Balancing It All: My Story of Juggling Priorities and Purpose (14 page)

Chapter 12

California Dreamin’

But seek first the kingdom of God and his righteousness, and all these things will be added to you.

—Matthew 6:33

I
like to joke around and say that when Val doesn’t really want to do something I’ve suggested to him, he’ll say, “I’ll pray about it,” which is just his way of saying he doesn’t want to do it. It’s kind of the Christian take on a parent saying to a kid, “I’ll think about it.” You know it’s just not going to happen.

But the truth is, even though Val uses that as an avoidance mechanism, he and I really do pray about things before we do them (or don’t do them, as the case might be). You know by now that I don’t make huge life decisions alone. In fact, any decisions that have any sort of impact on my life, my family, or those around me are made in conjunction with my husband and, most important, with God. The Bible says we are to seek
Him
first—not our feelings, not the world, not our peers, not logic. I’ll be the first to admit that I don’t always do what He says or what I know is right, but I do know that He will give me the best guidance, whether I decide to take it or not.

When it comes to major life events, you know how excited I was when we moved to Florida. I was ready for fun and sun, baby! But that excitement was nothing compared to when we actually moved back “home” to California for the long term. Though moving was a decision that gave me much joy, it wasn’t one that was made lightly. That choice to change not only our location, but also our lifestyle, was made after much, much prayer and consideration.

Two Coasts

After Val retired from the NHL, we settled back down in our house in Florida. Since he was no longer working, a year later we prayerfully made the decision that I would open up the door to start working again. We talked about a possible move back to Los Angeles if I was offered consistent work on a TV show. Val said he was willing to do it if it made sense for our family.

The Bible says, “Commit your way to the L
ord
; trust in him, and he will act” (Ps. 37:5), so that’s what we did. Val and I knew that even though we might have our own plans of what we wanted to happen, we needed to leave it up to God and put it into His hands. Though it’s sometimes hard to let go, I’ve learned over the years that when I give up my hold on my own dreams and desires and instead trust God with them, He will come through in ways that I never could have imagined. This specific time in my life was no exception.

A few months after my managers put my name back on the radar and started looking for work for me, they called me. “ABC Family called and they want to offer you a part on a new series that’s been picked up about gymnastics. They have an idea for the character, playing the girlfriend to one of the gymnasts’ dad. They’re open to talking to you about the character and want to have a meeting.” Cue the squeals from my end of the phone line. There’s always something about a job offer that seems surreal to me. I always want to ask, “Are you
sure
they asked for
me
?” My dad has always been cynical about the entertainment business, and it must have rubbed off on me. After more than thirty years, he still can’t believe I’m employed by “Hollywood,” which he always claims is fairy-tale land. He’s kind of right. And you never know with this business, which is why I still freak out with excitement when I get a call.

So I watched the pilot, which had already been filmed, and I flew to L.A. for the initial meeting at ABC Family and the
Make It or Break It
show producers. The meeting went well and I was excited to play a character that was a bit of an enigma. The audience wouldn’t initially be able to figure out if she had a true and honest heart for her boyfriend Steve Tanner (ironic name, I know), or if she was just another gold digger looking to cash in. They would play the relationship off of Steve’s daughter Lauren, and the audience wouldn’t know my yet-unnamed character’s motives until about halfway through the first season. I loved the idea, and I thought the possible double-minded character would be really fun to play.

Before Val and I made a decision about whether or not I would take the job, we had several things to consider about the job itself. Was it a good project? Was the show something I wanted to be a part of for the long term? Did any red flags arise in the initial meetings, script, and story lines? What are my personal boundaries as an actor, and is the show willing to accept them?

All of those answers were acceptable, so the next set of questions was about our family. What would my day-to-day schedule look like? How many hours a day and days a week would I be working? How many months of work would each season consist of? Is the family on board for moving back to L.A.? Where would the kids go to school? How would we manage our new lifestyle? Would the move be worth it financially? Could we make the move without going into debt? Once we broke everything down and prayed about it, we realized that we could make it all work.

After the deal was done and the contracts were signed, I got a call that the character’s name would be Summer Van Horne . . . and she would be a Christian. I was elated! The producers said that after getting to know me at our meeting, and because of a few boundaries that I expressed, they thought making Summer a Christian would add depth and a different point of view to the show’s colorful cast. It ended up that Summer wasn’t in the relationship with Steve for the money, and that story line didn’t really end up being a big part of the show. Instead, she was instantly a positive influence, a mentor, and a listening ear to Lauren, the bad girl of the show. I loved every minute of playing Summer and she’ll always have a piece of my heart.

Remember what I said earlier about what God can do when we let Him? I could never have dreamed up a better role for my reentry into the entertainment industry than that of Summer Van Horne. I can only attribute it to God’s control over all things and His protection of me as I came back on the TV scene. To this day, I continue to thank Him for that and many other amazing works He has done in my life. I can think of no better words than this prayer from Ephesians 3:20–21: “Now to Him who is able to do above and beyond all that we ask or think according to the power that works in us—to Him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus to all generations, forever and ever. Amen” (
hcsb
).

Responsibilities of a Role Model

I mentioned that I have boundaries as an actor, as most actors do. I can say without hesitation that I won’t do gratuitous nudity or sex scenes, but my boundaries get much more detailed than that. They change over time, just like priorities often do. When you’re in different stages of life, your priorities can change based on your responsibilities and what your life looks like at the time. With new seasons in life, you change your parameters and way of looking at things. Likewise, my boundaries as an actor have changed based on my season of life, my commitment to my Christian faith, and my level and areas of influence.

