Read Winter’s Awakening Online
Authors: Shelley Shepard Gray
Winter’s Awakening
Seasons of Sugarcreek
Book One
This book is dedicated to Lesley.
You’ve taught me so much…
so many things only a daughter
can teach a mom.
I’m so grateful for you,
and so proud of the young lady
you’ve become.
“The weather’s getting a fair sight colder, wouldn’t you say?”
“Whatcha think they’re doin’ now?” Anson asked, swinging his scuffed…
“That will be forty-seven dollars and eighty-four cents,” Joshua said…
Ever since the new year had started, there’d been something…
Being homeschooled was boring. It was also really hard, if…
She and Joshua had skated together dozens of times, and…
Lilly folded the letter she received from their former neighbor…
At five o’clock, the snow fell thick outside the Graber…
The afternoon before, Gretta had done her best to brush…
Lilly didn’t know what to do when her dad got…
“Have a care,” Caleb warned under his breath just as…
As far as Lilly’s family was concerned, she was turning…
The line was going slow because of Jacob’s grandfather. Old…
Roland had little to talk about besides the state of…
“Hi. I’m Lilly Allen. I called here earlier and Mrs. Kent said…
When Joshua drove his buggy home from a long day…
As Lilly looked from one shocked expression to the next,…
The restaurant was full and there was a waiting list…
“Lilly, finally, you’re home!” her mother said the moment Lilly…
“How’s it coming, Joshua? Do you need help stacking the…
“In case you haven’t heard, I’m keeping the baby,” Lilly…
Gretta was still contemplating her mother’s words the next day…
Just as everyone who’d visited the store had warned, a…
Charlie opened the door with a broad smile as soon…
Cathy Plum got along great with Charlie, Joshua was happy to…
“It is a happy day, Joshua,” Elsa Graber said early on…
“The weather’s getting a fair sight colder, wouldn’t you say?” Gretta Hershberger asked Joshua as they rode along the black-topped winding roads just south of Sugarcreek. A new dampness clung to the breeze and stung her cheeks, making her glad they were sitting right next to each other in his courting buggy.
“It is,” Joshua replied after a moment.
It wasn’t much of a reply to Gretta’s way of thinking. No, his answer had sounded more like a grunt under his breath.
She eyed him a little more closely under her black bonnet, hoping against hope that she’d discover some clue to help her understand what was going on with Joshua. But unfortunately—or fortunately, perhaps—he looked the same as he always did.
Joshua was a handsome one, and that was the truth.
At almost twenty years of age, he’d long since lost any awkwardness of his teenaged years. When he was standing, he towered over her by a good six or seven inches. And his thick blond hair and finely honed cheekbones had always been attractive.
So had his eyes. Joshua had the most wondrous grayish green eyes that more than a few people in their community said reminded them of the ocean.
For years, Gretta had always thought he was a most attractive boy. Lately, she’d been pleased to think of him as her sweetheart. Though he’d held her heart since the first time he took her skating, over the last year he’d become increasingly more ardent. Now he took her for buggy rides almost every week. Today, though, he was behaving mighty churlishly. “Um, have you heard if snow is in the forecast?” she asked, anxious for any type of conversation.
“No.”
She shifted a bit, thankful for the thick quilt covering their legs. And, because Joshua was not looking in her direction, nor offering her much conversation, she looked around.
Oh, but Sugarcreek was a pretty place to call home. Here and there, farmhouses mixed with lovely buildings that English architects had fashioned into Swiss styles. The tourists said some of the buildings looked like Swiss chalets.
In the distance, a trio of dairy cows walked along the fence line, as if they were looking for friends. And when
they passed Caleb Yoder’s farm, she saw several of his
kinner
out with a new batch of kittens. “Oh, Joshua, did you see those kittens? Black as night, they were.”
He looked to his right, beyond her to the Yoder farm. Gretta knew the moment he spied the kittens because his mouth curved into a reluctant smile. “It looks to be a big litter,
jah
? How many did you count?”
“Four, I think. Maybe more.”
He chuckled. “Caleb will be wanting to sell some cats sometime soon, wouldn’t you say?”
“I suppose.”
