All is Lost (All Series, Book 2) (9 page)

Facing down my biggest fear, I begin praying
for forgiveness, acceptance and love. This is not a wordless prayer
you keep to yourself, or a soft prayer whispered under your breath
that causes someone else in the room to stay silent out of respect.
No, this is a loud, demanding plea that lasts for a long time.
Anna's whispered prayers mirror mine. Neither of us can bear to
lose him so we are not going to let Tristan go without a fight. Our
only weapon at this point is prayer. Giving everything I have into
this appeal, I beseech God for one more chance with
them.

Anna and I stay in our embrace, huddled on the
floor at the edge of Tristan’s bed for a long time. My breathing
slows to a deep hitching. My face is flushed and swollen. Finally
swallowing down every bit of my anxiety, I lift my eyes to Tristan.
It is bad. Tears roll down my cheeks as I see all of the swelling
and bruising marking his beautiful face. There are blood soaked
bandages around his head and randomly lying on the floor near the
head of his bed. My heart breaks for his suffering. If only there
was something more that I could do to help him or Anna, I would
sacrifice everything.

My chest heaves with broken cries after long
minutes of staring at the one man who has loved me since my
father’s disappearance. Still clinging to Anna mostly because I’m
afraid to let her go, I finally really look at her and notice that
she is still wearing the party dress from last night. It is
drenched in Tristan's blood and smeared with dirt from lying on the
ground while she cradled him to her body
.

She hasn't been home or showered.
That's what I can do for her.

“
Anna, I think you and I need a
break. I know you want to stay right here and believe me so do I,
but…” I pause judging her body language.

How can I approach her in this situation? I'm
usually spot–on with her since I've known her for so long and
learned her tell-tale signs. Noticing the differences in her since
I came into the room, I decide her strength is renewed with me
being here so I just say what I want to do.

“
I'm taking you home to get a
shower and clean clothes. Then we’re going to get some real food,
not the crap they try to pass off as food in this hospital.” Her
body shifts away from me and she pierces me with a defiant stare,
but I continue. “You don't have to stay away any longer than it
takes to do those things. I'll bring you back soon. I
promise.”

I've never made a promise to her or anyone
other than my dad in my entire life. She stares at me in utter
disbelief, but she knows that I am telling her the
truth.

“
You're right.” She sighs, nodding
slowly. “I know you're right. Okay, I’ll go with you. I need to let
the nurse know that we're leaving. She can page his parents and ask
them to stay with him until we get back.” She says “we” with
confidence, knowing that we are indeed in this together. Smiling, I
nod agreeing with her plans.

She quickly moves to hover over his face,
placing a kiss on his forehead. With her lips remaining on his head
she tells him she loves him more than he loves her, of our plans to
leave, and then reassures him that we will return before he can
miss her. I smile knowing that almost everything that she said is
nothing short of impossible. No one loves anyone more than Tristan
loves Anna. Not even her love for him can compare.

I look at him one last time before turning
toward the door. Remembering that she told me he can hear us, I
touch his fingers once more.

“
I love you too,
Tristan.”

Exhaling a breath that I feel like I've been
holding for years, I anxiously face Anna expecting… I don't know
what the hell I am expecting. After a sharp intake of breath, her
eyes instantly glisten and she quickly lowers them to the floor.
Shock flashing through her features, Anna bites down hard on her
bottom lip and she blinks fervently at the tears streaming down her
face. She's never heard me say these words to anyone. Ever. The
time has come for me to change that fact.

“
Anna, I've been so stupid. You
loved me when I wasn’t worthy of it. I don’t know what else to say
other than I am so sorry. I love you and I’ve loved you all of my
life. Please forgive me for all of those years that I selfishly
pushed you away.” I whisper, watching her eyes lift up slowly to
meet mine and a single tear slowly trickles down my
cheek.

This changes everything. I can't keep on
living the way I did before last night, with no life in me for the
past fourteen years. Who could call that living? Every emotion I
never allowed before comes crashing down on me now.

Sucking back my emotions, I force out more
words through my raspy voice, “I don't know how the hell you put up
with me being so damn selfish and at times just plain mean. I hate
that I've let you and Tristan down so many times.”

Completely embarrassed and attempting to
control my crying, I drop my face into my hands. Failing miserably
at keeping my heartache locked inside, the tears break free again,
racking my body.

I can’t stop now
.

“
I'm disgusted with myself and my
behavior. I'm not a saint, but you saw something valuable in me all
these years. I know being friends with me isn’t easy. Even though I
pushed you away as hard as I could, you waited for me. If you will
still have me I want to be your best friend Anna.”

Looking up from my damp hands, I draw her
weary body into my arms and hug her desperately. My body trembles
with fear by admitting my true feelings and a collaboration of many
more emotions. Anna remained quiet while I got everything I needed
to say out of my system, but now I need to know that she forgives
me. Slowly I steady my breathing, wipe my eyes and lift my gaze to
greet hers. Waiting for me to finish, she stares
wordlessly.

“
I swear that I'm done with all
that bullshit. If you and God give me the chance I will make up for
everything I denied you and Tristan, all of those years. Anna, can
you forgive me?” Eyes bulging, mouth agape and unmoving, she is
once again catatonic Anna.

“
Anna?”

I can't believe all that I have confessed
either so I understand the total dumbstruck look on her
face.

“
Anna.”

Needing to ease the tension, I snap my fingers
dramatically in front of her face. It breaks her trance and finally
she responds. Closing her mouth, she blinks rapidly and stares at
me with a look like she is expecting the heavens to split open and
whisk her away any second.

“
Come on let's get you home.”
Mocking in my best whiny Anna voice, I grab her by the arm linking
mine with hers and say, “You. Stink!”

