Badger the Mystical Mutt and Daydream Drivers (4 page)

“Woohooooooooooooooooooooo!” yelled Badger.

“What, what? Where are we?” shouted Lennie, jumping awake with the noise.

“We’re in the Wim-Wim, and we’re on our way to the Crystal Cave,” said Badger.

“Flying? Me? Surely not? I’m scared of flying,” said Lennie.

“Not any more, my friend. Now, hold on tight and help me. I’m trying to find Nippy Nimbus.”

“Nippy who?”

“He’s just a cloud, but he’s generally grumpy. He’s the gatekeeper to the Enchanted Forest.”

“Grumpy clouds? Enchanted forests? Am I dreaming again?” asked Lennie.

Aha, there he is!” Badger pulled a lever on the Wim-Wim and it shot upwards at speed.

The Wim-Wim hurtled right into the middle of the cloud and landed with a bump.

“Hello, Nippy. Long time, no see,” said Badger.

The cloud groaned. “Still too soon. Give me the password, Mutt, and you can be on your way.”

“Now, let me think, could it be ‘California Dreaming?’” He turned to Lennie and said: “I remember that so vividly from my days in Hollywood, sunbathing on Venice Beach.”

“Nope!” said Nippy gleefully. “Just two more tries.”

“Okay. How about ‘All I have to do is dream, dream, dream …?’”

“Too obvious, Badger. Try again.”

“Aha! Well, it’s got to be ‘Daydream Believer’, surely?”

“You’ve done it again Badger, on your way” grumbled Nippy.

A misty trapdoor opened in front of them. They jumped out of the Wim-Wim and peered through the fog.

“This isn’t the usual way in, Nippy,” frowned Badger.

“Well, I thought you’d like a bit of a bounce this time,” the cloud chuckled, “just to keep it interesting.”

“Hold my paw, Lennie, and follow me,” yelled Badger as they both leapt forward into the void.

Boing, boing boing!
With cloud after cloud cushioning their fall, they arrived with an abrupt thump on a spiky, black shrubbery. Nearby they could see glaring, flashing neon lights.

Lennie rubbed his eyes.

“Ow!” he said, rubbing his bottom. “Where
are
we, Badger?”

Badger scratched his head and rubbed his bottom too. “I’m really not very sure, Lennie, but I’m sure Nippy thinks he’s hilarious. Hang on, there’s a sign.”

To their left, near the flashing lights, was a big placard with the words:

YOU ARE NOT VERY WELCOME TO THE

BACK OF BEYOND,

WHERE ALL YOUR FEARS RESIDE.

TAKE YOUR SEATS ON THE DREAM

DODGEMS.

SIT BACK, AND ENJOY THE RIDE.”

“Are we at a fun fair?” asked Lennie. “Because it’s a bit dark.”

“Uh oh!” said Badger. “This wasn’t
quite
what I had in mind.”

Badger and Lennie walked up to the waiting dodgem and climbed inside.

“Deep breaths. Lennie. We can do this. It’s the only way we can get beyond the Back of Beyond,” said Badger, smiling weakly.

Lennie, who was now speechless, clung on to the steering wheel.

The dodgem moved off at alarming speed. All around them, other bumper cars whirled and whizzed past. A thumping disco beat thudded in their ears, and the walls were daubed with colourful graffiti. Suddenly, through the flicker and flash of the light, one of the dodgems veered towards them. It was filled with a shoal of wibbly-wobbly jellyfish.

“Swerve, Lennie, quick,” shouted Badger, grabbing the wheel, as another car filled with scorpions and snakes jolted them from behind.

“Ow!” yelped Lennie. He spun the car around quickly, and booted the dodgem face-on. A flare of light sparked and the car dissolved into thin air.

With their knuckles frozen to the steering wheel, they whirled and birled at great speed as rubber banged against rubber. A dodgem hit them sharply from the right. Badger and Lennie jerked. Pogo Paws and Pickle were at the wheel of the other car.

“C’mon, Lennie. Hit the pedal, give it some wellie!” yelled Badger.

Lennie stamped his paw on the pedal, and the dodgem swirled round to face them. He rammed them hard.

“You two don’t scare me. See you!” And with that, another explosion of light, and the dodgem vanished.

Just as they were breathing a sigh of relief, a car ambushed them from the left, filled with two mountain-sized mallets and fifty watering cans.

“Take that!” shouted Lennie, as he bumped its bumper into oblivion.
Woooooosh!
Another spark and the car evaporated.

Lennie yanked the wheel and whirled the dodgem round. Badger held on to the pole in amazement at his friend’s new-found confidence. Facing them now was a camel in a car, with fifteen quivering humps.

“Hold on!” said Lennie to Badger. “This could be bumpy.” Lennie thrust the car towards the camel and bumped the humps, one after another. As he hit the last hump, the car combusted and faded into the ether.

All of a sudden, everything was quiet and dark. Then, they heard an ominous judder. The lights came on, and in front of them was Badger’s worst nightmare: a Snaffletuck; the legendary toast-rustling beast. Its head was wide, and its mouth was oblong with gnashing fangs. It drove a juggernaut dodgem with digger jaws of steel.

Badger grabbed the wheel.

“This one’s mine!” he said, pushing his paw down full-throttle on the pedal.

“You may take my Buddy Bites, but you will
never
take my toast!” shouted Badger, smashing his dodgem into the oncoming monstrosity. But his opponent didn’t flinch. The Snaffletuck simply slobbered, then reversed and revved his giant dodgem again.

“Uh oh!” blustered Badger. “Time for a spell!” He closed his eyes and quickly yelled the magic words.

“Make that dodgem slip and skid
,

With butter, oil and ink of squid
.

Save the toast from being snaffled
,

And make the monster totally baffled.”

The Snaffletuck’s dodgem started to spin, twirling around and around at speed before disappearing in a puff of smoke.

All was quiet. The one remaining light bulb flickered. The track was empty but for Badger and Lennie’s dodgem car.

Ding Ding! Ding Ding!
Two tickets popped up on the dashboard. Badger leaned forward and studied them.

“Well done, Dodgem Dodgers. You’ve faced your fears head-on, and you’ve beaten them. Now, you’ve arrived at the Front of Beyond. Enjoy your journey onwards.”

Badger and Lennie fell out of the car grasping their tickets.

“What a trip!” said Badger, catching his breath.

“That was epic!” gasped Lennie.

“All the fun of the fair, Lennie. Now, come on. We’ve got things to do and things to see. Follow me.”

Badger made his way through the undergrowth and back onto the golden-leaved path he knew and loved.

“This is more like it,” said Lennie.

“And now, I have someone very special I’d like you to meet.” Badger whistled and his friend, Baby Unicorn, emerged out of the trees.

Lennie froze.

“That’s a unicorn! An actual unicorn!” he whispered.

“Yes, Lennie, and he’s come to help us cure your nightmares.”

Lennie bowed his head as the unicorn approached. He hung behind Badger and kept his head low.

“Hi, Badger. Heard you had a bumpy ride on the way in today.”

“Yes, that was Nippy’s idea of a prank, but we made it okay.”

“So, who’s your friend? And how can I help?”

“This is Lennie, and he’s having terrible trouble with nightmares. He’s also the leader of the gang.”

“Okay, follow me,” said Baby Unicorn.

Badger and Lennie followed the beautiful creature along the golden-leaved path. They passed signs for “Nearly There” and “There”, and soon after arrived at the mouth of the Crystal Cave.