For all these years, why had Calder assumed he was incapable of commitment when it turned out he’d had the perfect family role models all along?
And what was wrong with him that when it came to women, he couldn’t get it right? More specifically, when Pandora shared her story, why hadn’t he listened instead of driving her away?
*
A
ROACH
SCURRIED
across the counter where Pandora had set her purse. She snatched her bag from the cracked and stained beige surface. Would any amount of bleach return it to life?
“It’s close to work,” Natalie said with forced cheer.
“It also reeks of the former tenant’s cigarettes and I’m pretty sure the carpet’s
crunching
beneath my feet.”
“I don’t know...” Arms crossed, Natalie appraised the shadowy living room with its one cell-like window. “If you add curtains and lots of plants, the place has potential.”
Pandora sighed. “I appreciate your upbeat attitude, but this is the fourth apartment we’ve seen and they’re all overpriced.”
“How about you move in with me?” Natalie suggested. “I have room. You’re more than welcome to pay loads of rent, which I will save for you, me and Julia to take a trip to Walt Disney World, then we’ll all live happily ever after—assuming I haven’t met a man before turning eighty.” She sat on the arm of a sagging brown sofa.
“You think we need men to be happy? Obviously, marriage didn’t work out for me, and here I finally thought I might have something real with Calder, only to have that blow up, too.” She raked her hair into a ponytail, securing it with an elastic band from her purse. “I’m done.”
“I’m not quite ready to give up altogether,” Natalie said, “but after what Calder put you through, I respect the fact you are. The thing is, you’re even younger than me. You never know where life may take you—so what do you say, wanna be my roomie?”
Pandora had to follow her instincts on this. “I can’t tell you how much your offer means, but I want a place of my own not only for the judge who reviews my case, but for Julia. I need to prove I’m not just a good mom but a great one.”
“Aw...” Eyes shining, Natalie left her perch to wrap Pandora in a hug. “Sweetie, haven’t you already proved yourself just by making it past this mess with Calder only to come out stronger on the other end?”
“I did, didn’t I?” Pandora couldn’t help but smile. “Did I tell you one morning at breakfast, a waitress offered items that weren’t on the menu? For a split second I was tempted, but one vision of Julia’s face was all I needed to politely decline.”
“I’m so proud of you. Geez, you should be proud of yourself.”
Pandora was. She just wished another part of her didn’t regret not having earned Calder’s approval.
*
“I
CAN
’
T
BELIEVE
this is our last night here.” Even at their table in the resort’s main dining room, Calder’s mom held Quinn on her lap. “I’m going to miss this angel.”
Harold said, “Without a nanny, Calder’s going to need help. How about you stay with him another week or two?”
“That’d be great.” Calder climbed right aboard that bandwagon. “You’d not only spare me the long drive home alone, but I obviously need help selecting Quinn’s new nanny.”
“If I didn’t know better—” she landed an elbow’s to her husband’s ribs “—I’d think you’re trying to get rid of me.”
“Never, sweetheart.” Harold put his arm around her shoulders, then gave her a kiss. When Calder had been a kid, that sort of thing grossed him out. Now? He found comfort in the fact that his mom had a great guy.
As for Calder finding a great gal?
He figured the lingering ache in his chest told him he already had but had let her get away.
*
“T
HIS
IS
REALLY
NICE
.” Thursday afternoon, Pandora turned in a slow circle, taking in the garage apartment’s leafy view. There were two bedrooms and though the honey-toned wood floor was scuffed from years of use and the yellow walls had faded, they were yellow, and Pandora took that as a good sign. Tall, paned windows overlooked the main home’s shady backyard, and in exchange for gathering mail and watching pets while the owners frequently traveled, the rent was ridiculously low.
“No kidding,” Natalie said. “Maybe I need to move?”
Pandora gave her friend’s arm a playful swat. “Don’t even think about it. This place is mine.”
After checking out the rest of the apartment and especially admiring the claw-foot tub, Pandora met with the owner in the main house’s kitchen, proudly signing a six-month lease, then providing her first and last month’s rent in cash. She still had enough in savings to cover at least two more months and purchase a few furnishings at yard sales and thrift stores.