Pulling on the reins, he stopped the buggy at a stop sign, then, after a pair of automobiles passed them, he guided his horse onto her street.
Gretta was surprised. They’d not been out for even an hour. “Are you taking me home already?”
“
Jah.
I think it’s time.”
“Why?” Almost teasing, she turned to him. “Did I say something to upset you?”
Joshua looked uncomfortable. “I just don’t feel like riding in the buggy this evening.”
“But why not?”
His eyes flashed. “Why do you do that, Gretta? Why do you question everything so much?”
Well now, that stung. “Everything? Joshua, all I asked was why you didn’t want to ride for a while longer.”
As his horse Jim guided them along her quiet rural street, Joshua answered. “Truth is, I am upset with something.”
“What?”
“A group of our friends came into the store today when I was working. They were full of mischief about us.”
“I don’t understand.”
His voice hardened. “They said they heard you speaking to Miriam about your plans for us after church last Sunday. You were talking about where you wanted to live…how many
bopplis
we might have. As if something had been decided between us.”
Gretta’s face flushed. Yes, she had been talking childishly with her best friend. They’d been imagining living near each other one day. Before long, their talk had turned to what their lives would be like after they were both married and had a houseful of babies. Giggling, they’d even chatted about homes and such. Gretta had even told Miriam all about the dishes she’d recently purchased for her hope chest.
Of course, she’d never imagined the conversation would be repeated. “I…I didn’t realize anyone but Miriam heard me.”
“Well, they did. And once more, you shouldn’t have been saying such things at all.”
“But we’ve been courting—”
“Nothing’s been decided, Gretta. Your talk embarrassed me something awful.”
“I’m sorry,” she murmured. And she was. In the future, she’d make sure she didn’t share silly dreams in a crowded place. “You are right. I shouldn’t have said anything.”
“I haven’t even joined the church, you know,” he
added, as if her apology meant nothing to him. “And I don’t know if I’m ready to grow my beard neither.”
Since most Amish men waited to grow their beards until they exchanged wedding vows, Gretta frowned. “I thought you were going to get baptized soon. After all, I joined the church last year.”
“That was your choice. I’m not ready. I’ll not be pushed.”
“I won’t push. But—”
“Gretta, stop being such a
blabbermaul
, would you? Can we just stop talking for a while?”
Afraid to say a word, she nodded. But a terrible sense of foreboding filled her as she sat by his side.
They were fighting
. And, even worse, they were doing what her parents did after their arguments—retreating into a cold, frosty silence.
A lump formed in her throat as she recalled the many tension-filled evenings spent in her home. Nights filled with a simmering anger that she and her sister tried not to speak of but could never escape.
And now here she was, in the same situation with Joshua. But it wasn’t supposed to be like this. She’d been sure he was the one for her. That she was the right
frau
for him. But now, as the silence continued, Gretta felt a true sense of foreboding flow through her, breaking her heart just a bit.
No, this wasn’t right at all.
Finally, Joshua brought Jim to a stop in the front of her house. Her parents had bought the two-story white clapboard house from an elderly English couple shortly
before her sister Beth had been born. After disabling the electricity and pulling out all the carpet, it had become home. Yes, it was pretty as a picture on the outside. Inside, though, things were far less welcoming.
Remembering Joshua’s harsh words, Gretta quickly pushed aside the quilt covering her legs and climbed down. As soon as her boots touched the pavement, she straightened her cape and escaped to her home’s front walkway. She didn’t bother to say anything to Joshua. After all, hadn’t he asked for her silence?
“Gretta, wait.”
Turning, she eyed him warily.
Looking sheepish, he hopped out of the buggy. “Listen, I’m sorry. I’ve been worrying about a number of things, and I took those worries out on you. I shouldn’t have snapped at you like that.”
“I wish you wouldn’t have, too, Joshua,” she said. “But you mustn’t take back your words. I think you meant them. I think you were truly angry that I was talking about us, like we had a future planned.”
Looking pained, he stepped closer. “Well, yes, I was upset about the teasing, but I didn’t mean everything I said. I promise I didn’t. Please, let’s just forget about it all.”
