Worth the Wait (Sexy Nerd Boys #1) (20 page)

Ethan

              “Ugh, I can’t do this shit.” Abby groans and slams her physics book down. “I hate, hate, hate this,”She buries her face in her hands and takes several deep breaths.

              “Whoa, Red, I’ve never heard you say you can’t do anything before. That’s a bit disconcerting.”

              “Well, I seriously can’t. And I’ve been thinking lately that maybe I shouldn’t,” She confides in a resigned voice.

              “What do you mean?”

              “I mean, maybe I don’t even want to be a doctor. My reason’s for it are all wrong and maybe it isn’t worth it if it’s not what I really want.”

              “Come on,” I move her books into a neat pile on the coffee table and offer my hand to help her up.

              “Where are we going?” She asks skeptically.

              “You need a break, let’s go for a walk. We’ll get some ice cream,” Ice cream is the magic word because without any further protest she puts her shoes on and we head out the door.

When we get outside she starts down a side street that would take us the long way around to the ice cream parlor. It’s unseasonably warm for March in Colorado.

Abby and I have been hanging out almost every day since I got home in December, and although it’d taken herculean feats, I’ve kept things platonic.  

              “Come on Red, this way’s faster,” I tug her in the opposite direction.

She bites her lip in that way that makes me crazy for her. I want to run my tongue along the spot she’s chewing. I want to taste her. Before I can act on the impulse she straightens up like she’s about to walk into a lion’s den and nods in a determined way. I link my fingers through hers and we start down the street.

              “So, tell me a secret,” She says after a minute. I laugh at the familiar request.

              “I hate to play monopoly,” I reveal.

She gasps dramatically.

              “That can’t possibly be true.”

              “It is, I always felt like people get way too competitive when they play,” I admit.

              “No shit, that’s the best part!” She argues spiritedly.

I love when she gets worked up about things. My heart squeezes as I think the word
love.
I want to tell her, the words are on the tip of my tongue. But our previous conversation hangs between us. She wants space. She wants to just be friends. I feel like there’s a hole in my chest that can only be filled by Abby.

I feel her tense beside me suddenly and I look over to see what’s bothering her. I follow her gaze across the street to the Planned Parenthood that we’re passing. Outside is a young girl, probably around sixteen or so, being harassed by a group of protesters. Abby seems to be frozen in place suddenly watching the scene across the street. Without saying anything she starts across the street with a purpose in her gait.

“Hey!” She screams out as she approaches the group. I hurry behind her unsure what to do.

“Stay out of this, we have every legal right to inform this girl that the abortion she wants is murder in the eyes of the lord.”

“You’re scaring the shit out of her, knock it off,” Abby demands calmly.

I can see her hands are shaking like she’s holding back.

“She should be afraid of the wrath of God,” A woman holding a sign with the picture of a mutilated fetus on it says.

While the protesters are focused on Abby I skirt behind them and put a friendly arm around the girl and steer her toward the clinic.

“Might as well get away before they notice,” I offer guiding her away from the protesters.

“I’m not here to get an abortion. I just want birth control,” She tells me quietly.

“That’s fine, and even if you were here for an abortion that’s nobody’s business but yours,” I assure her. “Take care,” I say as she slips inside the clinic.

As I head back towards Abby and the protesters I can tell it’s getting even more heated.

“This place is a murder factory, abortion is murder!” one of the protesters shouts at Abby and I can see her control starting to slip.

Without warning she cocks her arms back like she’s about to punch the woman in the face. I grab her around the waist and haul her back before she gets the chance to throw any punches.

“Let me go! I’m going to teach that stupid twat to keep her opinions to herself.” I try not to laugh at her use of the word ‘twat’.

“I’m sure you could take her Red, but I really don’t want to bail you out of jail.”

“They’re the ones who should be in jail for scaring that poor girl,” She squirms against me.

My dick hardens at the proximity of her wriggling body. God, this is so not the time for that.

“I couldn’t agree more, but you know that’s not going to happen.”

I finally feel her body relax against mine. I carry her until we’re far enough away from the protesters that I feel like if I set her down she won’t beat the shit out of anyone.

“Thanks for helping that girl get inside,” She says to me after a minute of silence.

“No problem, I can see why you wanted to go the long way now,” I laugh.

She gives me a tight smile. We walk the rest of the way to the ice cream shop in silence. I can tell her thoughts are elsewhere. I try not to pry but I’m dying to know what she’s thinking about.

