Winter’s Awakening (6 page)

She couldn’t help but notice that he was more attentive now that she was not so moony over him. “I agree,” she said simply. It wasn’t an easy thing to say, though. To say or to feel. For so long, Joshua Graber had been her dream for a bright future. But now, well, perhaps he was destined to merely be just a part of her past.

Searching her face, he replied slowly, “I’m glad you are being so understanding. It will all be for the best.”

“I’m sure it will be.” She turned then and walked away. Ran from any reply he might have, or before she lost her nerve.

Before she had to realize that she’d lost him.

As soon as the door closed, she leaned against it and breathed deep.
Lord Jesus
, she prayed.
Why is this happening? Why did you bring that Lilly into our community? Why did you make Joshua’s attention stray?

Help me. Help me know what to do, guide me, help me erase my fears.

Because at the moment, I feel so alone.

“Gretta, are you coming in?”

“
Jah
, Mamm,” Gretta said, swiping her eyes. “I’m coming in right now.”

“Is Joshua with you?”

“He is not. He, uh, he had other things to do today.” Uneager to face her parents’ questions, Gretta pulled off her cloak, hung it on the hook by the door, and stomped her feet good. “I’m going down to the basement to work on the laundry. I imagine the clothes on the lines are dry by now.”

“
Danke
, Gretta. You’ll make Joshua a fine wife one day.”

“Yes, Mamm.” Gretta gripped the rail tight as she headed down the stairs. What would her parents say if she told them what had just happened?

That everything they’d been counting on for her might not be, after all? She knew they’d be disappointed in her, and wonder how she could be so foolish.

As her eyes focused in the basement’s dim light, Gretta realized that no matter what, she felt older and wiser.

And, unfortunately, saddened by what used to be…and by what may never be again.

Lilly folded the letter she received from their former neighbor and placed it on the kitchen table with a sigh.

“What’s that?” Charlie asked from the couch across the way.

“Oh, nothing. It’s just a letter from Mrs. Casey.”

“What did she want?”

“Nothing. Just to see how we were doing.” Lilly wasn’t sure what else to say. Lately, Charlie had been so surly, just about anything she said had the ability to set him off.

Pushing the textbook he was reading to one side, he joined her in the kitchen and read through the note, too. “I sure could go for one of her cookies right about now.”

“She did make the best cookies,” Lilly agreed. When she and Charlie were small, they used to be inseparable. Together, they’d run all over the neighborhood, going
this way and that, making new friends and exploring the woods around their home. Mrs. Casey used to keep an eye on them when their mom was at work.

Still looking at the letter, Charlie said, “Did you see that she wants to come visit?”

“I did.”

A frown worried his brow. “She doesn’t know you’re pregnant.”

“I know.” No one outside their family knew besides Alec and his family. And Ms. Vonn. “I don’t know what Mom and Dad are going to say.” Only half teasing, she said, “I guess they’ll put her off or send me out of the house when she comes.”

“They wouldn’t do that, Lilly.”

She patted her stomach. Most people would never have any idea that her tummy had grown. But anyone who knew her well—like Mrs. Casey—would instantly notice the differences in her body. “They might. Mom really doesn’t want anyone to find out about the baby.”

“She’s trying to protect you.”

“That’s what Mom says, but sometimes I think it’s for her benefit, too.”

“Well, Mom’s going to have to get used to your pregnancy soon. You’re getting bigger, you know.”

She chuckled. “Believe me, I know.” Sobering, she looked at her brother more closely. “Thanks for saying that about Mom, though. I thought you were mad at me.”

He set the letter down and looked at her. “I was, but I was being stupid—it’s not like you’re the first girl in the world who’s pregnant but not married.” He shrugged.
“Anyway, I’ll be leaving soon. What’s going on with you won’t really be affecting my life in college.”

“It won’t at all.”

He brightened. “Bowling Green next year is going to be great. And I’m starting to think that living here is going to be okay, too.”

“Maybe.” Looking in the direction of the Grabers, she smiled. “Our new neighbors aren’t so bad.”

“Maybe not. They’re strange, but they’re okay. That little guy, Anson, cracks me up.”

She nodded. “He and Ty are becoming friends. At first I thought Dad was going to find something wrong with that, but I’ve caught him chatting with that kid a time or two.”

Charlie rolled his eyes. “It would be impossible not to talk with Anson. He doesn’t shut up.”