“I’ll do my best,” she replied with a forced smile. When he tipped his hat and got back in the buggy, she turned and walked to the front door. But as she entered her home, Gretta knew she’d just spoken a lie.
She wasn’t about to forget any of the things he said. Just as importantly, she wasn’t about to forget how she’d
felt, sitting by his side in silence. She’d felt trapped and lonely and worried.
Just like she felt at home when her parents argued.
With a feeling of despair, Gretta realized…if this was her future with Joshua, she didn’t want it. Not even if she loved him with all her being.
Never again did she want to enter a house and hear only silence. She wanted her marriage to be one of peace and happiness. If Joshua Graber couldn’t give her that, perhaps they weren’t suited to each other after all.
But oh, how that would break her heart.
“Whatcha think they’re doin’ now?” Anson asked, swinging his scuffed black boots against the thick wood planks of the fence that divided their farm from that of the new neighbors.
Joshua Graber pulled his attention away from the two teenagers he could almost see on the other side of the thick brush of woods. “I don’t know.”
“Come on. Sure ya do. Didn’t you say they got an automobile?”
“They’re
English
. ’Course they got an automobile. And it’s called a
truck
. You should know that.”
“It ain’t my fault that I can’t see over and through all those trees. I’m not as tall as you.”
Joshua shook his head in a futile effort to curb his impatience with his nine-year-old brother. “Believe me, I know that. You’re too young to be much use to anyone.”
“Mamm says I’m mighty helpful. And I am.” Swinging his legs hard for emphasis, Anson almost lost his balance.
Again
. Josh held out an arm to catch a fall even as he grumbled to himself. This
bruder
needed a keeper for day and night.
Time and again, Anson was always doing things without thinking and coming to trouble. Joshua couldn’t remember if he’d been that awkward and clumsy at nine. Being that age felt like a lifetime ago.
Most likely ’cause it was. Now he worked full-time at his family’s store and helped out around the farm whenever he could. It was only because he was preparing to take Gretta out later for a buggy ride that he was home.
When Anson fidgeted again, Joshua placed a hand on his brother’s bony shoulders. “Careful, now.”
As expected, his little brother shrugged off his touch. “Stop babyin’ me. I won’t fall.”
“Oh, settle down, Anson,” their sister Judith said as she approached. “No one wants to spend the day at the hospital patching up a broken bone.”
Anson spread his legs a little wider, obviously hoping to get as firmly situated as possible. “I haven’t broken a
gnocha
in two years.”
“We’re probably due, then, I reckon,” Joshua said.
“Don’t call on trouble,” Judith warned. At seventeen, Judith, too, had long since left behind her childhood. Since leaving school after the eighth grade, she divided her time between helping out with their younger brothers and sisters and working at the store.
But though she was mature, Judith wasn’t too old to care about the new family living on the other side of the property line. “What are they doing now? What can ya see?”
“Nothing,” Josh replied. “The older boy’s truck is black and shiny—he looks to have just wiped off a bunch of salt from the roads. Next to him is a boy in between Anson and Caleb’s age—about eleven or so. He just cleared off some snow from their driveway. They’ve got a boom box out, but I don’t think they’re playing any music.”
“What’s a boom box?” Anson asked, his voice as high and whiny as ever.
“It’s a thing that plays music, but you can carry it around,” Judith answered.
“Why would you need such a thing?”
Before Josh could tell Anson to stop asking so many questions, Judith answered again. “So you can hear music and sing along.”
“When are we ever going to meet them? I want to meet our new neighbors.”
“Daed said we should give them some time,” Joshua said, trying to act as if he could care less. “Remember, they only moved in three days ago.”
Fidgeting again, Anson said, “You think they’ll be like the Wilsons? I liked them.”
Their old neighbors had been good folk. Though English, they had much in common with their Amish neighbors. They’d even invited the whole Graber family to their daughter’s wedding last summer. “I don’t know.”
“Wonder where they came from.” After a pause, Anson asked, “Do you reckon they’ll be from Milwaukee?”
Judith chuckled. “Just because the Wilsons moved to Milwaukee doesn’t mean that the new neighbors come from there. The English live everywhere, and move a lot.”
“Not like us.”
