate pattern.

‘We’ll make our way along the beach to the causeway. We need to get across it as quickly as possible. The tide will be back in and full by morning, and hopefully no-one will have realised that we are gone until then. Once the leaders realise and sound the alarm they’ll have to wait till the tide is out again, or use the boats. Either way it gives us a good start on them. Once we’re on the mainland we head for the river. We then make our way upstream to the hills as quickly as we can.’

‘And if we make it, what happens when we get there?’

‘We’ll get there, and when we do we have to hope the message on the note is right and they’ll find us.’

Aran kicked the sand with his foot wiping away his drawings. He pressed the palm of his hand onto the sand and began to smooth it in a circular motion.

‘What
are
you doing, Aran?’

They both laughed, and Gaia reached across and messed the area Aran had just smoothed over.

‘Hey, that was my artwork!’

‘Mmmmm artwork, eh? You say you’ll have all we need. So that’s food, weapons?’

‘Yes. I’ll have food, enough for a few days. We can replenish supplies on the way. There’ll be plenty in the wild as we go. I’ll bring weapons too.’

‘I want a knife and an axe. Make sure. That’s all I need.’

Aran looked up from the sand and across at Gaia. He smiled. There was a warmth and reassurance. They both knew what they were about to embark on, both knew the risks.

‘I’ll get what you need, don’t worry. Now are there any other orders you’d like to put in while I’m here? Biscuits, fruit, honey?’

‘No. I’ll trust you on the food front. As long as it’s edible.’

They laughed. Despite all the worries, and troubles of the past few days. Despite the impending danger, and their world about to be thrust into chaos and uncertainty. Somehow Gaia felt happy now. Whatever happened Gaia had Aran with her, and she trusted him. There were reservations about the whole thing, but now it was beginning to feel right. Gaia looked across at the mainland, their destination in just a couple of days. She felt a rush of excitement and joy at the thought of seeing it again. Then the voice of caution intervened and hurled another pang of doubt into her mind.

‘There’s something else bothering me. The dorms. It’s going to be tricky getting out. If any one of us gets caught we’re finished.’

‘I know. We each have keys for the outside doors.’

‘That’s the problem, I don’t!! I told you, when Hakan caught me coming back in the other night I gave him the key. I said he’d left it in the door.’

‘Damn. I forgot about that.’

Aran punched the sand, over and over, harder each time. Gaia looked on. He stopped and spoke.

‘How are you going to get out without the key?’

‘I don’t suppose you have any spares?’

‘No. I don’t have any spares! Do you realise the trouble I went to steal those keys? We need to think this one through.’

Aran got up and kicked the sand back and forth with his foot. He started to pace in front of her. Gaia remained seated, in awkward silence. There was a solution, the only one she could think of. Gaia was waiting before offering it, working out the words in her head. Gaia knew the way out, what she had to do, the best solution, the only solution. The words blurted out.

‘I’ll have to kill him.’

Aran stopped pacing and looked down at Gaia. She gazed forward at the sea, not wanting to catch his eye. Gaia did not want him to see his reaction, or for him to see the cold indifference in her face.

‘You’re not serious?’

‘Yes. It’s the best way. Think about it. Hakan is scum. He’s all over me already, wants me to come up with a way of saying sorry and thanking him. He wants me to go to his room to discuss it. You know what that means, don’t you? There’s no way he’s getting his way with me. I’d already decided that I was going to kill him anyway.’

Gaia looked up at Aran. His face was wracked with worry. This was not a part of the plan he had imagined. Part of him knew that they may have to defend themselves, even kill at some point on the journey, but this was before they had even started.

‘He’s sick. He deserves it. This just gives me an extra reason. He wants me to go to his room on the night anyway. This fits perfectly. He’ll be relaxed and thinking he’s going to get what he wants.’

Gaia paused, waiting for a response.

‘This gets rid of one of our biggest problems, and he won’t be able to raise the alarm. It makes sense.’

Aran thought for a while. Gaia was right, but it was a big step. It did make sense, but was full of risk. Hakan was strong, and to say you were going to kill someone and doing it were very different. What if Hakan reacted and saw it coming? He was trained and even when relaxed was a threat. No doubt he was wary of Gaia. He would be a fool not to be cautious around her.

‘How are you going to do it? You’ll never overpower Hakan with just your hands. It doesn’t matter how off guard you think he’ll be you’ll have a split second of surprise. It’d have to be quick, one blow or movement.’

‘I know. That’s why you are going to get me a knife. I’ll need something small so I can conceal it. All I need is one moment and he’s mine. He won’t be expecting me to be armed. I need a weapon though.’

Gaia was right. That was the only way, but getting a knife to her was an issue. It would mean Aran would have to steal one far earlier than he had planned. The longer the weapons were gone the more likely it would be noticed that they were missing.

‘Getting the knife is risky, but it’s possible. I wanted to leave getting the weapons till later, but we can get round that. Passing the knife onto you needs some thought.’

‘Do you know the wooden shed by my dorm? They keep the gardening tools in it?’

‘Yes. I know it.’