“That felt good,” Pandora said once she and Natalie were back in the car with a brand-new set of apartment keys. “I’m doing this. Just like we talked about in all my parenting classes, I’m supporting myself and soon my daughter and it’s not scary but empowering.”
“I’m so glad for—uh-oh....” Natalie had taken her phone from her purse and was now checking messages. “What’s wrong?”
“I have a message from Calder.”
Chapter Twelve
Calder left a message for Natalie’s cell, then turned off his phone. To his mom, he asked, “You don’t suppose she’s purposely not answering?”
“You’re losing it.” She stood at the kitchen sink peeling carrots.
Quinn seemed happy to be home and tooled about in his walker.
“Stranger things could happen.”
“You’re giving yourself too much credit. From everything you’ve told me about Pandora and her friend Natalie, both are strong, capable women fully able to breathe without you. If Natalie’s any kind of businesswoman, she’ll return your call within an hour.”
Damn, Calder hated it when his mother was right.
Sure enough, just as he’d taken the rake and a few trash bags from the garage, his cell rang—this time with the familiar Earth Angels number.
After a few minutes of painfully awkward chitchat, he got to the point. “Look, the reason I called is that I want to talk to Pandora. Any idea where she is?”
After a long pause, she said, “Yes. I know exactly where she is. I also know she has no interest in speaking with you. She’s doing great, Calder—better than ever. You firing her only made her stronger.”
“I’m glad.” He truly was. Only, her success proved him an even bigger ass where she was concerned. “So how about you tell her I called, then let her decide whether or not she wants to talk?”
“Ever occur to you she already has your number? Trust me, if she had any interest in reconnecting, she’d have already made the first move.”
Calder tried another route. “What if I want to rehire her?”
“Sorry, but I won’t send you anyone else. If you don’t trust my judgment in only hiring top-notch nannies, then I no longer trust you to treat them in a professional, respectful manner. As far as I’m concerned, Mr. Remington, you’re blackballed from the Earth Angels agency.”
When she hung up, it took every shred of Calder’s self-control not to throw his phone.
His mother asked, “What’d she say?”
“Mind watching Quinn? I need to run an errand.”
“Of course I’ll watch him, but first tell me what that was all about.”
“Mom...” He kissed her forehead. “That was about Pandora’s friend Natalie launching a battle. What she doesn’t know is I excel at war.”
“Not to interfere in your business, but, hon, I thought the whole purpose of your call was to find peace?”
*
P
ANDORA
WAS
ABLE
to move in immediately, and just as soon as she hefted all seven of her boxes filled with personal belongings—a marked increase from her previous five—up the stairs, leaving them in the middle of the living room floor, she called Fran from the phone Natalie had given her, leaving her a message about her new address and number.
Finished with that vital task, she took a moment to wander around her new space. Partially furnished, it had a sort of shabby-chic appeal she couldn’t wait to embellish with yard-sale finds. In what would be Julia’s room, she imagined the sun-flooded space as the quintessential little-girl’s room. The twin bed made with a girlie floral, ruffled spread. Lots of cozy, colorful throw pillows and stuffed animals. Maybe a rag rug she’d spend cold winter nights crafting.
In her own room, she made her bed. Her comforter and sheets matched the faded-yellow walls, and her linens smelled fresh from the washing she’d given them while at Natalie’s.
She hung her towels in the bathroom and arranged her books on the built-in shelves flanking the brick fireplace.
There were loads of items she’d need to shop for. Plates and silverware. Pots and pans. All were available for next to nothing at thrift stores. She’d take her time, carefully picking exactly what she wanted.
Funny, when Calder had sent her packing, she’d felt nearly as low as the night she’d landed in jail. She’d felt as if everything she’d worked for had been lost. But now she was almost grateful for what he’d done. He’d given her the gift of recognizing her own power and self-worth. He’d shown her she could not only survive on her own but thrive. One day soon, she and Julia would get along just fine without a man.
Even if that first kiss she’d shared with Calder had been magical and each one after even better, she was done mourning what might’ve been. From here, she vowed to only look forward.
And if her thoughts occasionally strayed to Calder?
Well, she’d view what they’d briefly shared as a lovely, never fully realized dream.
*
“Y
OU
DID
IT
!”
