A Hidden Truth (21 page)

He glanced at the clear blue sky as he came alongside Karlina. “With such beautiful weather, I am thinking there will be a lot of visitors to see the lambs this afternoon.”

“I am sure you are hoping Violet will return to see you.” Karlina's voice was as cold as winter's first frost.

I looked back and forth between them and wished I could escape before the conversation turned more personal. Karlina and I had discussed Violet's visit to the barn earlier in the month. Karlina had told me Anton refused to admit he and Violet were anything more than friends. A claim Karlina didn't choose to believe. When I'd suggested she might be drawing an incorrect conclusion, she'd become angry with me. We agreed we wouldn't discuss the matter further, so I was surprised when she mentioned Violet in front of me.

Anton squared his shoulders and shook his head. “You are making something out of nothing, Karlina. I am not going to argue with you. Whether or not Violet comes to see the lambs is of no importance to me.” He moved away from the tree. “Please tell your Mutter and Vater that I have gone back to the house.” He turned and strode away before Karlina could say anything to detain him.

“He isn't fooling me one bit. He is in love with Violet, and I am sure she is part of the reason he was sent to East.”

I folded my arms across my waist. “You became unhappy with me the last time we talked about Violet and Anton so we agreed we would not discuss them anymore.”

“Ja, I know what we agreed.” She frowned at Anton's back as he retreated from the churchyard. “And I know I am right about him.”

I nudged her arm and gestured toward the women's door. “Who is the woman talking to your mother?”

“That is Sister Anna, Berndt's mother. Have you never met her? I thought she was present when you went to the quilting at Sister Fuch's.”

“No, she wasn't there. I have never met her.” First and second gatherings had finished, and men and women were exiting their respective doors.

“Come. I will introduce you. She's very shy but nice. She works at the Kinderschule.”

My hands turned clammy at the idea of meeting the woman everyone referred to as Berndt's mother. A part of me wanted to meet her, yet another part remained hesitant. Karlina grasped my hand and pulled me forward. Before I could protest, I was standing in front of Cousin Louise and Sister Anna.

Cousin Louise smiled and held out her hand. “This is Dovie, my cousin Barbara's daughter.”

Sister Anna leaned toward me. “I am pleased to meet you. Berndt has spoken of you.”

I wanted to know what Berndt had told her, but I refrained from asking. “I am pleased to meet you, as well.”

Cousin Louise took my arm. “Everything went gut for you in meeting?”

“Yes. I didn't lose my voice when it was my turn to read Scripture.” The evening before I had expressed fear that the words would get stuck in my throat and I wouldn't be able to speak.

“I told you the Lord would be with you.”

“Guten Tag, Sister Dovie.” All three of us looked up as Berndt came to a halt beside his mother, who frowned and then nodded toward Cousin Louise. “Guten Tag, Sister Louise.” He turned to me. “You have met my Mutter, ja?”

I nodded. “Cousin Louise introduced us.”

His lips curved in a broad smile, but his mother didn't appear quite so pleased. “Your Vater is waiting for you, Berndt.”

He nodded. “Today will be a gut day for viewing all the lambs, don't you think?”

I wasn't certain to whom he was speaking, but neither Cousin Louise nor his mother replied, so I spoke. “Anton says he thinks there will be a lot of visitors today.”

“Berndt.” His mother pursed her lips and glanced toward where the men had gathered.

He waved and hurried away, but not before I saw the look in his eyes. He wanted me to meet him when he came to see the lambs today. But now that I had discovered we were related, I needed to do exactly what Cousin Louise and Berndt's father had wanted all along—stay far away from him.

But could I?

My stomach clenched, and I knew the answer. Not when he might be the best possible link to discovering the truth.

CHAPTER 21

Berndt had appeared on Sunday afternoon, but not alone. Sister Anna had accompanied him. When I saw her at his side, I decided Cousin Louise and his mother had joined forces to assure his time with me would be limited to bread deliveries, so I had remained at a distance.

As soon as I heard the bread wagon's jangling bells the following day, I hurried outside. Berndt jumped down from the wagon and rushed to my side. “I am sorry we could not spend time together yesterday. My Mutter never wants to come and see the lambs, but she was determined to come with me yesterday.”

“You don't need to apologize, Berndt. I think your parents and Cousin Louise have all agreed we should not spend time together.”

“Ja, my Mutter and Vater say it is not wise for me to keep company with you—that if I want to take a wife, I should decide upon a gut Amana girl.”

