Authors: Jolene Perry
His head cocks to the side as he reads my shirt. Or he’s studying my boobs—one of the hazards of my tanks and tees.
“Boys who don’t like smart girls, don’t like girls.” He grins as he reads.
I shrug.
“Agreed.”
Melting.
I know I don’t like this guy because I don’t know him, but it’s crazy how his presence makes me a little flustered. I don’t get flustered. Well. Often.
My phone buzzes in a text.
Be there in 5. Found
your
Keys. Your
part of the cabin
is freakishly neat. We gotta fix this.
“My ride’s on her way.” I rest my chin on my hands to get
a
few inches closer to study him a bit. He has the s
mallest wrinkles on the outside
of his eyes
,
making me wonder how old he is, and what his life is like.
“You’re taking me in,” he says.
I am staring, so it’s not like I can deny that. “I’m curious.”
“About?”
“Everything. All the time.” That’s safe.
“That’s a brilliant way to be.”
“Why are you here?”
Silence.
Silence.
“Sometimes.
Sometimes
,” he says. “Getting away is the only way to fix something.”
There’s that depth in his eyes again, which I almost don’t want to see, because right now he’s still just on my hot guy radar. Or blown the top off it. But now he’s a whole person—more than abs and hair and teeth and smiles and
tatts and
ass. A few sentences has taken him a notch away from hot stranger
with a lip ring and
closer to being someone I might want to know.
“Well.” I breathe in deeply
,
wishing it had the same effect as a cold shower because I’ve never felt a serious want of someone that’s really based on nothing more than lust, and the more he talks, the worse it gets. “I should go.”
“Too bad.” He stands and scratches his side, revealing a small sliver of tight abs, which flusters me to the point that I stare at the table for a moment before meeting his eyes again. “We were just getting warmed up.”
That o
r boiling over. One of the two.
Chapter Eighteen
Jeff’s at my
cabin
door when I make it
back to camp
.
Sam
gives me a questioning look, but I just tha
nk her for the ride and move toward him
. I stop about ten feet in front of him and really take him in. Really look at this person I’ve been with. My safety. That’s what he was when we were first together. He was cool with my weird shirts, and my non-drinking and how slowly everything happened between us.
After high school, I needed the stability.
Short, brown hair. Nice skin. Gorgeous brown eyes that I no longer trust, which makes them a lot less gorgeous. It’s like when you’re around someone every day they become such a part of you that you don’t really see them anymore. I’m seeing him now, though, and he looks like a stranger.
He’s perfectly average, which was fine. Good. What I wanted. But maybe I’ve moved past that now. Maybe I’m less afraid.
Then I think about
Liam
and what his voice does to me, or
the ring on his lip
, or a glimpse of skin, and then I’m not so sure I’ve moved past
fear.
“Hey,” he says.
“I’m tired.” I sigh as I step past him and into my cabin.
He grabs my arm and tugs me out the door toward the bathroom before we wake any of the girls up.
“I don’t know if I should be frustrated that you left me there to deal with a really awkward situation, or be apologizing, or…”
I spin around, incredulous. “
You
created the awkward situation, Jeff.”
I start to
stalk back to my cabin
, but
he grabs my arm and pulls me back.
“Just a word, okay?”
I
slump on the ground,
feeling completely overwhelmed with humiliation and hurt. If there was a ring, is that what tipped him over? Made him run away? Helped him to know he couldn’t be married to me? Couldn’t even
be
with me?
“You don’t want to talk to me tonight.” I shake my head as my eyes fill with tears. “Please just let me be.”
He frowns and the first bits of sadness I’ve seen since we split cross his features—lowering his eyes, pulling his mouth into a frown. “I’m so stupid. I didn’t want to—”
“Just
go
!” I
stand up and move to the cabin. This time he lets me
go. When I lean against the wall I hear him
curse
a few times before walking slowly away.
And for the first time since we broke up, I really let myself cry.
We haven’t seen much of
Kay-Kay
—she’s been moody and crazy, but I think we all knew that would happen if she went after Alex. Two days and I haven’t been able to bring myself to answer any of Jeff’s texts or to go see
Liam
.
Liam
’s probably diverted his
interest
to someone else at this point. I’m a bit baffled as to why he paid me any attention to begin with.
Sam
and I staged this intervention to talk to
Kay-Kay
.
Sam
even woke up early for it, but all I can think about is how we sort of wanted to talk her out of
Alex
, but ended up cheering her on instead. Telling her to take control. Even I did that. Stood there and said that there’s no way he didn’t see good things in her.
Sam
went on a rant that involved true-to-form
Sam
language, but I believed it. Knew that if
Kay-Kay
wanted something to happen, she had to do it.
I’m not sure I’m in that situation. I think, unless I’m totally reading
Liam
wrong, that
he’d be cool with something happening
, maybe just messing around. So why can’t I?
Kay-Kay
is probably right now doing something dramatic. Something that will work. Wonder if I’ll even want to know what it is.
I scrub off the last of my camp day and get dressed to go to the Little Minnow. To see
Liam
. By myself. But my hands shake, and I feel like I should finally answer Jeff, and like maybe I’m doing something wrong.
Or maybe I want to do something wrong. With Liam.
