CHAPTER TWENTY THREE
BAILEY
I open the door to Hollister’s condo completely prepared for what’s on the other side. Talon begged me to let him come up with me for fear of what Hollister is capable. I need to do this on my own. I need to stand up to him and tell him how he broke my heart and that our love is no more.
So when I cross over the threshold and feast my eyes on hundreds of bouquets of every different type of flower a flower shop has to offer my confidence diminishes drastically. My heart is pounding and my palms are sweaty. I draw in a deep breath to steady myself as I run my palms down my thighs in effort to swipe away the clamminess.
This… this is the man I fell in love with. This is the man who wooed me into his heart and home in less than six months. Everything I knew and was confident of just three steps back is now skewed. It’s not the beautiful flowers that are altering my mind set, because beautiful flowers die. It’s the fact that this sort of apology is who
my
Hollister is… or was anyway.
Fred sets my bags down just inside the door before retreating quietly into the hall.
Hollister is sitting in the formal living room just off the entryway, in the silence of the room he looks up at me. He looks terrible. He looks like he hasn’t slept since I last saw him; he has large dark circles under his eyes and his normally tame hair is unruly.
“You said you didn’t know who I am anymore. This…” He makes a sweeping gesture around the room at all the flowers. “This is me Bailey. This is the me you fell in love with. The me that fell in love with you the second I laid my eyes on you, the second you flashed that brilliant smile at me.” He slowly stands and walks over to me. Hollister sweeps a piece of hair from my face with unshed tears in his eyes. “There isn’t anything in this world I wouldn’t do for you Bailey. You are my world, I don’t know how I would ever survive if you left me. I'm begging you, beautiful Bailey, please accept my apology and don’t leave me.” He leans in and gives me a soft kiss. I'm so overwhelmed; I was not expecting this at all. I can't speak and I can't kiss him back so I just do nothing. I stand there like a statue, because even if I did have the strength to move a muscle, I wouldn’t know which direction to guide it in.
“I will spend every day for the rest of forever regretting my actions and making it up to you. I know I can't make it go away, but I will try my hardest to make it better for you. I love you with all of my heart.” Hollister gently kisses me once more and rests his forehead against mine. “Please say you’ll stay,” Hollister whispers. He looks so unsure of what my answer will be and it kills me that he looks and sounds so much like the man I fell in love with. I entered this relationship with the idea of forever and the commitment to do so. When you move in with someone, it's like you have both said your vows and slipped on invisible wedding bands. You’ve made your silent promises to one another and have agreed to be fully in your relationship through the good and the bad. What I'm not so sure about though, is abuse, even if it's only one time… Is it okay to ignore? Is that something I agreed to when I committed myself to him? I don’t believe it is. Abuse is not ok, in any form or any amount of occurrences.
“I need to take a shower,” I whisper to him without making eye contact and head to the master bath.
Hollister silently follows me in there and stands at the entry to the bathroom. “Does this mean you forgive me and that you’re staying?” He sounds slightly hopeful but still looks forlorn and regretful.
“No,” I say as I shake my head, almost feeling defeated. “It just means that I have been traveling for the past few hours and I need a shower. I can't decide right this minute, but Hollister, you need to understand that what you did was absolutely unforgivable. If there is any chance of me staying in this house and this relationship then you need help. I saw that look in your eyes when you came at me;
you
were nowhere to be found. It was this strange angry man who scared the crap out of me. I can't live like that.”
“I’ll do whatever you want Bailey, you have my word.”
“We’ll talk more when I get out of the shower.” I cross the room and close the door. I send a quick text to Talon letting him know that I am ok and asking him to meet me at my office tomorrow morning so we can talk. Telling Talon that I'm staying with Hollister because of my commitment is going to be the hardest thing I’ll ever have to do. I'm sure of it.
Hollister and I talk until the sun comes up the next morning. I yelled and cried and he listened and shed some tears of his own. I told him that I’d started to fall out of love with him a few months ago due to the way he had been treating me and that is why I had stopped saying the actual words “I love you” and had also stopped sleeping with him.
So, going totally against my original plan of packing up and leaving I find myself settling back in. He and I agreed that we would ease back into a relationship with him understanding that I no longer feel the same way about him that he does about me. If we are going to give it another go then I need him to be patient and expect nothing from me. He agreed.
****
You know that feeling of suffocation when the only thing suffocating you is the air you breathe? Where there is nothing you can do to take that deep breath of fresh air that your lungs so desperately desire? Well, standing in my office waiting for Talon is doing exactly that to me. I can imagine a thousand different places I would rather be than standing here waiting to destroy the heart of the man who I'm pretty sure I fell in love with the moment I crashed into him at the hockey game.
“At the risk of losing our friendship, I have to tell you that I think you are making the worst mistake of your life right now,” Drea states, clearly frustrated with my decision.
