Balancing It All: My Story of Juggling Priorities and Purpose (19 page)

Do what I do: have a good cry, take some deep breaths, and
pray!
Prayer is often the only thing that keeps me hanging on when something is wrong or in a season of imbalance. Oh, I’ve been there. I’m actually going through it right now, and it’s only getting harder. It’s not that I’m trying any less; in fact, I’m trying more, praying harder, and trusting in the Lord more than ever. But things aren’t changing and I’m getting weary. At least I know I’m not alone. Some of you have been there or are in it right now. I have friends going through it and it’s comforting to know I’m not the first person nor will I be the last person to feel this way.

Some people gain faith in their trials while other people question it or lose it. For me, I have my faith, I’m keeping it, and I’m hanging on to the words and promises God has given me. Some days it’s hard to remember why I should be happy beyond my circumstances, until I recall Psalm 51:12: “Restore the joy of Your salvation to me, and give me a willing spirit” (
hcsb
). I find my joy in the Lord alone, because of His love and sacrifice for me. I don’t always
feel
like I can find my joy in that, but I turn to Scripture throughout the day so I can remind myself of that truth. I find that it takes a combination of prayer and God’s Word to keep me on the right path. Some days Psalm 51:12 penetrates my heart more than others, and I love when it does. And on the days I don’t feel any connection to God, I say it in truth, not in feeling, knowing that my emotions will change from day to day and it will be restored to me. But regardless of whether I feel joyful or feel like praying, I keep doing it, and I keep believing. Matthew 21:22 says, “And whatever you ask in prayer, you will receive, if you have faith.” There is a vital link between faith and prayer, and I have to hold tight to that truth.

A Beautiful Partnership

My prayer life went on steroids two years ago and I feel like I finally have a grasp of what it’s like to
really
pray. I know I’m just getting started on this prayer journey, but it’s been quite a ride so far. God time has always been a difficult thing in my life because I never felt like I had a good example of what that looked like. “Go pray,” friends would say, or “Just spend time with God about it.” Okay, I’d love to! But what does that really mean? How do I do that? Even when I would be doing my homework for Bible study, and it said to talk to God about xyz, I just didn’t know what exactly I was supposed to do. I knew I could talk to God at any time, any place, with or without my eyes closed. Talking to God is like talking to a friend, so you just talk, out loud or in your mind. He hears it all. So I would do that, but I would feel like it was a one-sided conversation. “Read your Bible. That’s how He answers back,” people would say. So I’d read my Bible. Sometimes it was random, but most of the time it was whatever I was studying in small group. However, those were times of specific prayer, and not necessarily related to my personal “prayer time,” so I felt like there was a disconnect. Basically, I wanted a step-by-step guide on how to pray, how to hear God answering those prayers, and how to get my prayer life boosted to the next level.

My friend Stacy in Ohio e-mailed me more than two years ago and asked if I would like to be her prayer partner. Prayer partner? That sounded big. I didn’t know exactly what it would entail and what kind of commitment it would mean. I am brilliant at overextending myself and the last thing I needed to do was to make a commitment I couldn’t keep. And I certainly didn’t want to commit to someone’s prayer needs and then bail on her! How awful would that be? So I told Stacy I’d have to pray about it.

For a few weeks I really did pray about it and I felt God saying, “Here you go. Take this step and commit. It’s putting you in a place where you can’t back out because it’s not just you who depends on it; her prayers are in your hands.” At the same time, I realized that my prayers would be in her hands. Stacy would also be committing to pray for me, and I knew she would uphold her end of the partnership. I also knew I could trust her with my most personal information, which was a pretty big deal. So I felt like God wanted me to do it and I agreed. Which, just goes to show (again!) that balance isn’t necessarily about cutting things out of our lives, but rather being led to invest in the right things.

Because I’m not much of a phone talker, e-mail was a better choice for us, so we decided to write out our requests to each other every week. And, because they were being written down, it was an easy way of keeping track of prayers that God answered, as well as seeing the things about which we needed to keep praying.

