Authors: Judith Miller
Tags: #FIC042030, #FIC042040, #FIC042000, #Young women—Fiction, #Family secrets—Fiction, #Amana Society—Fiction
Karlina fished in the drawer and retrieved a key for the medicine cabinet. I continued to sort the mail, quickly shoving the envelopes into the proper cubbyholes. From time to time, I darted a glance toward Karlina as she searched through the bandages, bottles of medicine, and instruments. I silently gave thanks as she stuffed several items into a cloth bag. She completed her task and moved to my side. As soon as we finished the mail, she nodded toward the side door.
“We'll go out this way.” She tucked the cloth bag beneath her cloak and pushed down on the metal hasp.
“Wait. Shouldn't we take some wine to them? I remember the doctor instructed me to give my mother small sips of wine.”
Karlina nodded. “I have some in the bag. You'll need to carry the crock of broth. I hope you have an answer prepared if someone should stop us and ask questions.”
Though I hadn't even thought to prepare a response, I forced my lips into a smile and hoped it would be enough to reassure Karlina. While doing my best to balance the crock, I maintained a careful watch on the bulge beneath Karlina's cloak. I didn't want her bag to fall to the ground on our way. “Thank you, Karlina. I am so happy you decided to help.”
“We haven't arrived yet. The Lord may stop us before we get there. If so, don't argue with me, for I will not change my mind.” She gave me a hard look. “Are we in agreement?”
I didn't want to agree, but I did. There really was no choice. If I hadn't, she would have turned around and gone home right then. I couldn't let that happen. “I think Jakub will be watching for us. He was very worried when I left yesterday.”
“I hope he remains hidden. The last thing we need is for him to stand on the ridge waving to us. If someone sees us or him, we're going to have no end of trouble on our hands.” She shook her head. “I don't know why I agreed to do this.” When we neared the outlying edge of the village, Karlina withdrew the cloth bag from beneath her cape and held it by the drawstring.
“How were you holding the bag in place?”
“It wasn't difficult. I placed the drawstring over my shoulder and held the bag beneath my arm.”
“You're just full of good ideas, aren't you?” I'd almost said “sneaky” ideas, but I knew Karlina wouldn't be pleased by such a comment.
“We can't be gone too long. No matter how sick they are, we need to get back before anyone comes looking for us. On the way back, I think we should circle through the far pasture just in case Berndt or Anton should decide to come and find us.”
I didn't argue. I thought it a good idea. “Anton is doing much better with the sheep, isn't he?”
Karlina nodded. “Ja. He is very pleased about the feeding machine. It works very well. He better controls his temper, too. I think he is content for now.”
“Just for now?” I grinned and nudged her. “I think he will be happy to remain in East. By the time the summer is over, I think he will be asking your father if he can marry you.”
Her face turned crimson and she looked away. “You are always thinking about love.”
“When a man looks at a woman the way Anton looks at you, it is impossible to ignore. I am sure your father sees it, as well.” We began our hike up the hillside, and I pointed to the outcropping. “Be careful. That's where I fell yesterday.”
Had it been only yesterday? It seemed so long ago since I'd made the trek up this hill with Jakub by my side. I hoped that his family had fared well during the night. As we continued on, my mind wandered back to my mother's final illness. Nighttime had always been the most frightening, both for her and for me. Everything always seemed worse during the night.
“I am glad Jakub isn't anywhere in sight.”
Karlina's comment interrupted my thoughts and brought me back to the present. Looking up, I scoured the top of the hillock. We were almost at the top when I caught sight of a plaid jacket. “There's Jakub over behind that stand of trees. I'm sure he's seen us and is waiting.”
“Don't call to him,” Karlina hissed. “There's an echo from up here. Anyone below would hear.”
I nodded. As long as she remained and helped, I wouldn't object to any of Karlina's directives. She could command and I would obey. When we reached the top of the hill, I stopped long enough to catch my breath, but Karlina continued to march onward.
She waved me forward. “I'm tired, too, but there isn't time to waste. You can rest once we get to the house.”
Before I could reply, Jakub stepped out from behind the trees. His lips curved into a broad smile as he loped toward us. “I have been praying you would come. I was watching the meadow beyond the pond.” He stopped in the middle of the road, but Karlina stepped around him and continued toward the house. Jakub turned and hurried alongside her. “When I didn't see you, I was afraid my prayer had not been answered. Just as I was about to give up, I saw you come from the far side and circle around.” His smile widened. “And I gave thanks to God.”
Continuing her rapid pace, Karlina glanced toward Jakub. “Did you see anyone else down there while you were watching for us?”
He shook his head. “Coming around the far side takes longer.”
Karlina narrowed her eyes. “I know that, Jakub, but I also know we were less likely to be seen.”
All three of us were breathing hard when we arrived at the front door. Karlina stopped. “Where is your Vater?”
