After Ben (17 page)

“See, it’s all around you here if you just look beyond the office walls.” Evan pointed toward the archive room ceiling, something Theo hadn’t ever spent a great deal of time staring at. A momentary flashback of Ben kneeling over him in the dark made Theo gasp. When Evan said, “Yeah, it gets me that way too,” Theo blinked, then took in the way Evan stared, smiling, at the ceiling.

“Wow.” How had he never noticed in all his years working there that the molding around the ceiling edges was made up of what looked like tiny stylized plaster roses?

Evan smiled brightly, pleased. “See how this wall must have been added much later?” he indicated where a rose had been bisected by the angle of the wall which divided the storage space from the office. “And—” He climbed the stepladder he used when Joel wasn’t around to pull down boxes from the highest shelves. “—you can feel the difference.” Theo watched as he ran his fingers over one of the flowers.

“You need to feel it for yourself.” Evan prodded and poked Theo until he climbed too, unable to refuse in the face of such enthusiasm.

“Wow, you’re right,” Theo ran the tips of his fingers around the plasterwork roses. They felt silky, almost as if they’d been painted.

“Now feel the wall right there. Close your eyes and do it.” Following Evan’s instructions, even though closing his eyes in the archive room made him feel breathless, Theo felt the difference between the finishes.

“This feels so rough in comparison, but—” He opened his eyes before concluding. “—but it looks completely smooth.”

“That’s nothing. Honestly, this building is full of examples of the Art Deco style, but most of it has been wrecked. These roses aren’t strictly appropriate to the age of the building. They’re based on designs by Charles Rennie Mackintosh. I started noticing it the first time I came to the office with Dad. You can see and feel the difference in the craftsmanship. It’s amazing, isn’t it?”

Maybe Theo looked a little dubious. What would a punk of a kid have noticed or known about 1930s architecture? Evan’s face had tightened again. “It’s true.”

Noticing the way Evan shut down so quickly, Theo backpedaled wildly, asking how he’d become such an expert.

“The SAM’s free for kids. I’d be waiting for the doors to open every chance I could sneak out of the group home. They’d have to kick me out at closing, if I could get away with staying that long. Some of the docents would share their lunches and tell me about stuff.” Theo knew the Seattle Art Museum well enough. He’d attended evening exhibits and parties held there many times with Ben.

Evan’s gray eyes—silver, Theo thought, they’re silver when he’s happy—were wide, and he nodded as he spoke. “You know the SAM was originally established in the ’30s? I bet it was full of Art Deco back then. This building is the same age; there are clues all over it.”

Theo watched as Evan pulled out the last of the papers on his list, then tidied the area before heading out into the main office again. During their archive-room chat, the rest of the team had arrived. The office was busy, noisy, full of life. For the first Friday in weeks it seemed like a normal day at work. The tension levels of the past few weeks had been high on Fridays as people waited for the axe to fall again.

When Joel’s plaintive “Evan!” rang out from the direction of the copier, Evan turned to go.

Theo’s hand on his shoulder made the smaller man flinch. He felt terrible then. His father, David, had explained that Evan experienced some hard times before he was placed with them. He hated to think what that might have meant. As Evan turned back toward him, he apologized, then said, “Let Joel try to figure out the copier himself. Come and show me what else I’ve failed to notice that’s been right in front of my face for the last fifteen years.”

They spent the next quarter hour on an impromptu tour of the office, including the reception area and elevator. At one point they crossed the street and surveyed the front of the building, much to Maggie’s amusement as she waved down at them.

“I guess I just don’t notice things at all.” Theo sounded annoyed with himself, but Evan laughed again.

“Oh, you need to be a real obsessive to look out for things like this. I love discovering what people left behind, or decided was out of date or ugly. Someone here must have looked up at the roses around the ceiling one day and decided that they made the space look dated. Honestly, the things that were done to classic architectural features, inside and outside buildings, in the sixties….” He shuddered.

They crossed the street again, heading back. It was 9 a.m. already. Work would be mounting up. When the smaller man spoke again, Theo bent to listen. “You should stop me. I could talk about this shit all day.”