“There’s not much you can do or say to ruin our friendship Drea,” I say, deadpan.
“Oh yeah?” she asks with a wicked grin on her face.
“Yeah.” I'm confident that I could forgive her of anything and that I am happy to hear her honest opinion even if I disagree with it.
“Then I think I will ask out Talon this weekend.” She seems pleased with herself as she nods her head in assurance. Me? Not so much. I kind of hate her all of a sudden. “Yeah, I think I will. The man is gorgeous, successful, and sexy as sin. I’ll ask him to accompany me to that dinner I have Saturday night. I was going to just go by myself but this idea is a much better one!”
“Don’t even think about it. That’s not funny, and I know what you’re doing, so stop.”
“Well, I mean… If you -” And I cut her off right there. She’s goading me, right before he walks into my office and I'm pissed at her for doing this!
“Seriously Drea, get out! Now.” I start rushing her towards the door as she laughs at me. “I don’t need this right now and I hate that you’re doing it!” I yell at her as I open the door and run right into Talon.
Drea straightens herself up and breezily walks past him. “Ladies,” Talon says kindly.
I can tell he knows what I'm about to say to him. He’s not my carefree, happy, spirited Talon. His face is drawn and his voice is low, he’s… sad. I don’t know if I'm going to be able to go through with this.
“Come on in, Talon.” I offer him a small smile and he lightly shakes his head as he walks past me to go sit on the sofa.
I sit down next to him and he grabs my hand. Before I can even begin to get words out of my mouth, the tears start flowing.
“Why Bailey?” There are so many questions behind that “why.” I feel like my heart is breaking. This is exactly how I felt when the machine breathing for my mom flat lined. That day something inside me broke and I'm pretty sure it was my soul. Apparently your soul can heal after some time passes because I know for a fact that it’s shattering this very moment.
Even though he doesn’t have to, Talon pulls me closer and hugs me as I sob into his chest. I try a few different times to talk to him and make him understand but the words just won’t form. So he continues to hold me. After a significant amount of time passes he clears his throat and pulls me around so he can look into my eyes.
“I haven’t known you long Bailey. I do know that what I'm feeling for you, I have never felt for anyone else before. This man is not good for you Bailey, and if I'm not the one for you, then I can learn to live with that but only if I know you’re safe. What he did to you is unacceptable and there is no excuse for it. So whatever he told you to get you to go back to him, you can't believe it. You just can't Bay.” Talon lets go of me and roughly rubs his hands over his face.
“I'm so sorry, Talon. I'm extremely thankful for all that you did for me this past week; you’ll never know what it means to me. I just need you to understand that I made a commitment to Hollister and I don’t feel like it’s right to turn my back on him.” I sniffle and mop up my tear-stained face before allowing my eyes to venture back to Talon’s. “He’s going to get some help and we’re taking things slow. I don’t know how dedicated I can stay to him or for how long, but I have to at least give him a chance before I walk out on him.”
Talon leans back on the sofa and motions for me to come to him. “Come here,” he says so softly I can barely hear him. So I do. I curl around on the sofa and lay my head on his thigh as he strokes my hair, just like he did every day I was with him in the Hamptons. “I realize that this means we won’t be able to have even a platonic relationship, which I hate by the way, but I need to make sure that you will call me if you ever need anything. I don’t care how long it's been since we’ve talked, or what day or time it is; you call me Bailey if you need me. Do I have your word?” His voice is strained and I can't blame him one bit if he starts to hate me.
“You have my word,” I barely choke out.
Talon allows me to lay there like a small child in her mother’s lap for quite some time. I can’t see his face but I know he is crying silent tears. I am completely miserable, and neither one of us are able to let go just yet.
“I'm sorry,” I whisper to him as I feel him dry his face with the palms of his hands.
“I know Bailey,” Talon whispers back. He gently lifts me off his lap before he stands. I sit up shakily and he leans down and kisses me on the side of my mouth. By the time my eyes open he is already at the door to leave my office. To leave me. T
o leave my broken heart behind.
CHAPTER TWENTY FOUR
TALON
“Ok, that’s enough. I'm done watching you wallow around and not live your life. It stops today Talon. It's been a month, and I have been more than patient with you. Get it together, go shower, eat something for Pete’s sake, and then get ready. We’re going out. I won’t take no for an answer.” Kali barges in and attempts to take control. I understand where she’s coming from, I wouldn’t have allowed her the month that she gave me, but I'm just not ready to start living again without Bailey. Pathetic? Probably. But the girl stormed in like a tornado and then left me to pick up all the pieces and continue on alone.
“I want my key back Kali,” I say emotionlessly.
“Not happening. I'm serious, go shower… now.” There’s no way she’s going to let this go tonight.