“I would have guessed all the Amish to be like his brother, Joshua. Quiet, reserved. Like they don’t trust us
‘Englischers’
.”

“Some don’t act like they trust us. But some seem kind of different.”

“You think so?”

“Yeah.” After a moment, Charlie added, “I started talking to a girl the other day. She was outside the dry cleaners waiting for a ride when I finished working.”

“What’s she like?”

“She’s Amish and pretty.”

“What?” A few weeks ago, Lilly had wondered if Charlie would ever find any of the Amish girls pretty.

Looking sheepish, he rolled his eyes. “Yeah, I know. I
was so sure I didn’t want to make any friends here. No connections because I’m leaving.”

“And because we have nothing in common with the Amish.”

“I think I was wrong about that. Anyway, the girl, Mary, had a beagle.”

“Really? Did he look like Britches?” Their old beagle had been part of the family until his death the year before.

“He looked almost exactly like him, he had the same markings and everything. At first I was just talking to Mary about that. Then we started talking about other stuff, too. She was nice.”

“I wish Mom and Dad would give the community a chance.”

“Me too.” At the moment, though, nothing with her parents seemed settled. All they did was talk about Ms. Vonn and Lilly’s bright future. How no one would ever have to know that she’d given a baby up for adoption.

“Hey, Lilly? You don’t…you don’t feel like you’re all alone, do you? I mean, you know you can always talk to me, right?”

She’d used to think that. She used to depend on that. Lately, though, she’d thought that was all in their past. She couldn’t have been happier to hear his words. “I didn’t think I could…but now I will.”

He squeezed her shoulders before heading toward the stairs.

“Hey, Charlie?”

“Yeah?”

“If Mrs. Casey comes…” her voice drifted off, unsure of how to put her fears into the right words.

It turned out, she didn’t have to. “If Mrs. Casey comes for a visit, I’ll make sure Mom doesn’t hide you. Mrs. Casey is just going to have to find out the truth about you.”

“And if she’s shocked?”

He waved a hand. “If she’s shocked, she’ll get over it.” Smiling crookedly, he caught her eye. “I mean, I did.”

For the first time in days, Lilly laughed. Maybe things were going to be okay, after all.

Hands sticky with dough, Gretta tried to blow a strand of hair away from her forehead, but the wisp of air didn’t do any good. Her forehead was a bit damp from kneading the large amount of dough by herself. With a sigh, Gretta resigned herself to having hair in her eyes for a few moments longer.

She had no choice in the matter, anyway. Miriam had taken the day off to help her mother with the cleaning since they were hosting church on Sunday. Kelly, an
Englischer
who sometimes came in to help with soups and main dishes, had called in sick.

It was up to Gretta to make all the cinnamon rolls by herself.

Usually, she enjoyed the time-consuming project very much. However, today she only looked at the rising dough and wished things would happen a little faster. The snow was coming down fast.

When the front door opened and shut, Mrs. Kent poked her head out from the back room. “Can you help them, Gretta? I’ve got my hands full, sorting bills this morning.”

Though she wasn’t at her best with customers—Gretta knew she was too shy for that—she did, every now and then, enjoy getting out from behind the wide wooden worktable. A fair portion of their customers were Amish. Visiting with them while she took their orders was a good way to catch up on the community chitchat.

“I’ll be right out, Mrs. Kent.” After hastily covering the dough with a clean cloth, she washed off the sticky dough from her hands, wiped her brow, and smoothed her hair back in place. Only then was she able to walk through the swinging doors to the twelve-table dining area.

But when she saw who’d walked in the door, her feet stilled like they were frozen in the skating pond. “Roland?”

A slow, playful smile lit his face as he took notice of her surprise. “Hi, there, Gretta,” he said as he practically sauntered toward her.

Her feet still glued to the ground, Gretta felt as if her skin was burning from the tips of her ears to the ends of her toes when he stopped directly in front of her. “Why are you here?”

His eyes widened. “For coffee, of course.”

“Oh, yes. Yes, of course.” If she could have run away,
she would have, she was so embarrassed. Of course he’d be coming to the restaurant for food or drink! Why else would he have come?

Feeling mighty flustered, her voice turned sharp. “Go take a table if you would like.”

But instead of walking to one of the tables she pointed to, he bypassed them all and took one of the six bar stools at the counter. “I’d rather sit here, I think.”