Finding her voice she says, “I love you too
Breesan. Of course I forgive you, but we have a lot to talk
about.”

Freezing in place at the thought of her
knowing all my repressed pain, I am scared shitless, but she
deserves to know everything and I accept it as part of true
friendship. Looking at her serious expression, I swallow down my
nervousness and nod my head slowly, extracting a wide smile from
her.

“
Okay, so we start over today.”
Pausing, she adds, “Best friends.”

Chapter Six

Breesan

The group of people in the waiting room has
thinned out now. Those that remain are Tristan's closest friends,
family members and a police officer standing guard at his door.
Marcus and Morgan's parents are near the back of the waiting room
talking with Gran. Granddad has a blanket too small for him draped
over his chest, head tilted back against the wall with a ball cap
covering his face and a loud rumble coming from under it suggests
that he is sleeping. Bates walks over and stands awkwardly for a
moment before finally speaking.

“
Does he know we are all
here?”

His head and eyes are downcast with his
shoulders sagging and hands jammed into his back pockets. Slowly
lifting his head, Bates looks from me to Anna apprehensively.
Clearly he is suffering tremendously with Tristan's injury
too.

“
He knows Bates,” Anna says. “I've
told him and I know he hears me.”

She smiles and the tension in his features
eases slightly. Not a grin exactly, but a little better than a
grimace moves across his tired face. Nodding to her, Bates lets out
a heavy breath then begins rubbing his hand across the back of his
neck.

“
Good,” he pauses then steps closer
to her. “Anna is there something I can do for you or for his
family? Anything, just name it.” He says, reaching a hand toward
her, but stops just before making contact.

“
No, thank you Bates.” Startled by
his unusual behavior toward her, she shifts her eyes from him to
me, takes a step back and then shakes her head dramatically.
“Breesan is taking me home for a little while. Maybe you should go
home and get some rest too.”

He shakes his head. “I'm okay
Anna.”

Turning to walk away, he pauses, “Breesan I…”
He clears his throat before trying again. “I took Wren to the hotel
after the…um, last night. She said she would be there for the rest
of the week. She knows that you will be here for Tristan, but she
gave me this and said that if you feel like talking, you can call
her day or night.”

Offering me a small piece of paper, his eyes
light up and he grins when I eagerly accept Wren’s cell phone
number. Truthfully, I do want to meet with my cousin and finally
get answers about my family history. When she showed up last night
at the party it was shocking to find out that I have a living blood
relative, and after everything that the past twenty-four hours has
offered, I am excited about having her here. I especially want to
know more about her mom because she will know all about my dad and
I need to know everything.

“
I will call her later.” I say,
returning his smile. “Bates, thank you for keeping her safe, I…I
really appreciate what you did for her.”

“
Yeah, about that,” He shrugs while
a blush creeps over his cheeks. “I was scared to death. It was
actually Wren who saved us when she forced me off that damn stage
after I froze in place hearing the gunshots. If it wasn't for her
I'd probably be lying in a hospital bed too.” I shake my head at
the thought of more friends and family being in this hospital or
worse. Bates continues, “We talked for a little while when I
dropped her off at her hotel. Wren's a really nice girl Breesan.”
He says, blushing again just saying her name and quickly adds, “You
know I think I am going to head out and maybe grab a shower too.
I'll see you girls later.”

We watch as Bates practically runs out of the
waiting room and then Anna burst into a fit of laughter.

“
Oh girl, Bates has a crush on your
cousin. I've never seen him so thrown by a girl. He's such a player
but he actually blushed. You saw that, tell me you saw his face
turn red when he talked about her?” Anna asks excitedly.

“
I'm not sure.” Uncertain of what
he intended for us to know, I play it off. “Maybe Bates isn’t
feeling well or perhaps he is just tired.”

“
Uh no!” With her hands on her
hips, Anna begins her argument. “That boy likes Wren. Now, what are
we going to do about it?”

I can't believe she's playing match maker at a
time like this.
Yes I can
, I remind myself that this is
typical Anna’s response to anything that is too emotionally heavy.
When facing pain Anna always blocks it out or distracts herself
from it with other activities. Looks like Bates and Wren will be
her new distraction.

“
Anna, how about, no? Let's just
get you home and then maybe when we have all had some rest we can
discuss you playing cupid,” I say.

I tug on her arm but she remains rooted.
Glancing at her to see why she isn’t moving, I see that she isn’t
being defiant and fighting against me. Anna is completely frozen in
place. Turning my head in the direction of her transfixed eyes, I
notice someone push through the double doors at the end of the
hallway.

“
What is it Anna?” I
ask.

She blinks then stammers, “It's uh…” Turning
to face me, Anna whispers, “Breesan, here comes Elise.”

An incredibly beautiful woman with long curly
red hair and a perfect body saunters her way toward us. She's
wearing an expensive looking, off white silk top and a pale blue
skirt with matching heels that are probably just as overpriced.
Elise walks with absolute purpose and a complete confidence that
screams “I am a force to be reckoned with.”

As she continues to come closer it dawns on me
that I recognize her. This is the woman that was with Marcus that
horrible night at Club Toxic. My body stiffens when she makes eye
contact with me. From the bitter hatred glare she tosses at me, she
clearly remembers me too. I see Waverly in my peripheral, walking
in my direction. She walks behind me, around to the other side of
Anna and leans in, whispering to Anna. Anna nods, agreeing
wordlessly with whatever she says. The three of us stare along with
everyone else in the hallway as Elise continues our way. She stops
a few feet away from us and with a disrespectful tone, she
interrupts the extremely busy nurse.

“
I said, excuse me.”