Images and sounds from my dreams swirled inside my
head as I woke up: Julia’s eyes, her lips, the curve of her hips, the sweet
sighs she made as I kissed my way down her body. Waking up
aroused was business as usual and automatically I reached down, lazily rubbing
my erection through my pajama pants. I moaned a little and gripped it tighter.
I was about to pull it out and start stroking when I heard a small giggle next
to me.

Holy shit!

My eyes popped open and my heart thundered in my chest. I
remembered that for the first time in my adult life, I wasn't waking up alone. Julia
was next to me—Julia, my student, a girl who had done nothing but annoy
me in class during the first months of the spring semester. But all that
changed the night I met her outside my brother’s bar and she invited me into
her apartment and then her bed. It started out as casual sex, but it stopped
being casual for me. She didn’t know it, but I was completely in love with her.
I almost ruined everything after mistakenly giving her a bad grade on a paper,
but she forgave me.

She had come to me last night, grieving for her grandfather,
and I had made a vow. I would not only convince her to start up our arrangement
again, but I would also romance her and show her that our relationship could be
about more than just sex.

Obviously, I wasn’t off to a great start.

I can’t believe she just saw me groping myself. Some
romantic I am!

I tried to get my hand to cooperate and let go of my
erection, but I was completely frozen in shock. I had never been so embarrassed
in my entire life. I finally managed to remove my hand from my crotch and
rolled onto my stomach. My cheeks were scorching as I hid my face in my pillow.

I heard Julia let out a small laugh and peeked up at her.
She was lying on her side with her head propped up in her hand, smiling sweetly
at me. She looked so young and innocent in my striped pajamas, and her loose,
tousled hair only added to the image.

She looks like an angel and I just behaved like a
complete animal.

"I, uh, I'm really sorry. I didn't mean to. I'm not
used to anyone being here, and it only happened because it's, um, morning, and
I can't really help it. I'm sorry," I babbled, burying my face again.

"Stephen," she said with a laugh. "I know
about morning wood. You don't have to be embarrassed. I was enjoying the
show."

What?

I glanced up at her.

"You were?"

"Mmm. You looked really hot touching yourself. Want me
to help you out?"

"You don't have to. I mean, we don't have to do
anything. I…that's not why I said you could stay over," I said quickly. I
didn't want her to think that I expected anything from her. Asking her to spend
the night was the best decision I had ever made. Actually, giving Julia a ride
home from Matt's bar that first night was the best decision I had ever made,
but this was a close second.

"I know that," she said softly. "I want
to."

I rolled onto my side facing her and she moved over to me.

"Are you sure?" I whispered.

She nodded and smiled. I leaned in to kiss her but she
pulled back a little.

She changed her mind. I'll just offer to hold her. She
liked that last night.

"Julia, I—"

"Morning breath," she whispered.

"I don't care," I mumbled, cupping her face with
my hands before I brushed my lips against hers.

She leaned into the kiss but kept her mouth closed. I smiled
at the silent compromise: kissing in the morning was all right as long as it
didn't involve tongue. I could live with that. Unbuttoning her pajama top, I
kissed her soft skin as it was revealed. I inhaled her fragrance and reveled in
her new scent. She smelled like warmth, sleep, and woman
— my
woman,
my
Julia. Far more enticing and alluring than any designer
perfume. I nipped the swell of her breast and opened another button to reveal
her little pink nipple, which I kissed gently. I traced around it with the tip
of my tongue and sucked it into my mouth. Julia moaned softly and I felt her
fingers in my hair. I pulled the pajama top off her and kissed her lips.

"You are so beautiful," I said reverently.

She smiled and I was no longer surprised by the fluttering
feeling it caused inside of me. It was love for her…and now I wanted to make
love
to
her. I cupped both of her breasts in my hands and gave her
nipples equal attention with my mouth until they were erect and Julia was
breathing heavily.

"Tell me if you want me to stop," I whispered.

"Don't stop," she said immediately. "It feels
so good."

I kept teasing her nipples while I loosened the string in
her pajama bottoms before sliding my hands down her back, touching naked soft
skin and nothing else. My erection twitched eagerly at my discovery.

"Oh," I moaned against her breasts. "You're
not wearing underwear."