Jakub waved his hat toward the distant field. “Out there, tilling the ground.” As if sensing her concern, he said, “Only the women are inside. Sophia remains the same, but my mother and grandmother are a little better.” He pushed down on the latch and pushed the door open. “Should I wait out here, or do you want me to come inside to help?”
“I don't know where anything is. At least until I see how they're doing, you had better come in with me. You, too, Dovie. I'll need your help if they're as bad as you say.”
Both Mrs. Sedlacek and Jakub's grandmother appeared somewhat better. Jakub's grandmother even offered a weak toothless smile when we entered the room. Her gray hair was in a state of disarray, and I was glad she had no mirror nearby. She would have been sorely embarrassed by her appearance. Mrs. Sedlacek sat beside her on a sagging horsehair sofa. Though their health had improved, their lack of strength was apparent.
“I've brought some medicine and broth that I hope will help you feel better, Mrs. Sedlacek.” Karlina drew closer to Jakub's mother. The older woman appeared confused, and Karlina motioned to Jakub. “You need to tell them what I am saying about the medicine and diet.”
“Since both your mother and grandmother are doing better, they should try to keep up their strength with broth and small portions of wine. We brought some along with us. They should also drink barley water, and if you can make a thin gruel, that will help. Do they have a sore throat or cough?”
Jakub spoke to his mother and then turned back to Karlina. “A little bit sore throat, but no more cough.”
“You should have them simmer one teacupful of vinegar, half a teacupful of honey, and one teaspoonful of cayenne. That will help the sore throat.” She removed several bottles from the burlap bag and then walked to Sophia's side. She dropped to her knees beside the girl and felt her forehead. “She is far too warm. Bring me some cool water, Jakub.”
I drew closer to Karlina. “Should I heat some of the throat medicine for them while you examine Sophia?”
Karlina nodded while she continued to check Sophia. The girl murmured and Karlina leaned closer, but I moved away and began mixing the vinegar, honey, and cayenne. Jakub's grandmother watched me with wary eyes. From the way she was watching me, I wondered if she would drink the medicine once I'd finished, but I had to hope Jakub would persuade her if I could not.
The front door closed with a bang and water sloshed over the sides of the bucket as Jakub hurried to Karlina's side. She motioned toward the floor, and he placed the pail beside her. After removing several cloths from the bag, she dipped them in the water, and then placed them across Sophia's forehead, behind her neck, and at the bottom of her feet.
Once the throat medicine had simmered, I set it on the table to cool and returned to where Sophia lay motionless. Karlina stood and pulled Jakub aside. “She isn't doing well at all. I think you should have a doctor for her. If this is influenza, she could die. Does your father understand?”
Jakub nodded. “He will not have a doctor.”
“Is it because of the money? Dr. Zimmer would come and treat her without pay. I'm certain he would. Besides, any money he receives goes into our community funds, not to him.” Karlina touched Sophia's head and looked at Jakub with imploring eyes. “Sheep shearing begins next week. I know my Vater will need your help. You can use some of that money.” The desperation in her voice frightened me, and I stooped down beside her.
I tipped my head until my lips almost touched her ear. “She will live, won't she?”
Karlina turned to me, but she didn't answer. “She is in God's hands.”
Jakub reached forward and grasped Karlina's hand. “Is that all you can do for her?”
“I am going to give you some quinine. You must give this to her three times a day. I truly don't know if it will help, but I don't know what else to give you. Try to have her drink the broth and a little wine, if she will.” She pointed to the mixture I'd simmered on the stove. “Have your grandmother and mother take a teaspoonful of that medicine for their sore throats. They need to continue to rest.”
Karlina tucked the bottles into her bag and motioned for me to follow her to the door. “We need to go.”
Jakub rushed ahead of us to block our departure. “But you'll come back tomorrow, won't you?”
Karlina hesitated. “I will pray and see if the Lord leads me to come back, Jakub. I am going against my Vater and the church by coming here. I cannot promise I will return. You should let the doctor come and see her.”
He shook his head. “That will not happen. I told Dovie. He does not trust doctors.” I touched his arm, and he sidestepped away from the door. “Is there nothing else I can do?”
“Pray, Jakub. That is the most important thing. We must all pray.”
Karlina
Though we had taken the longer path back toward town, there would be more than enough time for me to stop at the barn before we returned home. I didn't want to admit it to Dovie, but I had grown to care for Anton, and it was close enough to suppertime that he should be back from the pasture. As we crossed the meadow, I lowered the bag from beneath my lightweight cloak.
“You take what's left in the medicine bag back to the house. I'm going to stop at the barn before I return.” When I held it out to Dovie, she backed away as though I had tried to hand her a poisonous snake.
“What if someone sees me getting into the medicine cabinet? I could never explain.”