‘Put the knife in the gutter at the back of the shed, the far end away from the door. It’s low. You can reach it easily. Make sure it’s there after the evening meal and I’ll collect it. I can hide it in my room until it’s time. Just leave the rest to me. Once it’s over I’ll meet you at the hideout. Make sure you’re there and ready as planned.’

Aran played with the sand with his feet. One more thing troubled him.

‘Have you ever killed anyone before Gaia?’

‘No.’

‘Don’t underestimate it. We’re not talking about an animal. This is a person you’ll be killing.’

There was a sound in the dune grass behind them. It was a rustle, movement, something or someone. They turned, but saw nothing.

‘Do you think we were being watched?’

‘Possibly. I told you they were keeping a close eye on you. I’m not sure why.’

‘I know. Kali made that pretty clear the other day.’

Gaia got to her feet, brushed herself down, surveying the dunes for any signs of movement.

‘I can handle Hakan, but I know this throws up a lot more problems. You don’t have to take me if you think it’s going to be too risky. I might have blown it for you already, if they’re watching me.’

Aran touched Gaia’s shoulder. He paused awhile, the briefest of moments, but it was enough to let Gaia know he cared. She felt his hand, the warmth of the gesture, the tenderness.

‘I need you. We’re in this together now.’

The blood rushed to Gaia’s face as she averted his gaze and stared at the sand.

‘Thanks. Let’s get out of here.’

‘Good. That’s settled. You’re right. We need to get going.’

‘You go on ahead. There’s something I need to do here first. It won’t take long.’

They both knew what they were about to embark on might be the end for them. They were stepping into the unknown together. It was fraught with risk, but despite all the dangers, the slim odds, the questions, the doubts, the high chance of failure. Despite all that Gaia knew to do nothing would be the greatest failure. Their success would not be determined by whether they made it off the island or found the camp in the hills. The success was in trying to make it happen, taking the first step to freedom.

Aran made his way over the dunes and out of sight. Gaia moved down further onto the beach, towards the hiding hole, to see her things, her secret hoard of treasure. This was the last time she might get to see them. They were small, insignificant things in themselves, but to Gaia they meant everything. Each represented a fragment of hope, and together kept her going. They were her tiny act of rebellion, part of her reason for being. She needed to see them one last time, to touch them, to say farewell.   

Gaia reached the hole and took out the items one by one. The orange ball, the small pieces of frosted glass, the shells, the stones, all still glistening in the sunlight. The chunks of plastic and wood, her toy duck. She picked up the bottle, the biggest prize of all. That is what she had really wanted to see, to read the message inside, from the sea. It had been calling her, urging her to take action, to ask questions, to seek answers. Gaia took the fragile paper from the bottle, and stared down at the faded words. She read them, once, twice, over and over again.

‘All is not what it seems. Seek the truth.’

8

The day of the escape came. There were no further conversations, no acknowledgements, only the occasional eye contact in the refectory and the gatherings. Their tasks had all been in different teams. Gaia had done some close combat and weapons training. She focused on her speed and reactions, knowing they would be critical facing Hakan for the last time. Kali had kept out of her way, though there were the usual threatening stares and barbed comments, but nothing unexpected or more intense. Things seemed to play out as normal, nothing to make Gaia suspicious.

Then there was Freya. Her behaviour had been different, a bit odd. She had looked awkward and uncomfortable around Gaia. At times Gaia would try to catch her eye hoping to throw her a set of daggers or an unsettling glare. Freya always avoided the look, lowering her head and moving away. This made Gaia nervous. She was sure that Freya had been the person in the dunes, the eyes and ears of Kali. How much had Freya heard? If she had heard the plans about Hakan it could be devastating. Freya would no doubt have reported this back to Kali who would have warned him. Despite Gaia’s worries Hakan had seemed fine, or at least as much as could be expected. He went about his tasks as always, trying to be the showman and centre of attention at meals. It was all a game to paper over the cracks of his deceit. Hakan continued to build a wall of persona to persuade everyone that the rumours could not possibly be true. They were poisonous lies. It could never be true of Hakan.

That evening Gaia was in the refectory finishing her evening meal. Aran sat at a far table, head bowed, playing with his food. Gaia kept looking over as discreetly as she could so as not to arouse suspicion. There was nothing from him, no sign. He got up, took his tray and made towards the door. He looked across winked and raised his thumb as it held onto the tray. It was a fleeting signal, throwaway. It would mean nothing, unless you were waiting for a sign. Gaia was.

Gaia waited until Aran had left, giving him plenty time to return to his dormitory. Freya entered and weaved her way through the others towards the leader’s table. On reaching the table Freya stood to attention, head forward, hands pressed to her side waiting for permission to speak. Kali nodded and Freya moved round the table to where Kali was sitting. Leaning over, Freya cupped her hand and spoke into Kali’s ear. Gaia looked at Kali as Freya spoke, searching for an expression, a change in body language, a look of shock, worry, anything. There was nothing. Kali just looked down at the table and listened. Freya removed her hand and stood upright again, stiff and to attention. Freya waited for the signal to be dismissed. Kali flicked her hand and Freya moved away, marching out of the refectory, head forward, looking at no-one, without speaking or stopping.