"You didn't give me any last night," she said, sighing.
"I didn't want to wear the same pair after my bath. I thought maybe you
did it on purpose."

"I wish I were that clever," I mumbled and flicked
over her nipple with my tongue while kneading her naked backside.

"Fuck," she moaned. "You're killing me here,
Stephen. Touch me, please."

I'll never deny you anything.

I gave her cheeks one final squeeze and pulled her bottoms
all the way off. I ran my hand down her stomach and smiled when she lifted her
top leg eagerly to grant me access. She was soft, smooth, and wet under my
fingers and I groaned when I felt how ready she was.

"I need you.”

"Then take me, Stephen," she murmured. "I
want you."

I removed my pajamas in record time and moved up so we were
lying on our sides, face to face. I really wanted to stay in this position, but
I didn't know if it was actually possible. Julia moved closer, lifted her leg
over my hip, and reached down to guide me to her. I drew a sharp breath when I
felt her warmth against me.

OK, it's definitely possible!

I tilted my hips slightly and inched forward until I was
enveloped by her slick heat.

Paradise.

"Oh, God," I gasped. "It's always so…"

"I know. It's amazing."

I held onto her thigh and covered her neck and chest with
kisses while I thrust slowly in and out of her.

"You're so warm. You feel so good."

I pulled her leg up a bit higher, which allowed me to go
deeper and she moaned loudly in approval. Needing even more, I rolled her onto
her back and lost myself in the feeling. I moved faster and faster, harder and
harder, feeling dizzy with pleasure. Nothing outside of this bed mattered in this
moment. I had missed her so much and I never wanted this experience to end.
Unfortunately, I couldn’t last much longer.

“Oh, Julia!” I gasped mere moments later, clutching her to
me as my body jerked and trembled, my hips thrusting uncontrollably.

For a few seconds, I lost the ability to think, but as soon
as my orgasm ended, dread settled in the pit of my stomach. Julia was quiet
underneath me, her hands gently stroking up and down my back, caressing my damp
skin. Just a reflex, surely. I didn’t deserve her sweet touch now, after having
failed her. Gripping the pillow underneath her head, I tried to will myself
into growing hard again, but of course I couldn’t. I wasn’t a teenager anymore
and my recovery period was a lot longer than it used to be. I couldn’t do it. I
couldn’t make love to her again just yet. I felt as though I’d been punched in
the gut.

“I’m so sorry,” I whispered, my forehead still resting on
her shoulder.

She shifted a bit underneath me. “For what?” She ran her hands
through my hair. “What’re you talking about?”

Slowly, I lifted my head. It took a couple of seconds to
find the courage to meet her eyes. She was so alluring, with her hair all
tousled and skin warm from sleep without a trace of makeup.

“You…” I swallowed, a lump in my throat. “You didn’t…finish.”

“Yeah? So what?”

“S—so what? But…this hasn’t ever happened before. With
you, I mean. With you, I’m actually…
good
!” I insisted. “I don’t understand
what happened. I didn’t mean to…and now I’ve ruined everything!”

I lifted myself up, my limp member shamefully slipping from
her. But before I could go anywhere, Julia wrapped her toned legs around my middle,
and used her hands to pull me back down, pressing us skin to skin. Once she was
sure I was staying put, she placed her hands on the sides of my face.

“Stephen,” she whispered, as her fingertips caressed me.
“What in the actual fuck are you talking about?”

I blinked. “I didn’t make you come before I did. That’s what
you’re supposed to do. What a real man is supposed to do.”

“Says who?”

“Everyone?”

She shook her head. “Baby,” she said. “You
are
a real
man. It doesn’t have anything to do with making me come.”

“It doesn’t?”

“No.” She smiled. “I don’t want to go all feminist on you,
but I’ve been in charge of my own orgasms for quite a few years now. If I don’t
come during sex, it doesn’t mean that it’s your fault. OK?”

I nodded, feeling myself relaxing against her.

“You
were
fast this morning,” she continued, shaking
her head at me when I grimaced. “But that’s bound to happen at times. It’s
normal. I mean, it’s actually sort of flattering,” she added as she lifted her
head, kissing the side of my mouth, “to know you think I’m that sexy, and just
watch you lose yourself in me. That’s pretty damn hot.” She grinned at me and,
finally, I cracked a smile.

