Authors: Jolene Perry
I’m floating in the rush of being this close to him, and the moment I give his shoulder
s a tug, we’re lying on his bed
. My fingers finally slide through the hair I’ve admired, and his weight relaxes on top of me.
The warmth of his hands slide
s
up the back of my shirt, and I immediately stiffen. Too much. Too close. Should it be?
“Sorry,” he whispers as he kisses my jaw
line.
“I just…” And no matter how hard I concentrate to keep my cheeks from turning red, I can feel the heat creep up my neck. “I’ve never… I mean. I…”
He pulls away far enough so that I can see his eyes, but we’re still close enough that his warm breath hits my face.
“Never mind. I’m fine.” I
look down
.
He brushes the hair off my face. “Wait.”
Too intense. I can’t get away, so I close my eyes trying to avoid and ignore the scarlet that’s spread over my cheeks.
“Have you never had sex?”
“Is there another way you can phrase that question?” I pick at the design on his T-shirt, which suddenly need
s
my full attention.
“No.”
“No.”
His lips meet mine. “I’m both amazed and baffled by you again.”
“I know. I feel like the last person on the planet.”
“Is it a marriage thing, or…”
“It’s a Jody-being-
picky thing.”
“Okay. I’m processing because it’s been a while since I’ve been with someone…like you,” he says carefully as he hovers above me, propped up on his elbows. “I don’t…”
“How about w
e pretend I didn’t say anything?
”
“Not happening, but nice try.” He pulls me close as he rolls onto his back, and my head rests perfectly on his chest, which has a lot more room for resting than a certain other person I was with last. His hand rests comfortably on my waist just above my hipbone, and after
only a few
seconds being next to him like this, it almost feels like we lie like this every day. Only the newness of it makes me want to never leave.
“What do you want to do?” he asks as he plays with the ends of my hair. “With your life, I mean.”
That was a jump. But maybe he’s processing and helping me have a way out of
a
really awkward conversation.
“I’m going for business right now because of my dad, and because it’s so versatile, but it means I won’t be able to come back to camp, and I love it here.” Mostly I’m confused and conflicted, which seems to be a reoccurring theme in my life.
“But what will you do with your degree in business?”
“I don’t know.”
“Why would you be in college if you weren’t passionate about it?” He shifts in bed to look at me, but I don’t move.
“You obviously don’t have my parents.”
He’s quiet for a moment. “But you’re not the kind of girl who would just do something to make someone else happy. Not that I’ve seen. So what do you really want to do?”
“If there was camp all year long, I’d really want to do that.” I chuckle and the small movement against him makes me remember that I’m here. Close. With someone new. And it doesn’t feel as scary as I thought it would.
“Really?”
“Really.”
“So, what you’re saying is that you’re
going to end up teaching at a
boarding school?” He chuckles.
“No. But I have thought
about teaching. Alex, the head security guy
, does it. And then he gets to come back here every year. I wouldn’t even care if it was here, but I do love being at camp all summer.” Love it to the point that a summer without it feels…empty, and I’m not sure how to change that. I keep waiting for that need to be here to go away with age, and it still hasn’t.
“I’d love to teach philosophy.” His fingers stroke my arm as I continue to lie on his chest. “It takes a lot of school, though. I was working at a tattoo parlor because I’ve always liked to draw and it seemed fun. The guys there are great and the tips are good. So I was going to school.”
His words stop so suddenly that part of me knows there’s more to the story that he maybe didn’t intend on telling me. “What brought you here?” I ask quietly.
He sighs. And then the pause is so long that I’m sure I’ve overstepped somehow. “My sister, Jenny, got in with this bad guy. I hated him from the beginning, but she wasn’t going to be deterred by me or my parents. She was still at home then.
“After a few months Jenny came to me one night to tell me
all
about
him
. All the things he’d done from drugs to petty thieving, to pretty major thieving, and he’d just talked with someone else about getting involved in some kind of car-stealing ring—she’d accidentally walked in on them.
“She was scared and I begged her to leave home and stay with me for a while. Once she disappeared from her house
and moved in with me
, I saw some of the guys he hung with around the place where I worked, and I was scared for her.”
My whole body is tense, waiting for him to continue.
“I couldn’t save her. I couldn’t keep her with me all the time. She called me to say she was going to get a few things from the store. I wanted to tell her not to. To stay home or let me do it for her, but I didn’t. She was found in a dumpster a week later.”
It’s so horrific that I’m stunned speechless.
“I wanted to kill them. All of them. I found one of the guys before the authorities found her, and I beat him near to death
,
trying to figure out what they did with Jenny. I had to get out of there. We would have killed each other. And Jenny. God. She was too young to die.”
I wrap my arm more tightly around his side, aching for him.
He pulls in a few deep breath
s. “That was almost a year ago now, and I can’t imagine not feeling like a failure. Bill’s been nice enough to let me stay here, even though he couldn’t keep me busy at first because really, I got here just after the summer season last year.”
“I’m just… I’m so—”
“Sorry,” he finishes for me. “We’re all sorry. There’s more story to tell, but we can save it for another time.”
I’m lying next to him.