“No, no, it’s fascinating.” Ben would have loved Evan’s tour. Loved it.

“Really?” Evan sounded surprised, delighted even. “Aiden doesn’t have time to come to exhibits, and Mom, well, she thinks I should be studying something….” He struggled for the right word. “Manly.”

“Architecture isn’t manly?” Theo was baffled. “How’s that, exactly,” he asked.

“Well, I guess if I was into construction—surveying, maybe—she could dig it. But I’m more interested in features. I like the idea of making spaces for people that inspire rather than restrict. You know, like beautiful stuff around the edges of an office rather than….” He gestured as they stood in the building’s lobby, which gleamed with stainless steel and glass, all sharp edges and high-gloss finish.

“So, how do you feel about cubicles?” Theo was only half joking as he asked. Evan’s shudder was enough of an answer.

“Nope, I don’t like them. I don’t like the look or the way walking into an office filled with them makes me feel, but I can see that they’re practical. That’s what Mom is all about: choosing practical options, fitting in. That kind of thing.” Theo remembered Evan’s father coming into work gray-faced during Evan’s first year with them. He had so many fights at school, refusing to fit in. It was interesting to see that he was still quietly rebelling; only now, doing so obviously caused him some distress.

“I think you might have been right about my mom. She hasn’t stopped talking about looking for a position here after I’m done with college. I don’t know how many more ways she can find to say ‘ask for a job’. Maybe I shouldn’t have applied.” He pushed back his too-long bangs, looking irritated. “I thought it might help her, but it’s just made her even worse. She can’t see any value in what I like.” His whole body sagged.

Theo thought desperately for a minute, looking around for some inspiration to make Evan smile again. He hadn’t intended to put the kid on a downer, and he hadn’t even managed to talk to him about Joel yet. As the elevator pinged he had a flash of inspiration.

“How are you with heights?”

It only took a quick conversation and the promise of some free tax advice to get the master key from the janitor. While Evan blinked and frowned, Theo herded him into the elevator and pushed the button for the top floor. Then he encouraged Evan to get out before inserting the key into the control panel. With one turn the elevator started to descend slowly while the doors remained open.

“What the….” Evan looked at Theo like he was crazy as he stopped the elevator so that its roof was level with the floor they stood on.

“Come on. It’s safe. I promise.” Theo stepped onto the top of the elevator, then turned back and barked out a laugh at the look of horror on Evan’s face.

“They make movies about this shit. There is no way in hell I’m standing on the roof of an elevator.” He crossed his arms. Theo thought Evan looked around sixteen years old right then, rather than twenty-one.

“What if I promise you a sight that will make the archive room moldings look pitiful?” He stared Evan out, watching as the younger man chewed on the inside of his cheek. “Look, the elevator repair guy showed this to me once. I’d forgotten all about it until today. Come see; you won’t be disappointed.”

That had been an interesting day at the office, Theo remembered. He had always loved fairground rides, making his poor dad sit through them all, over and over and over. A chance to go on an elevator-roof ride when he’d first started at the office seemed like a gift compared to endless columns of numbers.

“Come on. What’s the worst that could happen?”

Evan’s laugh was sudden and welcome. “We plunge to our deaths? I don’t know. I think you’re crazy!” He stepped forward anyway, standing next to Theo.

“See? Nothing to worry about.” Theo set the elevator in motion, the sudden lurch making Evan grab at his arm before letting go, apologizing and flustered. He tried to reassure him. “It’s fine, Evan. It’s cool.”

As the elevator descended Evan hung on again.

Theo stopped the elevator between floors. It was dim but not completely dark, and at each level there was a lamp that the elevator engineer used to check that the rails and cables were up to code. Taking the nearest lamp, Theo switched it on and bent a little. “Look.”

Evan bent too.

“Holy shit.”

Theo smiled at Evan’s flustered apology for cursing. His excitement left him giddy, hanging onto Theo’s arm as he leaned as far as he could, holding up the lamp so that it illuminated the plaster ceiling moldings, which extended for as far as he could see. They’d been hidden by the false ceilings put up in the sixties and seventies and were perfectly preserved, if somewhat yellowed.