“You
are
that sexy,” I said, running my hand down the
side of her body, skimming her curves, before rolling us over so that she was
resting on me. “And I wish I could show you how much, but I need a little time
to, um, recover.”

“Time? What time is it, anyway?” she asked.

“No idea.”

"I have to leave at ten," she said quietly.

I lifted my head and stretched my neck to check my alarm
clock on the other side of the bed.

"It's only eight," I said, relieved, nuzzling my
face against her hair. "You have time. Where’re you going?"

"There's a lot I still need to do. I have to pack up
Pop's whole life and I'm meeting with the lawyer today to discuss the will.
There's no point, though. I get everything."

"Everything?"

"Yeah," she sighed. "I guess I'm rich now. Yay
for me," she added bitterly.

I stroked her hair. "Can I help you with anything? I
don't have to work today."

She hugged me a little tighter. "Thank you, but we
can't really go out together yet. If people see us…it’s better if I go
alone."

She was right. Fraternization between professors and
students was not allowed. The semester was almost over and we shouldn't take
any unnecessary risks at this point when we were so close to the finish line.

"At least let me make you some breakfast before you
have to go.”

"You don't have to," she said. "I can just
grab a piece of fruit.”

"That’s not a proper breakfast and you hardly touched
your dinner last night. I’ve seen you eat. You must be starving.”

I felt her smile. "You have a point. Thank you."

"Don't thank me, Julia, I want to—really. What
would you like?"

"Anything’s fine. I usually just have some cereal or
something," she said, shrugging.

"I'll think of something. You rest and I'll come get
you when it's ready," I said, moving toward the edge of the bed.

She tightened her hold on me.

"Just five more minutes?" she whispered.

For the rest of my life, if you want.

"OK.”

She snuggled back into my arms and I alternated between
touching her hair and stroking her naked back. Soon I felt her body becoming
heavier on top of mine, and her breathing slowed. She was asleep.

She must be exhausted.

While she slept, I pondered what had happened between us
just now. I had come, prematurely, and my initial reaction had been one of
shame and panic. The ghosts of my sexual past still lingered in my memory and
although there weren’t many, they had always haunted me, reminding me that when
it came to women and sex, I was a failure.

But Julia hadn’t made me feel badly about myself. On the
contrary, she had let me know it wasn’t all on me, and that it wasn’t a big
deal, and that was incredibly freeing. Of course, half a lifetime of sexual anxiety
couldn’t be cured in a minute, but I did feel lighter somehow, knowing that
Julia would not judge me for my shortcomings. She truly was incredible: so
warm, understanding, and free-spirited, the perfect girl for me. How had I not
seen that the moment she walked into my classroom?

Now, holding her in my arms, I wondered how I ever found her
irritating. What I had seen as bothersome and interruptive was actually enthusiastic
and assertive, which were the things I liked most about her now. She wasn’t
afraid of an argument, and I admired her for speaking her mind. At the same
time, she was caring, thoughtful, fun, and sexy. Thankfully, my head eventually
figured out what my heart knew all along: Julia was the one for me.

I extracted myself carefully so I wouldn't wake her and slid
out of bed. She made a sound of dissatisfaction when I left and curled up into
a tiny ball. Her small frame made my bed look huge and I pulled the cover up to
her chin to keep her from getting cold. I found it extremely difficult to put on
clothes and leave the bedroom when all I really wanted to do was crawl back
into bed and hold her while she slept. But I knew that Julia had a busy and
stressful day ahead of her and she needed a good breakfast before she left.

She's leaving.

The thought depressed me more than I cared to admit. Yesterday,
I had offered her a place to sleep, but I wasn't ready for her to go yet. Maybe
I could convince her to stay another night. Holding her in my arms before
falling asleep last night was one of the most wonderful things I had ever
experienced. I loved having her here and I knew that if she agreed to start up
our arrangement again, I would always spend the night with her after we were
together. Sleeping in each other's arms felt just as fulfilling as having sex
with her, perhaps even more so. I felt like a fool for having turned down her
offer to stay all those times in the past and going home to my cold, lonely bed
after our trysts. That would never happen again.

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