For instance, I never thought about how a “mom” role could influence my viewers until I had children of my own. Also, before living for Christ, I didn’t pay much attention to how some scripts could be dishonoring to God. There are certainly days when I’m watching a movie and for a second I wish I didn’t have such strong convictions about the roles I take and could delve into a character that is uncharacteristically me. Don’t get me wrong; my boundaries don’t mean I can’t take on a role of a person who is completely different than me, but they definitely limit my roles and the projects I’m willing to do.

Even though it’s a challenge to be a Christian in Hollywood when I’m surrounded by so much that is counter to everything I believe in, I look at it as an opportunity to be light in a dark place. Whether you’re conservative or liberal, Christian or atheist, or anything in between, you’ll likely agree that there is much that is not good in Hollywood. But I believe that it’s possible to maintain Christian integrity in the entertainment industry, and there are plenty of people to prove that, including my brother. I keep myself focused and on the right path by keeping my priorities in line when it comes to my faith. Every day I try my best to spend time in prayer and in God’s Word. Going to church and small group Bible study each week is always a top priority and those two days are my favorite days of the week. But admittedly, due to my kids’ sports commitments, we sometimes have to supplement a sermon at home. It’s a little more challenging when I’m working on location somewhere because I don’t always have a car or the routine and familiar locations of home, but really, I just need my Bible and a quiet space in order to spend time with God.

Since I was ten years old I’ve been told I’m a role model. Whether or not it was true, I believed it then and I still do. I see myself as a role model not only as an actor, but also as a mom, a wife, a friend, a sister, a daughter, and a Christian. Even at a young age I would consider the effects of my decisions on those who looked up to me. However, I never considered it to be a burden; it was a responsibility and one that I felt accountable to and comfortable with. Thankfully I didn’t have the desire—like many child actors and entertainers do—to reinvent myself in early adulthood as someone completely different than my childhood persona. I didn’t want to emerge in a new light, because a new light would have been a dark one, and there was nothing in my soul that wanted to be a part of that.

I am so grateful for the influence God gave me through my
MIOBI
character, Summer, and the role model she was to not only the characters on the show, but also to young viewers. Two issues she was very adamant about were sexual purity and her ultimate faith in God. This was annoying to some viewers, as can be expected. There’s never going to be a character that every viewer completely identifies with or agrees with on any issue. But I received countless e-mails from people who were grateful to watch a character who had positive moral values that went against the grain of typical Hollywood fare. In most shows and movies, anyone with a Christian influence is more likely portrayed as a hypocrite. They say one thing and do another when “nobody” is looking. But Summer was firm in her convictions. She did struggle and make a few questionable decisions along the way when it came to the men she dated, but that just made her more real, because we all waver and make mistakes at times. But overall, her heart was in the right place and she always wanted to do the right thing. For a fictional character, she was a woman who had her priorities straight.

Let the Circus Begin

Moving back to L.A. and going back into the entertainment industry meant I had to reevaluate and restructure things in order to balance it all. Not only did I still have God, family, friendships, and everything else that had been in my life, but now I had to figure out how to throw work into the mix. I knew work would definitely not usurp the place of God or family, but how exactly would it fit into my life? After all, I would have to leave my kids at home while I went to work. That didn’t mean it was more important than my kids, but I would definitely need to learn to balance this “new” part of my life with everything else.

When it comes down to it, balancing life is never easy and nobody is going to do it perfectly every single day. We all need to realize that it’s just not possible. Balancing it all is about prioritizing and reevaluating each day’s priorities. There are some things that are important every day—like God and family—and others that aren’t always as important, like work. And in reality, God and family will overlap with pretty much everything we do in a day. There are some days when I have to focus most of my energy on my work, and that’s okay because my other priorities are a part of why I work. I have a job to help support my family. I work as a way to be a godly influence in the lives of the people who watch the projects I’m a part of or who come to the Christian women’s conferences where I speak.

It can be difficult to juggle all the parts of my life at times, especially when I have to be on the road for a movie shoot or a conference. But Val places just as much of an importance on family as I do, so whether I’m working in town or not, Val and I work with each other’s schedules to make sure one of us is always at home with the kids. We certainly ask family members, friends, and babysitters to help out when it’s necessary. Val and I are two people with three kids, and we just can’t ever be more than two places at once! And of course, every so often we realize that our lives have gotten too crazy and something has to give. When that’s the case, it’s always work that takes the backseat for me. Missing out on a job would be a short-term regret, but reducing the priority of my kids for long periods of time would be a lifelong regret for me.

I have found that when Val and I have our overarching priorities firmly set, we can easily make the right decision when it’s crunch time and we have to decide what has to go, which area will suffer, or what we’ll pass up. When I know what has the most value and eternal importance—faith and family—and I make decisions based on that conviction, I don’t have to feel guilty or feel like I’ve failed when I do have to say no or give something up. There is a sense of relief that comes when I realize I said no because it wasn’t important enough in the first place, at least at that moment in time. Just recently I had to make the decision to cut back in one area of my life—my online magazine.

In November 2011 I launched an online magazine called
RooMag
. It came about because I wanted to create an online community where women could support, encourage, and trade secrets with each other so that together we could be one of the most powerful influences on the future of our world. I realized that modern women in the trenches of life and motherhood can feel isolated at times and be in need of a watering hole where they can gather with like-minded women and seek fulfillment and purpose in who they are. So, along with over twenty other contributors, I began to produce inspiring, encouraging, and how-to articles to daily motivate wives, singles ladies, and moms alike.