After Ben (37 page)

“Come on, already.”

He pushed in, figuring that he should be used to that first, almost too-tight grip, the slow give and the enveloping, amazing heat after the number of times they’d done this in a week. Morgan shoved himself backward, making himself yelp. Theo rubbed his back, wrapping his hand around the base of his dick, stopping Morgan from going too fast for comfort. When Morgan glared over his shoulder, he looked like a stranger once more.

That hollow feeling resonated through Theo again. He pulled out, flopped onto his back after removing the condom, and slung an arm over his eyes. Morgan was silent. When he finally felt Morgan stretch out next to him, his fingers rubbing over his belly in a comforting circle, Theo huffed out a breath.

“I can’t do it like that, Morgan. It’s like you want me to hurt you. I won’t do that. I’d rather we got drunk and went out shooting mailboxes if you need to get something out of your system.”

Morgan’s hand moved up to his chest, pressing down over his heart.

“I’m sorry. I just needed….” Theo lifted his arm from over his eyes a little, peeking at Morgan, watching his face crease with unhappiness again.

“Morgan.” He wished so hard that he would just say what was on his mind. “Have you hurt someone? Is that what this is about? People do get over heartbreak. You can’t worry about breaking up with someone forever.” Morgan shook his head. “Well, if you haven’t hurt anyone, and you didn’t cheat, then I can’t imagine a single fucking thing worth worrying over. If you want to feel bad about something, go thump my refrigerator.” He chanced a smile.

Morgan smiled back. He shook his head at Theo. “I just… I can’t….”

“Just stop, Morgan. I don’t care. Whatever it was, I don’t care. It’s in the past. You’re happy here, aren’t you? I mean with me. You are happy with me?” Morgan’s answer was a kiss—deep and slow and devoid of desperation. They shifted together, pressing close, stroking each other for a while.

“I’m more than happy with you, Theo.”

After that it was easy. They made out for ages, pulling the sheet over their heads, making a tent that muted the light into a soft glow. This time, when Morgan had him hard enough for a condom again, Theo was the one doing all the grabbing and thrusting. He clutched at Morgan’s hip and at the sheets as Morgan slid slowly down onto Theo, eyes squinting, then opening wider as he lowered himself. Theo hung on, huffing, trying desperately not to thrust up while Morgan was still adjusting.

“So good, Theo.” Morgan started to rock over him, his movements slow and steady, his hands braced flat on Theo’s chest. The next time he slid down, Theo thrust up.

“Ohhh fuck. Do that again.”

Theo did, rolling his hips in counterpoint to Morgan’s movements until Morgan shifted, moving until he had one foot flat on the mattress. He lifted himself a little more, maintaining his position, his face looking pained as Theo rose to his elbows and really started fucking. Morgan tried to jack himself, wobbling horribly. Something about the look that swept across his face—pissed and amused at the same time—as he tried to steady himself made Theo laugh out loud. Pissed and amused was pure Morgan.

“Shut up and fuck me, old man.” This time when Theo pulled out and rolled Morgan over onto his stomach, he pounded him because it was what they both wanted. Morgan stuck his ass in the air, leaving room for his hand on his dick, and Theo got to work. He pulled the sheet away as they ran short of breath, the sounds of their bodies slapping together, sweaty and sticky, filtered through Theo’s groans and Morgan’s cursing.

Theo pulled Morgan up, then sat back on his heels, feeling Morgan slip over him even more as he sat back on his lap.

“Oh Jesus, that’s deep.”

“Yeah,” Theo agreed, tilting into him, his hands under Morgan’s ass cheeks, lifting him, maintaining their rhythm. Morgan stroked himself faster, suddenly lurching forward on his knees. Theo stayed with him, fucking him into and through his orgasm, feeling the clench and release inside and out as he came right after Morgan. He rested his forehead between Morgan’s shoulder blades, shaking, his dick softening and sliding out as Morgan collapsed on his side.