“Everyone smoked back then,” Evan explained. “It’s one of the problems with preserving original features. Environmental factors like pollution eat away at the fabric of things. But wow, just… wow. These are different to the ones on our floor.” He took some pictures with his cell phone.

“Hold on tight,” Theo said as the elevator descended another floor. This time Evan was silent.

After taking some more photos, he turned to Theo, his eyes shining, his voice rough. “Thanks. Just… thanks.”

They rode back to the top floor, stepped out while Theo removed the master key, then rode back down to their office floor. Before they left the hallway, Theo tried to think of a way to raise the subject of Joel again, but Maggie appeared, tapping her watch and motioning for him to come and take a call.

He sat in his office for the rest of the morning, covertly watching his interns through the slats in his blinds as he took call after call. Joel got on with his work but kept coming to stand near Evan’s desk, as if he were magnetized and Evan was his lodestone. Evan got on with his work conscientiously, oblivious to the taller man’s attention. For once he looked completely relaxed and content, his eyes often unfocused as he stared into the middle distance during breaks. In comparison, Joel looked completely miserable, hands clenching and unclenching as he hovered nearby.

He really had it bad.

Theo watched as Joel tried to engage Evan in conversation repeatedly, only to either be ignored or half listened to as the blond man’s eyes kept rising unconsciously to the ceiling. Theo could imagine what he was picturing.

Honestly, he felt so badly for Evan. His mother needed to let him be. The moment that thought crossed Theo’s mind, he felt a little guilty. She probably just wanted her boys to have comfortable, steady lives. He knew that his own parents had been beyond delighted when he chose his major, and then took the first job he was offered back in Seattle.

When he was a kid, he’d wanted to be a cowboy so badly, but his parents had just gently played those ambitions down. They hadn’t completely rained on his parade, though, supplying him with endless Wild-West-themed books and toys. There was a balance, Theo guessed, between support and domination. Looking back, his parents had pretty much supported all his decisions.

Apart from one.

H
IS
conversation with Joel hadn’t gone too well.

In retrospect, Theo wondered if he could have handled it differently. He talked about it later with Morgan.

THEO: I’ve had better meetings. Just when I think I’ve got a handle on managing people, I get reminded that people are completely unmanageable.

MORGAN: It can’t have been that bad, you drama queen.

THEO: Fuck you. It was horrible.

MORGAN: LOL

THEO: I don’t know why you bothered to come back. You give me ZERO respect. I’m looking for some sympathy here, man.

MORGAN: These are kids getting some work experience, right? I doubt they’re serious about too much.

Theo didn’t agree at all, but without talking about what he’d seen at the shelter, he didn’t really know how to explain the two sides to Joel’s character to Morgan. He didn’t want to discuss what he’d seen there. Telling Morgan that he’d been miserable giving away Ben’s belongings, and that seeing Joel had helped to give him some perspective might seem thoughtless, given that he’d just split with his own boyfriend. Besides, while he didn’t mind talking generally about the interns, he did want to respect their privacy.

THEO: I don’t know. I just feel for the kid.

THEO: J has a MONSTER crush on E.

MORGAN: What does E think about that?

THEO: He has NO idea. None.

MORGAN: So what’s the problem? As long as the filing’s getting done, it’s all good, right?

It should be as simple as that. Theo rested his head on his pillows and stared at the ceiling for a while.

Maybe if Evan hadn’t sounded so fucking desperate for the intern spot in the first place, none of it would seem so complex. If it wasn’t for the fact that interning in the same office his father had worked at was the sole reason for his application, Theo would just switch him out with an intern in another department. He’d done that before.

He had considered that option with Joel also. Maybe if they were in the same building, only on different floors, Joel might chill out some. As it was, he’d started his conversation with Joel after watching him build himself up to asking Evan out all afternoon.

Maggie pointed out that he had moved on from breaking things accidentally-on-purpose to leaving gifts on Evan’s desk. He reminded Theo of the cat that belonged to an old neighbor of theirs when they lived in a rented house out near Miller Park. That cat decided Ben was her soul mate and would be waiting on their doormat every night and morning, yowling to get in, spending evenings purring loud enough to drown out the TV as Ben petted her.