All the Feels (30 page)

*   *   *

Xander wasn’t in the hotel room when Liv arrived.

“Not sure where he went,” Mario said. “He was gone when I woke up.”

Emma frowned. “I thought he was with you.”

“No, not with me,” Liv said, reaching for her phone.

The screen showed no replies, and the sight of that, more than anything, left her gut in a tight ball. Where was Xander? And why, after the kisses last night, would he be avoiding her?

Fighting nerves, she began to tap in another text, then changed her mind and hit Dial. The phone rang four times before a recording of Xander’s voice came through:
“You’ve reached the cellular telephone of Mr. Xander Hall, Esquire. If this inquiry is in regards to acting services, please leave a message after the beep. If this message is of a personal nature, please leave your calling card on the front hall table at my estate, and I’ll respond by mail at my earliest convenience.”

A beep rang through the phone, and Liv hit End before it could record her panicked breathing. Emotions clawed their way up her chest. The embarrassed nervousness she’d been feeling all morning surged.
Why was Xander avoiding her?

She grabbed her purse, heading for the door.

“Liv,” Emma called. “Are you all right?”

She forced a smile. “If Xander comes back, let him know I’m looking for him.”

Mario nodded. “We will.”

*   *   *

Liv took the elevator directly down to the main floor. The crowds finally seemed to have peaked and were waning. The atrium was a never-ending party, but it was a far cry from what she’d seen the last few nights. Liv found a place on the red couches where she had a view of people coming and going, settling in to wait.

Liv pulled her phone from her pocket. Surely Xander would be back by now. They needed to talk … and soon. But when she checked the screen, there were no messages. Concerned, Liv texted the younger of the two Emmas:

Liv took a shuddering breath and slid the phone back into her pocket. Her eyes prickled with unshed tears as the truth hit her. It wasn’t that Xander
couldn’t
answer his phone. He just didn’t want to talk to
her
. She’d spent so long trying to avoid her feelings for Xander that she’d finally convinced
him
she didn’t have them.

Liv ran her fingers through her hair, fighting the urge to scream. “I’ve got to fix this.…”

*   *   *

Sunday morning didn’t feel like Sunday morning.

It was a party, the same party that had been building all weekend of the convention. If Friday night had been excitement and Saturday had been for crowds, Sunday had an over-the-top decadence as every con-goer came out one last time to fete their yearly pilgrimage. Costumes were soiled and wrinkled. People hacked as the first signs of the much-reviled “con-crud” took hold in the sinuses and lungs of the sleep-deprived masses.

“Where are you, Xander?” Liv muttered anxiously.

She glanced back toward the elevators, wondering if it was time to give up the search. The atrium was cloying, and she’d been jostled one too many times. The
Starveil
fans who had begun to look to her as their guide were nice, but she didn’t have it in her to talk fandom. If she didn’t find Xander soon, tomorrow’s flight back to Colorado would be unbearably uncomfortable. For a second, the kisses in the hallway and hotel room resurfaced, and she felt her cheeks burn. That hadn’t just been her. That had been Xander, too. She needed to let him know how she felt.

Liv checked both directions. She headed into the crowd, dodging elbows and drinks. A woman in a white outfit who looked suspiciously like Flo from the insurance commercial crossed Liv’s path, and she barely avoided another head-on collision. Nearing the elevators, she swerved past a group of men dressed in camouflage, belatedly realizing it wasn’t the regular green camo, but the same hallucinogenic pattern as the Marriott’s carpet. Seconds later, a toddler stumbled into her path, and Liv nearly tripped to avoid stepping on her.

“Fly away!” the gold-wrapped child giggled, her shiny wings bouncing as she sprinted past.

“Who in the world would bring a kid here?” Liv’s words disappeared as the child’s haggard parents appeared.

Fighting frustration, she moved farther into the crowd, searching for a nineteenth-century man with black hair. For a while, the only thing she could see was costumed partyers and science-fiction action heroes, and then the flash of a camera led her attention to the side.

“Dragnat all anyway,” she groaned.

Just when she thought the day couldn’t get any worse, Tom Grander appeared. He stood alone, his entourage forming a half-circle human shield around him. On the outside of the C, people snapped pictures with their phones, but no one invaded his space.

He walked to Liv’s side, entourage in tow.

“Good to see you, Liv,” Tom said gravely.

“Hi.” Liv turned the other way, hoping for a glimpse of Xander.

“How’ve you been?” Tom asked.

“Fine.” Liv stood on tiptoe, searching the crowd. “Where are you, Xander?” she muttered under her breath.

“I was hoping to run into you again,” Tom continued. “I want to talk.”

Liv’s attention jerked back to him. “Sorry. Talk about what?”

Tom gestured to the side of the room. “Do you mind if we do this someplace a little more private?”

“I can’t,” Liv said, looking away. “I’m looking for someone. Tall, with a top hat. Maybe tails.”

“I wanted to find you to apologize.” Tom’s voice was stilted, the words coming out in awkward jerks and starts. “I’m really sorry for what happened the other day.”

