Absolute Lovers (Absolute #2) (15 page)

While I was extremely reluctant to let her in on the
specifics of my sexual past, I also knew that honesty was always the best
policy.

"Wow, looks like you were a fuddy-duddy even when you
were a teenager," Julia teased with a sweet smile when she looked at my
alphabetized books from school.

I chuckled and nodded. I had always been a stickler for
order, while it seemed that Julia preferred chaos. It was interesting how we
still seemed to fit together despite our vast differences, and it made me
smile.

"So…your ex is here," she said and sat down on the
edge of my bed, cutting to the chase.

"No, she was never my girlfriend. You're my
first."

And hopefully last.

"Right, you said that before. So you guys just had a casual
thing going, or…?"

"Not really. I mean, I've known her my whole life,
basically. Our parents are friends but she never gave me the time of day. But I…I
developed a crush on her anyway. It was stupid."

I practically followed her around like a puppy dog. God,
I was so stupid!

I hesitated for a few seconds. "We only did it once.
Um, had sex, I mean."

"Oh. And you were hoping that it might be more?"
Julia ventured.

I nodded. "Yeah, I thought it meant that she wanted to
be my girlfriend. I was…naïve."

"How old were you?" she asked gently and reached
out her hand to me.

I took it and sat next to her on the bed. "Twenty-one."

Julia made a surprised noise.

"Late bloomer, I guess," I said with a grimace.

"That's all right. It's better to wait and not do it too
early, I think," she reassured me.

"I guess. I wish I would have waited even longer."

I should have held out for you, my Julia. It would have
definitely been worth it.

"So I take it that it wasn't what you hoped it would
be?"

"Not even close," I admitted and looked down to
hide my face. "It was awful and she was…mean."

"What?"

"She was mean," I said again.

"No, I heard you the first time, but what do you mean
when you say that?"

I really didn't want to tell her. I had never felt more
humiliated than after Michelle and I had sex. She hadn't made any allowances
for my nervousness or the fact that it was my first time. I didn't have any
practice in restraint and try as I might I couldn't last longer than a minute
or two before I came. She had looked up at me disbelievingly and asked if that
was it, even though it was pretty evident that I was done.

But the worst part was when she went to put her clothes back
on. Wanting to redeem myself, I asked her if we could do it again. I figured
that I would last longer and I wanted to do whatever I could to make it good
for her. I didn't like feeling like a failure and I hoped that she would give
me another chance. But she hadn't done that. She had laughed at me and left
without another word.

I didn't want Julia to know that, and I especially didn't
want her to know how I had sobbed into my pillow that night because I felt like
I wasn't a real man. Even in those days Matt had had a lot of success with the
opposite sex and the phone was ringing off the hook with different girls who
all wanted to talk to my brother. Never once was there a call like that for me.
I suppose I had hoped that when it happened for me, I would turn out to be a
good lover, and my awkward years would finally be behind me as I became a man.

"She didn't have an orgasm," I admitted. "And
when I wanted to do it again to make it better for her, she…" I swallowed
nervously. Julia stroked my hand with her thumb.

"She what?"

"She…she
laughed
at me. Like the idea of
sleeping with me again was utterly ridiculous and pointless. Like I was
worthless."

Julia inhaled sharply and tightened her hold on my hand. The
silence in the room was deafening.

"Please say something," I whispered, afraid to
look at her.

"What. A. Fucking. Bitch," Julia said slowly, punctuating
every word.

"Yeah," I said, shrugging. "It wasn't exactly
an ideal introduction to sex, and I guess now you know why I was so awkward
when we first started sleeping together."

"You didn't seem awkward to me," she said.
"You were nervous, sure, but I figured that was just because I was your
student and you were worried that it would get you in trouble. I never doubted
that you wanted me and you certainly didn't disappoint me in any way."

"I don't know why it's so different with you. Even the
first time it was different. You just felt…right."

Julia leaned into my side.

"You
feel
right," I corrected and finally
raised my head to look at her. Her eyes didn't show any judgment and radiated
tenderness and understanding.