“That is true. Most English are not like us. We’re here to stay in Sugarcreek.” Joshua was about to expand on that when he spied a new member of the family appear on their driveway. She had short curly hair and wore a red sweater, some kind of fuzzy brown jacket, mittens, and jeans. He could hardly look away. Oh, but she sure was pretty.
“What do you see now?” Judith asked.
“What? Oh, nothing.”
She hopped up on the bottom rung of their fence. “I see three people there, but a branch is blocking my view. Who just joined them?”
He swallowed. “No one. Just a girl.”
Judith brightened. “How old?”
“I don’t know. Maybe seventeen or eighteen.” It was hard to tell. The girl across the thicket of trees looked to be Judith’s height, but their clothes were so different, it was hard to tell.
Eagerness filled his sister’s eyes. “Wouldn’t it be wonderful-
gut
to have some neighbors our age? Maybe she and I could become friends.”
“Maybe. Maybe not.” The English girl looked a fair bit different than Judith in her gray dress, black apron, and black sturdy boots.
“What do ya mean by that?” Anson asked.
“Nothing. She just looks different. That’s all.”
“I wanna see! Lift me up on your shoulders.”
“You’re too big for that.”
“Well, I’m too short to see anything from here. I’m never the right size.” With a frown, Anson squirmed on the snowy fence—even going so far as to try to balance on his knees.
“Careful, you’re gonna fall,” Judith warned.
“I won’t. I won’t! You just don’t wanna let me see. You want to keep our new neighbors all to yourself.”
Josh turned to Judith and raised a brow. “That’s right. I want to keep our new neighbors—whom I’ve never met—all to myself.”
Sharing a look of amusement, Judith joined in. “You should stop being so
veesht
, so mean, Joshua.”
Anson rocked again. “I wanna—”
Too late, Joshua held out a hand to him. As if in slow motion, their little brother bypassed his grip and fell backward onto the hard ground—frozen from their most recent cold spell. Smack on his left arm.
After a brief momentous pause, a cry rang out loud enough for everyone miles around to hear.
Joshua was vaguely aware of a number of exclamations around them. Of his father running toward them along the narrow gravel path that that Caleb was to have already shoveled clear of snow…
Judith knelt and looked at Anson’s arm with concern. “I fear it’s broken,” she said to their father over his cries. “There now, Anson,” she murmured, as she leaned closer
and wrapped one of her arms around his back. “We’ll help you, I promise.”
Joshua stood up as his father took over, fussing over Anson, and then gingerly picking him up into his strong arms. Josh was just about to follow when he spied the three figures they’d been watching peering at the lot of them with curiosity.
Just a mere few yards away.
He nodded a greeting. When they didn’t say a word, he felt obligated to speak. “My
bruder
…I mean, um, my brother fell. I think he broke his arm.”
The oldest still stared—his expression openly rude. Josh glared right back.
But the youngest boy didn’t look to be nearly as stand-offish. Stepping a little closer, he reached out to touch the brim of Josh’s black hat. “Why are you dressed like that?”
“Ty, don’t touch,” the girl said. Looking Josh’s way, she murmured, “I’m sorry.”
Josh waved her off. It was easier to face the boy and the questions than his confusing feelings about the girl—she was even prettier close up. “I dress like this because I’m Amish.”
“But why a black hat? Why don’t—”
“Hush, Ty,” the girl said. Then, with a shy, beautiful smile, she added, “I hope your brother will be okay.”
“Thanks.”
“Joshua?” his father called out. “I’ll be needin’ you now,
boo
.”
The little one tilted his head. “
Boo
?”
“It means ‘son’ in our language. In Pennsylvania Dutch.”
His father’s voice deepened. “Joshua,
now
.”
Looking at the girl, Josh shrugged. “I’m sorry. I must go.”
“I know,” she murmured.
The older boy rolled his eyes. With a slight smirk, he spoke. “Guess you’ve got to go saddle up your horse, huh?”
Since that was most likely what he was going to have to do, Josh said nothing, just turned and walked away.
These new neighbors weren’t like the Wilsons at all.
“I can’t believe you were flirting with that guy,” Charlie said to Lilly as soon as they squeezed through the thick hedge and were back on their own driveway. Ty had already scampered on ahead, no doubt eager to report back to their mom everything that had just happened.