After we’ve ordered our ice cream we grab a seat at an outside table. It’s quiet and we have the whole patio area to ourselves.

“I think it’s my turn to tell you a secret,” She says after her first few bites of her turtle sundae.

I nod but don’t say anything. She licks her lips several times and stares at her ice cream like it holds the secret of life. After what feels like an eternity she finally speaks again.

“I had an abortion.”

It doesn’t take a genius to figure out that it had to have been her rapist, I mean
boyfriend’s
child. I can imagine her reasoning for not wanting that child.

“When I woke up in the hospital after the accident they told me that I was pregnant and that I was lucky the accident hadn’t caused a miscarriage,” She lets out a humorless laugh. “I have to disagree. I always felt like I would have been a lot luckier if I never had to make that horrible decision. The decision wasn’t horrible, I’m glad I chose what I did. But having to decide to have an abortion changes a person.”

“Because you feel sad that you had an abortion?” I ask.

“No, because I felt fucking relieved when it was over. If I couldn’t love what could’ve been my child there must be something wrong with me, right? Maybe I’m defective, maybe I’m not even capable of love.”

“You’re wrong. Abby, you are a strong woman and I think that deep down you are sad about the decision you had to make. I also think you’re very practical and smart. I’m sure the decision you made was the right decision for you and that’s why you felt relieved. That choice made it possible for you to still pursue your dreams and that’s okay,” I reach across the table and tuck a strand of hair behind her ear.

Silent tears stream down her cheeks as she finally meets my gaze. The reservations I had always seen in her eyes are finally gone. She’s bore her whole soul to me, all of her important secrets.

Abby

              Ethan takes my confession in stride and I feel a shift between us now that everything is out in the open. On our walk back to the apartment I feel about twenty pounds lighter and happier than I’ve felt in years. Maybe Dr. Lestic was right, maybe I can heal and let Ethan love me.

I look over at him on the couch beside me, he catches my gaze and smiles. My heart stutters out an uneven beat. Never in my life did I think that I could have a man beside me who is my best friend in the world. A man who knows all of my secrets and accepts them. Ethan knows all of my guilty pleasures and joys, and can make my toes curl with a single touch. He is more than I ever could have hoped for. But, can I give him what he deserves?

“If you could have any career what would it be?” He asks. I know this is in reference to my physics freak out from earlier.

“Honestly? I’ve been thinking about your idea for a nerd bar. Maybe we could open one together. I just keep having all of these ideas for things like trivia nights, renting it out for Dungeons and Dragons tournaments and things, and even playing episodes of Doctor Who and Star Trek on the televisions instead of sports,” I admit in a whisper.

              Ethan stares at me for several seconds, his eyes filled with an emotion I can’t quite put my finger on.

              “You want to open a business with me?” He asks in a quiet, shaky voice.

              I bite my lip and look down at my hands. I realize I’m opening myself up to him more than I ever had before. Hell, opening a business together would be a bigger commitment to each other than a relationship.

              “Yeah…one day.”

              “I’d like that.” 

I nod and reach for his hand. I give his hand a gentle squeeze and resist the urge to lean forward and kiss him. I want to taste his lips more than I’ve ever wanted anything but it wouldn’t be fair to him. I can’t keep jerking his feelings around.

His gaze lands on my lips and I know he’s thinking the same thing I am.

              “Is your therapy going well?” He suddenly asks.

              “It is. Last night I went to sleep without any drugs or alcohol,” I say proudly.

Unfortunately it’s not looking so good for tonight because these days it’s not the memories of Justin I’m trying to escape it’s the desperate feelings of wanting Ethan I’m trying to dull. My feelings for him have become a burning desire inside of my chest that seems to grow stronger every day. I was so wrong before to think my feelings for him were purely lustful because the more I spend time with him as friends the stronger the burn becomes. I want to spend the rest of my life snuggling on the couch with him on Friday nights.

              “That’s so great. I’m really proud of you,” His unasked question seems to fill the air between us.

              “I’m not ready yet. I’m sorry, I wish I could give you a time frame or some sort of guarantee, but I just don’t know.”

              He leans forward and kisses my cheek gently.

              “You’re worth the wait.”

Abby

              I sit across from Dr. Lestic and mindlessly click a pen that had been laying on her desk.