Pandora said to three-year-old Rose, who’d just written
H, I
and
J
with her chubby index finger on a cookie sheet filled with sand. Lots of times students used crayons or fat markers, but having children correlate writing not only with tools but their hands helped reinforce the whole concept.
“I smart!” Rose beamed up at her, and as much as Pandora missed working with Quinn, for the past few days she’d enjoyed working with slightly older kids.
“You sure are. Now I want you to see Miss Donna at the Magic Marker station. She’s going to let you pick your favorite color to use next.”
“Okay.” The girl ambushed Pandora in a hug. “Thank you, Miss
Pannora.
”
“You’re very welcome.”
Billy was next in line at Pandora’s station. “Hi, sweetie. Do you remember how to use hand sanitizer?”
“Yeah, but it smells bad.”
“I’m sorry.” Lowering her voice to a whisper, she asked, “Know what?”
He shook his head.
“I don’t like it, either. But we need to keep our sand nice and clean so everyone can have a turn. Can you think of a way to get your hands nice and clean without using the goopy sanitizer stuff?”
Nose scrunched, he took a second to think about it. “Wash with soap?”
“You’re right.” She gave his nose a playful tweak. “How’d you get so smart?”
Grinning, he said, “Mommy says I got her brain and Daddy’s poop!”
“Oh?” Kids really did say the darnedest things, and this was one of those times. “Maybe what your mom really meant was that you’re as smart as your mom and as handsome as your dad?”
“Nope,” he said with a firm shake of his head. “She said Dad’s poop!”
“Wow, okay, well, let’s wash our hands and in the future not talk about bathroom things unless we’re in the bathroom.”
While Billy ran to the sink station, Pandora used a hand brush and dustpan to sweep sand that had fallen on the floor. Feeling a tingling on her neck, she glanced over her shoulder to see Calder.
She jolted upright so fast she hit her head on the table.
A dozen curses shot through her throbbing head, but considering her ultra-G-rated setting, she bit her lower lip instead and rubbed the spot where it hurt.
Calder was instantly at her side, helping her back into her chair. She was now stuck trying to ignore the way the simplest touch of his hand on her elbow ignited her longing for him all over again. “You okay?”
“Fine
.
”
If anything, having him near made her heart hurt worse than her head. Her pulse raced uncomfortably and her mouth had gone dry. “What’re you doing here?”
“Miss Pandora?” Billy returned from the hand-washing station, only he’d forgotten to use his towel, so he dripped all over the sand. Wide-eyed, he looked at a towering Calder. “Is he a stranger danger?”
Yes!
“No, sweetie. Just someone I know.” Forcing her runaway heart to slow, she said, “Could you please dry between your fingers so we don’t get our sand any more wet?”
“Oops. I forgot!” He was off in a flash, giving Pandora about thirty seconds to get rid of Calder.
“I’m glad I found you.” He pulled over one of the miniature toddler chairs. He looked ridiculous seated on it, but at least he was now closer to eye level. “We need to talk.”
“Why?”
A muscle ticked in his clenched jaw. “Don’t play games. I hate the way we left things.”
“We didn’t leave anything, Calder. You told me to get out of your house, so I did. End of story.”
“Is this enough?” Billy returned, wriggling his now-dry fingers.
“Perfect.” Pandora took the child’s arm, drawing him back onto his chair. “Now, remember how to make the letters
H, I
and
J?
”
“I think so.” His brow furrowed with concentration.
Pandora found herself resenting Calder’s intrusion. He may not see it, but her job was important. Just as she’d made a difference in Quinn’s life, she was doing the same for her new charges.
“Good, sweetie. Whenever you’re ready, give it a try.”
“Pandora, please...” Calder got up from the chair and knelt next to her, his breath warm in her ear. Every wary, weary inch of her hungered for him, yet self-protective instincts kicked in, reminding her the second she’d let down her guard he’d hurt her once and surely would again. “I see you’re busy now, but where are you staying? With Natalie? Give me her address and I’ll stop by after work.”
“The fact that you don’t think me capable of finding my own place to stay speaks volumes.”
“Miss Pandora?” Billy looked up at her. “Am I doing it right?”