She was correct, of course. It wouldn't be good if that should happen. “Take it upstairs and put it under my bed. It will be safe there. I can take care of it later.”
Apparently that had been enough to relieve Dovie's concern. While I held the empty crock, she took the bag and tucked it inside her jacket. With the added bulk, her coat protruded on one side. If anyone saw her, the bulge would likely give rise to questions. I didn't mention that fact. No need to cause further alarm, but I would advise her to wear a cloak in the futureâif there were future visits.
For now, I added further instruction. “Enter the house through the side door. That way you can avoid my Mutter and the other women. If you go through the kitchen, they will want to chat with you. I wouldn't want the bag to slip and fall while you're in their presence.” She nodded toward the crock. “Besides, they would want to know why you had one of the crocks. You should put it under the sorting table and return it to the kitchen later this evening.”
Dovie beamed at me. “You think of everything, Karlina. That's a wonderful plan.”
When we neared the barn, she veered to the right and I turned toward the left. I kept my gaze settled on her until the barn blocked her from my sight. As I pushed open the barn door, I wondered why it had been closed on such a beautiful day. With only a light breeze and moderate temperatures, the barn should have been open for better ventilation. Over and over, I'd explained to Anton that the barn needed to remain cool for the sheep. Some days I thought he had learned a great deal but on others, I wondered if he recalled anything Vater and I had taught him.
When his mind became occupied with some new invention, he seemed unable to concentrate his energy on anything else. Yet he had promised my father that until we completed the shearing, he would refrain from further inventions. In turn, my father explained that he would have time to dream of new inventions while he was outdoors caring for the sheep during the summer. He wouldn't be able to turn his drawings into tangible form while out in the pastures, but my father's encouragement had proved to be a significant incentive to Anton.
The sweet smell of hay floated on the breeze. Most visitors thought the smells inside a barn unappealing, but nothing comforted me as much as entering the giant structure and inhaling the familiar scents. Once inside, I stooped down beside one of the pens, where a young lamb nuzzled her mother while another stood on the ewe's back for a better view of the surroundings. For several moments I ran my fingers through the lamb's lightweight layers of woolly fleece.
As I grabbed hold of a wood slat and prepared to rise from my crouched position, voices drifted from the other side of the barn. I recognized Anton's clear baritone, but the other voice was higher, probably a soprano, and most definitely a woman. Except during lambing or shearing, women were seldom anywhere near the barn. Guilt tugged at me. I should reveal myself. Instead, I remained paralyzed, hidden behind the sheep pen.
The woman was speaking, and I struggled to hear. “My father said that if you have learned to control your temper, he will not argue against our marriage when you return to High.”
Violet! She had returnedâlikely her father had gone to Main either to borrow or to return another medical book or instrument and she'd taken advantage of the opportunity. My thoughts took wing, and I wondered how often she had been meeting with Anton. Had he been sending her letters to tell her of his schedule? I frowned at the thought. Surely not. He wouldn't have taken such a chance. The mail was sent and delivered through the Küche. He wouldn't want me to discover he was writing to Violet. Then again, instead of leaving his letters on the sorting table, he could have dropped them into the outgoing mailbag, and no one would ever know.
My stomach tightened at the thought. Would Anton do such a thing? Was he in love with Violet? My feelings for him had blossomed over the past months, and only last week, he had declared his love for me. How could a man care for two women at the same time?
Anton murmured a reply, but I heard only a few words. Unfortunately, one of the words was
love
and the others were
return to High
.
Only a few hours ago, I had deflected Dovie's remarks about Anton's love for me because I wasn't prepared to share his declaration with her, or with anyone, for that matter. But I had believed his words of love. How foolish I had been. How thankful I was that I hadn't told Dovie. Having to go back and tell her it had all been a lie would have been horrid.
“Anton, you're teasing me, but I am pleased to see you are feeling so good-natured.” Violet's high-pitched voice drifted across the barn and took my breath away. I felt as though I'd inhaled a lungful of ammonia. Anton had told me they were no more than friends, yet Violet's words and actions were those of a woman who was far more than a friend.
I wasn't watching when one of the lambs drew near and nuzzled my hand. The surprise of the lamb's cold, wet nose on my hand caused me to yelp. Shifting, I clasped a hand to my mouth, lost my balance, and landed on my backside.
“What was that?” Violet screeched. “Who's in here? Show yourself.”
“It was nothing, Violet. Probably one of the sheep moving around in the pens, but I think your Vater will be returning. It would be wise to wait outside for him. I do not think he would be pleased to find us alone inside the barn.”
Finally Anton had spoken loud enough for me to hear him. And what I heard caused my stomach to lurch. They would be heading in my direction. I needed to show myself or find a hiding place. Better yet, I would go back outside and pretend to be entering the barn as they departed. That way I could question him at length regarding Violet, and he wouldn't know I had been listening in on his conversation. I told myself I hadn't truly been eavesdropping, for I'd been unable to hear most of Anton's remarks.