Liv turned back to him, struggling to catch up to the one-sided conversation. “You mean when you yelled at me?”

“Er … yes. And I—I want to apologize to you. I shouldn’t have said those things.”

“It’s fine,” she said. “I get what happened. You had—”

Her phone buzzed, and she fumbled to grab it from her pocket.

Tom stepped closer. “But I—”

“I don’t mean to be rude, Tom, but I have to go,” Liv gasped. “Sorry!” She gave him a bashful wave as she darted away. “I’ve got to find someone!”

And for the first time that Liv could remember, she really
didn’t
care that she was walking away from Tom Grander, because she was walking toward Xander.

*   *   *

Liv found Xander packing.

She stared in horror. “What’re you doing?”

“I’m leaving.”

“But why?!”

Xander threw another handful of linen shirts into the bag, ignoring her. When he passed by her on the way to the dresser, Liv touched his arm. “Where are you going?” she asked.

He added a pile of cravats to the mix, not bothering to fold them. He slammed the suitcase closed and looked up.

“I’ve got other friends here,” he said stiffly. “I’ll leave you with the room. Crash somewhere else tonight.”

Liv shook her head. “But these are your friends. Emma and Mario—”

“Will be just fine with one less person in the room,” Xander said, cutting off the rest of her words. “I don’t want this to be awkward for you.” His jaw clenched. “I want you to have a good time.”

“But I … I was.”

He stomped to the bathroom. Liv could hear things being thrown together. The hated tears were on the verge of spilling. She needed to persuade him to stay, but Liv was terrible at declarations. She’d been in love with Xander for almost a year, and even now she struggled to explain it.

When he returned a minute later, she stepped in front of him. “Don’t,” she whispered.

“Don’t what?”

“Don’t do this,” Liv said. “Don’t walk away from us.”

Xander’s brow wrinkled in pain, and he closed his eyes. When he opened them, the expression was so raw Liv felt something inside her break. She’d caused this.

“I can’t stop it,” he said haltingly. “I don’t want to wreck things, but I—”

“Then why?!” Liv cried.

He smiled sadly. “Because I’m in love with you, Liv Walden. And it’s too hard to pretend I’m not.” He turned his back to her, plodding across the room to where his clothes lay, half-packed. “I get that you don’t have the same feelings for me, and that’s okay. But I felt awful when I saw you’d left this morning.” His voice broke, and he looked up. “I
will
be okay, but you need to understand I need some space to figure this out.”

If Liv had imagined a reunion scene from a romance novel, she wouldn’t have selected the costume-strewn, three-day-old room from the Marriott Marquis at Dragon Con, but that’s exactly how it felt. She crossed the carpet, grabbing Xander by the shirt collar and tugging him down. His eyes widened in shock.

“I love you, too!”

“But when you took off this morning, I thought—”

She pulled him closer. “Shut up and kiss me.”

“Liv, be reasonable—”

“Kiss me, damnit!”

Xander moved forward at the same moment she moved up, their chins and noses banging painfully together for a half second before their mouths met. This kiss was demanding, desperate, and it hinted at something else to come. In seconds, Liv felt herself danced back against the wall. Their mouths never broke contact, but he pressed into her, his hands growing bold as he reached the edge of her shirt, roving higher. This kiss—standing pressed against the wall—was full-blown spontaneous combustion. Liv was breathless by the time Xander’s mouth dropped to her neck.

The door behind them opened with a squeal.

“… and then she said that he’d have to check on whether they were booking the rooms now or—” Emma’s words stopped at the same moment Liv and Xander broke apart.

Mario coughed.

“Hey, guys.”

Xander moved in front of Liv, blocking her from their view. “Mario,” he said with an uneasy chuckle. “Wasn’t expecting you back.”

Face on fire, Liv tugged down the bottom of her shirt, wondering when in the world it had gotten shoved up to her armpits.

“It’s no problem,” Emma said with a giggle. “We’ll get out of your way.”

“It’s fine,” Liv said. “We were just going out for a panel.” She turned to Xander. “Right? Our last day at Dragon Con together.” She grinned. “Until next year.”

He stared at her for a few long seconds. “Are you absolutely sure?”

“Xander, trust me on this. I’m
sure
.”

His voice dropped to Malloy’s growl. “Then if you’re ready, darlin’, I’m more than willing.”

Liv leaned in, her lips brushing his.

“I think I’ve been ready for this forever.”

Epilogue

“EVERYTHING IS AWESOME!”

(
THE LEGO MOVIE
)

The star freighter’s hangar was abandoned. Hanging lights hummed overhead, piles of destroyed engine parts cluttering the otherwise empty room. In one corner, a damaged interstellar transport waited for its repair crew. In the other, a man’s figure appeared, his shadow stretching out across the floor as he strode forward. His captain’s jacket was tattered, the hem singed by a blaster.

He paused next to the transport and sighed.

“Dragnat all. Where
are
you?!”