The results have been amazing. The way we’ve prayed has been amazing. The detail in which we write out our requests and pray for one another has opened my eyes to just how small I’ve considered God to be. But He’s big—
He can move mountains
big,
He can heal anyone
big,
He can fix anything
big,
He can restore
big. And my amazement isn’t a result of God answering all of my prayer requests, because He hasn’t . . . yet. But seeing Stacy’s prayers being answered has been so encouraging to me that it keeps me coming back for more prayer. A day without prayer is a day wasted of an opportunity to see God’s hand in my life. I just can’t go a day without it any more.

I’ve also experienced the flip side of a strong prayer life, which is spiritual attacks. I haven’t had such a hard season in all my life and I have no doubt it’s due to the enemy being on double duty, throwing flaming darts my way to discourage me, make me feel like God’s not with me, and ultimately to try to get me to stop praying for miracles. But I’m on to Satan, and he’s not going to win. I know God’s power, and not just because of what I’ve seen Him do in other people’s lives, but also because of what He has done in my own.

Burnt Popcorn

When Lev was four years old we were told he had cholesteatoma in his right ear. Without surgeries, the condition is fatal. It deteriorates anything with which it comes into contact, and Lev’s hearing had already suffered. He had lost two and a half hearing bones, leaving him with less than 20 percent auditory function in that ear. After his first surgery, we had been told he’d need a second surgery to make sure not one cell had been left. Otherwise, like cancer, it would just grow back and spread.

Lev’s second surgery went well and the doctor believed everything was gone, but only the CT scan would prove that, and the test was scheduled for the following week. For the first time in our lives, Val and I decided to fast and pray for twenty-four hours the day before the scan until the following evening after it took place. We wanted the best possible results and sensed that this was the biggest thing we could do in an effort to show God that we had faith He could heal our son through the doctor’s hands and His healing power.

I didn’t know how long we would have to wait for the results, so as Val and Lev drove home from his appointment, I called the doctor’s office. I explained that my son had just had his CT scan and we had the disk in hand. I asked how long it would take the doctor to have a look and let us know the results. The receptionist told me that the doctor was actually leaving that evening for Europe and wouldn’t be back in the office for four weeks. Four weeks? I wouldn’t know whether or not Lev was in the clear for four weeks? This just wasn’t happening. So I begged and I pleaded for the doctor to look at the results
that day
before he left. Mama bear was upright on her hind legs, letting out a roar of protection for her baby cub.

The receptionist was sympathetic, but there wasn’t anything she could do. The doctor’s schedule was full, and besides, he was only going be there for another two hours. I asked if there was any way she would squeeze me in if I drove down right then. She said it was highly unlikely, but I was more than welcome to try. The doctor’s office was a full hour’s drive away, so as soon as the boys got home, I grabbed the disk from them and drove into the heart of Miami. I prayed out loud during the entire drive, asking God for a miracle. I asked that He would make a way for me to see the doctor and personally hand him the disk. If nothing else, I hoped he’d take a look at it on his flight to Europe and call us from there.

I literally prayed without ceasing. I didn’t stop. I called on the name of the Lord, pleading for Him to do something big. I asked Him to part the traffic for me, I asked Him for a close parking spot, and I asked Him to somehow get me face-to-face with Lev’s surgeon.

As I walked over to the Otology building from the hospital parking structure I noticed that there were crowds of people waiting outside the double doors and no one was going in. I walked up to the security officer and asked what was going on. “The fire alarm went off. The building has been evacuated.” I immediately felt like God was doing something just for me. Could it be? After fifteen minutes, security told everyone it was a false alarm and it was clear to go back in. I jammed into the elevator as quickly as I could and went to our doctor’s floor. When I got off, there wasn’t a soul in sight, so I assumed I was the first one back. I kept praying, “God, please let me see the doctor when he comes up the elevator!”