Liam
. And just like Jeff became a stranger,
Liam
’s becoming familiar. For the first time I see past all the things that first attracted me, and he’s just
Liam
. This feels like a really, really good place to be.
Chapter Twenty-two
For the next week or so,
Liam
and I are together for all of my spare time. We talk about what I’d teach if I became a teacher (English) and how we needs to go for the big degree in philosophy to teach on a campus the way he wants.
I tell him about my very structured parents, and being an only child. We don’t talk about Jenny, and I don’t talk about Jeff. But we’ve broken down the barriers that keep people from knowing each other, and that, to me, feels like a whole new world.
Now, Liam
’s sitting against his headboard, and I’m straddling his lap, feeling very strong and in control, and realizing that I might be able to go all the way. Maybe.
He ki
sses me with the same intensity
as he did two weeks ago when we were just getting started. When his hands slide up the back of my shirt, I pull it over my head
,
feeling brave.
His thumbs trace underneath my bra, and his fingers start to slowly touch the freckles on my stomach and shoulders. I should feel so exposed
,
sitting on him like this, but I don’t. Not really.
“If you’re going to try and find all my freckles, we’ll be here all day.” I rest my hands over his.
“That’s okay.” He smirks. “I’ve got a pretty good view.”
I rest my hands on his face. “Stop. You are not real.” People don’t say things like that, not unless they’re being completely cheesy.
“When I’m with someone I want to be
completely present
. Every moment has the potential to be something amazing. Why would you let that slip by?”
“Are you really shooting for perfect here?” I trace his forehead and eyebrows. Run my fingers across his cheekbones and few days worth of stubble.
Circle the place where his lip ring was. He’s taken it out to keep it from getting in the way of our kisses. I miss it, but he certainly has more flexibility without it.
“Life experience.” He takes a hand and kisses my fingers. “I don’t want to miss anything.”
His words hit me hard. This is how I want to be. How I want to live my life. I wonder if there’s a way to soak him up and try to understand how he thinks this way so I can do it, too.
“I think I want you.” I’m breathless from all the kissing and all the thinking, and all the incredible things he thinks and feels. And now I’m feeling all brave because I’m not wearing a shirt and he’s looking and touching, and I’m not minding.
“You think so, huh?”
“I think so.” I lean forward, part my lips and kiss him again.
He chuckles and back
s
away. “We’re not doing that until you need it. Until you feel like your body will crumple or explode or something if we don’t. Then we’ll go there. But not before. I don’t want to screw this up.”
I tug on the bottom of his T-shirt and he slides it off immediately.
“This is enough.” His arms come around me, pressing our skin together and I run my hands up and down his back and trace the designs on his shoulders and arms as we continue to kiss.
I’m pretty sure tonight won’t be one of those nights when we have a lot to say.
“You’re sure this is enough?”
He smiles a half-mischievous smile as he flops me on my back and hovers over the top of me. “
I’m gathering all the parts of you. Slowly. Even the physical part.
For now
, this
is definitely enough.”
Sam
and
Kay-Kay
both disperse as soon as we hit the bar. I know right where I’m headed.
Liam
’s smile is wide as I lean against the back wall and wait for him to have a moment.
He makes one by holding up a “one-second” finger, jogging around the end of the counter and pulling me into him.
“Hi.” My whole body melts and my cheeks already hurt from smiling.
“Hi.” He leans in and kisses me. Once softly and once I feel between my toes and in other good places
,
too.
When he pulls back I’m breathless and stumble once as he walks away.
“Watch yourself,” he teases as he backs up. “I gotta work, but if you’re here when I take
a
break
,
maybe I could get to
know
you better.” He winks.
Instead of being afraid,
I feel like he knows enough about
me
to
enjoy the teasing. That, and he’s careful with me when we’re alone—always pausing the moment I’m uncomfortable.
When I turn around
Kay-Kay
gives me a thumbs up as she wags her brows and points to
Liam
—wonder if she could be more obvious.
Sam
’s nowhere to be seen. And then Jeff’s eyes are on me.
Oh. I feel this weird sort of swooshing through my body. Guilt
,
I guess, but there’s really no reason for me to feel guilty.
Kay-Kay
pulls me into her from the side. “You must let that man deflower you so I can have details.”
“Aah!” I shove her away. “Can we
please
not talk about this anymore?
”
She shrugs with her “Miss I
nnocent” face (which is crap) before tur
ning back to the table of first-
year counselors. She’s giving them advice I’m sure, which I’m also
certain
is cringe-worthy.
“Hey.” Jeff’s voice startles me.
I spin to face him. “What?”
“Can we talk?”
“What. Now? I haven’t had my drink yet.” Mostly I’m annoyed with him and want to see how he’ll react to me.
“Three minutes.”
I glance at my watch. “Go.”
“Not here.” He grabs my hand and leads me outside.
And feeling his hand and seeing his back and his hair and all the things that are so much a part of him should be making me feel something, but they don’t. He really is sort of back to being a stranger. Or somebody I used to know.
“Are you serious with that guy?”
“Am I serious as in
—
really? Or am I serious as in
—
am I falling for him?” I cross my arms. “Not that it’s any of your business.”