And then as I drive I think about how I’m going back to school, and he’s probably going back to Ireland and how all of this is pointless anyway. But still I drive. I’m shaky as I pull up because I know something’s different. And I know it’s because of me.
As I pull open the door I start to wonder if everything I felt between us was really just my imagination running away with me.
Liam
’s at the bar, smiling and chatting like always. There’s no reprieve from the heat in here. If anything, it’s even worse than outside.
Two girls are leaning as far over the counter as they can, grinning at
Liam
. I don’t know him well enough to read him, but I do know that the last thing I want is for someone to break my heart like Jeff did. This means that my late night fantasies about the guy have probably clouded what is actually
real
, and that’s
maybe
something like friendship.
He’s smiling at them and his head is tilted down enough that his shaggy brown hair covers part of his face.
I shouldn’t be here.
“Jody!” He waves me over.
Guess I’m here.
He jogs around the end of the counter to meet me. Several pairs of eyes are shooting daggers my way, but my eyes have already found their mark.
“I don’t have a lot of time, but maybe we could step outside for a couple of minutes?” There’s this look of uncertainty about him that I don’t really understand because I can’t imagine many girls saying no to this guy.
He takes my hand in his and leads me outside. I’ve never been much for hand holding, but I’m trying to learn about him. Rough, but not too rough. His grip is firm, but not tight. His hands are bigger than mine, but I also don’t feel like a doll or anything. Pretty perfect.
We stop and he turns to face me
,
dropping my hand, and then doesn’t say anything.
“Hi,” I say, wondering if it’s my job to break the ice here. Or maybe there’s no ice, and I’ve just lost all sense when it comes to the opposite sex.
“I’m, um… I’m glad you came.” Now he looks fidgety.
“You okay?” But now I wonder if I am. We’re very alone
outside
the bar, and he wants me here, and I’m here, and I want me here, only I don’t like how sort of out of control I feel around him because I’ve never felt this need to touch someone. Or to hope that they’ll move in a way that’ll show me some skin.
“This seemed like a great idea because I don’t know how long I’ll be here, and it seems like if I want to do something I just reall
y need to do it already, and…” H
e blinks a few times as he looks at me. “You’re really very pretty. I mean, I noticed that right away, but it didn’t stick with me for long, because you’re bigger than any room, and I…” He stops. “Shite. Sorry. Way too personal. I do that sometimes.”
I’m still reeling from
being called pretty. I’m cute. Pretty doesn’t connect in my brain.
He plays with the cuff on his wrist.
I watch. Wondering why we’re out here. I came here to see him, but I guess a part of me didn’t think I would. Not really. And definitely not like this.
“I think I like you. Or that I’d like to like you. And sometimes I feel like you’re with me in this, and other times I think you wish I’d drop dead, and I guess I’d like to know what I’m up against here? If we can get together sometime or if you want me to leave you alone, or…”
I’m stunned speechless for a moment. “We’ve only met a few times. You don’t know me.”
His body relaxes, and he leans against the back of the building. “I guess that’s the point. That I’d like to. Maybe. Unless the hints of you needing to get away from me are how you feel.”
“Why me?”
“Because sometimes when you first meet someone you realize that they have the potential to change your life, and I didn’t want to miss out on that.”
Change
his
life? Mine? How?
“Are you always this forward?” Because that would be awesome.
“I’m all for simple.”
“I’m all for safe.” The words just come out. But how ridiculous are they? Jeff was safe. Only he wasn’t safe because he was my only real boyfriend. We were close. We were comfortable. And now we’re nothing.
“Jody.”
God. The way he says my name.
“There’s no such thing as safe. I’m not asking for forever. Just maybe a chance to talk with ya? Hang out sometime?” He chuckles. “I sound like a complete arse.”
“No.” I reach out and touch his arm, and our eyes snap together. I jerk my hand away, amazed at my forwardness. “I just…” I’m a coward.
“It’s okay. You don’t have to be interested.” He shakes his head and moves toward the door.
My chest caves. He can’t just walk away. “Okay. Yes. I mean. I don’t have a lot of time off. But yes.” My words tumble over each other in a mess of insecurity and desire, and the need to move on. But I’m also terrified. I don’t remember even kissing anyone other than Jeff because it’s been so long, and I didn’t think I ever would. “But you have to know that my last relationship felt all okay and then just stopped, and I’m still not sure what to make of that, so… So I don’t know what I want right now, and that’s a really bizarre place for me to be in.”
“Okay
,
then.” His smile splits his face. Bright white against the tan and dark stubble.
In a flash I imagine his smile closer. His lips just before they touch mine. What his hands would feel like on my waist. His mouth on my collarbone.
I feel it in the pit of my stomach, and in my weakening legs, and in the masses of butterflies way low in my stomach.
This
i
s what desire feels like. “Okay,
”
I breathe.
Chapter Nineteen
Mom’s calling. I stare at the caller ID, but not matter how long I stare, it doesn’t change.
“Hey, Mom.”
“I just got off the phone with Jeff’s mother, and it was the most bizarre conversation.”
I start to chime in, but forget that there’s really no need for me to be here when Mom’s talking. Not until I hear a question.