A roar of condemnation sounded in my ears. Because I was not an
Amana girl
, had they labeled me as less than good? Was I considered no more than a pariah to be shunned by the
good
people? My mind told me my thoughts were an exaggeration of the truth, but my heart squeezed in a tight knot. I was an outsider and therefore an undesirable mate for any man in the colonies. It didn't matter that my mother had once been one of them—I was not. And why did it matter, anyway? I had not come here with any aspirations of becoming one of them. I'd come with only one goal in mind: to discover the truth about my mother and the reasons her family left East so many years ago.

I inhaled and tried to calm down. “I did not know that being my friend would create so many concerns for everyone, but I do not want to be the cause of trouble for you. I understand you need to follow your parents' wishes.”

He motioned for me to follow him to the rear of the wagon. “I do not need my parents to tell me who can be my friend. I am no longer a little boy, but a man—old enough to choose a woman to love and marry, if I want.”

“You may be old enough, but the elders will decide if you've made the proper choice. And from what I have learned, they can withhold their approval, so you need to be careful with your choice.” I reached forward to take the bread tray from him. “I only wish I could reassure your mother and Cousin Louise that they need not worry about us. That we are friends—and we will never be anything more.”

Berndt's head snapped as though I'd slapped him. His dark eyes seared me like burning coals. “Is that how you feel about me? That I am no more to you than Anton or any of the other young men who live here?”

I swallowed hard and looked away. He was much more to me than any other person in East, but I dared not reveal that truth. I couldn't tell him we shared the same mother—not until I was positive. “We are dear friends. I didn't mean to lump you together with all of the other young men in the colonies. I am sorry if my words stung. It wasn't my intent.” I didn't mention that his earlier words about a good Amana girl had been every bit as hurtful to me.

“And you are still willing to meet me sometimes?” Hope flickered in his dark eyes. “We will be careful so there is no talk. I am sure we can trust Karlina and Anton to help us if need be.”

I didn't want to involve Karlina or Anton, but I did want to leave the door open for future visits with Berndt. If I was going to unravel the truth, I'd need him to ask some questions—questions only his father and Sister Anna could answer, because Cousin Louise had become a closed book.

“I don't know how or when we'll meet, since you need to take extra care, but I'll leave those decisions to you.”

Berndt removed his cap and waved it toward the back porch. “Guten Morgen, Sister Louise.”

“Did you forget that you are here to deliver bread?” Cousin Louise stood on the porch, her hands resting on her ample hips.

“Nein, I did not forget, Sister Louise. Your order is ready.” He pointed to the tray I was holding in my arms. He turned his head and kept his voice low. “I will meet you at the pond tomorrow afternoon, ja?”

“Yes,” I whispered. I kept my eyes on the bread tray as I approached the porch. I didn't want Cousin Louise to ask any questions.

The following afternoon, I headed off for the pond with questions arranging themselves in my head like one of Cousin Louise's grocery lists. I'd need to be careful. If I flooded Berndt with too many personal questions, he'd become suspicious. Though I wanted to sit him down and quiz him like a schoolmaster, I knew that would be impossible. I already knew he didn't have any brothers or sisters—Karlina had answered that question. Perhaps I would begin by asking him how long his parents had been married. And if I was fortunate, his answer would lead to a discussion that might tell me much more than expected.

After the noonday meal, I waited until the women had begun to wash the dishes before I approached Cousin Louise. “It's a beautiful day. I think I'll go for a walk if you don't need me.” I held my breath and waited. I hadn't considered what I would do if she wanted me to dust the upstairs bedrooms or sort the afternoon mail.

She looked up and smiled. “You go and enjoy yourself. For sure, it is a pretty day the Lord has given us.”

I grabbed my bonnet and hurried out the back door before she could change her mind. I didn't need to go far to see and smell the beauty of spring. Crabapple and pear trees heavy with scented blooms and flower gardens lush with bright colors filled the air with their sweet perfume. I inhaled deeply and picked up my pace as I approached the pastures surrounding the barn.

Some of the lambs were outside with the mother ewes, and I stopped to watch as they frolicked after each other. Like children playing follow-the-leader, they climbed onto fallen tree branches and large rocks, then jumped down and chased through the lush grass.