Slowly, I moved into a crawling position and began my retreat. With each forward movement of my knee, my skirt pulled downward and I had to release the fabric. I finally lifted the skirt so that it puddled around me and provided my legs with the necessary freedom to crawl out of the barn. My heart quickened at the sound of their approaching footsteps. They would soon round the corner and spot me. I hurried my movements and had almost arrived at the door when a long shadow fell across my path.
I swallowed hard, not wanting to look up and see my father staring down at me. What would I say when he asked why I was crawling around the barn like a toddler? I remained frozen on all fours as I waited to hear my father's voice.
“Have you lost something?”
I sat back on my heels and stared up into the eyes of a man I didn't immediately recognize. Not until I heard Violet squeal at her father did I realize who had discovered me. I peered into the watery blue eyes of a tall, angular man dressed in a dark suit. Dr. Nagel had come looking for his daughter and had caught me crawling across the barn floor.
“Karlina! Did you fall? Are you injured?” Though his voice was strong and clear, the straw muffled Anton's footsteps as he ran toward me.
I didn't have time to answer before he was kneeling at my side. When I looked up, I was met by two piercing stares. Anton's dark eyes revealed concern, but suspicion lurked in Violet's.
“I-I am fine,” I croaked.
Anton grasped my elbow as I attempted to stand, but the toe of my shoe caught on my hem. I stumbled and he grabbed me around the waist.
Violet exhaled a disgusted noise. “Surely you could think of a more original way to gain a man's attention. I'm surprised you didn'tâ”
“Violet Nagel!” Her father's reprimand stopped her midsentence. “Your words are unkind, uncharitable, and embarrassing. An apology is in order.” Violet glared at me. “And I expect to see and hear a pleasant manner while you apologize.”
Her look softened a modicum, but there was no friendliness in her demeanor. “If what I said was untrue, I apologize.”
Her qualified apology didn't deserve an acceptance, but I didn't want to prolong her stay or endure any questions from her father. “Your apology is accepted.”
Violet folded her arms across her waist. “And I think it would be most appropriate if you apologized for eavesdropping on a private conversation.” She looked at her father with her lips curled in a wicked smile. “Sister Karlina was on the floor of the barn eavesdropping on my conversation with Brother Anton. I'm sure you don't consider that proper behavior for Sister Karlina, do you?”
Her father looked back and forth between Violet and me. His eyes clouded and his lips tightened into a thin seam. Clearly he didn't want to be drawn into the midst of a disagreement between two women.
“We need to be on our way, Violet. And you need not worry yourself about the inappropriate behavior of anyone else. You were inside the barn without a proper chaperone. We discussed this before we left home, and you promised you would remain in plain sight while you were in Anton's company. Do you recall that conversation?”
Violet's eyes widened, and she inhaled a deep breath. “Please, Vater. There is no need to talk about this in front of a stranger.” She sidestepped around me and hastened to her father's side. She stopped long enough to glance over her shoulder. “Auf Wiedersehen, Brother Anton.”
Anton tipped his head. “Auf Wiedersehen, Sister Violet, Brother Nagel.”
Brother Nagel bid us both good-day before he walked away. I was thankful Violet had decided to rush off rather than remain and interrogate me. In the distance I could hear Violet's high-pitched voice, though I couldn't make out what she was saying. No doubt her father had further chastised her for being alone with a man in the barn.
Anton had moved a short distance from me and leaned against one of the barn poles. His lips were curved in a curious smile. “I see you care enough for me that you were willing to crawl around on the floor and listen to my conversation with Violet.”
Did he feel so smug and secure that he thought he could joke about his recent conversation with Violet? Did he think I'd not heard what had been said? When she'd come to see him before, he'd denied any feelings for her, but now I knew he hadn't spoken the truth. I had vowed to guard my heartâbut I hadn't. My stomach burned as hot as glowing coals in a firepit, and I wheeled around to face him. “You have no reason to smile at me, Anton Becker. I heard the two of you exchanging your words of love for each other. How dare you speak of love for me one week and do the same with that mean-spirited woman the next! How you could even consider marrying someone as callous and hurtful as Violet Nagel is beyond my imagination, but I suppose you deserve each other.”
His eyes opened as wide as two of the kitchen saucers. “What does that mean? Are you saying I am hurtful and callous?”
I straightened my shoulders and gave a firm nod. “That is exactly what I am saying. One week you say you care for me, and then I hear you saying you care for Violet.”
He jerked as though I had slapped him. “I did not say I loved Violet. Never! Not in my entire life have I said such a thing. I told you before that there was never anything beyond friendship between us. You are the only woman I have ever loved and the only one who has heard those words from my lips.”