Oh, how their little brother loved to report anything he could to their parents.
“I was not flirting,” Lilly retorted, though she felt her face burn with embarrassment. “I was just being nice. You could have been a little bit nicer, too, Charlie.”
“Why? I don’t want to be their friends.”
“You should. They’re our neighbors.”
“Not mine. Well, not mine for long. I’m going back to college, remember? By August I’ll be out of Sugarcreek for good.”
“How can I forget?” College was all Charlie ever talked about. When their parents had decided that they were going to leave Cleveland and move to Sugarcreek at the end of the semester, they’d also told Charlie he was going to have to take the spring semester off from
college. He’d been taking classes at a nearby community college and living at home. Now he was working nonstop at a dry cleaners in town so he could pay for his room and board at Bowling Green University in the fall.
Charlie never missed an opportunity to remind Lilly that it was her fault his whole life had been turned upside down. Somewhere along the way he’d started acting like he knew everything, too. Lilly was sick of him.
Of course, at the moment, she was sick of everyone. And morning sick. And sick in her heart. She wondered if pregnancy did that to a person.
“Hopefully, we won’t have to see them much,” Charlie said, focusing on their Amish neighbors again. “Did you see that guy’s hair?” He sneered. “It looked like someone stuck a bowl on his head. And can you imagine having to drive around a wagon all the time?”
“His hair was fine. And it’s called a buggy, not a wagon.”
“Whatever.” Charlie shook his head in derision. “If I was him, I would’ve run so far away from here.”
“Oh, stop. I don’t know why you have to always spout off your opinions, Charlie.”
“I’m ‘spouting them off’ because I’m right. You should have listened to me when I warned you about Alec Wagoner.”
She winced. Just hearing Alec’s name sent a tremor of pain through her. “You played football with Alec. You never said a bad word about him before we started dating.”
“I said enough,” he retorted. “I told you he was selfish.
I told you Alec only wanted one thing—and I was sure right about that.” Looking way too superior, he looked her over. “Now, think about the mess you’re in.”
“The mess I’m in? It’s called being pregnant. And stop acting so shocked and high and mighty. It’s not the nineteen fifties, you know.”
With quick, efficient movements, Charlie picked up the bucket, towel, and sponges he’d been cleaning his truck with and placed them on the shelf in the garage. “You really ought to stop acting like you’re so happy. Your
pregnancy
is why we all moved here. Your condition.”
“I know that.”
“Then you should know that it hasn’t been easy, having to tell everyone we moved because of Dad’s job. We all had to lie. All so you can have that baby and put it up for adoption without anyone back home finding out.”
Lilly flinched. She turned her back on Charlie so he wouldn’t see the tears forming in her eyes.
But then it didn’t matter anyway. With three stomps, Charlie strode along the newly shoveled path into the house, letting the back door swing shut with a slam.
Lilly hugged her waist for comfort. Well, what was left of it. Now she was twelve weeks pregnant, and felt like her life was over.
Of course, as she thought of the state her family was in…of how no one ever talked about the baby—of how everyone only referred to the baby as “her condition”—she was miserable.
No one understood. Worse, no one even wanted to try.
Even though the air was cold and the ground was
snow covered, she sank down on the wooden bench on the side of their driveway. As she swiped at a trail of tears on her cheek, she stared at the hedge and wondered about the family next door.
They were so different…but so not. The uproar over that little boy’s fall wasn’t that much different than how her mom had reacted when Ty had fallen off his bike and cut his hand on a glass bottle.
The two teenagers her age hadn’t seemed all that different from Charlie and herself either. They’d looked irritated with the little guy, but like they cared about him, too. And the girl was pretty. Lilly knew plenty of girls back at her old high school who would have paid big money to have creamy perfect skin like she had.
Though she tried not to think about the older boy, Lilly couldn’t help but think about him, too. His voice had been deep and a little husky. His body had looked so solid and strong.
He was really handsome.
But what she wasn’t able to get out of her mind was the way he’d looked at her. He’d had such wonder in his eyes—such admiration…for a brief moment, she felt pretty again. Almost like herself.
Almost like the person she used to be.