I waited a few more minutes in the waiting room and then decided to open the door and walk by the examining rooms to see if I could find a nurse or receptionist. I heard two voices. Great! Those two voices were men and then I heard, “Okay, have a great trip to Europe. We’ll see you when you get back.” And as soon as his sentence finished, I saw Lev’s doctor turn the corner. There I was, face-to-face with the man I had come to see. As quickly and politely as I could, I explained the situation. He patiently listened to me, looked around, and said, “Well, it seems as if no one is back from the fire alarm scare, so I don’t have any patients waiting. Why don’t you come into my office and I’ll take a look at the CD right now?” The hair on my arms stood right up!

We sat down together at his computer and after looking through the images for several minutes, he declared Lev perfectly healthy and clear of any cholesteatoma. Lev wouldn’t need to be checked again for another year, and the next appointment would just be an annual, precautionary measure. Chills went up and down my body. I couldn’t believe I was experiencing a real miracle. Not only were our son’s results what we had been praying for, but I was blown away that God had used burnt popcorn in a microwave to clear an entire office building so that I could meet face-to-face with my doctor and have him read the results to me at that very moment. There was no doubt in my mind that our prayers and fasting were directly related to the outcome of that situation.

Pray Big

As miraculous as my prayers were that day, I’ve also seen God answer many of my prayers on a much smaller scale. I’ve learned to pray very specific and detailed prayers so that I can see the hand of God working and know that it’s Him answering and not just coincidence or fate, as some might believe. Many of us think God doesn’t answer our prayers, but I would argue that either the prayers are too vague or we don’t really know what we’re praying for in the first place.

If your marriage is suffering, instead of just asking God to fix your marriage, ask God to change your heart and to open your eyes to the details of what you need to change that would cause your husband to act more loving, respectful, or emotional with you. Ask Him to help you be more acceptable to criticism without being defensive, if that’s something you have trouble with. Ask Him to help you find your joy even when your circumstances don’t lend themselves to exciting things. If you’re struggling with your children, don’t just ask God to bless your parenting or kids, ask Him with details. Is your son’s attitude out of control? Is your daughter struggling in school? Is your toddler having nightmares and scared to sleep? There is no request too big or too small. If we fail to ask God in great detail, we’ll miss out on great blessings. God wants a willing heart. It’s time to get real with God.

You don’t have to take my word for it when it comes to the importance and effectiveness of prayer. God’s Word talks about it over and over.

• “This is the confidence we have in approaching God: that if we ask anything according to his will, he hears us. And if we know that he hears us—whatever we ask—we know that we have what we asked of him” (1 John 5:14–15
  niv
  ).
  
• “If any of you lacks wisdom, you should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to you. But when you ask, you must believe and not doubt, because the one who doubts is like a wave of the sea, blown and tossed by the wind” (James 1:5–6
  niv
  ).
  
• “You do not have because you do not ask God” (James 4:2
  niv
  ).
  
• “I call on you, my God, for you will answer me; turn your ear to me and hear my prayer” (Ps. 17:6
  niv
  ).
  

A Prayer for You

What does spending time with God look like? It’s different for everyone, but there are plenty of resources out there to help you figure it out. Becky Tirabassi’s book
Let Prayer Change Your Life
gave me an almost step-by-step guide to follow. That doesn’t mean there is one right way to pray, because there’s not, but I needed someone to spell it out for me and get me to a starting place.
The Circle Maker
by Mark Batterson had the biggest impact on my prayer life in 2012. My prayer life has evolved into what works best for me and my schedule and has come to a place where I’m finally comfortable and know what spending time with God means and looks like. This is also my prayer for you.

Whether you’re currently in a good place or tough place spiritually, I hope you will keep prayer a priority. I know from experience that it’s not easy, but without it, we won’t have a fighting chance. Prayer brings us closer to God, and no matter how many principles we follow—biblical or not—to try to live a life of balance and purpose, it ultimately all amounts to nothing without a relationship with God and with His Son, Jesus.