Dammit.
“Fine. But I'm not wallowing, by the way. I have just chosen to stay in for a bit and reassess my future, my plans, and goals. It's good to do that once in a while you know. You should try it, it's refreshing.”
“Right, refreshing, got it. Go shower, Hunter will be here in ten minutes and we’re going to Delaney’s.” She starts cleaning up the dishes from my coffee table and returning them to their rightful place in the kitchen. I can hear her run the water so she can do my dishes as I jump in the shower real quick.
Next Saturday night is our annual client appreciation dinner and I can't get out of that so I might as well make Kali happy and go out tonight with her and Hunter to get my feet wet in the socializing department.
After I get dressed I head out to the living room where I hear several voices laughing and talking about who knows what. Hunter and Kali are sitting on the sofa and a very beautiful blonde woman is sitting in the chair across from them. She looks extremely familiar but I can't quite place her. As I walk into the room she looks up and smiles at me just before rising and walking towards me.
The beautiful blonde is wearing jeans that I can only assume she had painted on before coming over, an old faded long sleeve concert tee that is stretched tight across her nicely enhanced chest. She walks right up and kisses me with her bright red lips. “Hi Talon! It's so nice to see you again! You look great,” she says as she looks down my body and back up again.
“Um, thanks. So do you.” I try to say without it sounding like a question but I'm not entirely sure I succeeded on that, because I know who this woman is but I just can't put a name to her. I'm still staring at her trying to place her when I hear Hunter and Kali laugh. I pull my gaze up and over to them to find out who the hell this is that seems to know me so well.
“Talon, you remember Susan… Hunter’s cousin from Texas?” Kali finally saves me with a huge grin on her face. She did this on purpose.
“Susan, right. It's nice to see you again. How’ve you been?”
“Oh, I’ve been good. I’ve missed you though,” she says as she slips her arm through mine and pulls me to the door. The last time I saw Susan I believe I was still in high school. Time has definitely benefitted her in more ways than one. She really is beautiful, not the pure and natural beauty that Bailey possesses but still beautiful. “I'm ready to go get a drink and dance, how about you? You ready to go?” Whoa, this girl is a whirlwind.
We arrive at Delaney’s and I go up to the bar to get us some drinks, extracting myself from Susan’s grabby hands for the first time since she said hello in my townhouse.
Steve is bartending and I order a shot along with four beers. I down the shot and take a breather before heading back to our table. Steve walks back up to me on the other side of the bar and I'm positive that he’s going to ask me about Bailey.
“Where have you been, man? We haven’t seen you around in a while.”
“Ah, just been hiding out. Work has been crazy so I’ve just been keeping a low profile so I don’t get burnt out, you know?”
“Who’s the blonde bombshell you’ve got tonight?”
“Uh, Susan. She’s Hunter’s cousin, visiting from out of town.”
“I see. I was disappointed to see you walk in here without that pretty little thing you had with you a few weeks back. What was her name again?” I have a hard time believing he doesn’t remember her name and it pisses me off that he refers to her as “that pretty little thing.” Bailey is so much more than that.
“Bailey.”
“Right, Bailey, man that girl was beautiful. Sweet too. You need another shot?” he asks as he wipes down the bar in front of me.
“Yeah, I’ll take another shot.”
The rest of the night goes much the same. Susan never leaves my side. If I am sitting, she is sitting in my lap; if I am standing she is hanging onto my arm. She asks me to dance once and I agreed. Only to regret that decision the second she starts to move her body against mine. She isn’t nearly as good as Bailey was out there on that same dance floor, but she moved much in the same way and all those feelings I had that night come rushing back to me. Halfway through the dance I realize that I have closed my eyes and am dancing with Susan the way I had danced with Bailey. I am picturing Bailey in my mind.
How screwed up is that?
I push back from her abruptly and tell her I need to go. I don’t give an explanation to anyone as I storm out.
In hindsight, I should have walked Susan back to Kali and Hunter and let them all know that I was done for the night but I just needed to get out of there. Besides, Susan wasn’t going to have any problem finding a dance partner.
The following week I decide on a different tactic. The moping around and not taking care of myself is not doing anything for me except make me think of Bailey more. So I work out every day, go running every morning. Cook every meal out of the Healthy Living magazine I had picked up at the grocery store. If I’m not working in the office or running at the park or cooking some delicious meals, then I am working at my home office. I don’t allow myself to sit and do nothing all week long.
A few days after the dancing fiasco at Delaney’s I call Susan to explain what happened. She is very understanding and apologetic. Turns out she knows all about Bailey and was making an effort to make me forget her. It did the opposite.
We talk on the phone for close to an hour and I decide to invite her to our appreciation dinner. She accepts and I am looking forward to not having to go alone.