Once he got settled, she walked behind the counter and picked up a little notepad the waitresses used. “So, you’d like some coffee?”

“I would.” Lines formed around his eyes as he watched her fumble with the stub of a pencil she’d picked up, too.

Now she felt even more foolish. He was obviously waiting to see if she needed to write that order down! Well, there was only one thing to do. She slapped the notepad on the counter and tried to act like she catered to customers all the time. “I’ll get that right out for you.”

“I did want the coffee, but I really came in to see if you were needin’ a ride home later on today.”

She paused on her way to the coffeepot. “A ride?”

“Yes.” Looking almost bashful—though that would be quite a feat for Roland, for he was never shy—he said, “It’s terribly cold out, and the snow’s already started to fall. I’d hate for you to have to walk home in that.”

She only lived six blocks from the restaurant. It was one of the reasons her parents had allowed her to work at the Sugarcreek Inn. Walking six blocks in the snow would not be a hardship at all. “That’s a kind offer, but
I don’t think I’ll be needing it.” Grabbing a thick white mug, she poured the dark brew all the way to the rim, only realizing after she was done that she didn’t know if he enjoyed milk in his coffee.

Joshua always took cream and sugar.

When she placed the mug in front of him, Roland clasped his hands around the base, warming his fingers. “It’s not just a kind offer. I heard some news about you.”

“Me?”

“Well, news about you and Joshua Graber.”

“Do you plan to share it?” She was so caught off-guard, Gretta half hoped her high and mighty tone would set him off and prevent him from saying another word about her and Joshua.

But it wasn’t to be. “I heard that you and Joshua weren’t so particular about each other anymore.”

Well, so the rumor mill had already begun spinning! Gretta struggled to hide her feelings. It was hard to hear that she was the subject of gossip. Harder still to know that the gossip held some truth.

“It’s a shame that people gossip like they do,” she murmured, just as a tear threatened to fall. She turned away again and pulled off a container of sugar and poured a small amount of cream into a heavy blue pitcher the size of her fist. After taking a moment to compose herself, she set the pair in front of him.

But Roland made no move to reach for either. Instead, he kept gazing at her with cow eyes.

“Would you like a donut?”

“Sure.” Looking far too relaxed and at ease all the
sudden, Roland pointed to one of Miriam’s chocolate-cake donuts that she’d made the night before. “I’ll take that one there.”

After she’d placed his request on a plate in front of him, he smiled. “So…will you let me give you a ride this afternoon, Gretta?”

“I’m not sure if it would be a
gut
idea.”

“Why not?”

“People might talk…”

“Let them talk!” Puffing his chest a bit, Roland said, “I hope everyone we know sees me driving you home.”

She most certainly did not want that. She’d be bombarded with all kinds of nosey questions.

“Come now, Gretta. Don’t be so skittish. No matter what is going on between you and Joshua, you’re still allowed to look around, don’tcha think?”

He did have a point. “Yes.”

“Then?”

Then she knew the right thing to do was to step forward with a little jump. More than anything she wanted to be a wife and mother. An Amish wife and mother. That meant she needed to find a man in her community who she could get along with.

If Joshua didn’t want her, perhaps she’d be just as happy with Roland. Happier even.

Maybe she should be giving him a chance—he seemed to be the kind of person who was dependable and patient. Those were wonderful-good attributes, and ones she would value.

After all, her place would be in the home. She’d need
to tend to it, and be taking care of their future
kinner
, too. Roland would be working hard on his farm, taking care of his pigs and chickens, and the vegetable stand his family owned.

Maybe the Lord and Margaret and Josh and Roland were all trying to tell her the same thing—that she needed to look forward to practical dreams and desires. Not hugs and kisses and constant companionship.

Maybe it was past time she grew up.

“Yes, Roland, I’d be most grateful if you took me home today. I finish work at four.”

Swiping his donut from the plate, Roland grinned. “I know. I already checked your schedule before I asked.” And with that, he chomped down on the chocolate treat with one hand and poured a liberal amount of cream in his coffee with the other—never noticing just how full the mug was.

With a frown, Gretta watched a bit of liquid slid over the side and down onto the counter.

Roland didn’t seem to mind. In fact, he was so pleased, he looked like he’d just sold one of his lambs for a mighty good price at an auction.

As she stood near him, she tried to smile, too. It was time to have a more open mind toward love and companionship. It was time to find happiness…any way that she could.