"Thank you for telling me," she said. "She
shouldn't have treated you like that. You deserve so much better, but if it's
any consolation, not very many have a great first time."

"Really?"

I hadn't ever discussed intimate matters with anyone except
Julia and therefore I didn't know a lot about other people's sex lives. Well,
except Matt's, of course, and I always took everything he said with a grain of
salt. Actually, a big old pile of salt.

"I hardly know anyone who actually enjoyed it. Girls
mostly remember the discomfort, and guys worry because it was over so quickly.
You're not alone in wishing that you had waited for the right person," she
said with a hint of regret in her voice.

"How old were you? Your first time, I mean."

I realized that the only thing I knew about Julia's sexual
past was the fact that her ex-boyfriend had been unfaithful. I could only
assume that with Julia's level of experience that she had started her sexual
journey a lot earlier in life than I had.

"I had just turned sixteen." She sighed. "I
was way too young, now that I look back on it."

"Why did you do it?"

"I was stupid," she said, rolling her eyes.
"I felt pressured by my boyfriend. He was experienced and I was
infatuated, and didn’t want to lose him. Age-old story."

"I'm sorry," I whispered, wrapping my arm around
her. "Was it bad?"

"The worst," she groaned. "It hurt like a
motherfucker and afterward he just rolled off me and fell asleep.
Asshole."

What a cad! How could he have treated her like that?

"Are we talking about the same, uh, asshole you caught
cheating?"

"The very same," she said bitterly. "I was
with him for more than two years."

Two years? Wow, that is a really long time.

I felt like such a novice again compared to her. I may have
been ten years older but Julia had so much life experience already. She had
been in an actual relationship and before I met her I had never made it past
the fifth date. I was catching up on the sexual aspects, but I still had no
idea what it took to be a good boyfriend. Julia had probably already
experienced all the things I wanted with her: spending holidays together,
anniversaries, and everyday life as a couple.

"Two years?" I asked quietly. "You were
really serious, then."

"I swear, you have nothing to be jealous of," she
rushed out.

"I wasn't—"

She arched an eyebrow at me.

"OK, maybe I was. Just a little," I admitted.

"Please don't be," she said imploringly.
"What we have is so much better."

"Really?"

"Yes!" she insisted. "I was just a dumb kid
when I was with Derek and I didn't know anything about life or what I wanted
out of a relationship. He played me like a goddamn fiddle and I wouldn't be at
all surprised if he cheated on me the whole time we were together. He really
fucked me over, and I can't believe I wasted two years of my life with him. It
was so fucking stupid! The way he treated me!"

She had clenched her fists. It was clear that it bothered
her still after all this time. I pulled her into my lap, holding her closely.

"Shhh. You don't have to tell me anything else,
sweetheart. I'm so sorry. I shouldn't have asked. It's none of my business.”

She relaxed in my embrace and let out a shaky breath.

"No, I want to tell you everything," she said
softly. "Just maybe not right now?"

"Whatever you want," I whispered.

"I want you to know me. Even the bad stuff.” She pulled
back slightly and looked at me. "That's why I was reluctant about us
becoming boyfriend and girlfriend," she added, sounding apologetic.
"Because he was so rotten to me."

"I understand," I said immediately. "You
don't have to explain. I’m really happy that you decided to take a chance on
me, though.”

"I am, too," she said, resting her head against my
shoulder. "You're already a much better boyfriend than he ever was."

"Really?"

I probably shouldn't have asked her that because it made me
seem needy and insecure, which frankly wasn't that far off, but I liked hearing
that I was doing something right with her. I wanted to make her happy and it
was nice to know that my natural instincts were good outside of the bedroom as
well.

"Really," she confirmed. "I should have known
immediately that you would be good to me, the way you looked at me that first
night."

"Which way was that?" I asked curiously.

"Like I was someone special."

"You are," I said, pulling her closer to emphasize
that fact.

"And you wanted to please me so badly," she added.
"You wanted me to feel good, too. It wasn't just about getting off."