They dozed for a while, then snuggled under the sheets again when they got chilled, jizz wiped away with a shirt. Morgan’s dark eyes met his. He smiled at Theo, then slept—just like that—out like a light.

Theo stood in the shower for ages, letting the water thunder across his shoulders as he mentally walked through Morgan’s mood. His withdrawal and weird behavior all seemed to center around his old apartment. He decided to let it go if Morgan wasn’t going to volunteer any more information. Morgan had no need to go back there. Perhaps they could draw a line and move on.

When he was done, he found Morgan waiting outside the bathroom, wearing Theo’s bathrobe, looking determined.

“I’m really sorry, Theo. That won’t happen again.” He scrubbed a hand over his face. “I don’t know what I was thinking.”

“Well if you ever want to talk about it, whatever it is, I want to hear.”

Morgan nodded, stepping forward into a hug, nuzzling at Theo’s neck.

He left Morgan to shower, pulling on his pajama pants, ready to spend the rest of the evening doing exactly nothing. They could bring up Morgan’s stuff from the car in the morning. When the door buzzer sounded, Theo didn’t hesitate to answer, fully expecting to be faced with the pizza delivery guy. He knew Morgan well enough by now to know he’d most likely slept like the dead for ten minutes, then woke up starving and ordered in.

He swung open the door, wondering exactly where he’d left his wallet as he patted at his pocketless pajama pants.

When Peter said, “Hey,” Theo was surprised into silence, stepping back as Peter came inside, wrapping him in a hug that made Theo shiver, his jacket cool and damp against Theo’s overheated skin.

In the bathroom, Morgan started to sing.

Chapter 21

P
ETER
’
S
hands slipped from around Theo as he stepped away, their grip loosening until only his palms rested lightly on his shoulders. When Theo had called Peter earlier in the week, telling him that he’d met someone, there had been an awkward extended beat of silence, followed quickly by Peter offering best wishes. It had been difficult to judge whether the hollowness of his tone had been due to crappy cell phone reception or to Peter’s mood, but Theo hadn’t expected him to be overly happy.

He hadn’t expected him to fly home either.

Honestly, Peter had been nothing but decent the entire time Theo had known him. He’d set out right from the start that he was interested in being more than just friends with Theo, but had never pushed too hard. Theo was pretty sure that he’d still be completely locked in the past if Peter hadn’t brought him back to life, at least on a physical level.

Peter smiled as he spoke, but it looked a little forced.

“I should have called first. I’ve got so much personal time saved up that I thought….” He drew in a breath, squeezed Theo’s shoulders, then let him go. “It just seemed real important that I use some of it to come back to see you as soon as I could. When you mentioned meeting someone else, I thought that maybe you meant you were just starting out. I hoped if I swung by and reminded you what you’d be missing….” He snorted at himself before meeting Theo’s eyes. “Unless that’s your brother singing in the shower, I guess I’m too late.”

“Peter.” Theo felt beyond awkward. Explaining that he wasn’t just starting out with Morgan, but had actually been getting closer to him for months and months seemed as bad as admitting that they just met the week before but were already living together. Both statements were true, and both statements, he guessed, might seem insensitive. He certainly felt insensitive.

“No, no….” Peter held his hands up in a placating gesture. “This was a dumb idea.”

Morgan’s voice—still singing his fucking heart out—ebbed and flowed around them as they stood in the entranceway, the front door still wide open behind them. Peter stepped back, turning, preparing to leave.

“Peter. Please, wait.”

“No, I’m going to go now, Theo. You enjoy the rest of your evening.” Theo watched him try out another smile, then shrug, saying, “I guess I should have known better than to help you get buff and then leave town. Is it someone from the gym?” He shook his head immediately. “No, don’t tell me. It’s none of my business.”

“Peter, I just wish….” Theo wasn’t sure what he wished. Wishing that they had clicked on more levels than the purely physical seemed vaguely asshole-ish. There was nothing wrong with Peter. Nothing at all. It was simply that Morgan was right for Theo in ways he couldn’t begin to explain. From little things such as Morgan already knowing so much about Theo—like the fact that he had no siblings—and accepting the way that Ben was still a very important part of his life, all the way through to arguing about absolutely fucking everything, Morgan was just right for him. It wouldn’t have mattered if he’d been twenty-one or sixty-one instead of twenty-eight. He was perfect for Theo.