“Just about perfect, sweetheart. Only, I want you to wipe out what you have and try again. This time make your
H
a little fatter.”
“Okay!”
“I know I screwed up,” Calder whispered for only her to hear. The sincerity of his words, the faint trace of coffee lacing his warm breath, proved her undoing.
She opened Billy’s report file, removed one of the blank pages then wrote her new address. “Come over at six. Please bring Quinn. I miss him something fierce.”
“He misses you, too.”
“Miss Pandora, can you make the H for me?”
“Sure, sweetie.” She wiped out what he’d done, then drew him an example. “How about you draw three of them right next to mine. Can you do that?”
“I think so....”
With Billy refocused on his task, she returned her attention to Calder. “You need to leave.”
“Sure.” As quietly as he’d arrived, Calder was gone.
Pandora hated herself for already missing him.
Above all, she reminded herself nothing mattered more than bringing her daughter home.
*
“W
ELL
?” C
ALDER
’
S
MOM
all but pounced on him the second he walked through his door. She was still in the kitchen, only this time washing bottles. “Was she there?”
“Oh—she was not only there, but working so patiently with some little kid she looked like a saint.”
“She hadn’t been drinking? Or God forbid, worse?”
Was it wrong he shot his mom a dirty look? Her question made him feel foolish. “No. She was the same uber-responsible child-care giver I’ve known. No trace of the druggie I basically accused her of being.”
“Good. Never have I been happier to see you proved wrong. And since I’m on a roll, while you were gone, I got to thinking about how much time I’ve seen you put in with Quinn and I’ve reached a decision.”
“Yeah?” He opened the fridge and grabbed a couple slices of bologna. With his mom temporarily caring for the baby, and once he patched things up with Pandora, she’d no doubt move back in and his life would be on track.
“As much as I love being with my grandson, I think it’s you who truly needs to be with him.”
“What’re you talking about? I’m with him all the time.”
“Really? Then how much formula do you use to make a bottle? Do you know what types of foods he’s supposed to eat? What happens if he starts crying and won’t stop?”
“That doesn’t happen.”
“Gee, could that be because either Pandora or I have always been around to buffer you from actually knowing your son?”
Heels of his hands pressed to his forehead, Calder asked, “What is this? National Rag on Calder Day?”
“I’m not
ragging
on you, hon, but trying to teach you to be a better father. Just a guess, but I think you were so quick to jump on Pandora because her faults made your own not look so bad. What you don’t get is that your lack of connection with Quinn will have lasting results. Don’t believe me? Look at your relationship with your father, then tell me how good you are at relationships.”
*
T
HE
WHOLE
RIDE
to Pandora’s new place, Calder wanted to be angry with his mom but couldn’t. She’d added vital pieces to his own personal puzzle. The one thing he disagreed with was that he didn’t actively participate in Quinn’s everyday care.
Hell, he changed diapers. Gave baths. And what was the point of memorizing formula-to-water ratios when they were written on the side of the formula can?
Knowing Pandora’s concerns about money, he was afraid she was living in a seedy part of town. What he found himself driving through was a neighborhood far nicer than his own. He knew it was the historic Ghent district but had never paid much attention to the homes—just bars.
The address Pandora gave him turned out to be a full-on Tudor mansion complete with its own small forest protected by ivy-covered, brick walls. Her apartment was above a four-car garage. Age-old servants’ quarters?
He parked his SUV, grabbed Quinn and his gear from the back, then mounted the stairs, eager to apologize and get Pandora back to living with him. This place was nice and all, but she belonged at his house.
Hand poised to knock, nerves seized his stomach.
What should he say? It wasn’t like him to not have a plan.
At work, he had everything figured out, but when it came to Pandora—even his son—he was a wreck.
She opened her door. The mere sight of her took his breath away. She wasn’t wearing her glasses, which made her green eyes all the more striking. Her long, dark hair hung wavy and loose. He remembered holding her, burying his face in that hair, breathing in her sweet floral shampoo. He craved her smile, but instead of gifting it to him, she reserved it only for his son.
Quinn squealed and laughed, holding out his arms and pinching his fingers.
“Hey, handsome! There’s my precious boy. Look how big you are!” Pandora took the squirming boy from Calder’s arms.