I nodded.  "It wasn’t. It was a revelation. I
never thought I could make a woman feel what you felt and make the noises you
made. It was incredible!" I smiled at the memory.

"And I made you come," I added, just a little bit
smugly.

Julia chuckled. "You sure did. You're the best lover
I've ever had and the most wonderful boyfriend."

Her sweet words made me feel warm all over and they healed a
lot of the old wounds my male pride had suffered over the years, starting with
the night I lost my virginity to a cold and unfeeling woman. Looking back on it
with what I now knew, I could clearly see how lazily and selfishly she had
behaved. She had expected me to do all the work while she lay there like a dead
fish and then judged me afterward for not knowing how to help her enjoy it.

"I guess we found another thing we have in common—a
crappy first time," she said after a few seconds as if she had read my
mind.

That was certainly true. How differently would I have turned
out if my first sexual experience had been with someone sweet and understanding?
I probably wouldn't have spent the better part of my twenties feeling
apprehensive about being intimate before I finally gave up on the whole thing
and became celibate. But it was pointless to think such thoughts, and now I had
something that was so much better than a lot of notches on my bedpost. I had a
wonderful girlfriend who made my heart sing and made my body quiver with carnal
pleasure. Despite my previous failures when it came to women, it would seem
that I had now achieved the greatest success I could think of: a loving,
committed relationship, which was what I had always dreamed about in my
solitary years.

"I'm sorry I dragged you up here," I said and kissed
her forehead. "I just didn't want to see her again and I was worried what
she might say. I'm pretty sure she told Matt how bad I was or he would have pestered
me for details."

Julia shook her head.

"What a bitch," she said again. "You were
nervous and she should’ve known better. I mean, she wasn't a virgin, too,
right?"

"No, definitely not," I answered. "I guess
she just used me and I was so stupid that I actually thought she might feel
something for me."

"It wasn't stupid at all," she said and looked
into my eyes. "She was the stupid one, Stephen. She could have had you and
instead she hurt you. I hate that she did that to you."

"I hate your ex-boyfriend," I said with a small
smile. "He shouldn't have treated you badly and he shouldn't have cheated
on you, but I'm glad that you're not with him anymore. I'm glad that you're
with me."

That was just about the biggest understatement I had ever
made, but I didn't want to overwhelm her by professing my undying devotion and
love just then. I cupped her face in my hands and kissed her gently.

"You make me so happy," I whispered. "I love
being your boyfriend."

Julia surprised me by turning around to straddle me. She
wrapped her arms around my neck and I pulled her closer until my chest was
touching hers.

"My Julia," I whispered just before her lips
connected with mine.

It was the sweetest kiss we had ever shared. Our breaths
mingled and our lips moved effortlessly together, convincing me that it was
meant to be, that we were meant to be together. I was so in love with her that
it made my heart ache, and each and every day I spent with her was an
adventure.

Being with her had altered me so much and she made me feel
truly alive for the first time. She accepted me for who I was and never once
had she asked me to change. The positive changes in me had happened organically
as she swept away the metaphorical cobwebs in my mind and in my heart. I felt
young, happy, and excited about the future, and I knew that it was all thanks
to her.

This sweet girl in my arms, who I had thought was so wrong
for me, had turned out to be my salvation from a dreary existence without
laughter, passion, or love. What would I have become without her? I would have
been old before my age and never aware of how wonderful life could be.

I held her tighter to me. I needed to be closer to her. I needed
to feel her skin on my skin.

As though Julia read my mind yet again, she started to yank
her dress up around her waist and released my lips to pull it off in a fluid
motion. None of us said a word as we quickly undressed each other. We both knew
what we needed at this moment and it didn't matter that there was a party going
on downstairs. Right now we needed to come together in the most intimate of
ways. I moved back on the bed until I was leaning against the headboard and
Julia followed, naked and flushed, with eyes that burned with desire. She
climbed on top of me, and my lips and hands immediately sought her warm, soft
skin.