              “I feel horrible because I don’t want to string his feelings along but I also don’t want him to give up on me. Maybe it would be for the best if I let him go,” Even as the words leave my lips I want to take them back. I don’t want Ethan to find someone else. I want him to wait for me. Or better yet, I want to be ready to be with him.

              “What’s keeping you from feeling like you can be in a relationship with him at this point?” Dr. Lestic asks. “It sounds like the confession of your abortion went over well. I know you were worried about that.”

              “Yes, that went better than I ever could have hoped,” I nod in agreement as I chew on my cuticles.

              “So what is holding you back? Let's make a list and then discuss them,” She suggests.

              “Okay, what if I’ve waited too long and he doesn’t want me in that way anymore?” I state first.

              “Do you think that’s a real possibility?”

              “Not really, maybe eventually but I don’t think I’ve missed my chance yet,” I sigh. “Okay, what if things don’t work out between us?”

              “That’s a possibility in all relationships isn’t it?” Dr. Lestic argues.

              “Yes.”

              “Tell me the real reason,” She instructs in a firm tone.

              “What if once I am vulnerable to him he becomes abusive to me?” I choke out doing my best to hold tears back. “What if we become an exclusive couple and then one night I don’t feel like having sex and he forces me anyways? Or, what if he says the things to me that Justin and my father used to say?” My hands are shaking as I admit my worst fear. Dr. Lestic gives me a sympathetic look.

              “That can be extremely frightening and it would require a lot of trust for you to allow him to be in the position to hurt you in those ways,” She agrees. “If he were to try to abuse you physically or verbally what do you think you would do?”

              “Cut his dick off,” I say with a small laugh.

              “There’s that overcompensation we talked about before,” She chuckles.  “Not everyone treats loved ones abusively. I know it’s hard to believe, but if you want to move forward and experience love like you told me you wanted, then you have to learn to trust. The trick is to start by trusting yourself, instead of putting your trust in someone else. Trust yourself not to put up with abuse. And, over time Ethan can gain your trust by not abusing you.”

              “I think maybe I can do that,” I agree shakily.

              I leave my session feeling an excited electricity running through me. It’s Friday so we’ll likely be having everyone to our place for drinks and fun. Tonight I’m going to tell Ethan I’m ready. My stomach is tying itself in complicated knots.

Ethan

              I burst through Abby and Lee's apartment door without knocking, like usual. Lee, Nikki, Remy, and some random chick are all sitting in the living room laughing about something. I don’t see Abby. I look at the time and realize she should be home from therapy soon.

              “She’s not home yet,” Lee informs me.

              “I know. Can’t a guy come over and see his sister?” I ask with mock offense in my voice.

She rolls her eyes at me. I notice the random chick undressing me with her eyes and I just give her a friendly nod.

              “Hi, you must be Ethan,” She stands and walks over to me. “I’m Lacy,” She offers her name accompanied with an eyelash flutter for good measure.

I want to laugh. Did I really go for this shit before? I hear Remy suppress a giggle.

              “Are you friends with someone here?” I ask.

              “Remy,”She says simply.

I nod and go to sit on the couch beside Lee. Lacy isn’t one to be deterred though. She squeezes into the couch beside me and presses her breasts against my arm. It’s just my luck that would be the exact moment Abby walks in. She beams at me until her gaze lands on whatever-her-name-is next to me. Abby’s eyes narrow and her mouth goes into a thin line. It may not be the most mature thing in the world but I’m suddenly extremely excited by Abby’s jealousy.

              “So…” I turn to the chick next to me. Dammit what’s her name?

              “Lacy,” She supplies with a triumphant smile.

Why the hell would she feel triumphant I forgot her name thirty seconds after she told me the first time.

“Right, Lacy. So what brings you over here tonight?” I know, I’m a bad person but the fact that Red is glaring daggers at me right now has me at full mast.

“I wanted to meet you.” She purrs pressing herself up against me again. Red clears her throat loudly and Lee and Nikki suppress grins.

“Can we talk?” She spits acidly. I nod and motion for her to go ahead. “Alone.”

With a barely contained smile I rise from the couch and lead the way to my place across the hall.

Abby

I follow Ethan to his apartment and put my hands on my hips waiting for him to say something.

              “What’s up Red?” He asks leaning against his kitchen counter casually. I feel like I could breathe fire at him.

              “Is that seriously all you have to say to me?” I ask with as much control as possible.

              “What do you want me to say?” He asks with a sigh.

              “How about you start by telling me who your skanky friend is.”