Over and over again they repeated the routine. Instead of playing with the others, one of the small lambs stood on its mother's back and proceeded to survey the area like a night watchman. I giggled as I took in the sight. No wonder Karlina took such pleasure in her work. No matter how difficult life might be, the lambs provided an endearing sight. Soon the ewes would be sheared, and I hoped to witness that event. Karlina said the sheep shearing always drew a crowd of people.

I saw Anton in the distance, his shepherd's crook in his hand as he led the sheep a bit further. From what I'd observed, he appeared to be enjoying his work with the sheep, although he still talked about his inventions far more than the sheep. And I'd observed a look of distaste when Karlina had mentioned the shearing and the fact that he would need to learn the process. I couldn't blame him if he was uneasy about tackling a job that likely required great skill and patience.

I waved but couldn't tell if he'd seen me. He appeared engrossed in keeping the sheep together. No doubt he worried he might lose one or two, though Karlina said Helmut, the furry black-and-white sheep dog, kept a sharp eye for stragglers as well as wolves and wild dogs. When Karlina had first spoken of wolves and wild dogs, I'd turned fearful of venturing across the fields, but she said they were more interested in stray sheep than in humans. And since I'd never seen evidence of any wild animals, I'd pushed aside my fear. Yet as I walked toward the pond I wondered if they posed a special threat to the tiny lambs that chased after each other unaware there might be hidden danger nearby. A chill coursed down my arms, and I tightened my lightweight shawl, but it didn't ease my apprehension.

“I'm being silly,” I muttered and lowered my head against the stiff breeze. I had hoped to see Berndt sitting by the pond when I arrived, but he was nowhere in sight. I settled on one of the logs near the fire pit we had used during the cold of winter and waited. With the snap of each twig or crack of a branch, I jumped and turned, sure I would see him approach. I'd been waiting for what seemed at least an hour when I heard a noise from the opposite direction. I trained my eyes across the pond, prepared to run should a wolf or some other wild animal emerge.

Moments later a figure appeared, and I stood to gain a better view. Jakub! I hadn't seen him for some time. He waved and came running toward me at a gallop. I looked over my shoulder to make certain I didn't see Berndt in the distance. I'd never spoken to him about Jakub or his family. I knew he wouldn't approve of my visits to their home. I squinted and continued to watch the road, hoping to catch sight of his sister, Sophia. Should Berndt arrive, it would be better if Jakub's sister was with him. Being seen alone with a young man would be frowned upon—not only by Berndt, but by everyone else in the village.

Jakub came to a jarring halt a few steps in front of me. Perspiration dotted his forehead, and ruddy streaks highlighted his cheekbones. He bent forward, gasping for breath.

“You didn't need to run. I saw you coming and waved.”

Strands of black hair fell across his forehead. “I saw, but I was afraid you might leave. I need to speak to you.” He wrung his hands together and glanced toward the hillock he'd just crossed.

“What's wrong? Where's Sophia?”

“She's sick. Everyone is sick. Can you come? We need help.”

Though it shamed me, I suddenly wanted to turn and run the opposite direction. I'd had enough of illness in the past year. “What kind of sickness?” The thought of walking into a houseful of ill people caused my stomach to flip upside down. I clamped my lower lip between my teeth while I attempted to come up with a solution—a solution that didn't include my going to Jakub's house. “There's a doctor in Main Amana. You can go there. I'm certain he'll come and help.”

“My father says no doctor. We don't have money to pay.” He continued to wring his hands. “Besides, my father doesn't trust doctors.”

“If he doesn't trust a doctor, he surely won't trust someone like me. I don't know anything about medicine and healing.” I took a small backward step, hoping Jakub would realize I wasn't what his family needed. “I'm sure the doctor would understand if you can't afford to pay.” In truth, I had no idea what the doctor would tell him, but I knew I was not capable of giving medical advice.

He shook his head. “A few years ago we had a doctor for my little sister. She died, and now my father says doctors are no better than butchers.”

What would his father think of me if I tried to help and one of them should die? I shivered at the thought.

Jakub reached forward and grasped my hand. “Please come with me, Dovie. I'm very frightened and don't know what to do.”

I glanced over my shoulder. Where was Berndt? “I was supposed to meet someone this afternoon. I shouldn't leave.”

He dropped his hold on my hand. “I thought you were a friend to my family, Dovie. Friends help each other.”

I wasn't certain what bothered me more: the pain reflected in his eyes or the sadness in his voice. My callous words and indifference had wounded him, and rightfully so. His family had treated me with warmth and kindness, yet I was unwilling to offer help in their time of need. Shame washed over me.