Gaia looked back at Kali, waiting for any indication. It came. Kali looked up from her food and threw a cutting glance across at Gaia. It was only for a few seconds, but it was long enough to feel the burning from her piercing eyes, to see the look of utter contempt. It was an expression that Kali knew something. Kali was onto Gaia. In an instant Kali’s gaze shifted as if nothing had happened.

Gaia began to panic. Kali knew something. Outside there was a knife waiting. Gaia had to pick it up without being seen, take it back to the dormitory and hide it. Later she had to use that knife to kill a leader, steal his key, flee to the woods to meet Aran and a group of others. Who were they? Then they all had to escape the island, using a causeway Gaia had not even seen, evade capture and survive on the mainland until they could get to the hills to find a community no-one was even sure existed. This was Gaia’s life as planned for the next few hours and days. This was the moment she had been working towards, her chance for freedom, to be the person she wanted to be, to escape the manipulation and engineering of the community and its leaders. Gaia was so, so close, and now it was all going to be scuppered by Kali and her pathetic little runner, Freya. Gaia was sure they both knew, convinced that the message had been about her. Maybe Freya had found the knife? Perhaps Freya had been watching and saw Aran conceal it? Gaia’s head was awash, her mind spinning.

In amongst the mental melee Gaia tried to consider the next move. Aran knew nothing of this. He was relying on her, would be expecting her. They would be waiting for Gaia. To abandon them would be a betrayal, but Kali knew Gaia was involved. If it had been Freya watching them Kali would know of the meeting with Aran on the beach. If Kali knew then whatever happened this was over. They were all doomed.

‘I need you. We’re in this together now.‘

Gaia remembered Aran’s last words to her before they parted on the beach. She could not let him down. If they were caught it would be together. At least Gaia would show him that no matter what she did not lose faith, was loyal and to be trusted. All this panic was speculation, assumption, paranoia. It was her mind playing tricks. Gaia needed to get a grip, take control, deep breaths, empty her mind. She closed her eyes and blocked out all thoughts of Kali and Freya. They were so often the trigger. The clarity returned, along with a degree of calm.

Gaia rose from the table, put her dishes away and left. She moved towards her dorm, approaching the wooden shed where the knife should be waiting, looking around for anything suspicious. There was nothing. Everything was as expected. The other young people were milling around, chatting, waiting for the second wave of the evening meal being allowed in. No-one seemed to notice Gaia, or care. She reached the shed and moved round to the back, scanning the area. No-one was watching. The rear of the shed had a degree of shade and protection from some storage buildings nearby. Gaia stood beneath the gutter at the far end away from the door, raised her arm, and felt inside. There was nothing. She moved around feeling further up the gutter. Again the knife was not there, only the soft, damp texture of moss and the small pebbles and debris that had built up over the years. Gaia lowered her arm, and lent back against the shed. The signal from Aran had given every indication that the knife would be here. Could it be Freya? Had she seen Aran place the knife here and recovered it? Gaia plunged her head into her hands, sighing and shaking her head. It was all over before it had even begun.

Something in the back of Gaia’s mind prodded her. It was a small, nagging little doubt, a glimmer of hope. Gaia moved to the other side of the gutter to the door. Could Aran be that stupid? She lifted her arm again and felt inside. There it was. The distinctive texture and shape of the handle. Aran had only gone and put it in the wrong side. Could he get one simple instruction right? Gaia was supposed to escape the island with this guy, the one who had it all planned. They were all in safe hands. They were in it together. He needed her. Gaia could see now why Aran needed her. If he could not get the simplest of instructions right, what hope was there for the journey? Gaia looked at the knife and shook her head.

The knife was still in its stiff leather sheath. Gaia placed it in the back of her trousers and covered it with her jumper and jacket. She moved back around the shed and towards the dormitory. As Gaia entered the room and approached the bed a few of the girls were laughing and chatting. It was usual inane banter, the talk that is meant to bind us together. The kind of small talk Gaia would seek to avoid. Gaia spoke as she found and the other girls were dull and lifeless.

As the girls chatted away, none knew what Gaia was about to do, nor cared. They would soon though. Once it become known, the talk of the community. This would be the great scandal of Gaia, Aran, and the others. How they murdered a leader and fled the island. How Gaia struck him down in cold blood, in his room. Poor, innocent Hakan, slain by them. They would say he was a good leader slaughtered at the hands of Gaia. They all knew the truth, and it is only the truth that matters. Gaia did not care what others thought of her. She would never try to be what they wanted her to be be. As long as she was true to herself, that was all that mattered. 

Gaia slipped out the knife and hid it under the mattress. The knife would be safe there. A few hours, and it would be time. If they got that far. If they were not confronted before that. If they were not challenged and exposed by Kali, thanks to Freya. One of these days Freya would get her just rewards. Not today. The moment would have to wait. There was still a chance for Gaia. Maybe they had not been found out. There was the possibility the message had been about something else. Until someone made a move Gaia had to assume things would go ahead as planned. Revenge on Freya would be foolish, much as Gaia would love to. It was all about sticking to the plans now, for the night to come. That was when everything would begin. So Gaia waited.