Ethan throws back his head and laughs. I want to rip his balls off for finding any of this amusing.

              “Why? Are you jealous?” He asks once he stops laughing.

I can feel the heat in my face, I’m sure I’m blushing about eight shades of red.

              “No,” I lie.

              “Good. Since we’re just friends I figured you wouldn’t mind me flirting with an attractive woman,” He emphasizes the word friends and it’s all I can do to not collapse in a mess of tears.

I fucking blew it. I let him walk away and now I’ve lost my chance.

              “You can do better,” I blurt out.

              “You
are
jealous,” He accuses again, this time taking a step closer to me with a predatory look in his eye that sends excited shivers down my spine. “Why are you jealous Red?”

              “I’m not,” I lie again.

He continues to move closer until he has me backed up against his counter. He cages me in with his arms and leans down to whisper in my ear. My stomach twists into electrified knots as I anticipate his touch. Please let him touch me.

              “I think you are. And, I think it’s because you missed me as much as I’ve missed you. I think you missed me putting my tongue between your legs and licking you until you scream. I think you missed sucking my cock. And I think you missed cuddling, and talking, and all that other shit that had nothing to do with hooking up. It meant something and you know it did.”

I let out a whimper at his words as I start to throb with desire.

“Say it baby. Tell me you’ve missed me as much as I’ve missed you.”

              “I’ve missed you,” I finally admit.

His lips crash into mine and he lifts me up to sit on the counter top. He grips my hips roughly and I gasp. He takes advantage and plunges his tongue into my mouth. I thread my fingers through his hair to press myself closer and he pulls away.

“Why did you miss me?” He asks.

My brain is foggy with lust as I try to make sense of his words.

“What?”

“What was it that you missed about me sweetheart?” He asks as he nuzzles my neck.

“Well…” I reach down and stroke his hard on. He shudders with pleasure but then pulls back.

“Is that it? You missed my cock?” Hurt seeps into his eyes.

I want to tell him ‘yes’ and keep him at a comfortable arm’s length. But it’s obvious that we can’t go back to ‘casual’ sex, because it was never really casual. I was fooling myself to think that it ever could be. My heart pounds with anxiety.
Please don’t let him reject me when I lay my heart out at his feet.

“No,” I say finally. “I missed hanging out, I missed your stupid perverted comments, and I missed making you dinner. And I also missed your cock,” I add with a laugh. Ethan’s eyes soften.

“Why?” He asks this time in a more teasing tone as he tucks a strand of hair behind my ear.

“Because I fucking love you. Are you happy now?”

His mouth is on mine again with desperation. He grabs the hem of my shirt and pulls it over my head and then lifts me up and starts walking with me, hopefully to his bedroom. He drops me on the bed and gazes down at me with lust in his eyes.

“I fucking love you too, by the way,” He adds with a crooked grin before unbuttoning my pants.

I’m throbbing and dying for him as he takes his time peeling my jeans off slowly. He stops to admire me in my lacy underwear and matching red bra.

“My memory did not do you justice. I don’t want to go a single day of the rest of my life without seeing you naked,” He says as he stares down at me like a starving man at a buffet. He leans forward and kisses my neck and shoulder, slowly sliding my bra strap down as he kisses every inch of me.  

“Was there anyone else?” I ask nervously. “While you were away or since you’ve been home and I’ve been distant?”

“Almost one, but I stopped it before anything happened. I don’t want anyone but you,” He says honestly.

Ethan pulls back and tugs his shirt over his head and I gasp. On his left pec, right over his heart is my lip mark tattooed on him.

“I got it the day I left. I couldn’t bear the thought of it washing off. If I could never have you as mine I needed this reminder of the best three months of my life,” He explains.

My heart swells. I can’t believe he got my lips tattooed on himself, even while I was pushing him away and being so horrible to him.

“So this is real? Us, I mean. We’re really going to do this?” I ask cautiously.

“Yes, I really want to do this. I want to be your boyfriend, and I want to be able to tell everyone that you’re my girlfriend. Just the two of us, an exclusive relationship. Is that okay with you?”

“Yes,” I squeak out.

“Good,” He claims my lips again. But, this kiss has more tenderness and promise in it than any of our previous kisses. Wow, so this is what it feels like to feel cherished and loved. I think I like it.

“Thank you for waiting for me,” I whisper.

“Sweetheart, you were well worth the wait.”

The End