“Hey. I’m pleased you’re happy, Theo.”

Even when things didn’t work out for him, Peter was still friendly, still taking things in stride. Theo thought it must have something to do with the truly terrible things he dealt with in his career as a paramedic. He really didn’t want the man to walk out the door and completely out of his life.

“Look, we’re meeting friends for coffee tomorrow. Come. Meet us there. I hate the thought of losing a friend.”

And that was it. That was the difference. He saw Peter only as a friend—a hot friend, admittedly, but friendship was all he could realistically see between them—while he’d grown to need Morgan. He’d been sad when Peter left Seattle, but when he thought he couldn’t have Morgan in his life, he’d been fucking devastated.

“I’d love to catch up, Peter. I really would.” It was true. Hearing about Peter’s work was fascinating. To be honest, it was the one thing they found to talk about at length.

“Maybe.” Peter shrugged.

Theo turned as the sound of singing ceased. When he looked at Peter again, he was already halfway out the door, dodging around the pizza delivery guy.

“Are you still making that man sing? It must be love, dude.”

By the time Theo had taken the pizza, Peter had gone.

T
HE
coffeehouse was packed on Saturday afternoon. Robyn waved them over from his place on a couch in a far corner. As they shuffled their way closer, dodging strollers, toddlers, and outstretched legs, Morgan grumbled.

“You warned them that I’m antisocial, right?”

“Of course I did.”

“And you told them that means people hate me?”

“It was almost the first thing I told them about you—” Theo stopped to scoop up a fallen child, returning her to her feet before moving on. “—right after I mentioned the fact that you’re only with me for my body.”

“Well, at least that’s out in the open. I’d hate for them to wonder what I see in a rich older man who owns his own home and car, as well as a timeshare in the Bay area.”

Theo turned, smiling, then stopped as he noticed Morgan’s frown line creasing deeply between his brows. Reaching out, he stroked a couple of fingers down his sleeve. When they slipped down as far as his palm, Morgan caught them and squeezed, holding Theo tight. His voice was hoarse and low when he said, “Some people say I’m unlikable.” Theo pulled him a little closer, oblivious to the hustle and bustle all around them.

“Some people must be fucking idiots.”

Seeing the frown line disappear and watching Morgan smile for the first time in an hour, was worth the heckling he received from Chris and Robyn. They teased Theo for the next half hour, letting Morgan watch and listen from the sidelines as they caught up with news. When Ben’s name was mentioned, Robyn’s eyes flickered over toward Morgan.

“Please don’t stop on my account. You were all friends, from what Theo’s mentioned, anyway.”

Robyn shifted on the couch until he faced Morgan. “Theo wasn’t my friend to begin with. He was Yves’s. Has he told you about him?” Morgan nodded. “Good. I want you to know that I understand. It can be real tough stepping into someone else’s shoes.”

“I have no intention of even trying. I’m not sure why I’m here.” Morgan looked into his coffee cup as Robyn leaned in closer, playing with the end of his ponytail as he listened. “It seemed important to Theo, that’s all.”

“I think you coming today means a lot to all of us, Morgan. Did you know that he cut us out of his life for a year? Well, he tried to, but I’m a persistent bastard so I just kept on e-mailing as if we still saw each other all the time. It was so hard, though, knowing what he must have been going through.” They both turned a little toward the end of the couch where Theo sat, listening to Chris. When he noticed them both watching him, he raised his brows. They turned away again.

“Morgan, he is so much happier. So much. These last few weeks since he got in touch again have been wonderful to watch, but kinda hard also.” Robyn paused for a while, then looked Morgan in the eye before continuing. “I started going out with Chris just a little while after Yves passed away. Believe me, I know that was difficult for his friends. No one feels like that about you.”